You would think that technical staffing and divorce recovery as so far apart like oil and vinegar.  But not so!  In my interview with Mark Aylward, who shares his experiences with divorce,  offers advice for men over 40 going through similar situations, Mark discusses his transition from a technical recruiter to a career as an executive coach, emphasizing the importance of passion and storytelling in finding new opportunities. He also highlights the need for self-reflection and personal growth after divorce, and provides guidance on navigating job interviews and rebuilding financially. Mark emphasizes the importance of resilience, transparency, and clarity in overcoming challenges and moving forward. 

Takeaways and Important Points:

-divorce can be a challenging and emotionally turbulent experience, but it can also be an opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection.

-crafting a clear and compelling story about your experiences and goals is essential in job interviews and career transitions.

-recovering from divorce requires resilience, self-care, and a willingness to explore new opportunities.

-transparency and honesty are crucial in building relationships and finding success in the job market.

-navigating financial hardship after divorce requires careful planning, prioritization, and seeking support from a strong support network.

-went back to church and took up yoga

-got sole custody of his kids, while representing himself in the divorce (He’s not a lawyer!)

-most people are not doing what they were put on this earth to do

-losing a job is similar to divorce - confidence, pride and skills take a hit

-you can’t chase money, fees and/or transactions - it’s all about relationships

-we are twins

-help people to figure out what their options are

-when bad things happen, take a pause for a second, minute or an  hour to take a look at the situation

-learn when, to whom, and how to say something

Mark's Contact Info and and Website - 7pillarsglobal.com

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Luke Schillings, host of the After the Affair Podcast, shares his personal experience with betrayal and divorce and how it led him to become a relationship and infidelity recovery coach on the Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Podcast.   He emphasizes the importance of self-love and self-trust in the healing process and discusses the stages of infidelity recovery while also introducing the self-coaching model, a framework for addressing problems and managing emotions. Finally, Luke offers advice on dating after betrayal and divorce, focusing on building self-trust and setting boundaries.  Luke definitely made me think in terms of the self-coaching model.  I will have to investigate it further.  But intriguing.  Thanks Luke!

Takeaways and Interesting Points:

-betrayal and divorce can be emotionally challenging, but with self-love and self-trust, healing is possible

-the self-coaching model is a powerful tool for understanding and managing emotions

-when dating after betrayal and divorce, it is important to prioritize self-trust and set healthy boundaries

-every individual's healing journey is unique, and it is essential to focus on what can be controlled and let go of unrealistic expectations

-get clear on what you can control and what you cannot

-the 5-part self-coaching model

-take control of your blank canvas, you have control

-don’t close the door that you possibly be wrong

Website: www.lifecoachluke.com

Podcast: www.lifecoachluke.com/podcast

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/24Mxm7BItKT4xAz2Psfyh8?si=7dcc4d546d984c41

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/after-the-affair/id1648061200

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In this podcast episode, I introduce Rob Anthony who discusses the importance of listening and responding in conversations, particularly in heated discussions. Rob's new podcast 'Are We Done Yet?' explores the concept of being polarized in conversations. He reflects on his personal experiences in divorce and the lessons he has learned. While discussing the importance of disagreeing with kindness in the divorce recovery space, as well as in general, Rob also delves into the significance of boundaries in life and work, and the power of saying 'no' and setting core principles. The conversation explores various aspects of divorce and relationships, including rationalizing boundaries, work-life balance, managing finances during divorce, collaborative approaches to finances, gender dynamics in divorce, and shared accountability. Rob did apologize for his dominating story-telling ways but there was no need from my perspective - I know quite a few men out there that needed to hear what he was dropping.  Thanks Rob!  Definitely we'll have to podcast again soon.

Takeaways and Important Points:

-active listening and responding are crucial in conversations, especially in heated discussions.

-the podcast 'Are We Done Yet?' explores the concept of being polarized in conversations and aims to move towards a consensus.

-reflecting on personal experiences in divorce can lead to personal growth and understanding.

-disagreeing with kindness involves giving oneself time to process thoughts and emotions before responding.

-lessons from childhood and parental activism can shape one's approach to relationships and conversations.

-setting boundaries is important in maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being.

-saying 'no' and setting core principles can help establish personal values and guide decision-making. 

-understanding the reasons behind boundaries can help in rationalizing and addressing conflicts.

-maintaining a work-life balance is important for personal well-being and relationships.

-managing finances during divorce can be challenging, especially when there is a financial cost involved.

-taking a collaborative approach to finances can lead to better outcomes and support for both parties.

-gender dynamics in divorce can impact financial power dynamics and the overall process.

-shared accountability can help in moving forward and finding common ground in difficult situations.

-save the no’s for the no’s that matter

-chop off the chicken head a certain way

-the decent dude playbook

-the two sarcastic passive aggressive events that taught Rob deep knowledge each time

Rob’s Podcast YouTube Channel

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In this podcast, Justin Glaser discusses his book 'Sweat: Uncovering Your Body's Hidden Superpower' and the importance of sweat for health and vitality. He explains the benefits of sweating for detoxification and the impact of toxins on our health. While exploring the history of sweating practices in different cultures and the use of sweat for mental health and resilience, he discusses the different types of saunas and their benefits, as well as the age limits for sauna use. The conversation also touches on the research behind sauna and sweat, the use of niacin in sauna protocols, and the potential risks and nutrient replacement for heavy sweaters.  After the podcast in our final discussions, Justin did suggest to my listeners maybe try a group sweat - a perfect setting of a few men recovering from divorce sweating in a communal space.  Just a thought!   If anyone tries that, please let me know of the outcome! Thanks Justin.

Takeaways and Interesting Points:

-regular sweating is one of the most impactful things you can do for your health and life.

-toxins have a significant impact on our health, and sweat is the best way to detoxify these substances.

-sweating can improve mental health, resilience, and overall well-being.

-different types of saunas, such as dry saunas and infrared saunas, offer various benefits for sweating and detoxification.

-toxins migrate with heat

-some cats love saunas

–most countries have be sweating for centuries

-diabetes and cancer links

Justin’s Book on Amazon

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Website

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In this episode, George V. Gonzalez discusses his book 'Answer the Call: Life Lessons From Family Origins Through Invention and Struggle’  and how it relates to divorce recovery for men over 40. In sharing how he was called to write the book during the pandemic and how it focuses on reassessing goals and aspirations, he also talks about overcoming rock bottom, turning pain into positive energy, and the importance of resilience, hard work, and realistic expectations. Jorge emphasizes the significance of family origins and building strong family values. Addressing the sense of failure and setbacks, highlighting the lessons they offer for growth and self-discovery George emphasizes the importance of rebuilding the foundation and the power of influence in shaping one's life. We also discuss the impact of the family foundation and the need for discipline and consequences in raising children. The podcast was very interesting from the aspect I never zeroed in on the foundation aspect of living.  Thanks Jorge!

Takeaways and Interesting Points:

-reassessing goals and aspirations is crucial for personal growth and finding one's life purpose.

-overcoming rock bottom requires self-reflection, analyzing one's life, and becoming a better individual.

-setbacks can be transformed into opportunities for growth and self-discovery by finding valuable lessons in every experience.

-building a strong foundation based on family origins and values is essential for personal and relationship success.

-discipline and consequences play a vital role in raising children and shaping their future.

-when a man is not achieving something, it is a devastating blow to the ego

-it’s not the goal, but the journey of becoming the individual in getting that goal

-reinventing yourself, and have relatable experiences

Amazon Link for Jorge’s Book

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Website

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In this conversation, J’Anmetra Waddell Shanaut, a transformation advocate, discusses the process of recovery and transformation after divorce, particularly for individuals over 40. I thought a woman's point of view would be interesting. She emphasizes the importance of giving oneself permission to change and be different, while also providing a support system to navigate the journey. The conversation covers topics such as managing loneliness, rediscovering identity, setting boundaries, coping mechanisms, establishing new routines, and the role of self-care. J’Anmetra highlights the significance of telling a new story and embracing new possibilities. She also offers advice on starting the dating process after divorce and validating grief, anger, and pain.

Takeaways and Interesting points….

-Give yourself permission to go through radical change and be different

-Find a support system to guide you through the journey of recovery and transformation

-Rediscover your identity and find joy in activities that you enjoy

-Set boundaries to manage loneliness and navigate new relationships

-Develop healthy coping mechanisms and establish new routines

-Acknowledge and process grief, anger, and pain, but don't dwell in them

-Practice self-care and prioritize taking care of yourself

-I love boxing

-One day is everyday and one day never arrives

-Someone says you’re full of yourself say thank you because you have extra to give to others

-Word replacement

-Addicted to your story, stop telling it and create a new one

-Italian food with lots of garlic

-Give yourself to feel the pain and let it go - 24 hours

I appreciate J’Anmetra taking the time for podcasting with me.  It was more fun than I could have hoped for.  Just like two friends catching up having coffee.  It was a blast.  Hope to get her back on the show for some more ‘transformational’ knowledge.  Thanks again.

Y’Anmetra’s info:

Live Past Crazy Website

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Website

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In this episode, Rolland Sarver discusses the importance of recognizing and celebrating one’s value, especially in the context of divorce recovery.  While emphasizing the need for self-care, self-love and helping others, he explores the difference between ego and true value and getting out of one’s comfort zone for personal growth.  Rolland highlights the significance of being trauma-informed and offers hope to those going through difficult situations. The conversations conclude with a discussion about Rolland’s book, ‘The Value Message’ which aims to help individuals recognize their value.  

Additional points:

• We are too busy taking care of others needs

• Everybody is a 10

• More forward motion

• Do not lose your focus on hope

• What happened to you?

• Communication is important

• You have a right to take up space on the planet

• Tool boxes about relationships

• Coach, put me in

• A lot of people are in conflict and don’t know why

• Your value doesn’t change

Rolland was very informative with this interview on this podcast.  He gave me a few things to consider.  Hummmmm?   His links are below.

The Value Message on Amazon

Rolland Sarver’s Website

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Website

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Well men over 40. Wanna get a different podcast from all others?  Listen to this one from Dr. Orest Komarnyckyi.  He is an interviewer, podcaster and government-certified Old Guy.  Orest has embraced his later years and explains how they are some of his best yet and how you can get there too.  Funny, edgy and not predictable, I found Orest straight forward in his tips, tricks and methods to help men better themselves in a variety of ways.  He has some interesting advice for you listeners for embracing a kick ass life after a devastating event like divorce.

Discussions of:

• Testosterone optimization

• D!ck was going to fall off

• Keep muscle mass and keep a great attitude

• All strippers were going to college back in the day

• See how they treat people they deem not important

• Don’t give up

• God’s waiting room

• Too many old people in a 55 and over community

• The beta male

• Lebron with breasts

• Work on your health and vitality

• Being a men’s life coach

• School of economics

• Waking up every day trying to be a better version of yourself than yesterday

• Know your shelf life

• The Beta Male

• Kevin Bacon
  

Orest definitely didn’t show up to mince words.  I appreciate his honesty and words of wisdom.  Only scratching the surface, I will have to definitely have him back to drop some more of his insights.  Enough of that - just check out the podcast.  Priceless….

Dr. Orest’s website:

https://www.thestandard.academy/

-Programs (Coaching, Affiliates, Mentoring), Podcasts, Magazine and Contact Info.

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Website

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Twice divorced, Paul Zolman has experienced the plight of finding out what love actually is.  It can mitigate the pain of being rejected through divorce.  Even children can use this pain reliever.  Paul is a divorce recovery expert and the creator of the Love Language Cube.  He has a background in finance and accounting and has used his personal experiences to develop a unique approach to love and relationships.

Sharing his personal story of growing up in a dysfunctional family and how it shaped his understanding of love, Paul discusses the generational patterns that can be passed down and the importance of breaking free from those patterns. Paul also introduces the Love Language Cube, a game he created to help individuals practice and understand the five love languages. He emphasizes the importance of sending love out without expecting anything in return and the power of recognizing and responding to love when it comes your way. Check out Paul’s interesting and different view on men and love.

Discussions of:
Boys are like puppies

Would be a good IRS agent

You really have no control of love coming your way or even control of the other person

Venmo QR code

Games can bring the most dysfunctional family together

Counting the five bodies buried in the backyard?

Midlife crisis destination dating

Trust the laws of the universe

Lord is it I?

Angry culture vs love culture

Caddy Shack reference

Purposeful days

Good hygiene is part of self-love

Journal page for students

Stacking kindness on top of kindness

Pay my bills - the new love language

Thanks to Paul for his spin on the Love Languages.  I have to get me a cube!

Paul Zolman's Role of Love Website

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Website

Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 Private Facebook Group

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How can a man be strong during and/or after a divorce?  Elliott Katz’s theories dive into that reality.  He says the most important part of recovering from a divorce is to look at yourself and realize what you need to learn from it. Blaming the other person won’t get you down the healing path you need to be on. How should you have been different?  Getting back to the basics of the men being hunters and gatherers works on this premise.  Elliott says men need to take charge more and make more decisions and with themselves.  

Elliot is a retired speechwriter and author from Toronto. After going through a divorce, he embarked on a journey to learn what it means to be a man in a relationship. He discovered that many men today lack the qualities that women desire, such as leadership, decision-making, and taking responsibility. Elliot has written two books, "Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants" and "How to Get Your Man to Wear the Pants...So You Don't Have To," to educate men and women on how to have successful relationships.

Believing that men need to step forward and show their share of leadership in order to have successful relationships Elliot also discusses the importance of making decisions and planning dates, as well as the need for men to communicate in a calm and positive manner. Elliot encourages men to work on themselves before getting back into the dating scene and to set boundaries in relationships.

Discussions of:

What women really want

A man with a plan

Mother's helper

The word 'no'

This is what I did wrong and this is what I will do next time

If it is wrong, it is wrong

Let me tell you what I’ve learned no what happened

Forgive yourself most importantly

We’re over 40 and we don’t need a project

Courage to speak up

New book: Dating With Elliott

Think before you speak

Everyone wants to be valued

She insulted my car!

Elliott hits some interesting points.  See what points may apply to you and your divorce recovery journey.  Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize of a successful divorce recovery - enjoying and living in a new positive reality.  

Elliott's website and to check out his books

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