Episode 70: But soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the Egg, and Juliet is the yolk. But enough of that romance shiiiiiit! The boys are coming in hot with a three-egg omelette of idiomatic enlightenment that just may blow your front side off! And if you think for even a single second that the dudes are slowing down, you can just think again, compadre! There’s no rest for the weary genius, so the Land of Nod’s gonna have to wait another forty winks for these Italian stallions to unfurl their rucksacks and pay homage to His Dark Lord, Monsieur Sandman. Speaking of single seconds, don’t you dare think for an ADDITIONAL SECOND that the fellas are gonna start phoning it in and placating to middle America! It will be a cold, nay, a FRIGID day on the shores of the Satanic Sea when you find your heroes lying side by side in the Procrustean bed of corporate sellouts! We may be 70, but we’ve still got the hearts of black metal Viking walruses! And we shall ride the sky road on the wings of demonic vultures on an ever-cresting wave of thundersludge for time immemorial! And the blood shall…rain…DOWN! So yeah, we ain’t stopping. Happy 70th, Ry! Love you, boo. I SAID NO ROMANCE SHIT!

It's that time of the season when the boys get a-bristlin'! Seriously, folks. Teeth over here are gettin' sharp as all dang hell and the wolf hairs are poppin' out like glochids on a cactus. This is why it feels mighty fine to drop the thirteenth installment of Do Be A Monster. This one's bound to get your tentacles glip glopping all over the frigging place. First, let's just get this out of the way: have we ever said a monster can't be cute? Of course not! We would never say that. Just ask the Jackalope. Surely you've heard of the revered Jackalope and perhaps have even seen one once while riding a dunebuggy through the deserts of Wyoming. Then we've got the Snallygaster. This eighteenth century dragon-bird-freakazoid from Maryland will definitely get you itchin' to see more beaks with teeth. So sit back, relax, throw on a cyclops mask, and hit play; it's time to do some monster huntin' with the boys who make the noise.

Episode 69: We-ow! Does it feel like someone slipped you a Mickey? Maybe you just had one too many Thanksgiving Arbor Mists. Remember those? Well, if you’ve arisen from your holiday haze and been like, “Whyyyyy?!” maybe what you need is a big old dose of DBAI! Episode 69 is here and your hangover is merely a paper tiger. So pour yourself a massive Bloody Mary (and let’s just pause for a second and think how cool THAT drink name is!), and let the boyz fill your brain with nonsense and simultaneously erase some embarrassing pants-pissing memory from your childhood…or adulthood. We don’t judge here. Except Judge Dredd! Which we do every 3rd full moon! Awooooooo! Peace broskis.

Episode 68: It’s your big debut (metaphorically). You’ve finally landed the lead role (in a strictly metaphorical sense). Your dead parents are in the audience, and they’re proud of you…for once. You gotta get out there, kid. You can’t rest on your laurels of being the world’s smallest mole-wrangler in the mall forever. If ya need a little audiophonic courage, pop in Episode 68 of DBAI, forget your lines, and oh yeah — break a leg!

Episode 67: Happy Halloweiner, everyone! We know you love us 'cause you’ve got that sweet, sweet Stockholm syndrome for your hostesses with the mostesses! But don’t worry, we’re putting away the heavy metal for one night; it’s goin' to be all treats and no tricks. The Idiom Boys just wanna haunt your house so they can watch your sweet television, baby! So, cover yourself in shrouds and listen louds! Long live Lansbury! (Oh yeah, it’s finally here: www.patreon.com/dontbeanidiom)

Episode 66: Did a stray cat sitting on the roof of a car in the rain distract you just long enough to catch your ex walking into her house? No? Just Albert? Well, I guess it’s time for someone to be escorted to the old booby hatch! If being locked in a padded room is giving you the pip, wriggle a pinky out of your strait-jacket just enough to hit play on Episode 66 of DBAI. We can’t guarantee it will tighten the screws in your brain, but surely it can’t make things worse…right?! Take your pills, check under your tongue, sit back and let the boys cure what ails you. And hey, CHEER UP!

Episode 65: Hey all you angry DBAI fans out there! A little bird (actually, he was huge as shit!) told us that y’all had an axe to grind with The Idiom Boys for taking a little much needed R&R. Well, we’re BACK BABY and we’re older than ever! Season 4 has so much in store, you’ll be in love forevermore! We’ve been navigating our fever dreams through the dark forests of our subconscious minds in search of the fabled Slickblack Mindfuck Tree in hopes of harvesting its poisonous eggcorns to fry up in an omelet of sweet oblivion for you, our devoted fans. And by hook or by crook, we’re gonna do it, dammit! We love you…we missed you…let the feast of a trillion decibels commence!

Quick question for ya: Is there such thing as too many eyeballs? Of course not. Is there such thing as teeth that are too long and too sharp? Uh, try no. How about size? Can a monster be, like, too large? Aw, hell no! Here in the twelfth installment of Do Be A Monster, Albert and Ryan would just like to say that we like our monsters too darn big to hide! But smaller monsters are grand as well. Take the Storsjöodjuret for example: he's not unbelievably large by any means, but he does like to get wet in Lake Storsjön, and when a monster gets wet, a monster drips...and that is what's up. Then there's the Tatzelwurm. Tatzelwurms may only be seven feet long, but they do have the tendency to scare the boots off of Alpine hikers, and we think that's just creeptastic. So come join the boys as they explore some European monstrosities; you’ll be singin’ swoo swoo swoo to yourself by the end of the hour!

Episode 64: We’re doing a special choose-your-own-adventure version of DBAI for episode 64! Actually, it’s more of a Hobson’s choice adventure where you can choose any new episode to listen to as long as it’s number 64! And we know what some of you may be thinking: Why should I waste my time with this rinky-dink podcast when I could be listening to someone famous like Conan or Ron Burgundy? Well, it may surprise you to hear this, but Don’t Be An Idiom is big in Japan. Huge, even! So, suck on that dirty egg, grandma! Happy American Nightmare weekend!

Episode 63: As the wind rustles the leaves of the plane trees, a little pallino rolls and bumps its way along the sand. No larger than a golf ball, he demands the respect of the entire universe; he is the real McCoy. One after the other, the bocce tumble towards their master, forever battling to be within reach of that humble, petite, white orb. Crack, swoosh, tick. Mamma mia, there is always one who wins the coveted attention of pallino, and today it is you. However, in the blink of an eye, that pattern of stationary planets so enchantingly arranged in the divots of sand must be knocked about once more…and there's the rub; the cycle continues as the wee ball travels away from the bocce, a solitary god daring all who look upon him to come to him again. There is no permanent satisfaction here, just the ceaseless yearning to be close to little pallino.