Driven to Drink

I just returned from a week in the Cook Forest.

More than any ingested substance or pharmaceutical, more than any mental health expert or spiritual guru, the forest, and that forest in particular, provides me both therapy and medicine, immediately and powerfully, impossible to replicate with human intervention and innovation.

I biked, kayaked, ran, hiked, climbed, meditated, and had the opportunity to complete sun salutations atop a large, flat boulder on the bank of the Clarion River…as the sun rose.

I brought a prayer bell and a kalimba with me.  I played and recorded those outdoor sessions as well as natural sounds around me and across the week.  By Saturday, I had a sonic sampling of my experience.  Playing the kalimba reminds me of my time in Kenya as a Peace Corps volunteer.  You may remember the story, “Moses Chege,” from a recent D2D post.  I revamped that story as a spoken tale and edited in some of the sounds from my time in the forest.

I hope you enjoy it.

-G

No, I didn’t spell anything incorrectly, but I appreciate your concern.

This podcast brings me great joy with a mild bite of bittersweet harmonic distortion.

It begins with an a cappella group in which I sang with wonderful friends and musicians.  Really, wonderful.

It continues with the friend (…and musician…) with whom I share the most history.  RJ is my brother.  But RJ is also the person who encouraged me to explore my art, my craft, and the endeavors that fill my soul and connect me with the ever-present universe.  I love RJ, and if you don’t already, you will here.  (If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to travel back and listen to the first three podcasts with RJ: Me, You, and RJ Down By the Schoolyard, Lay Off Ringo, Will Ya?!, and Will Somebody Shut That Bird Up?!  Really, awesome stuff.  Then come back to this.)

It ends with Evolushun (…that’s the a cappella group, and thus the spelling situation…), RJ on percussion, Paul on bass, and a jazzy jawn assuredly on fleek.

Thank you.

I love you.

-G

Here it is, the final installment of Llewellynsanity, and I can now write the name Llewellyn without using Google for the assist.

Practice, my friends, makes perfect.  Well, better.  Practice makes better.

We began in part one by introducing Jim to the D2D world, which is a small but significant world, then moved to Tim Minchin in part two.  Here in part three, Jim blew me away.  At the time of the recording, my brain swimming in many ounces of sugared whiskey, I had no idea what was happening.  However, upon recent review, it hit me that Jim completed the arc of his response to my question, “For you, who is the heir apparent to Prince?” in a manner that would garner high scores even from the finicky French judges.  (I don’t know why I just used an obscure and non sequitur figure skating reference, but now you know, and knowing, as G.I. Joe once quipped, is half the battle.  [But you know what?  Knowing is NOT actually half the battle.  It’s like step 2 of a 10 part battle. )  There we go.

And as Jim attempts to complete his thought, I continue to interrupt and drop bits of irrelevant knowledge like this: My flaccid penis is about the size of Lenny Kravitz’s flaccid penis.

Yeah.  So…umm…speaking of…musicians with penises…who make music…that brings us to…

Music!  At the beginning, you’ll hear me playing around with multi-track recording, beat boxing, a steel pan, and editing functions in Audacity.  At the end, how better to end this insanity with Jamiroquai, “Virtual Insanity.”  None better.  That’s the answer.  None better.

This one goes to 11.

We present to you, “Prinsanity (Llewellynsanity, pt 3).”

The title.  Again.  I know.

I gave up the “search engine optimization” game long, long ago.

If you know me, and if you read these essays and listen to these podcasts, thank you.

If you found me through a friend, or a friend of a friend, or some similar path, thank you.

If I found you with the several dollars spent on Facebook advertising, thank me.  (But seriously, thank you.)

Or…if you happened to be bobbing up and down in the vast ocean we call the internet, or interweb, or interwebs, or whatever the fuck you call it, a tiny little piece of sand in an ever expanding informational black hole, and if you searched for something using Google, or Bing, or whatever search engine you’ve decided upon whilst flying in the face of Googlebiquity and Bingsanity, thus bringing you to my little digital cubby, and if you stuck around, I’m fucking amazed.  Perhaps a little sorry for you.  But ultimately, thank you.

And what about this podcast?

Well, Jim introduced us to Tim Minchin.

And Tim Minchin absolutely floored us.

As did Jim, because Jim is also a thoughtful, bright, talented, funny man…albeit without the recognition of Minchin, who really isn’t all that recognizable unless you’re looking for him.  But if you’re here, and if you’re reading this you must be, let us introduce you. To Tim.  And let us reacquaint you.  With Jim.  And let them entertain you.  Him, and him.

We listen to, “Come Home,” then, “Three Minute Song,” then, “Ten Foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins.”  And under my introduction to the podcast, you’ll here the aforementioned Minchin singing, “Heaven on Their Minds,” as Judas Iscariot from Jesus Christ: Superstar.

And here.  Now.  We present to you…that fucking preposterous title up there.  Thank you.

I know, that title, right?!

It’s actually kind of clever, proven all the more by the fact that I’m going to explain it to you.

The upcoming podcasts will involve my wife (…finally back on the podcast…) and my old friend, Jim Llewellyn. That’s a fantastic Welsh name. Makes me want to eat bangers and mash, or whatever the fuck the Welsh eat. Phonetically, you’d say, “Loo-Wellin,” and the word “insanity” begins with the very syllable that ends Jim’s very Welsh name. There’s also the whole Jeremy Lin thing, which you’d know if you were really into basketball, pop culture phenomena, and/or the exploits of very tall Chinese-American Christians. “Linsanity” was a thing.

And now? Llewellynsanity.

What is Llewellynsanity all about?

I’m glad you asked.

First, the fact that Jim is a mental health professional brings an immediate layer of profundity to the endeavor, doesn’t it?

(No, I know…it’s just a cheap Dad-joke punchline.)

Also, there’s the topical smorgasbord of friendship origin stories; unusual affectations involving pacifiers, Amish beards, and other non sequitur paraphernalia; a cappella animosities; encounters with cannabis, and a Jerry Garcia doppelganger. (Those final two things really make sense together, no? Also, there are no animosities, I just liked the alliteration of the phrase.)

So hey, why not give this a listen.

We begin with a story, “Where In the World Is Carmen San Diego,” by Rockapella, and we conclude with a bar bell and, “Spread Love” by Take 6.

Truly, good stuff.

We present to you, “Llewellynsanity, pt 1.”

This is it.  Here we complete the 26th mile of the Chirdonathon, cross the finish line, and receive the oxygen and hydration we so desperately require.

(I know, the analogy doesn’t really work, but I’m going with it.  Except not anymore.  You’re welcome.)

Jeff recently moved to Ohio.

Greg apparently has opinions of Ohio drivers.

And Jeff, in a whirlwind of quotable genius, utters a series of bumper sticker phrases pointing a harsh finger at the state whose motto should be, “Even With God, All Things Are Assuredly NOT Possible.”

1.  Ohio: Barely Not Juggalo.
2. My fiancé: Ohio is killing her.
3. Ohio: Count the cars that don’t have a bumper.  At all.
4. Ohio: If your seat belt clicks and your car hasn’t exploded, you can drive that death trap.

Pennyslvania, and Pittsburgh in particular, wasn’t left unscathed. Heather here coins the phrase:

1. The Pittsburgh Left: You Must Hate Your Passenger.

(Greg agrees.)

And to complete the topical smorgasbord of non sequitur cultural taboo, we discuss Prince, Bill Cosby, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, white rappers, and, yet again, Frankenhooker.

Fun.

Times.

We present to you, “I Drink 2 4get…(Chirdonathon, pt 7).”

And the music…still Prince.  We’ll begin with “Pope,” and end with a killer live version of, “Alphabet Street.”  And in the episode you’ll hear, “Gett Off,” “CREAM,” and “Sexy Mother Fucker.”  Shaking that ass, shaking that ass, shaking that ass.

It’s still hard to imagine he’s gone.

-G

That…was…the question.

The answer?  I did not pee.

Other things we learn today:

1. “Cumbersome,” by Seven Mary Three is, well, cumbersome.  Except when I’m singing it passionately.  Then it’s both annoying and cumbersome.
2. Shadyside: 10,878 rich white people can’t be wrong.
3. Greg gives Quincy Jones perhaps too much credit, which is all of the credit, for Michael Jackson’s early solo music (i.e. Off the Wall, Thriller).  This morning, a soberer, more contemplative Greg is feeling less…uh…you could say, histrionic.
4. Pittsburgh Popcorn Company popcorn is, and I clear my throat in preparation for a pure yinzer compliment, “Ruhl good.”
5. The Bronx and Mariachi El Bronx are the very same band.  (If you knew this, and again I clear my throat, this time to  provide a quintessential Christian Bale exclamation, “Good for you!”)  I didn’t know this.  It kind of blew my booze soaked mind.

This episode is brought to you by the letters P-R-I-N-C-E and the number (…are you really doing this, Del Duca?  Yes.  Yes, I am…) 69.  The music?  “Gett Off” and “Get On the Boat.”  (See what I did there?)

We present to you, “To Pee or Not To Pee? (Chirdonathon, pt 6)"

To make this all very clear. This is the fifth installment of the Chirdonathon. Additionally, this is the first installment of Greg’s inaugural game of Cards Against Humanity (CAH). Thus, the double number shenanigans in the title.

We good?  Good.

What is Cards Against Humanity? Well, if you are a grown-ass person who has not been living under the tedious log that apparently I have, here is an explanation as culled from the podcast banter:

1. It’s essentially Apples to Apples for grown-ass, wrong-minded people who don’t offend easily…but who offend others often.
2. You say you also don’t know what the hell Apples to Apples is?  Okay, well first you need to play more games.  Games are fun.  Fun is like happy medicine.  But I digress…CAH goes like this: a joke is played (which is the black card) on which the punchline is left blank…players provide punchlines (which are the white cards, of which 7 are carried at all times by each player) and attempt to “win” the round by constructing the funniest joke depending upon whomever is judging the round.

In today’s episode, Heather throws shade Greg’s way, and he doesn’t know quite how to handle it.

We also learn that, if the crowd is familiar and/or trusted, have similar senses of humor, and/or diverse shared context, and is quite inebriated, the game of Cards Against Humanity is super fun.

To close: Stand. Think. Pee. (And please, whatever you do in this world, think before giving commands to smartasses.)

Music: Lots of TLC!!  We begin with “Waterfalls” and end with “Friends.”  Thematic in multiple ways, as you’ll hear!

Have fun.  We present to you, “Cards Against Humanity 1 (Chirdonathon, pt 5).”

As of the night on which this podcast was recorded, Greg had not yet played Cards Against Humanity (CAH).  This recording was supposed to usher in a new era for Greg.  However, as of the end of the podcast Greg had STILL not played CAH.  This goes to prove the following, the combination of Greg plus Christopher plus Heather plus Jeff plus copious spirits equals a night of circuitous, tangential, humorous, improvisational-jazz-like circumlocution.  Do not worry, D2Dreeps, in the upcoming weeks you will have a front row seat to Greg’s inaugural CAH shenanigans.  For tonight?  We ask and discuss the following questions:

Have you seen Deadpool? (You should.)

Arrested Development?  (I haven’t. Should I? Jeff seems to think so.)

What’s your favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor?  (Mine is Chocolate Therapy.)

Have you read The Walking Dead? Preacher?  Sandman?  Anything by Alan Moore? (Again, you should.)

Do you love Jared Leto or hate Jared Leto, or do you even give a shite?  (Also, is it Lee-toh? Or Leh-toh?)

Have you been excited or worried, or both (…or neither…) about the prospect of AMC, Seth Rogan, and Evan Goldberg bringing “Preacher” to television?  (As of the night on which this recording occurred, it had not been released.  As of the release of this recording, there have been two episodes.  I think it’s brilliant.  It seems to honor the canon.)

Speaking of, do you agree with Jeff that, in bringing any graphic novel or comic to screen, you must follow this golden rule: Don’t fuck with the canon? (Do you also agree that one should not fuck a cannon?)

Have you read Brett Easton Ellis (…and Lunar Park in particular, ‘cause it’s quite good…), Italo Calvino, Etgar Keret, and/or the short stories of Stephen King?  (Short stories, people…we like ‘em!)

Are you claustrophobic?  (If so, don’t visit the aforementioned Etgar Keret’s home, and don’t take the elevator up the Gateway Arch in St. Louis.)

Next week, Cards Against Humanity, I promise.

But for now, we present to you, “Breaking Deadpool (Chirdonathon, pt 3)”

P.S. Oh, and hey, if you shop on amazon and you want to support Driven 2 Drink just a little bit more, do us this favor…at the end of the URL of any item you purchase, just tag this on: /?tag=dritodri-20

When you add that tag, amazon knows we sent you and that you love us, and they give us a small percentage of whatever you spend on the dollar.  (It’s like 5%, but that adds up!)  So thanks again!

P.P.S. The music!  We’re giving you two gorgeous pieces of music by Ben Harper, the first, “You Found Another Lover (I Lost Another Friend),” with the incomparable Charlie Musselwhite, and the second, “In the Lord’s Arms,” which makes a man cry every time.

P.P.P.S. A man has no name.

(source)

The title pretty much says everything that needs to be said, so let me ask you a few questions:

Have you ever broken into a friend’s house to watch B-Rated horror movies?

Have you ever red rocketed a dog to completion?

Have you ever watched Sex Trek III, the Wrath of Bob?

(Jim, you’re back!)

(Yes, and this is my front.)

Is your favorite Peter Jackson movie, “Dead Alive?”

Is your favorite Sam Raime movie, “Army of Darnkess?”

Have you ever worn the batteries out of a Blockbuster Video VHS copy of Frankenhooker which said, “Wanna date?!”

Have you ever considered the following: Which record before Nirvana’s, “Nevermind,” had a similar cultural impact?

Have you ever asked yourself, who, if anyone, is the heir apparent to Prince?

Yes?

No?

Have a listen folks, because you will learn a little bit more about all of this.

We present to you, “Punk, Prince, and Peter Jackson (Chirdonathon, pt 3).”