Once upon a time there was this movie we all kinda liked - it was about a boy with scissors for hands. Hands? Scissors? NO stupid, scissor hands! 

It's the tale of an inventor (Vincent Price) who only makes three things: cookies, companions out of machinery, and the good decision to dip early by dropping dead at the very beginning. Many years pass before before struggling Avon lady, Peg (Dianne Wiest) decides to do a lil' B&E on the spooky mansion on top of the hill at the end of the cul-de-sac where she meets Edward Scissorhands (Johnny Depp) and makes the fateful decision to take him home with her. In suburbia, he finds it difficult to fit in, but that is probably because everyone that lives here is awful; none more so than local THOT Joyce (Kathy Baker) who will stop at nothing to get scissored in the back of a salon. Unfortunately for her, Ed has his big sad eyes turned to Peg's trash daughter Kim (Winona Ryder) who, along with her meat head boyfriend Jim (Anthony Michael Hall) break his little incel heart and drive him right back up the hill to a lifetime of seclusion and longing. This movie sucks y'all - Edward Scissorhands, this time on Doom Generation.

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