Driven to Drink

Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls of all ages…on this episode, nay, on these episodes of the D2D Pod, Jen watches The Big Lebowski for the first time.

In the first mini-episode, “Pre-Lebowski,” Greg makes modified caucasians for the lactose intolerant fancy-asses and discusses the pre-apocalyptic shopping frenzy at Giant Eagle. Jen makes paleo-friendly raspberry linzers with Wigle sassafras-enhanced whiskey (…and holy shit were they good…) and discusses movies that scare and disturb her. We end with the baby, the lawyer, and The Mist. We present to you, “Pre-Lebowski.”

On today’s D2D Pod, Greg’s right out of the gate with a jeans’ crisis. With three troops down in one month, and the knees about to blow-out in a fourth, there is a might bit of anxiety.

Jen, on the other hand, is right out of the gate fucking with Greg and his tendencies toward repetition, perseveration, and melodrama. Additionally, the topic of Greg’s thick, “rock hard” thighs becomes further fodder for Jen’s self-amusement and light-hearted Greg-bashing.

Talk also turns to Emmy, the cat, her tendencies toward assholery and the history behind her personality and behavior.

And the booze. It’s all about that booze. Check this out:

Wigle Whiskey is one the most awarded craft distilleries in the U.S., with 6 medals at the American Craft Spirits Association (ASCA) conference in Austin, TX…including gold medals for their malted rye and organic deep-cut rye whiskey. The latter spirit is in Jen’s glass tonight!

Maggie’s Farm takes Best In Class Rum at the ASCA plus a gold medal for the delicious Queen’s Share double-barrel. This spirit is in Greg’s glass tonight!

Both of these distilleries are on Smallman Street in the Strip District of Pittsburgh. If you are near, if you might be near, if you haven’t been, or even if you have been, do yourself a favor and go (or go again) because the people, the cocktails, and the spirits are exceptional.

Today, with wonderful rum and whiskey, we present to you, “Crotch Crisis.”

On today’s episode of the D2D Pod, we drink Rogue Voodoo Doughnut and Troeg’s Perpetual IPA. These two breweries seem to never miss. Beer is good, and these are great. Drink them, you shall. (So says Yoda.) Jen calls Greg a “douchebag,” because Greg is being a douchebag, which reminds Greg of the best Maddy story ever. Jen tells it wonderfully. Greg then pisses Jen off by taking a poorly conceived joke approximately 5 steps too far, and Jen tries to shut the podcast down. (Watch out, it gets loud. The smacking of the microphone, when heard through headphones on the treadmill, or perhaps blasting out of your speakers while hurtling down the highway, can be dangerous.) Things settle, and Greg reveals two insights. This is a roller coaster of an episode which we’re sure you’ll enjoy. We present to you, “Insights of a douchebag.”

A dear friend, Kenny, used to relate an anecdote for which the punchline was a child referring to him as the, “Speech Terrorist.” I love that. Sometimes, though, it really is like that’s what we do. I think about the amount of children and young adults out there whose entire lives are utterly therapized. For some, almost every waking minute is programmed, structured, or dictated; almost every behavior is measured, studied, and pathologized; and every ounce of fun is wrung out of life for the sake of fitting in and “looking like a typically developing child.” I say fuck that. And ultimately, all of the children I’ve met in these scenarios have essentially said the same.

I see so many professionals restraining children and telegraphing at them, “Use…your…words!” I’ve often thought, what if the child looked up and said, “Fuck you!”? Behaviorally, you’d have to positively reinforce that…because the child did exactly what s/he was told. Right? (What we generally mean is, “Use the words I want you to use. And do the things I want you to do. And be interested in my shit. And follow my agenda.” We should say what we mean, lest we get a ripe F-bomb legitimately lobbed at us.)

Do you remember the show, “Life Goes On,” with Chis Burke as Corky Thatcher? He was the first television star that I can remember with Down syndrome…or any kind of uniqueness, for that matter. There was an episode in which he just became sick of it all and he raged against the machine (…fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me). For the talent show, he dressed in all leather with sunglasses and he lip-synced Public Enemy’s, “Fight the Power.” I loved the episode and the scene then, and it remains relevant to this very day. Watch it. Please. (Thank you.)

But I digress…

On today’s episode of the D2D podcast, Eric from the Grind (…any of you forty-somethings out there remember him?!…) makes an appearance as Blackbox sings “Everybody, Everybody” in the background. (Awwwwww yeahhhhhh. It’s Eric from the Griiiiiiind! Here at MTV Spring Break beach house. Nineteen ninety four, baby!!) Jen and Greg discuss fat basset hounds and asshole Springer Spaniels, canine ass-balls and neck-vaginas (“They call…that thing…neck-gina.”), and a titillating, immaculately alliterative, Huffington Post title, “Invading the Vagina in Virginia.”

Additionally, and on a more serious note, Greg asks the question, “Why Speech and Language Pathology?”

We present to you, “Speech Terrorist.”

(Listen closely for a George Clinton Funkadelic incursion at 4:45. Not sure what happened, but everybody’s got a little light, under the sun!)

A World of Pure Inebriation, Part 7. With his frontal lobe incapacitated and sound decision-making no longer possible, Greg makes himself a rum high-ball. He is a hot fucking mess. Jen is losing steam quickly. Nonetheless, the Drunk Ducas discuss Jen’s middle school rapist (…wha?…), dive into literary criticism (…yikes…), and end with scabs. Scabs are bad. We present to you, “Welcome to the Shit Show, and Good Night.”

A World of Pure Inebriation, Part 6, in which the final 20 ounces of Nugget Nectar disappears along with both Greg’s and Jen’s sobriety. Greg becomes the drunk man who is assuredly drunk, and Jen begins her steady decline toward sleep. The discussion moves from home made didgeridoos and shekeres, to “The Weekly Pint,” and the fact that Jen wants a subscription to receive artisinal cheeses. Additionally, it becomes clear that Jen loves to fuck with Greg when Greg is drunk and feeling self-conscious and sensitive. It’s funny. We present to you, “The Final Ounce Down.”

A World of Pure Inebriation, Part 5, in which the Nectar continues to flow. Greg becomes the drunk man trying to articulate soberly, and Jen makes home made cheese crackers, a la “Cheez-Its.” Greg says, “Gelana Abaya” perhaps 5 too many times and Jen claims, “I’d rather you look like Guy Fieri than Donald Trump.” The Drunk Ducas close this one out strong discussing “The Coolest,” a bag of live chickens, and family alcoholic dysfunction. Cheers. We present to you, “20 More Ounces of Nugget Nectar.”

Hello there! We’re glad to have you back for the concluding installments of our serialized booze-a-palooza! To recap: One Friday night, several months back, Greg and Jen made their way through 7 alcoholic beverages and recorded mini-podcasts per drink. Previously, we presented, “The Belfast,” “One Miller Lite,” and “Mr. Burton Baton.” Today, you’ll move through the final four.

As always, we appreciate your eyes, your ears, and your willingness to comment, to share us with your friends, and to keep coming back. And remember, the more you drink, the funnier we get.

A World of Pure Inebriation, Part 4, in which we crack open a 64 ounce growler of Troeg’s Nugget Nectar, discuss a friend’s upcoming birthday, consider framing a very old British newspaper, and spread love to other wonderful people. For Greg, the official Head of Hyperbole, everything becomes “amazing,” and “incredible.” Additionally, the word “like” escapes his mouth so much one might be tempted to drown him in the Pacific Ocean along with a venue of vapid valley girls. We present to you, “20 Ounces of Nugget Nectar.”

A World of Pure Inebriation, Part 3, in which the soon-to-be Drunk Ducas enjoy a “Burton Baton” from Dogfish Head. Oak aged, 10% alcohol by volume, imperial India Pale Ale. And holy shit what a whack in the palate after the Episode 2 debacle. We present to you, “Mr. Burton Baton.”

A World of Pure Inebriation, Part 2, in which Greg unveils a Miller Lite. Why? We propose, why the hell not?! Here, Jen researches the ingredients of Miller Lite, among many other common and popular beers, and Greg is gobsmacked. We present to you, “One Miller Lite.”