Embrace It All!

The other day one of my sons asked me to find a picture for him, one at about the time he was 5 or 6 years old. IN my quest for this certain picture, I took a trip down memory lane, looking through so many pictures of our young family.  

But what I mostly focused on was the young mother in those pictures, the younger version of me deep in the throes of motherhood.  

As I looked into her eyes, I could see a mother who would do and give anything for her family, but who constantly wondered if she would ever be good enough for them.   I could see a mother who, despite her best efforts, went to bed each night with a long list of regrets and things she messed up during the day, hoping that she didn’t permanently scar her children for life.   I saw a woman who loved her family fiercely but often forgot to love herself, focusing so many times on her own imperfections, even questioning why God would trust her to raise these children in the first place.

If I had the chance to put my arms around her and talk with her, knowing what I know now,  what would I tell her?  

In this episode I will reveal the six things that I would want her and every mother listening to know, the most important being that you ARE the perfect mother for your children.  

To connect with Angela Adams

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As human beings we are wired for connection and one of the strongest ways we can connect is through shared feelings, and empathy.  In the last several years, researchers have actually found that our brains  have what are called mirror neurons suggesting that there is biological base for empathy. 

  These mirror neurons allow us to understand others’ actions, intentions, and feelings.  They fire when we experience an emotion or when we see others experiencing emotion.  Think about a time when you saw someone experiencing sadness.  What happens?  Many of us would answer that we, feel sadness ourselves, without even thinking about it.

Mirroring someone else's emotions can be very helpful, on occasion, especially when it comes to validating their emotions, but where we get in trouble is when we take mirroring negative emotions too far; when we actually take on another person’s negative emotions, when we internalize them.   When this happens, it creates a vicious emotional cycle where everyone ends up feeling lousy. 

In this episode I will give you examples what this looks like and what it creates, and then we will discuss how we are responsible TO others and not FOR others when it comes to their own emotions.  We will explore what both of these concepts mean and how your relationships will change when you understand your own responsibility when it comes to another person's emotins. 

To connect with Angela Adams

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Doesn't it feel so good when someone else extends mercy towards you?  When someone forgives you and has patience with you whenever you mess up?  Doesn't it just make you apprecite and love them even more?

Why is it so hard to extend that same mercy and forgiveness to ourselves?  Why, instead, are we so hard on ourselves?  

In today's episode we will discuss the 5 reasons I have found in myself and with my clients that prevent us from extending the much needed forgiveness and mercy to ourselves.  These 5 reasons are:

1. Forgetting who we really are
2. Forgetting that we have a human brain that likes to point out perceived problems
3. We focus only on the negative: past mistakes, things we aren't good at, things that are wrong in our live (or what our brain THINKS are wrong)
4. We compare ourselves to others
5. We mistakingly believe we have to be perfect right now

You have an unlimited capacity to grow and change in the way you want to, but the only thing standing in your way is your well-meaning brain that will tell you otherwise, and tempt you to beat yourself up.  But I purpose that we stop beating ourselves up and start understanding that we are enough and perfect right now.  

To connect with Angela Adams

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Recently I have been reflecting on the struggles that some of my loved ones are going through.  This seems to be a common theme lately with some of my clients as well.  They all have someone in their lives that are struggling in one form or another, so Today I want to discuss a few things that I have noticed personally as I watch those I love struggle.

We all know, or at least we are learning, that having struggles is part of God’s plan for us.  We came to earth knowing that we were going to have the opportunity to learn and grow, and that usually comes from some sort of struggle.    There must be opposition in all things for us become who God knows we can become.  But when someone we love is struggling, I personally think it is much more challenging to accept this truth.   

I have seen three ways people usually respond when someone they love is going through something difficult:

1.  As the handyman
2.  As the villian
3.  As the judge and jury

In this episode we are going to explore each of these in more depth, then discuss why they aren't effective.  Then we will discuss what happens when we put on the lens of compassion and how that changes everything.  

To connect with Angela Adams

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We all have inadequacies.  It’s part of the human experience.  But it’s what we think about our inadequacies that can keep us from learning, growing and progressing.  

I have dealt with a lot of perfectionism for years.  At the heart of perfectionism is the desire to be good.  Not just in behavior, but to be good at everything they do.  So oftentimes people who have perfectionistic tendencies like to stay completely in their comfort zones and limit the things they do to what they are naturally good at and enjoy doing, things that come easy for them to excel at.    Anything beyond that is usually out of the question for them.  And the reason being is because of fear.    The fear of failing or being looked down upon to name a few.

And this makes them feel very inadequate, which leads to self-judgment, self-doubt, shame, and even isolation at times.  

This has shown up repeatedly in my life when I am trying something new, and many times, I tend to be hesitant to try new things. My own self-defeating thoughts have kept me from experiencing things that I may or may not enjoy.  I’m sure my brain is trying to protect me, and keep me safe within my comfort zone, because that’s it’s job, but instead of protecting me, it was blocking me from discovering new interests and talents, and alienating myself from others.   

On this week's episode I share three thoughts that have helped me face those fears and given me permission to step out of my comfort zone:

1.  I am willing to be terrible at this
2.  I am willing to be terrible at this, but still have fun
3.  I am willing to learn to be good at this, but willing to be terrible at it for as long as it        takes. 
In this short  episode we will take a look at why these thoughts  break down the barriers of perfectionistic self-doubt.  

To connect with Angela Adams

Shoot me an email:  
[email protected] 

What do you need? 

Such a simple question, right?  But did you have to take a minute to answer it?
Sometimes as women we discount what we need, or don’t understand how to communicate what it is we need because we have gotten into the habit of brushing our needs aside while caring for everyone else’s needs.  We women are natural care givers.  It is in our DNA.  We care for our families, our friends, and even strangers, first before we care for our own needs.   And we are so good at meeting everyone’s needs most of the time.  And it feels good to care for those we love, doesn’t it?  

But what about taking care of our own needs or voicing what we need?  

That part isn’t very easy for me.  And I have found that as I have gotten into this habit of brushing my needs aside to take care of everyone else,  I quit thinking about my own needs all together, and soon I forget what those needs even are.  Or at least my brain does. 

In this episode will discuss:

• Why your needs are important
• What happens when you "forget" your own needs
• How to communicate  what you need
• What happens to you and everyone you love when your needs are met

We, as human beings, have basic human needs.  But we also have very individual needs that are just as important.  Your needs matter because you matter!

To connect with Angela Adams

Shoot me an email:  
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When it comes to our overall mental and emotional health, expierencing both quick wins and slow and steady progress are equally important.  Our brain really likes the quick wins, but the slow and steady progress is much harder for our brains to navigate and stay motivated.    

As we are working towards improving our mental and emotional health, sometimes we have to actually slow down before we make any progress.
  
When we experience quick wins, we feel good and go on our way.  Slow and steady progress on the other hand, not only takes time, but it doesn’t always feel good because  we will experience both positive and negative emotion.  But this is never a problem or a sign that we are doing anything wrong.    

In this episode we will discuss:

• What a quick win is and what it looks like 
• Why quick wins are important on our mental health journey
• What Slow and steady progress looks like and why it is important
• How to help our brain understand how to navigate the slow and steady progress

To connect with Angela Adams

Shoot me an email:  
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Have you ever had someone show up on your doorstep unnanounced, who just wanted to come on in and stay for a while?  I have!  In fact it happened just last week.  My self-critical brain showed up and wanted to stay for a while.  Unfortunately, I let it in.  Big mistake!  Without me realizing what was happening, that self-critic started to take charge, and before I knew it, I was convinced that everything in my life was a problem.   It took a few days to understand what was really happening, but eventually I was able to send that self-critic on its way.

Being human means we have a human brain, and one of its main jobs is to notice all problems.  This is a good thing sometimes becasue this is how it keeps us safe.  But when it wants to attack us personally, pointing out all the things  that it wants us to believe are wrong with us,  it can have the opposite affect.  

So what do you do when your own self-critic shows up and wants to stay?   In this episode I will walk you through the steps you can take to make sure that self-critic doesn't tak over when it comes for a visit.  

You will learn:

• How to gain awareness and choose to believe what it tells you or not
•  Take back control when it tries to take over
• Challenge your self-critic and help it expand its perspective without judgment
• Compassionately retrain your self-critic
• Create healthy boundaries
• Create self-compassion when your self-critc takes over for a while

Your self-critic will show up over and over again.  But with these tools in place, you will be better equipt to not allow it to stay.  

To connect with Angela Adams

Shoot me an email:  
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The circumstances in our lives are always changing, so becoming emotionally resilient is such an important skill to learn.  It’s an ongoing process, for sure, but when we can become emotionally resilient we have the strength to face any challenge life throws our way .

One change in circumstance that many people find themselves experiencing is separation and divorce.  For anyone going through this, it can be quite a roller coaster of emotions from anger, resentment, hurt, sadness, self-doubt, and on and on.  Although I have not personally experienced this, there are many close to me who have and it hasn’t been easy to say the least. 

On today’s episode, I visit with Hyo North,  a Divorce and Discipleship Coach, who helps Women navigate separation and Divorce in a Christ-centered way. 

I met Hyo about a year ago. At this time she and her husband had separated and were in the stages of finalizing their divorce.  What drew me to her was her genuine desire to turn her own personal hurt and anger about her circumstances around and instead seek God’s direction and strength as she navigated this new change in her life. 

Hyo’s goal is to help her clients realize they don’t have to walk this journey alone.  She states, there is so much joy, so much goodness still out there for you to take a hold of now…not later, but now. Hyo helps her clients let go of the anger and resentment that usually occurs during a divorce, by helping them learn how to access the spiritual direction to make decisions and choices from a place of confidence, love, and peace for themselves and for their family

To find out more, you can connect with Hyo on any of the links below:

Scheduling link:  https://hyonorthcoaching.as.me/

Instagram handle:  Hyo North, Spiritual Mastery Coach (@hyonorth_coaching) • Instagram photos and videos 

Website:  Hyo North Coaching – Life & Spiritual Mastery Coach

Waitlist for Women at The Well:  https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63e6936c781752946ff2bb78

YouTube:  Hyo North - YouTube

To connect with Angela Adams

Shoot me an email:  
[email protected] 

We cannot control the circumstances in our lives, and the circumstances in our lives cannot control us.  The only thing we have control over is the way we respond to them,  how we perceive them and what we make them mean, especially about ourselves. 

This  week we  talk about why we want to hold on tightly, trying  control everything and everyone  in our lives, what it takes to let go, and why focusing on how we respond can be much better for us in the long run.

Being in control, for many of us, feels good.  It feels safe.  And that is exactly what our brain thrives on.  Remember, one of the jobs of our lower brain is to feel comfortable and safe, and being in control  creates this, or so we think. 

But what happens when your circumstances change?  

Understanding  that the only thing we can control is ourselves and our response to any circumstance in our life can be liberating, and scary at the same time because it requires us to truly let go of trying to control everything and everyone else and trust.  But I believe our primary purpose as human beings is to learn to do just that. 

To connect with Angela Adams

Shoot me an email:  
[email protected]