Dr. Tony is my first in-studio podcast guest.  It was refreshing not to deal with any technical problems for the first time!  We have been friends for over 30 years so getting him on the show is really special.  His wellness and healing background is immense.  It was like we didn’t leave any stones unturned in our discussion that couldn’t help men over 40 healing from the devastating effects of divorce.  From his F*ck It Attitude to forgiving yourself and your ex, I appreciate all the value he brought to the podcast.  Scratching the surface allows us to have him back on the show again.  Thanks Doc!

Topic and Highlights:

Binary thinking

Karma is real

We can’t afford to be stagnant

What does divorce mean to you, not to someone else?

The trap

Work through the pain

Processing emotions

We have our own ownership

Put you oxygen mask on first

Don’t put everyone else’s needs above yours

Can do attitude 

Kids can kill you if you let them

As we get older we start to retrospect

Sick and tired of being sick and tired 

Forgive but don’t forget

We become MO better - Spike Lee

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Yannick Picard, a mindset and confidence coach, discusses various topics related to personal growth and recovery after divorce. He emphasizes the importance of self-love, overcoming self-doubt, and developing resilience and self-confidence. Exploring the concepts of perfectionism, fixed mindset vs growth mindset, and the role of transformative emotions, he encourages individuals to tap into their boundless potential and have the courage to take steps towards their goals. Throughout the conversation, Yannick emphasizes that individuals going through divorce are not alone and that their past does not define their future.  Thanks for the knowledge Yannick!

Don’t forget to take the free Saboteur Assessment!

Topics:

The Naked Coach

Self-sabotaging

Can’t get out of our own way

Why do I see Subaru all over the place

Oxygen mask on the plane

Getting to the goal is not linear

The inner critic

You are not alone

Journal

Break it down in smaller steps

The Naked Coach Website

Instagram

https://instagram.com/thenakedcoach

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/yannickpicard/

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Emotions are one of the facets of men over 40 going through or in a post-divorce recovery state that can throw him for a loop.  It can be dealing with coparenting or just going through a divorce.  Most men have no clue how to handle the sometimes overwhelming nature of emotional turmoil.   I have found and interviewed The Emotions Doctor - Ed Daube, Ph.D.  Coming from sunny California, his mission is educational, for most people have no clue how to handle some of our out-of-control emotions.  Not just in divorce but in life in general.

In this conversation, Ed, a psychologist and author, discusses the importance of understanding and managing emotions, particularly in the context of divorce. He shares personal experiences and professional insights to explain how emotions can be viewed as tools and how they impact decision-making while emphasizing the need to recognize primary emotions and avoid using anger as a secondary emotion.  Ed devotes his retired life to teaching the mainstream public how to positively grow through emotions.  He understands they are not a hindrance but tools for our survival.  Thanks Ed.

Entertaining and/or Informative Topics:

A non-drinking alcoholic

Emotions as tools, master and utilize them

The 5 primary emotions

Always scanning for threats

Flight or fight

Take a pause and take a deep breath

Failure is not a lack of success

Suicide

Validate your kids emotions and give them permission to feel

You can’t control the other parent

Are you divorced or single

TheEmotionsDoctor.com

Educate to what emotions are and get the ability to master them instead of being controlled by them

Coparenting at its best

Learning how things don’t work

Amazon Author Page

The Blog Post Index

The Emotions Doctor Website

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The book ‘ I Just Want This Done’ by Raiford Palmer, J.D. helps smart, successful people get divorced without losing their kids, money and minds.  I was stoked to get him on the podcast and talk about his guide, his professional and personal take on divorce - especially from a man’s over 40 point of view.  Having gone through a divorce himself, Raiford’s experience is backed by him walking the walk and talking the talk.  For men over 40 struggling with their before, during and/or post-divorce - this is one of those podcasts you can’t go without listening to! Besides, it's funny until it happens to you - Dave Chappelle. That reference make the podcast rock even more!

Takeaways:

-divorce law has been using a meat ax instead of a scalpel

-you can’t fight the law of physics

-in a divorce, everyone is losing to some degree

-look before you leap

-kids always find out who the good guy is

-friends and family are you biggest cheerleaders

-get a consultation early with an attorney

-communicate effectively with your co-parent by following guidelines like being brief, informative, fair, and friendly (BIFF)

-signal to noise ratio, how much is static?

-divorce three times with no prenup

-get in a positive headspace and take time to heal

-take this opportunity to make yourself the best person you can be

-making memories with your kids

-take the long view and consider the cost-benefit analysis in all aspects of divorce, including financial, emotional, and career impact

-don’t shut down during your divorce

-keep on living

-seek professional help, such as a counselor or psychologist, to manage the emotional challenges of divorce

All Things Raiford Palmer!

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Kashaun comes to us from the warm city of Atlanta, GA where he is a motivational speaker, exceptional author and founder of Champion Nation - an organization dedicated to transforming the lives of men, women and children everywhere.  It felt like two friends having coffee discussing all about the healing and wellness spaces.  After sharing his history from childhood on, Kashaun dives into some of his favorite topics - the ABC’s of self-motivation, ‘we are built to last’ story and reality, and the 5 C’s to building confidence and self-esteem.  Hanging with Mr. Cooper has never been so much fun!   I look forward to hanging out with him again and getting some more pearls for my divorce men over 40.  Kashaun uses the metaphor of a tree and its leaves to illustrate resilience and the importance of staying connected to something greater while addressing common misconceptions and roadblocks to healing and wellness.

Takeaways:

-becoming the man of the house at a young age can shape one's life and instill a sense of responsibility and protection

-the five C's to building confidence and esteem are courage, commitment, communication, competence, and consideration

-loving oneself is essential for personal growth and well-being

-considering things from every angle allows for a more comprehensive understanding of situations and promotes better decision-making

-it takes courage to look at the mirror

-four stages of life

-find out what your burning desire is

-failure is not final

-Spirit Airlines, touch and go

-don’t rush the process

-roadblock of time and/or money

-A=B, B=C, then A=C

-we can’t give what we don’t have

-fall on your back

-talk to and answer myself

Champion Nation Website

All Things Kashaun Cooper and Champion Nation

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Emotional embuffination - what is it?  David Enevoldsen comes to us from Phoenix with just that premise….  Get your emotions buff.  Being a former divorce attorney and being divorced himself, David witnessed first hand how emotions ran toxic during and after a divorce process.  With a psychology background, he developed a program and tactics to make people more suited to emotionally overcome conflict.  We discuss numerous techniques to de-escalate conflict or prevent it from even happening.  Though some of them are so simple, they may be complex in relation to each other.  Take a listen to his knowledge.  Some of you can use this right now!!!

Topics of:

The difference between emotional intelligence and emotional strength

Victim mode

The sky is falling

Fixing on positive thoughts

Law of attraction principles

Put the pussy on the chainwax!

Self-talk is important

Words in a text can provide tone

Prioritizing self-care

You just can’t go to the gym and be buff forever

Interactions and words

Eating Cheetos on the couch

We are naturally drawn to other with the same developmental level

Meditation and martial arts

O.U.R. - own it, understand it, and resolve it

Transfer embuffination to your kids

Show them how to live

Parenting classes

Absolute responsibility - start there

Emotional Embuffination Website

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Eli comes to us from a clinical social worker background in which he  transformed into a relationship coaching practice.  After working on himself, he found that he knew exactly what singles needed to find the right one - themselves.   Discussing healthy dating, Eli explained why ‘my friend’ stayed in relationships too long and put off the breakups so long.  I found that you don’t have to find the one that completes you or allows you to love better, the one is you.  Love comes from you.  Thanks Eli.

Topics of:

I ate Americans

The essence connection

Physical chemistry

The prospecting, dating and growth phases

Love is the nucleus

Eli can’t stretch people

There is a lot of joy inside you

Authenticity, kindness and compassion

1 - 10 levels

Communicating your vision with your partner

Starbucks

Coaching vs counseling

Ripping off the rug

Be careful of the 8 - 10’s

The mind connection = values, principles chemistry and conversations

We all have a physical need

Love and accept yourself

When you put off decisions, the mind get complacent

The mind needs to be ready and clear

Eli’s WEBSITE AND SOCIAL PROFILES:

Website URL:

https://www.elischostak.com/

Youtube URL:

https://www.youtube.com/c/EliSchostak4ftr1

Facebook URL:

https://www.facebook.com/coachelischostak

Linkedin URL:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/elischostak/

Instagram URL:

https://www.instagram.com/elischostak/

‘4 Steps to Get Into & Grow A Healthy LOVE Relationship’

-a free workshop

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Welcome Seth Nelson, Esq. to the podcast.   While being a practicing family attorney in Tampa Bay, Florida he prides himself in getting the best and fairest settlement and/or result for his clients.  Seth has seen clients struggle and argue over the most unimportant issues in their divorce while the underlying reasoning for their position is still unresolved.  We discuss common misconceptions, key factors for a successful divorce settlement, creative settlement strategies, communication during and after divorce, child custody considerations, prioritizing mental health and well-being, available resources and support networks, letting go of ego, dispute resolution methods, and success stories. The conversation provides valuable insights and advice for men going through divorce and emphasizes the importance of focusing on the well-being of oneself and the children involved.

Takeaways and Interesting Subjects:

-the concept of one and done alimony

-eat healthy and get some exercise

-live your life not your divorce

-words are really important

-know your audience

-you can’t have too many people that love your kid

-arbitration, mediation and having a judge

-put your ego aside

-former spouse

-take out the adjectives and descriptors

-BIFF - be brief, informative, firm and friendly!

-kids in conflict don’t do well in any parenting plan

-look at the other parent as free babysitting

-work together to solve problems

-take a break and recharge

Seth Nelson, Esq.

How to Split A Toaster Podcast     Love the name BTW!

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In this episode, I interview James Christensen, a licensed marriage therapist, about divorce recovery and relationship repair. James comes at divorce recovery from a totally different approach than I’ve ever seen before.  He states men need to locate the pain they are feeling from the devastation of the divorce in a precise location on the body and work on that area.  Sometimes the out-of-control actions with our emotions are the result of our child-like impulses.  This podcast was definitely a heaping dose of new possibilities.  It was hard to gather my questions when I was still trying to process the answer he gave me to the previous one.  I feel that we only scratched the surface of the healing ways for you men over 40.  So, James will definitely be asked back.  Thanks James!

Takeaways:

-find where negative emotions are felt in the body to gain a better understanding of them

-focus on making requests instead of complaints to improve communication during divorce

-put in the work to develop emotional maturity and relationship skills for a satisfying marriage

-feel distress and provide self-comfort to overcome the survival instinct and move on from uncontrollable actions

-the spectrum of intimacy in communication

-leaving emotional maturity to your children is priceless

-write it down and wait until tomorrow

-complaining about the past can be harmful

-practice kindness to each other

-feel more do less

James M. Christensen LMFT 

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How do I even write these show notes?  Michael and I crossed paths through Facebook years ago as he was just starting his podcast.  He has ‘blossomed’ into so many extensions of the men’s divorce recovery space.  With a podcast, website, coaching abilities and a host of other media to help men who are going through one of their most devastating moments in their lives, Michael keeps it fresh with new topics and new ideas.  Even though sometimes those ideas might be opposite of what he thinks, Michael is not opposed to presenting both positive and negative sides to every story.  He realizes that everything can’t be unicorns and flowers. 

We discuss Michael's personal journey through divorce and his mission to help men going through similar experiences. Then we explore topics such as self-care, dealing with anger, the importance of forgiveness, and the impact of divorce on children. Michael emphasizes the need for men to work on themselves first before entering new relationships. The conversation provides valuable insights and support for men navigating the challenges of divorce and recovery. I definitely will have Michael back on the show for we only touched some of the subjects men deal with.  Thanks my brother.

Interesting Topics:

Still a labor of love

Rising Phoenix Brand

Discord Server

Anger channel

Forgiveness and anger are adjacent

Kids are the innocent party

Don’t stay in it for kids

Be the best father you can be

A father in your life cannot be replaced

Suicide takes the pain away but gives it to others

We need to get better handling our strong emotions

Meaningless sex

Sex is like pizza, even bad pizza is good

Learn who you are and how you tick

The silent treatment is not a good strategy for a sound relationship

Take care of what is going on in your four walls not hers

Create at least one safe space for the kids

We can only control our environment

Don’t stay in the anger

Michael’s empathy and sympathy has a shelf life

Rising Phoenix Podcast

Michael Rhodes Divorce Coach

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