Embracing Intensity

In high school when we read the Scarlet Letter, we had an assignment to pick a letter to represent a fault or weakness of ours. I picked the letter P for Procrastination and Perfectionism. My teacher believed the procrastination part but not so much the perfectionism...

In this episode:

• Why perfectionism and procrastination are intertwined.
• 3 lessons learned from blogging the last 5 years and podcasting the last 3.
• Going with your brain quirks instead of against them. 

Links:

Embracing Intensity Community

How much emphasis do you put on play in your life? Somehow, as we enter adulthood, we lose our affinity for play. Today’s guest has made it his mission to bring play back into the lives of busy adults, and he’s here to tell us how his intensity has made it all possible.

Gary Ware is someone I first met at the World Domination Summit this past year. People are drawn to his playful energy, and he is twice-exceptional, with ADHD and dyslexia. Gary will share how he’s learned to channel his energy in positive ways to help himself and many other people as he teaches them how to bring more play into their lives. Gary is the founder of Breakthrough Play, and he’s a sought-after corporate facilitator and keynote speaker with nearly a decade of experience as a performer in improv theater. He assists teams with unlocking creativity, confidence, and sparking collaboration with experiential methods proven to drive peak performance. Gary spent over a decade in the corporate world and originally pursued improv to master public speaking. He discovered that combining improv and play could be a powerful solution to achieve various business challenges. Naturally, he created workshops for his team and other executives in his network to deepen relationships and improve creativity. Gary became obsessed with learning how to use play as a transformational tool, and, as a result, happily transitioned from marketing to pursue facilitation full-time. When Gary isn’t leading workshops and keynote speaking, you can find him learning magic or off on an adventure with his wife, Courtney, and son, Garrett.

Show Highlights:

• Gary’s intense passion for helping people be more authentic
• Why people feel uninspired and unengaged at work today
• Why finding joy in what you do is a conscious choice
• How Gary uses his personal brand of intensity to find different ways to solve complex problems, even using hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming
• As Gary grew up, he was a curious and playful ball of energy, and always the class clown
• The cultural factors that affected his intensity because he attended a different school almost every year because of his father’s military career
• Becoming a “social chameleon” to fit in wherever he was, but never really knowing who he was
• Gary’s identity crisis as an African-American
• How Gary had to learn what was necessary to survive and how to operate with a filter
• The story of an out-of-control moment of a food fight in school
• How Gary uses his superpower of making people feel comfortable
• How Gary harnesses the power of his intensity in being his goofy self, but always in connection with others
• Why Gary views his ADD as a superpower now
• Why Gary calls play “a gift” and a “form of meditation”
• The best advice Gary ever received: “You are perfect just the way you are.”
• Books that have helped Gary: Play DHD, The Big Leap, and The Happiness Advantage (see resources below)
• How Gary brings playful methods to interesting situations
• Gary’s advice for listeners: “Think about how you played as a young child, and think about how you can bring that back into your life.”

Resources:

Breakthrough Play

Find Gary Ware on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook

Books:

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

Play by Dr. Stuart Brown

Play DHD by Kirsten Milliken

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Check out Embracing Intensity for more info about the Befriending Your Brain course series, launching in the fall.

"We suffer not from lack, but from paralyzing abundance." A few years ago I did a survey and someone used the term "paralyzing abundance" and it has stuck with me ever since. Today we will be talking about how to prioritize when you are suffering from paralyzing abundance. 

In this episode:

• Examining our "shoulds"
• Questions to ask yourself when you think you "should" do something.
• 4 ways to simplify your life.

Links:

Embracing Intensity Community

Upcoming Group Calls

Embracing intensity means figuring out who you are and who you want to be, whether other people like it or not. Part of the equation is figuring out why trying to fit a square peg into a round hole just isn’t going to work out well. Such is the story of my guest today who uses her personal experiences with giftedness to bring resources and counseling services to others.

Emily Kircher-Morris is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice near St. Louis, and her practice specializes in meeting the needs of gifted and twice-exceptional (2e) learners. Before working in private practice, Emily worked as a school counselor and teacher of gifted programming. She frequently speaks to groups of educators and counselors about meeting the needs of high ability learners, and she hosts The Mind Matters podcast, which explores issues related to the development of gifted and 2e individuals throughout the life span. I first encountered Emily through her podcast, as I was a recent guest there, so this is the perfect time to return the favor and have her on the show. Enjoy!

Show Highlights:

• Why Emily is passionate about her career focused on gifted and 2e kids, as a mental health counselor, a podcaster, and someone who helps those who are unnoticed and unrecognized
• The need for resources for gifted and 2e kids--and their parents
• Emily’s personal brand of intensity and her fiercely independent “just let me do what I want to do” attitude
• As an elementary student, Emily had an ADHD diagnosis and was impulsive, intense, and “too much and out of proportion”
• How her mom was consistently in her corner through all her childhood years
• How the stigma about behavioral expectations and gender roles affected Emily
• How Emily has to tone down her intensity constantly but has gone through growing pains of being too intense
• The life-changing experiences that have brought her reflection and greater awareness: motherhood and obtaining her master’s degree in counseling and therapy
• How Emily feels her intensity is out of control when she feels “on the edge” and “about to tip over”
• How intensity has affected Emily in many relationships
• How Emily uses her experience every day with gifted and 2e clients, helping them understand and accept their intensity for themselves
• Why Emily started a podcast and a non-profit to help with parent support for those with gifted and 2e kids
• How Emily has to harness her power in personal and professional relationships with others
• Why Emily had to find and use an organizational system
• The best advice she’s ever received came from a counselor: “Don’t pretend that your needs don’t exist or try to extinguish them. Recognize and accept them.”
• Why the book, A Wrinkle in Time, has meaning and long-term influence in Emily’s life
• How Emily uses Carl Rogers’ “unconditional positive regard” to help her clients
• Why we have to teach our kids to find their sense of belonging

Resources:

The Mind Matters Podcast   Find Episode 37 to hear “You Never Outgrow Giftedness”

Find Emily and Mind Matters on Twitter:  @mindmatterspod  and @emilykm_lpc

Visit Embracing Intensity to join the daily challenge to bring more play into your life

Thanks to everyone who filled out my survey to help shape the future of the Embracing Intensity Community! This week, I share a brief overview of the results and you can find a full summary on the blog. 

In this episode:

• Overview of community survey results.
• Next steps in shaping the direction of the community.
• Join our Summer Camp Scavenger Hunt!

Links:

Blog

Embracing Intensity Community

How can you use your sensitivity and intuition to program your life for success? Today’s show is about how we find more happiness, achievement, and transformation by focusing on the right things. We will also learn how each of us can make a positive impact on the world by committing to small, everyday actions.

Rachel O’Rourke is the owner of O’Rourke Media, a marketing agency for innovative, e-commerce-based startup companies. She’s also the founder and CEO of SPARK Global, an event company that facilitates self-development summits dedicated to supporting women who are ready to show up in the world. Rachel has done amazing things building community events such as SPARK Live, which I’ll be attending this fall. In her upcoming book, 27 Things, Rachel shares the 27 things that are holding women back from making their lives extraordinary and the action steps to take to spark a major shift in each area. Her podcast, Flawed Females, released in May of this year. You can hear Rachel and co-host Lizzie Keith as they captivate you with their conversations.

Show Highlights:

• The whirlwind of events over the last two years--ever since Rachel left the corporate job she hated
• Why she is passionate about what is possible for women that they don’t even realize
• How women have been programmed in certain ways that can be changed to bring more happiness, achievement, and transformation
• The difference in conscious vs. subconscious programming
• Why Rachel believes focus goes hand-in-hand with success and that we need to be sensitive and intuitive to our bodies and to what the universe tells us
• As Rachel grew up, she was unaware of what her mind and body were trying to say
• The need to impress on kids the intensity of their focus
• How Rachel as a younger person felt like she needed to tone down and not shine too brightly
• What women tell themselves about going after jobs and accomplishments
• How Rachel’s obsessive nature can get out of control and lead to her not taking care of herself and her family
• How Rachel commits daily to making a positive impact in the world with small actions
• How meditation helps Rachel harness the power of her intensity
• How Rachel uses visualization to see what she wants to come to fruition
• The best advice she received: “Protect your energy and set boundaries.”
• Books that have helped Rachel: You Are a Badass and The Path Made Clear
• How Rachel helps others realize it only takes one small thing to spark a fire
• Why Rachel has consistent rituals each day to keep her fire and focus going: meditation, visualization, and consumption of high vibrational content in books and podcasts
• Why you should protect your environment to keep vibrating at a high level
• The upcoming 3rd Annual SPARK Summit in Portland in September

Resources:

Rachel’s website:  Rachel O'Rourke

Find Rachel on Facebook and Instagram

Find out about the SPARK Summit: The Spark Events

27 Things by Rachel O’Rourke

You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero

The Path Made Clear by Oprah Winfrey

In my next interview episode with Rachel O'Rourke, she talked about the amazing things that can happen when we focus our full energy on something. With my work and summer schedule, my attention has been quite split but as I review the survey data from our audience on the direction to go next I am excited to focus my full attention on expanding the possibilities in our Embracing Intensity Community!

In this episode:

• The challenges of having so many interests split our focus.
• Details on the direction we're moving in the Embracing Intensity Community.
• How you can share your input on where to focus my energy moving forward.

Links:

Fill out our Survey

Embracing Intensity Community

Calendar of Events

Spark Event in Portland

Being gifted or intense means different things to different people. Today’s show focuses on many things we can do to make the world a better place for everyone. We’re talking about living our best lives in authentic ways, the natural state of flexible emotions, recognizing the strengths in others, and appreciating the neurological diversity in people.

Christine Fonseca is a licensed educational psychologist, critically-acclaimed author, and nationally-recognized speaker on topics related to educational psychology, mental health, giftedness, and using storytelling to heal past wounds. Using her experience consulting and coaching educators and parents, Christine brings her expertise to Psychology Today, authoring the parenting blog, Parenting for a New Generation. She has written self-help articles for Parents.com, Johnson & Johnson, and Justine magazine. Her appearance on the popular gifted education podcast, Mind Matters, was one of the most downloaded episodes. Christine uses her fictional stories to explore the more complex aspects of humanity through sweeping romances, Gothic thrillers, and psychological horror stories. As a trauma-impacted survivor, Christine believes in the power of storytelling as a key to healing past wounds. She delivers soul-centered writing workshops to help writers get in touch with their authentic voice and bring that to both fiction and nonfiction writing. Christine’s critically-acclaimed titles include Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students, Raising the Shy Child, Letting Go, The Girls’ Guide to Breaking Free of Stress and Anxiety, and an action-packed young adult series, The Solomon Experiments. Christine lives in southern CA with her husband and children.

Show Highlights:

• Why Christine calls herself a “super-intense human,” and how she displays her passion for helping people figure out who they are so they can live authentically and unapologetically
• Why Christine loves to help gifted people because they are often misunderstood
• How Christine feels things and thinks about things deeply, and why she analyzes everything
• How she was misunderstood as she grew up, not socializing well with peers
• How she reacted viscerally as a child to the sheer audacity of slavery and why she felt the need to apologize for the atrocities of the entire race of white people
• How she had to tone herself down in high school, being intensely shy and “extra” at the same time
• How she had to come clean with herself about her past trauma and who she really was
• Why she chose to focus on and nurture her children’s EQ--not their IQ
• Why her intensity gets out of control with weight and body image issues
• Why she gives herself permission to be who she needs to be with her emotions in the moment, no matter what that looks like
• How Christine is dedicated to intense people and helping them feel “normal”
• How she learned her daily non-negotiables: contemplative practice, journaling, healthy food, movement, time with family, and creativity
• Why we should appreciate how neurologically diverse all people are
• Why Christine has started strengths-spotting
• The best advice from Christine’s mother: “The only definition anything has is the definition you’ve given it.”
• Books Christine loves: The Chronicles of Narnia, Watership Down, Shakespeare, and other nonfiction books on religion
• How Christine differs from a lot of researchers on the topic of giftedness
• The difference in experiencing anxious feelings and “having an anxiety attack”
• The natural state of being flexible in and out of the range of human emotions
• Why we need to change our tolerance levels
• The danger of “toxic positivity”
• How Christine helps others through her coaching, online courses, live events, speaking engagements, and books
• “A gifted or intense person paints the world in bold colors while everyone else paints in pastels.”
• Christine’s new book, why she wrote it, and how she researched the content 

Resources:

Christine Fonseca

Find Christine’s articles on Psychology Today

Find Christine’s Facebook group: IntenseLife Community

Mindfulness and Character Strengths by Ryan Niemiec

Christine’s Nonfiction Books:

The Caring Child: Raising Empathetic and Emotionally Intelligent Children

Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students

Quiet Kids

101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids

I’m Not Just Gifted

Shy Child

Letting Go: A Girl’s Guide to Breaking FREE of Stress and Anxiety

Healing the Heart

Survey Link

As my summer really gets going, I am looking forward to gaining some momentum on expanding our community offerings. I'd love to hear from you where you'd like the podcast and community to go in the future to best support your needs!

In this episode:

• Reflections on the World Domination Summit 2019 and community.
• My thoughts on the direction I'd like to go in increasing engagement and facilitation in live groups online and off.
• How you can help shape our Embracing Intensity Community.
• Upcoming events for the summer!

Links:

Embracing Intensity Community

XPress Your Power Merchandise

If you’re the parent of a gifted or twice-exceptional child, then you know the struggles that come with the territory. Parents need a voice and an advocate, and today’s guest promises to be that voice--the one screaming out for the needs of these amazing kids.

Jen Torbeck Merrill is an Illinois-based writer and gifted family advocate who is the mom of two teen sons. She homeschools one, but happily sends the other off to public school every morning. Her book, If This Is A Gift, Can I Send it Back: Surviving in the Land of the Gifted and Twice-Exceptional, struck a nerve with families who suspected Jen was living in their closet. Her second book, on the needs of gifted parents and self-care, is in progress. Jen is a Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Ambassador and is slated to be one of the SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted) Conference keynote speakers at their annual convention in Houston this July. She intends to support the parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids because they are the ones doing the heavy lifting and are too often ignored, patronized, and discredited. She hopes that her sons never have to deal with these issues when they raise their own likely gifted children. I first encountered Jen when we contributed to the Hoagies’ Gifted Blog Hops together, and I was always delighted with the humor and relatability in her writing. I’m excited to see her next book come out! Jen is also teaming up with past EI guests Kate Arms and Chris Wells to put on a series of webinars for parents of gifted and twice-exceptional children.

Show Highlights:

• Jen’s life as a musician, reluctant homeschooling mom, teacher, writer, and parents’ advocate
• How Jen is intensely passionate about life, screaming for the needs of these amazing gifted and twice-exceptional kids for the past 14 years
• How Jen was/is characterized as “tightly wound,” overly stressed, emotionally intense, and strong willed
• How she never recognized her own intensities and strengths until she learned them from raising her kids
• How she grew up in a diverse community with people of all ethnicities and backgrounds
• Why Jen wanted to be average as a teenager and “not stand out”
• How Jen’s intensity gets out of control sometimes, when she’s not taking care of herself, not sleeping well, and taking on too many projects
• How she uses vulnerability and honesty in her writing
• When parents AND their kids are profoundly gifted
• How Jen uses her fire for good in helping other parents
• Why it’s easy to discount the things that come to us easily
• Harnessing the power of intensity by being aware that the power actually exists
• How specific aspects of her intensity have made her a better writer and musician
• How personal habits have helped Jen harness her intensity
• How Jen embraces her “subtle arrogance”
• The best advice she’s ever received (even though she typically doesn’t listen to others’ advice): “Your book is good; you should write another one.”
• Two books that have helped Jen: Giftedness 101 by Linda Silverman and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
• How Jen helps others use their fire by modeling hers
• Why she wants parents to trust themselves and believe in themselves

Resources:

Find Jen:  Laughing At Chaos

Find Laughing At Chaos on Facebook and Twitter

Giftedness 101 by Linda Silverman

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson