I am an effective pizzaist. Sometimes, I want the world to contain more pizza, and when that happens I want as much good pizza as I can get for as little money as I can spend.

I am not going anywhere remotely subtle with that analogy, but it's the best way I can think of to express my personal stance.

I.  What would it mean to be an effective pizzaist?

There's lot of things that prompt me to want more pizza. Sometimes I happen to remember a good pizza I ate. Sometimes my friends are talking about buying some pizza, and I say sure, I'll get some pizza too. Sometimes I'm talking to my sibling and they mention they're stressed or just kinda hungry, and because I want my sibling to be happy I'll offer to buy 'em some pizza. Sometimes I want to throw a good party and have people appreciate me for my party-throwing, and people like pizza so I get some.

I think the world does not contain enough pizza. Like, if I could have the magic ability to snap my fingers and make a free, piping hot pizza appear wherever I wanted, I'd love that [...]

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Outline:

(00:27) I.  What would it mean to be an effective pizzaist?

(03:36) II. A competition of blood

(05:54) III. What if Effective Pizzaists were bad tho?

(07:55) IV. Im pretty happy to be on the EAs side

(10:45) V. Should I want more pizza? Should you?

The original text contained 4 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

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First published:

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.