Driven to Drink

Greetings D2Dreeps.

Here we have the second installment of the Chirdonathon.

There are but two questions on the table:

1. Why should I become a full-blooded Whovian?

2. What is your Mt. Rushmore of cinema and television from across the pond?

Given the loquacious proclivities of our quartet of semi-sophisticated drunkards, the answers, with tangents and bursts of boisterous flair, are bountiful.

Have fun with this one.

We present to you, “What’s a Tardis? (Chirdonathon, pt 2)”

 

Hey there, D2Dreeps.  Are you ready for a marathon of Chirdon…a…Chirdonathon?

Sure you are.  I promise.

Here we (…Greg, Heather, Chris, Jeff, […Ralph, Johnnie too…]…) sample a variety of Wigle spirits.

Here Greg guides a tasting.  A tad inebriated, but still a sturdy guide.  (Likely if you read that immediately previous phrase too quickly, you processed, “study guide,” but that’s not what it says.  Look again.  Yep.  Sturdy.) Guide.

Here we learn about the origins of this quartet.  Like the Beatles, but without all the fame and musical talent, though Jeffrey can fart the Star Spangled Banner if you give him enough cheap Canadian bacon.

Here we talk about the Atari 2600 game, “E.T. The Extraterrestrial,” (…redundant much, Spielberg…) and Steve, the bird who sounds like perhaps your chair is squeaking.  (Don’t worry, your chair isn’t squeaking.  That’s Steve. [Actually, what the hell do I know?  Your chair may very well be squeaking.  Annoying, innit?  But so is Steve.  Not annoying…squeaking.  And that might annoy you.  It shouldn’t though…really he’s kinda cute.  Oh hell, Steve will be, particularly near the beginning of the podcast, at least one thing squeaking in your ear.  That I know.  End of paragraph.])

Here we discuss the things that made and make us…and, if we’re being entirely honest, will continue to make us…drink.

Here we end the podcast with no closing music given time constraints and the fact that the Greg typing this post is currently too damn drunk to figure shit out.  (So why is he trying to post this right now?)  Good question, ask that drunk asshole.  (Which is me.)  So ask me.  (But I won’t answer, so don’t ask.)

K?

K

We present to you, “Shaler Rollin’ (Chirdonathon, pt 1).”

 

    ShAT. Shaler Area Titans. Yeah. The acronym is ShAT.

We begin with my Mt. Rushmore of sports-entertainment wrestling. Keep in mind, this is mine and I claim no more than that. I entered the world of wrestling in the vicinity of 1984 with all of the passion of a pudgy, awkward ten-year old after I moved to Connecticut, and I exited that world, and Connecticut, in 1989 with equal abruptness and all the passion of a skinny, still awkward, and now pubescent fourteen-year-old who just had his mind cracked open by GnR’s, “Appetite for Destruction” and a VHS porn I found in the recesses of some forbidden drawer.

(Yeah, I know.  It’s a lot to process.  Just let it go and move on.  I did.)

So…here goes.

1. Hulk Hogan (…because…Hulk Hogan.)
2. Dwayne Johnson (…because…he’s like Hulk Hogan times Hollywood minus all of the Hogan BS.)
3. Rocky Johnson (…that’s the Rock’s dad.  He was a straight up, no gimmick bad ass…as was his tag team partner Tony Atlas.  Actually, his only gimmick involved his pecs, several tattoes on said pecs, and the movement of said tattos on said pecs.  Check out this video of the Soul Patrol.)
4. Bob Backlund (…the first match I ever watched, on a console television, involved Bob Backlund.  Backlund ushered in the Hogan era via the Iron Sheik. Also, I just love a crazy ginger.)

Mark then goes WWE/F “inside baseball” and leans quite Lampley as he describes his Mt. Rushmore of wrestling music and gimmickry. His decision, without much thought and yet with five cocktails coursing through his blood:

1. Hulk Hogan, “Real American.” (But seriously, this is a horrible song.  Lyically, musically, vocally…it’s a triple-decker heaping pile of poo on a platter.  And the video.  It highlights all that was actually wrong with the 80’s.  This is my opinion only.  Not Mark’s. Not yours.  But hey, it’s my blog.)
2. Dwayne Johnson, “If you smell what the Rock is cookin‘.”
3. Randy Savage, “Pomp and Circumstance.”
4. C.M. Punk, “Cult of Personality.”

(Later, Mark would mention the Undertaker’s gimmick, and how it should likely be on this list.  So, there it is parenthetically. And here it is on Fallon.)

Things kind of spiral from here, but the ride was fun…and as the cars return to the point from which they began, we close out this quintet of quirk and anti-quotidian chaos with one of the hardest, most-head-bangingest songs of the late 80’s, “Cult of Personality,” by Living Color.

Oh, and I should mention, we begin this final leg of our marktastic journey with one of the chillest, funkiest, hippy-dippiest tunes from the same year (1988), “What I Am,” by Edie Brickell & New Bohemians.

We present to you, “No, That’s Not Jim Lampley.  (Mark, pt 5).”

 

    THAT…is Jim Lampley.

We start with a fairly loaded and deep question, which is always an adventure four cocktails in.

Has the ubiquity of social media culture and a 24 hour news cycle dominated by said social media created the precise opposite of what it might ideally? Which is, a world community both massively misinformed and ironically more xenophobic, exclusive, and isolated because of our tendency to seek only the information that confirms our most rigid, biased, and colloquial of beliefs and sensibilities? As with all tools, social media is both a curse and a blessing…depending on the hands that wield it and the brains that interpret it. The world has shrunk to the size of an iPhone. In terms of information and human contact, the world has quite literally shrunk to the size of the device on which you’re reading this right now. That’s fucking amazing. Such technology should, ideally (I think), create a more interconnected, inclusive, and well-informed humanity. Maybe it mostly is. Maybe it’s just that those seeking only the “data” that allows them to rest easily at night knowing that all that they believed to be true and right is, in “fact,” true and right are the loudest, most prominent and, in many ways, most influential voices poking through the overwhelming amount of information at our fingertips.

Jesus, that got away from me. Sorry. Anyway, we ask and answer that question. Kind of. But drunk. Absolutely.

We talk Bill Simmons, in many ways our ideal journalistic voice and unquestionable babyface; Barry Melrose, the hockey commentary equivalent of a carny “heel” and ESPN company man; and Mark Madden, an actual wrestling heel turned local (Pittsburgh) sports journalist and firebrand.

We close out this penultimate Luczcast with Mark’s WWE “Mt. Rushmore.” Spoiler: It’s Ric Flair, Shawn Michels, Dwayne Johnson, and Vince McMahon.

The Music? “Billy Jean” and “Workin’ Day and Night” by MJ.

We present to you, “Is That Jim Lampley? (Mark, pt 4).”

 

 

 

Yo dawg, I heard you like Hulk Hogan…so we put Hulk Hogan’s face on Hulk Hogan’s face so Hulkamania runs wild on you, brother, while Hulkamania runs wild on you, brother.  

“Dearly Beloved,

We R gathered here 2day 2 get through this thing called life.

Electric word, life. It means forever and that’s a mighty long time, But I’m here 2 tell U…

…there’s something else.

The afterworld.

A world of never ending happiness.

U can always see the sun…

…day…

…or night.

So when U call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, U know the 1,

Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright.

Instead of asking him how much of UR time is left…

…ask him how much of UR mind, baby.

‘Cuz in this life…

…things are much harder than in the afterworld.

In this life UR on UR own.

And if the elevator tries 2 bring U down…

…go crazy…

…punch a higher floor.”

May your corporeal vessel, Prince Rogers Nelson, rest in peace, and your now unfettered spirit, O(+>,  travel eternally through the afterworld, resplendent on violaceous waves.

Today, we present to you, “Get On The Boat (Mark, pt 3)”

The music?  At the beginning, “Starfish and Coffee,” and at the end, well…no surprise, “Let’s Go Crazy.”

 

 

And…we’re…back!

Thank you for your patience.

Now, grab whatever libation strikes your fancy, throw on your most comfortable headphones, and strap in for part 2 of our Mark pentalogy.  Today we begin with my response to, “What drove you to drink today?”

The answer?

Friendships, Facebook, and confrontation.  See, some friendships improve and deepen with age, much like the very spirits, wines, and beers which drive this endeavor.  Other friendships stall and shift in the direction of acquaintance, both parties perfectly content with the development.  Certain friendships fade away slowly, much like the resonance of a prayer bell, eventually becoming a vague, positive memory.  And occasionally things really change abruptly and for the worse.  When the latter happens, as it did for me, a decision must be made…to confront or not to confront?  Then, if one confronts, is the confrontation in the spirit of breaking up or reconciling?  But, I really don’t want to deal with any of this shit right now.  So…not to confront.  (But I know I should.)  And, do I want to reconcile or break-up?  (The very question points me in the direction of the answer…and again, I don’t want to deal with that.)  So, a quick Manhattan followed by a double Old-Fashioned it is!

In this episode, Mark and I discuss levels of friendship, and it seems like they shake-out as follows:

1. Kidney-giving level

• Unequivocal kidney giving
• Kidney giving with hesitation
• Kidney giving as a last resort (i.e. “If no one else will, I suppose…”)
• Begrudging kidney giving with the option of holding it over the receiver’s head (i.e. “Can you lend me $100?”  “Sorry, I don’t have it right now.”  “Oh, okay.  How’s my kidney treating you?”)

2. Premium level

• Frequent hang-out, in home
• Frequent hang-out, not in home, one check
• Frequent hang-out, not in home, separate checks
• Occasional hang-out, and all is well in the world

3. Acquaintence level

• Infrequent hang-out, no time limit
• Infrequent hang-out, time limit
• Rare hang-out

4. Facebook level

• Frequent interaction
• Infrequent interaction
• Unfollowed
• Unfriended

The drink?  Wigle Four malt whiskey old fashioned

The music?  “I’ll be there for you,” by The Rembrandts and “Just a Friend,” by Biz Markie

We present to you, “You Say He Just a Friend. (Mark, pt 2)”

  No kidney for you. And separate checks! Good day. I…said…good…day!

Strap in for a five part extravaganza of classic cocktails, a cappella reminiscing, friendship woes, and professional wrestling.  Yes, today we meet my friend Mark, whose heart and brain are exceptionally large and often in conflict.  Wait, that’s me.

Yes, today we meet my friend Mark, whose self-flagellating Catholic guilt runs deep and contrary to his tendency towards myopic judgement.  Wait, that’s also me.

Ahem…yes, today we meet my friend Mark, whose thoughtfulness is outshone only by his verbosity and tendency toward prepubescent boy humor.  Shit…also me.

Okay, apparently you’re meeting me today.  Have fun with that.

We begin with a discussion of “the facilities,” otherwise known as wherever I am with whatever I happen to have with a functioning microphone.  This situation needs to be upgraded, and we’re certainly in the process of making that happen…one amazon purchase at a time.  (Yeah, hey…take a look up there to the right of my head.  See that “a” with a smile?  That’s my amazon affiliate link.  You can bookmark that, or just use it…and when you do amazon recognizes that we sent you and gives us a little monetary thank you.)

We continue with a Manhattan incorporating Wigle straight rye, a fancy French vermouth I found at the store, a Luxardo maraschino cherry (…there’s an amazon affiliate link for you…), and lemon rind.

We move through how Mark and I met, which leads us to a Sazerac incorporating Wigle “Absent Minded” (absinthe), Wigle straight rye, sage-infused simple syrup, Wigle aromatic bitters, and lemon rind.

Now sufficiently buzzing, we reach the question at the foundation of our endeavor, “What drives you to drink, generally…and what drove you to drink, specifically, today?”

Mark, ever the rule follower, noticed a “ROAD CLOSED” sign at the end of my street.  (Water main leak/repair.)  He parked in the Rite Aid lot and walked down…as cars, bicycles, motorcycles, and all forms of wheeled transportation ignored said sign and passed him on his ambulatory journey.  Truth be told, I neglected to tell him about the sign to see what he would do…and I wasn’t disappointed.  Listen here, and hear all about it.

We present to you, “When is a closed road not closed? (Mark, pt. 1)”

Oh…the music?  Had to go full on a cappella…so, “If I ever fall in love” by Shai and, “Leave It” by Yes.  Oh, and a Pandora 80’s station will be playing in the background, sometimes the foreground.  Rest assured, I’m making no money off of “Easy Lover.”  She’ll get a hold on you, believe it!

 

I come with Arrogant Bastard Ale, and somewhere along the way we crack open the Lagunitas Hop Stoopid.  Fortunately, my wife agreed to be my Uber because I’m uber-inebriated.  Ubernebriated.  #FeelTheUbern

We continue our conversation about Dave Grohl as an important advocate and ambassador for music and expressive authenticity.  Neither of us particularly like Grohl’s music, but that’s not the point.  The man gives a shit, has a public platform, and is willing to (foo) fight for the arts. #FooFighterForTheArts

I ask RJ another misguided but often asked question:  Paul or John?  “This,” RJ is likely to say, “Is a trick question.”  There are so many of these “trick” questions in the world.  May the next person who utters the phrase, “There are no stupid questions,” be immediately barraged with a cluster of stupid questions. #ColdEnoughOutThereForYou

Regarding John and Paul?  They don’t work as well without each other.  “For Example,” explains RJ, “Imagine would be a much better song if Paul sang it and wrote the chorus.”  In any awesome band…everyone is integral to the sound of the band, and every player sounds uniquely like him/herself.  “Anyone can (learn to) play Tom Sawyer,” quips RJ, “But nobody will sound like Neil Peart.”

And can we make yet another Beatles/Pink Floyd comparison?  Yes, we can.  You’ll perhaps recall that RJ completed my analogy which began, “Ringo is to the Beatles sound as…,” with, “…Nick Mason is to Pink Floyd.”  (Neither were technically “good” drummers, but both defined the sounds of their respective bands.  And not just any bands.  We’re talking about the Beatles and Pink Floyd.)  So, further comparisons:

• Paul McCartney and David Gilmour are Pop. (In RJ’s words, “They’re like, Yaaaaayyy!  Too much Richard Simmons.”)
• John Lennon and Roger Waters are sarcastic bastards with venom.  (In Greg’s words, “They’re like, fuck off, you wanker.”)

RJ reveals his Mt. Rushmore of drummers and Beatles tunes and responds to a fun little wildcard question.  And he plays, “Enid,” by Barenaked Ladies.  Check out the Cuica. (“QUEE-kah”)  You know what it is, it’s the awesome sound from, “Me and Julio Down By the School Yard.”  You know what?  I’ll just put that song at the end of this.  It’s a great song.  And that cuica.  And the whistling solo?!  C’mon!!  And at the the beginning?  Let’s go with, “Money” by Pink Floyd.  It’s in 7/4, you know?  Except when it’s in 4/4.  It’s a badass tune.

Which brings us full circle.  Me and RJ are done.  For now.  There will be more.  But starting next week we begin an epic run of shows with Mark.  Mark’s awesome.  You’ll like him.

We present to you, “Will Someone Shut That Bird Up?!” (RJ, pt. 3)

-G

  Unibrow don’t lie. Shut that bird up!

This is the second installment of a three-part podcast with my friend RJ. He’s a talented percussionist and straight-up badass drummer. Furthermore, he’s smart, passionate, charismatic, funny, and incredibly thoughtful. This makes for what turns out to be a booze-soaked master class on music criticism and appreciation. If you skipped part one but love music…not just listening to it but thinking about it, not just as background but as an integral part of your life and happiness, not as a soundtrack but as a primary focus…you should NOT miss this one.

I asked RJ to tell me why Ringo Starr is such an important drummer, and why the majority of casual Beatles fans, who generally consider him to be the least important, least talented Beatle by far, should lay off of Ringo.  RJ’s responses are outstanding, original, and extremely thought provoking. Keep in mind as you listen, we’d consumed 3+ big beers each by this point…so we were skating around this sophisticated rink in full-on drunken revelry.

Things you’ll learn today:

1. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is close to a perfect album…except for that stupid fucking George Harrison song. (Within You, Without You)
2. The Beatles sound…is Ringo.
3. The Beatles didn’t groove until Abbey Road, and that’s because Ringo, like Stella, got his groove back. Listen to the song, “Sun King.”
4. Ringo is to the Beatles as Nick Mason is to Pink Floyd. Or Flink Poyd. (Remember, beer.)
5. How the fuck do you say the name: Neil Peart? (“Pert” or “Peert”)
6. Nirvana’s “Breed,” from Nevermind, is, from every technical perspective (i.e. lyrics, composition, arrangement, musicality, mix), complete and utter shit. However, R.J. simply can’t get enough of it, and neither could most of us in our late 30’s to early 40’s.

Also, a question for you, loyal listener and reader: What album before “Nevermind” was as culturally and historically significant? And have there been any after?

We end on a good RJ rant.

A very good one.

But then again, every RJ rant is better than average.

Have fun with this!

(Oh hey…the music.  Here’s the list, in order of appearance: The Beatles, “One After 909.” The Beatles, “Sun King.” Nirvana, “Breed.”  I know I’m missing a couple RJ played in the body of the recording.  For now, let’s just assume I intend all credit where due and required, take none, earn no money from the use of unsaid credited music [oxymoron much, Del Duca?], and will remove it if someone legitimately threatens to sue me.)

-G

  We hope you have enjoyed the show!

RJ.  He’s amazing.  He’s funny, deep, passionate, talented, and creative.

We’re taking D2D on the road and bringing you several amazing guests.  These folks are here because they are interesting, enthusiastic, bright, and sonogenic.  (Not sure if that’s a word…but if a person who always looks good in a picture is “photogenic,” then a person who always sounds good on a podcast is, “sonogenic.”)

I’ll share with you here the structure of these upcoming episodes:

1. Introductions and making the connection between guest and Greg.  (This will be most important when a guest is on for the first time. [duh])
2. What’s the booze that we’re drinking? (We always talk about what we’re drinking, and also other aspects of the booze. [e.g. What’s the abv and ibu of the beer?  What’s the brand of whiskey?  Proof?  What’s the grape? Etc.])
3. What drives you to drink, in general and/or tonight? (The entire D2D endeavor is this: There are things that drive us to drink. Rather than just allowing these things to fester in us or cause us to become pessimistic or cranky, it’s my preference to have a few drinks, talk it out, laugh, and find the glimmers of light.  Ultimately, this endeavor is a way to let go of defeatism and apathy and bring humor, optimism, community, and constructive energy to the very things that drive us to drink.)
4. Expertise Area. (With any guest, I like to ask questions related to what I perceive to be one or several of their expertise areas. We all have many.  It isn’t necessarily your job, but perhaps a hobby or even just some piece of esoterica that I think will be interesting and fun to record.)
5. Wildcard. (What would you do for a Klondike bar?)
6. Wildcard follow-up. (This could go in any direction.  Theoretically, we’ll be quite inebriated at this point, so that should make it maximally wild.)
7. Farewells

So, there you go.

In terms of R.J., we move through #1, #2, and #3 in this first of three episodes.

Regarding beer, I move us through an array of big beers (i.e. all over 7% abv), sweet&malty to bitter&hoppy, starting with my favorite belgian style quad (Ommegang Three Philosophers), then an Imperial Stout (Samuel Smiths), an Imperial Pilsner (Lagunitas), an American Strong Ale (Arrogant Bastard), and finally an imperial IPA (Hop Stoopid).

And music.  Lots of it over the next three weeks.  Today, you get a healthy dose of Paul Simon and Steve Gadd.  At the beginning, the them song from Louis C.K.’s brilliant piece of cinematic/theater art, “Horace and Pete.”  In the middle, “Late in the Evening” from Paul Simon’s Concert in the Park. (Listen for Gadd’s Mozambique beat over a conga rhythm.)  And to end, the baddest ass drum lick in the history of popular music, “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.”

Have fun.  We sure did.

-G