Eldercare Success

Have you ever considered that your #career skills might be your secret weapon in helping you better survive caring for your aging parents well?  In this episode, I dive into how to think, and work through your #caregiving years, a bit differently.  I’ve often said that caring for our parents is like running a highly complex small enterprise.  That sounds a bit cold, but the ups, downs, ins, and outs can often be best managed if we understand how to leverage our career skills well. 

Listen in as I break down the components which are designed to help you manage this part of your life, and your # parents' care, with greater ease.  Thinking about how each aspect works together, how you can plan, and who your customers, vendors, and staff members are, can help relieve the added stress and strain that impacts our lives, #family, and careers.

Caring for our aging parents, or another loved one, isn’t easy, yet stepping back and looking at how the structural blocks of your care responsibilities work together can help. I’m pretty this episode will help you manage your caregiving years with a bit less stress.  It may even help your career! 

In this episode, my guest Jeanne Denney and address how to talk about life's most difficult moments.

When the end of life draws near, what do those you’re caring for want for themselves? It’s a question that stops many dead in their tracks (no pun intended).  We are all drawn to, yet repelled from, asking questions about death and dying. Is it because of fear or some other reason?  What fears and taboos do we hold onto that keep us from sharing our wishes? What should we be afraid of? Should we even tell someone that they’re dying?  How do you make such a difficult subject easier to talk about? 

In this episode, my guest Jeanne Denney, a Somatic Therapist and founder of The Unusual School of Life Lessons, and I discuss the answers to some of those questions about death and dying. This subject is particularly interesting and useful as it involves discussions we may be afraid to have with those we care for and those who might wind up caring for us.  Talking about those final stages of life could help us actually better understand our loved ones and ourselves. 

#death, #hospital, #care, #parents, #doctor, #cancer, # rehab, #broken hip, #test for dementia, #emergency, #rehab, #brokenHip, #seniorcare #careforagingparents

Episode Links:

• Jean Denny: School of Unusual Life Learning
• Eldercare Success on YouTube
• CareManity
• How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After
• Social Media Links: FB, IG, Twitter (X), YouTube, LI

Guest: Jeanne Denny, who is a transpersonal and somatic psychotherapist, educator, hospice worker, healer, author of The Effects of Compassionate Presence on the Dying, and founder of the School of Unusual Life Learning (SoULL). 

Jeanne began her career as an engineer, and for the past 18 years, she’s worked to help people fearlessly embrace a life that includes aging, dying, and nature. This has involved years at bedsides with the elderly and children, in the study and research, in contributing pioneering ideas to somatic psychology, in death and grief work, teaching, and years of helping create and facilitate the Art of Dying Projects.  

Her insights on energy and the body through aging, illness, and dying are unique in that they are derived from a wide lens of human experiences and a deep understanding of our mortal journey.

Host:  Nancy May, is an award-winning family caregiving authority and author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success. She is also the new voice of the Caregiving Network.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors, as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC, all rights reserved.

Unedited transcript:

[00:00:00] Hello, everybody. It's Nancy May, Doing it, Best With Eldercare Success. And this is a rather unique show where I have my guest here today is Jeanne Denney, who is a Somatic Therapist who specializes in using body-based therapies through the whole life transition, of end of life. And. Although we as caregivers are focused on making the life of the person that we're caring for better, we're also dealing with the reality as much as whether we want to admit it or not, is the reality of them leaving us, which is incredibly hard to face. Jeanne has a unique way of approaching this. She's a whole-life doula, teacher, author, and founder of The School of Unusual Life and Learning. And with that short intro, I'm going to let you take it away here, Jeanne, because.

[00:01:01] I want to know a little bit about the school and what is a whole life doula and unusual life learning. I think all our life lessons are somewhat unusual and unique, this is a little bit more special than that there's something else there. I don't know. Tell me about it.

[00:01:19] Yeah, well maybe it's a little crazier, I don't know. But yes, I did start this project called The School of Unusual Life Learning, or sometimes we call it soul. Um, because I was a somatic therapist and a hospice worker and a person that helped people with grief and the transformations of grief and care in elders, and I saw that this was very much a missing piece.

[00:01:44] If people don't know what somatic therapy or somatic psychology is, it's a type of therapy and psychology that works with the mind and body and consciousness as a unity. And I'm very grateful that I had that particular background and I started. That way so that I was looking at all these processes together, when my mother died actually.

[00:02:06] and I started hospice work soon after with lots of questions about what was really happening in this interface between as people were dying and all the room around them and all the inner relationships around them. So it was a marvelous, A launching pad for all of my questions being with end of life and being in somatic therapy, and so I evolved with those two things together.

[00:02:31] And then I saw that somatic therapy, had none of these theories in them. And I started evolving the theories and then eventually started teaching it and saying, wow, this is pretty powerful for people. So where we are with it now is we have a little school that, instead of just teaching about birth doulas to be birth doulas or death doulas to be death doulas, we're looking at the entire life process, which is essentially teaching people to be somatic therapists, But also in a three-year training.

[00:02:57] we're also teaching them what the patterns are within all these processes and how to be really present for people in this passage of, one of them of course is death and dying and to be less afraid. So that's what we're doing.

[00:03:10] you mentioned the process and everything around them, or them being the person that's dying and ourselves as the caregivers. And what came to mind was my own experience thinking there's so much going on in the room and in the house at the time that both mom and dad were passing.

[00:03:31] Mm-hmm.

[00:03:32] That, as I look back now, I'm thinking, not intentionally, but I think we almost forgot that they were there. We were so busy with the process of what we had to do to help them, that they almost became a non-entity and that was not that we wanted it that way, but it's the activity, it's the busyness, it's everything where if I had the ability to be.

[00:04:00] More, as you say, present more frequently. I mean, there are times we have to stop and go through the hospice intake and deal with a call or a question or everything else, but if I could be more there,

[00:04:16] Yeah,

[00:04:17] not just for them, but for myself too.

[00:04:19] Absolutely. that is

what we're teaching people to do and in fact, we're so unprepared for this passage both from the child perspective, the caregiver perspective, and for the dying patient perspective. We arrive at this passage so unprepared that of. Course we grasp the to-dos because we know how to do life, and that's what we do, and that's what we think we have to do.

[00:04:41] And, it's a tremendous burden for people. No, question. All the things. And yet this presence, this ability to then stop and sit and recognize that something is happening here that's silent. That's nonverbal. That is important to everyone concerned. You know, that's part of what doulas do is make the space, create the environment where that part can be honored.

[00:05:07] You know, and it's also frightening at times too, because this is not something we deal with day in and day out. But it is, it's part of who we are as living creatures. Whether we're a dog, a cat, an elephant, a giraffe, a vegetable. You know, you're, you come out of the earth. you're born, and you wither and die.

[00:05:30] that's just part of a cell yet. it's frightening at the same time because we're not taught to deal with it.

[00:05:37] Yeah, exactly.

[00:05:38] there any, is there any way that we can even just approach the, the fear factor, right?

[00:05:43] Oh, absolutely. I mean, that's what SOUL's doing is trying to help people with that because it doesn't really take much to. Turn the screw and help us see life as the continuum that it is and the process that it is. But we must have that education and in a certain way, the entire culture has shut that down so that we, we really do believe there's a cliff out there.

[00:06:05] We're going to fall over and the great unknown, and we can't possibly know anything about it. And, and they're now, they're dead. And, and there's nothing I can do to connect with them now. And all of this is nonsense. you can be a very rational person. You don't have to believe in the woo, but you just have to look carefully what the body's showing you, what consciousness is showing you, what research is showing you, even about near-death experiences and reincarnation and so on.

[00:06:29] It, we know a lot about what consciousness does through dying and when you learn that, and through grieving, by the way, when you learn that. You relax, you just see the air come out of the anxiety balloon and people suddenly feel like, oh, I do know this. My body knows this. The vegetables do know this. So do I.

[00:06:48] so why are we so afraid of this?

[00:06:50] We've been taught to be,

[00:06:52] So it's a societal thing. It's not just you think of it like, the Buddhists are not afraid of it.

[00:06:57] well, I, I think so.

[00:06:58] may they say they're not afraid of it. Right.

[00:07:01] I don't know. they practice. Working with it, which is brilliant. It's, I think it has been part of what we considered initiation throughout human history and being an adult was to understand what this death thing was. there's part of it, it's organismic, right?

[00:07:14] We react, in fear. I if our death, our life is,

[00:07:19] Threatened. Is it going to hurt? Like what?

[00:07:20] Yeah. All, all of it. of course. but the real teaching about, what's going on here with this life process. This was part of our human birthright to know this throughout our history until a certain point. I, I don't know when the point was changed, maybe patriarchy, maybe it was, the black death where there was so much unprocessed trauma.

[00:07:40] But for some reason we got the idea that death and life were separate things. And I think that core assumption is something I teach in the school, that is the core, what I call the misconception or the. The false dichotomy running our culture that isn't true. And when we see death as really a part, a necessary part of life, and all of these movements within even illness and a as something that we can understand a little bit about and know how to work with, we get less anxious about everything, and that helps a lot.

[00:08:11] So I see the aspect

of becoming less anxious, helping caregivers. There's got to be something else that, besides I'll call it chilling out because it's more than chilling out, right? that can help us as caregivers to be better support for the person who is going through this life passing.

[00:08:32] You know what? What can we do? What are some tips to say, Nancy, if you're going through this, Here are three things that you can do or even just one thing that I can do to just be there for somebody and make it a more gentle process for both of us.

[00:08:51] Yeah. Well, I do think we have to confront our own beliefs and images around what this process is as part of that. To do because unless you can, unless you do that, you can't be very present.

[00:09:06] So can you get, wait, wait. I'm going to stop you there a second. So, my own images and beliefs of what this looks like, right? Or what this is, is I. Explain that a little bit more. Cause I'm kind of, I'm kind of lost there. Is, is it just in like my own head trash or what I'm told in movies or?

[00:09:27] All of the above. We arrive at the death and grief process or the caregiving process with all kinds of unexamined material. this is the main reason I, I'm not, A hospice volunteer. I decided to be an educator because I saw that people were coming to the experience full of things.

[00:09:46] They had no capacity and no support at really examining and trying to do all this catch-up work educationally at the bedside. And it's overwhelming both for the patient and for the caregiver. Does that make sense? Do you know what I'm talking about?

[00:09:59] Yeah. I'm almost thinking of, around the holiday times I. I used to be scared to death to watch the old, I think it's Arthur Finley, Scrooge movie, right? Because the Grim River came, it was dark. it was everything. I mean, the Scrooge was beyond being scrooge. It was, all about facing death and missing out on life really is what it was, right?

[00:10:21] Right. And you can hear, there, can hear the opposition. Here's life, it's good, there's death. It's bad.

[00:10:27] Yeah. And it was dark and it was gray. It like, oh, scared the hell out of me. But as you're talking, those are the images that come immediately into my mind.

[00:10:34] Yes, yes, And you and a lot of other people and I don't think that's gotten any better. Since the time we were kids. Because what I saw when I was teaching in college, uh, you know, 22 year olds, is they would come in with, without any background, never having been to a funeral, never having been given a picture of this is the natural way.

[00:10:53] I mean, I grew up in a. More rural place where, people were growing and planning things, many kids have no connection to nature. They learn about death through video games and very hyper dramatized media stuff that has created anxiety in order to hook people In certain ways.

[00:11:08] And it's so removed from reality, right? I mean, you don't see a dog die, unfortunately. that we want to be there, but you take them to the vet. You're not there with them. I mean, I, I would never do that. But, um, we, you know, it was, it was hard, to be there with my animal to going through this process.

[00:11:28] And that's, you

know, animal and people, I guess it's a little different. People might think,

okay, Nancy, it's like, you know, get,

[00:11:32] Well, it's very similar. I, I mean, people take people to hospitals to die, for example. You know, it's like, oh, you need to go there And then, or, uh, so it, we do have this image that death is some foreign country that we go to, and we resist it as long as possible cuz it's a bad place and a bad thing and so on.

[00:11:50] And it's ugly. And it's not ugly

[00:11:52] it's ugly. Well, it depends on how much support you have around that, but, Of course it can be challenging, but, I think we try to normalize a lot of things and see death so much as part of life. In fact, the reality is, and this is what being with dying taught me, the reality is that without some kind of death education that's.

[00:12:12] Sensible and real and natural. We don't have a very good life either, and we have a lot of misconceptions, so I try to bring this to all full through the life, not just try to help people at end of life because it's almost too late, you know? I mean, it's like, yeah, it's like a third grader in a calculus

[00:12:29] Right, and, and kids are curious about this, right? When somebody dies

[00:12:34] yeah.

[00:12:34] they don't know how to ask questions. I was in that role myself, and I'm using myself as a, Guinea pig. An example, and I remember when my sister died when she was three and I was about five. My mother, later on as an adult, as I got older, told me I.

[00:12:49] Gosh, you drove me nuts. All you kept on asking was why, why, why? And she could. My mom couldn't answer that because she had a, my sister had childhood leukemia and she was grappling with the problem and the questions of why, too. So here, I'm ignoring this annoying child that she's going to take care of and she can't even dealwith her own issues.

[00:13:12] Yeah.

[00:13:13] I, I wish, I wish I knew at. At that stage in my life had to be of support to my mom. When I, you know, as a kid, I didn't even know what the answers were themselves. So, but it was buried under, under the carpet, so to speak, and we didn't talk about it and, and that was it. So I understand that, but it is a curiosity I think, for kids.

[00:13:33] And if we were able to talk about it more even from the beginning, it might be easier on us. Well, losing somebody to. To death, whether it be an accident or just old age is never easy, right? Because they're gone. We can't physically talk to them and hear them talk back. Well, I guess you can't hear 'em talk back in some way, shape, or form.

[00:13:58] But, I don't know how to practice

What does it mean when your mom pleads with you and says, “I want to go home,” but she’s already at home?  Even worse, your lead aide tells you what she really means is that she wants to die!

There are all sorts of things that hurtful and even incompetent professional caregivers will say and do. Here’s what that phrase (which just might drive you nuts) really means. It’s not always an easy thing to resolve, yet, in this episode, we’ll give you a path to a better solution.

Episode Links

• Eldercare Success on YouTube
• CareManity
• How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After
• Social Media Links: FB, IG, Twitter (X), YouTube, LI

Host:  Nancy May, is an award-winning authority Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success. She is also the new voice of the Caregiving Network.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors, as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC, all rights reserved.

Episode Transcript: #83 I Want To Go Home

[00:00:00] I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. Oh, there's no place like home! What's that all about? Stay tuned. You might be surprised.

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's Nancy May from Doing it Best With Eldercare Success. And yes, it's another summer short.

We're running towards the end of summer, although down here in Florida and around the country, it's still hitting ninety-plus degrees, and it's kind of hard to believe that the cold, crisp weather is around the corner. But, as those long days get shorter and the crisp air starts to kind of nip at us in the morning, we kind of feel like, hunkering down and cuddling into those blankets a little bit more in the morning, or maybe even having a warm cup of cocoa at night.

Alright, so it's still August, and maybe the cocoa's a little farfetched, but the feeling of home is one that makes us feel comfortable and safe.

[00:00:53] But in this case, the comment, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home, might be something that you hear from a loved one that you are caring for, and saying, “What does that mean?”Especially when they're at home, and you’re there with them?

[00:01:12] It's a bit of a tricky one to answer and it's one that I've gotten some pretty creepy, and I would say pretty crummy answers from other caregivers over the years.

[00:01:25] When you hear the phrase, I want to go home, and it's from your mom, (yes, this happened with my mom and me too), and they are home, it’s more than a little unsettling.

[00:01:37] It was unsettling me too because I was there and she was home. Well, she was in a care facility with dad, and it was her home at the time, but it wasn't the home that we grew up in. And we had an aide who said, “You know what that means?” And I said, no. What does that mean, Susie?

[00:01:58] She said, “When an older person who has dementia or some sort of cognitive issue going on says, I want to go home, what they're telling you is that they want to die!”

[00:02:11] Well, I'm going to tell you something that is absolute bull, bologna, butkus, whatever you want to call it. It's not true.

[00:02:22] What's actually happening is the person, your parent, or another loved one, is having some sense of just discomfort.

[00:02:31] They don't feel settled. There’s a sense of disorientation, which can be natural, especially if they've been moved to a care facility, then had an issue and had to go to the

emergency room. You figure that's going to be at least 24, sometimes 48 hours before they're admitted.

[00:02:51] Unfortunately, I wish hospitals would handle this a little bit better, but they don't. And if they're in the hospital, they're going to stay there for at least three days.

[00:03:02] Now three days because after three days, they qualify for Medicare and other insurance reimbursements for rehab facilities. Yeah. I don't want to say that it's a racket, but there is a benefit to both.

[00:03:19] See, the hospitals don't want that person or your loved one readmitted for the same issue because under Medicare, they're not going to get reimbursed, especially if it's for the same issue. They kind of have this one flat fee.

[00:03:31] That's for another conversation.

[00:03:33] But there's kind of this back and forth that happens between rehab facilities and hospitals.  Rehab wants to make sure that they don't go back for the same issue. The hospitals don't want you to go back for the same issue, and rehab wants to keep you there for three months, 30, 60, 90 days. You are not going to get a hundred percent reimbursement depending upon your plan, but, We're going to go back to the, I want to go home because those other questions are for another episode.

[00:04:00] So now they've been in the care facility, they've gone to the emergency room, they've gone to the hospital for three days, and now they're in rehab for three months and they may be going back home.

[00:04:13] Well now where is home?

[00:04:16] So now imagine how disorienting that can be if they're going back home. Not a real home, but I'll call it a care facility home. So that really kind of is their home. Now, you need to try and figure out how to make that place of home feel like home. You want to stay calm, and give them a sense of reassurance that everything is okay.

[00:04:42] It could be a gentle voice, how you relax, and you don't get annoyed with the constant, I want to go home. You really need to look at how you alleviate that fear. It may be just a little different for your folks, but whatever that sense of comfort, home, and security is, you want to make sure it's there.

[00:05:08] You also want to make sure that that environment is safe. It feels safe. There's nothing that's going to create a bad sense of juju, we'll call it - family photos, comfortable belongings a throw blanket. A special chair or maybe just how the lights are set. That's important. Creating that sense of home and comfort will be your job to ensure it feels safe.

[00:05:39] Avoid any arguing whatsoever. You don't want to say, mom, but we are home. I don't get it. We are home. Can you stop saying we're not home? Okay, so I've kind of pushed the issue a little bit, but trying not to correct somebody. You may also want to find a little creative way around this, especially with somebody with dementia or cognitive issues.

[00:06:03] It could be a sundowner’s concern that's going on that happens every day at about four o'clock or maybe

even earlier. In that case, you want to figure out why, what's causing those issues. And even try and figure out, well, maybe we need to go for a ride around the block and bring them back home again to that environment that looks just like home, the one that they know and love.

[00:06:29] Now you can lie a little bit, and I'm not a fan of outright lying, but in this case, kind of stretching the truth.

[00:06:38] I was just on the phone with somebody a little while ago who said they did similar things with their sister, who had a massive stroke and sadly passed. She wasn't that old, but she definitely had some sort of cognitive issues as a result of the stroke, and they tried to comfort her as much as possible.

[00:06:57] Now, creating greater fear and anxiety for her as she was laying there, dying, didn't necessarily need to be done, and thankfully this family didn't do that- but the wanting to go home and make her feel comfortable when she was in her home was what they tried to do.

Finally, if you can't get your hands around this, try and seek professional help.

[00:07:25] If somebody has dementia or anxiety issues, you may just find something to take the edge off. It could be melatonin, a warm cup of milk, or it just could be, I hate to say this, a medication that just takes that edge off. Try not to rely on medication. At least, that's my personal feeling.

[00:07:48] And I'm not a doctor.  But your doctor isn't going to know what's best for your loved one. I want to go home is not a plea to say, please kill me! Gosh, if that were the case, I think my parents would've taken care of that long ago, especially at camp, although I loved camp.

[00:08:11] But think about how many campers have said, I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. Hmm. You know what?  It’s a rather similar kind of situation. The kids just didn't feel comfortable at camp, and your parents may not feel comfortable where they are in that particular situation as they get older.

[00:08:30] So camp and the care facility are not exactly the same place, obviously, but you get my point. Home is where the heart is and where love and comfort are and our sense of security. Make sure that that works well for your folks, and it's going to make your life easier too.

[00:08:49] Well, that's it for another Summer Short and Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

I hope that your home is a safe and wonderful place. Before we go, if you have a friend or family member or somebody else who's dealing with a little concern or fear of what might be next, consider sharing this podcast with them. Why? Because it can be your gift to them, and this is my gift to you. So that's it for another Summer Short and Doing it Best, With Eldercare Success. We'll see you soon, or I like to say here on the podcast, we'll hear you soon. Bye-bye.

In this episode of Doing it Best with Eldercare Success, we unpack the ultimate sandwich-generation caregiving experience. If you’ve been caught between caring for aging parents, in-laws, a spouse, your own kids, and even yourself, you’ll find this episode funny and of value.

Jennifer Hardy, podcast host of Fabulous Over 50, and I explore practical ways to manage those complex emotions and issues that arise in the caregiving journey, such as; successful ways to invite others to help you; learning to ask for help without being a nag; and managing the daunting tasks of caring for someone you’re not related to.  Finally, we share tips on self-care, both physically and emotionally.

This episode is a treasure trove of tips, ideas, and some laughs.

Those of you wearing multiple caregiving hats will find beauty in the struggle, strength in vulnerability, and the special sense of fulfillment that only comes from the caregiving experience.

LINKS

• More about Jen Hardy
• Fabulous Over 50 Podcast
• Hardy Mom Podcast
• CareManity website
• How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After
• Eldercare Success on YouTube

Guest: Jennifer (Jen) Hardy is an author, podcast host, speaker, and community builder. She has written a book and three journals that focus on empowering women, spreading positivity, and helping people set and meet their goals. Her books offer practical advice and real-life experiences that help women navigate various challenges and achieve their goals. She is also the host of two podcasts, "Fabulous Over 50" and "Medical Gaslighting." Through these podcasts, she provides a platform for women to share their experiences, opinions, and knowledge, and inspire others to lead a fulfilling life. Jen’s mission with her podcasts is to help people live their best lives and make the world a better place.

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success. She is also the new voice of the Caregiving Network.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.

In this episode of Eldercare Success, I address one of the more challenging issues you’ll have as a caregiver – “is it ever okay to lie to an elderly parent?”  This is a tough question, and you'll see it's trickier than you might first think. A clear 'yes' or 'no' just doesn't fit here. It’s important to remember that our elderly parents are special and unique.  So, with each twist and turn, your response will likely shift too. 

As one of the most googled queries by caregivers, lying to a parent with dementia isn't a conundrum exclusive to family caregivers. Even medical professionals don’t always know how to respond well to this issue.

Tune in as I share my own experiences with Mom, who had dementia, and Dad who didn’t. Each response to the twist and turns in “Should I lie, or gloss over the truth” brought another challenge.  I hope this episode helps you with your own caregiving journey. 

Remember, every day counts!

Episode Links:

• Eldercare Success on YouTube
• Book: How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies: Step-by-Step Before, During, After
• Free File-of-Life
• CareManity

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.

In this compelling episode of Eldercare Success, I speak with two esteemed experts on social security benefits.  My guests are Marc Kiner and Jim Blair who know this subject from the inside out. This is an invaluable discussion for anyone caring for an aging parent.  

These two demystify the convoluted process of adjusting benefits, something that can help those caring for an aging parent avoid common financial mistakes. They also reveal how to uncover additional financial resources that may be due: a treasure trove of information that many caregivers are sadly oblivious about. They also describe how to navigate the complex dynamics of the Social Security office and define the roles and limitations of a POA.

My discussion with Marc and Jim could make a difference to you, as a caregiver, and your parents. Listen to this informative episode. It’s more than just a conversation -- it's a lifeline for managing your parents’ care.

Helpful Links:

• Premier Social Security Consulting
• Social Security Office
• Cost of Living Adjustments 2023
• How it Works, Types of Benefits
• Found money and more
• Things you might not know about Social Security
• How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After

Guests: Marc Kiner is the CEO, and Founder of Premier Social Security Consulting, and has 35 years of experience in public accounting. Marc recently sold his CPA practice to concentrate on Social Security. His primary areas of service were to privately held businesses and individuals. Marc also consulted with clients on a variety of complex tax and business issues. He is licensed to practice as a CPA in the state of Ohio.

Jim Blair: A former Social Security Administrator, Jim is the lead consultant in our Social Security Benefits department. He has over 35 years of experience in helping individuals manage their Social Security benefits and taking claims for retirement, survivors, disability, and health insurance. Most notably, he has also served as an Operations Supervisor and a District Manager for the Piqua, Ohio Social Security Office.

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.

In this episode of Doing it Best with Eldercare Success, I share the top 10 mistakes that I made along the way in caring for my parents.  These were not-so-proud moments in my journey.  Hopefully, my experiences will help you avoid some of the landmines I stepped on.

Caregiving can be filled with challenges. Even if there was a play-by-play or “Caregiving for Dummies” book, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for each of our journeys.  They all have their unique ups, downs, and calm moments. 

So, plug in your earbuds, or headphones, and listen in while I bare some of my caregiver soul. These points just may make your days a bit smoother.

Episode Links:

• Eldercare Success on YouTube
• Book: How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies: Step-by-Step Before, During, After
• Free File-of-Life

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.

What happens when an infectious disease spreads through a care facility or nursing home?  Just because the Pandemic has been declared over doesn’t mean our loved ones are safe in a facility, hospital, or even at home.

In this episode, I speak with Dr. Diane Cervantes, Assistant Professor and Director of the MPH Epidemiology program at the University of North Texas School of Medicine. Dr. Cervantes has worked as an infectious disease expert for over 17 years, has been a Bioterrorism Response Microbiologist, and served as Chief Epidemiologist for the Texas Department of State Health Services.  Her expertise centers on preventing infectious diseases and control measures within health care, medical facilities, and even our own homes.

The little things we can’t see can wreak havoc on the quality of life of those we love and care for.  This power-packed episode will help you protect your parents and learn to how to better determine:

• If a care facility would be considered clinically dirty or potentially unhealthy
• how hidden microbes can impact the health and well-being of our loved ones
• How to better protect those we care for at home
• How to resolve cleanliness issues and where to get help
• The top three things to do to ensure your loved ones are better protected against infections
• And more!

Show Episode Links:

• Patient Rights and Protections as Nursing Home Residents
• Basic infection control and protection information
• CDC information on disease control and prevention in nursing homes
• Family Communication and Resident's Rights
• Long-Term Care National Ombudsman: Also see Episode #39 about how to get help from an Ombudsman
• TEDx: Dr. Diana Cervantes, Person-Centered Prevention; The Key to Preventing the Spreading Infectious Disease
• How to properly wash your hands to prevent the spread of infection
• Patient Rights

Additional CareManity Links

• CareManity on Instagram
• CareManity on FaceBook
• Nancy May: LinkedIn
• How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies: Step-by-Step Before, During, After

Guest: Dr. Diana Cervantes, Assistant Professor and Director, MPH Epidemiology Program, The University of North Texas, Health Science Center, School of Public Heath. Previously, she served as a bioterrorism response microbiologist and epidemiologist for Tarrant County Public Health and as chief epidemiologist for the Texas Department of State Health Services.

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.

In this episode, I unearth some of the ways that those “free services” abuse you while proposing to help you find a place for your elderly or infirm parents to live.  Most are very adept at pulling on your emotions. They all are aggressive, and, in being so, ask for some very personal information. This is so they can better “help you and your parents.”  How do they get paid?  Are they really working for you?  Is there actually a good way to use these services to help you narrow your choices? 

Episode Links:

• CareManity on Instagram
• CareManity on FaceBook
• Nancy May: LinkedIn
• Get a Free File of Life here: How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies: Step-by-Step Before, During, After

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.

In this episode, you’ll get an insider’s look into some issues related to anesthesia and some unspoken fears about it when a loved one undergoes a medical procedure.

Anesthesia, despite its benefits, can also present problems for the body and mind, especially for an aging person.  The last thing any one of us wants is for someone we care for who has “gone under” for a procedure and woken up forgetting who you or they are!  Nor do we want to experience the other life-threatening complications that result from anesthesia.

My guest, Bobby Jones, a Certified Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA), and I discuss some of these issues and how to best work with a CRNA.  We also talk about the difference between a CRNA and other credentialed anesthetists. In many cases, they can help your loved one more comfortably go through medical procedures with a bit more ease.   

We also discuss some of the problems that anesthetists face that may impact you and your loved one, including training, burnout, and communications with physicians and providers.  Lastly, we dive into the practice's changing landscape and how this affects patient care, and those we love, or even ourselves! 

This telling discussion is filled with nuggets of wisdom and offers some assurances and valuable insights to caregivers of aging family members.

Guest: Bobby Jones CRNA has had a long and respected career as a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA). He's served as a member of the board of the North Carolina Association of Nurse Anesthetists (NCANA), and as their District Director and Treasurer. Like many healthcare professionals, he was overworked, exhausted, and faced burnout. He now uses his talents to advise his colleagues and other CRNAs on how to live their life to the fullest while investing in assets that can provide additional financial benefit to their families and loved ones. He's CEO and Founder of On Call Capital

Links to Bobby Jones and his Plan B CRNA podcast/channel.

• The Plan B CRNA Podcast: on YouTube
• The Plan B CRNA Podcast: Spotify
• Nancy May, guest on Bobby's Show
• On Call Capital

CareManity, Host of Eldercare Success

• CareManity on Instagram
• CareManity on FaceBook
• Nancy May: LinkedIn
• How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies: Step-by-Step Before, During, After

Host:  Nancy May, Author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After!  is an expert in managing the path of step-by-step caring for aging parents, even from over 1200 miles away. For a free, fillable File-of-Life go to www.howtosurvive911.com. Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC, and the private FaceBook group, Eldercare Success.

Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered or used as medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek the advice of your own medical, legal, or financial advisors as each person’s situation differs. (c) Copyright 2023 CareManity, LLC all rights reserved.