It's a slimy business, but Albert and Ryan are dedicated to the calling (as evidenced by this momentous episode). Here it is, the tenth installment of Do Be A Monster and there are still so many muck-mouths and bulging-eyeballs to cover. To celebrate the new year, Ryan brings the Malaysian penanggalan to the airwaves; well, at least her head and entrails. Meanwhile, Albert would like to introduce (all the way from Deutschland) the terrible Alp! If you've ever felt a bit too much weight on your chest while sleeping, you've probably already met him. Come join us for another romp down the avenue of creepy creatures and fascinating freaks! Stick around for a special Do Be A Monster giveaway. Hint: show us your monster!

Episode 54: Hey sports fans! Were your collective ears a-burning? That's 'cause it's the freakin' weekend and your boys are bringing it hard! So strap on your headphones with a clamp because there's no taking-a-mulligan on this episode! On an unrelated note, Ryan found an iguana and guess what? We're keeping it! Sorry Craigslist! Happy Holidays, ya wankers. Love, Don't Be An Idiom

Episode 53: What in the Sam Hill are you doing NOT listening to Episode 53 of DBAI right now? Reading this I suppose! Well, don't make a pig's ear out of your Friday; hit that play button bay-bay! The boys are fucking all fired up about the new episode and especially the new song. Skip to the end, then start over again! When asked what of Episode 53, megafan Paul Giamatti says, "I ALWAYS go SIDEWAYS for Don't Be An Idiom!" I dunno, write your own description. We be ouuuut!

Episode 52: Tired of sitting by the m-box all day long? Us neither! Episode 52 is coming in hot and it's gonna piss your boss off! So, kick against the pricks and walk tall with holes in your body and your shirt covered in black blood. And when they ask you how you want your severance pay, tell 'em the whole shebang sent ya! Buy yourself a clue and listen to Episode 52...like, yesterday!

Sniff, sniff. What’s that? I smell another monster episode, right jolly! In this ninth installment, the boys get wet, wet, wet in the billabongs of Australia and the river beds of Japan! Throw on your goggles and peek the Bunyip. Then slap on your galoshes and trip the fantastic with the magnificent Kappa (actually, it's best if you hold onto your butts)! If we don’t say someone’s doing something, you might not notice. Wink wink. Regularly scheduled idiom broadcasting returns next time. Send $10.

Engulfed in fog, you find yourself covered in a viscous ooze shimmering in the pale light of the barley moon. Crawling towards a distant sound, howls of horror echo through the air until you come upon an old radio, crackling like a thousand footsteps on fallen leaves. For a moment, terror grips you...until you hear the familiar voices of your old maniacal guides through monster mythology: Albert and Ryan. Momentarily distracted, you are caught off guard by a terrible maw that consumes your head...pity. But there in the awful depths of alien viscera you can still make out the rumblings of a mountain-top creature that haunts the peaks of the Rocky Mountains and a nauseating witch-companion from the Westfjords of Iceland. All is well when your head's in a bell, you suppose. As for you other miscreations, come get goopy with the boys and learn all about the Slide-Rock Bolter and the abominable Tilberi in this eighth installment of Do Be A Monstaaah!

Episode 51: Let’s get one thing straight: this is not fucking official. The boys got some hot goss' that you’re gonna wanna eavesdrop on like yesterday, so Brylcreem that hair back hard and give a listen. But be careful what you listen for...there’s no proof that it’s real. When things go bump in the night, just know that you’ll be alright. The boys are here and (good news) the tests came back clear! Clear of sanity, that is! Since you’re nutzo, why not listen to episode 51 before you strip naked and try to love a cop’s gun?

Episode 50: Speak of the devil…and episode 50 shall appear! “Episode 50, episode 50, episode 50!” We never said you had to say it three times! What do you think this is? Bloody Mary? Beetlegeuse? Clearly not Candyman 'cause that would require five repetitions. Just stop talking, okay? Sit back and relax. Kick off your shoes and feet and open up a fresh can of Alpo dog food. You’ve had a long week and you deserve a bit-o-pampering. Let the boys’ velvety voices take you to places that would make your wife puke-o-rama sick. If you’re not on cloud 9 by the time the episode's over, there’ll be a free Wawa shorti coupon under your welcome mat by Christmas morn. No welcome mat? No problem! Just jackhammer the neighbor’s front steps until something happens…something big.

*Da fine print: Wawa shorti coups will be swiftly downgraded to junior hoags if your neighbor overpowers you before 30 minutes of solid jacking has occurred. This offer is not available in Belarus.

Episode 49: Hear ye, hear ye! All Mavericks agree—Episode 49 is the bee's knees! Don't make us describe why you should want to subscribe. Don't Be An Idiom is well and alive! That's it. Call in.

Episode 48: Have you got the August blues? Do you go to bed each night praying that you won’t see the morning light? And then when you wake up, you’re scared and a little balder and fatter than you were the day before? It’s okay to be scared. We’re all scared. Don’t let the bastards 86 the summer without a fight! The boys have episode forty-eight locked and loaded and they’re coming on like gangbusters! So strap on your party-parachute and hit the responsibility eject button one last time. This is the hill to die on! Tell two friends.