Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

In this episode, I will be addressing a listener's question in a little more depth.

If you do not resonate with the example shared, then please replace "tattoo" with something that your partner has done that is against your wishes.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

• The benefits of working through the power struggle phase.
• Navigating the two main conflicting needs in relationship.
• Addressing differences in a safe, supportive and collaborative way.
• How to develop deeper levels of understanding and empathy when discussing a tender, emotional topic with your significant other.
• Gaining clarity about boundaries and agreements.
• Identifying and shifting out of critical and defensive patterns.

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet

Podcast:

• ERP 200: HOW TO USE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR CONNECTION, PART TWO
• ERP 199: HOW TO USE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR CONNECTION
• WHAT DOES THE DEVELOPMENT OF INTIMACY LOOK LIKE IN RELATIONSHIP?
• ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP
• ERP 013: BALANCING INTIMACY AND AUTONOMY IN RELATIONSHIP
• ERP 045: HOW TO GAIN SELF-CONFIDENCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
• ERP 006: MAKING AND KEEPING AGREEMENTS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
• ERP 116: HOW TO REGAIN TRUST AND SELF-CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU'VE LOST IT
• ERP 194: HOW TO ALCHEMIZE YOUR TRIGGERS INTO INSIGHT – AN INTERVIEW WITH TOBIN ZIVON

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In Part 2 of this series, Jessica dives deeper into the how-tos of building emotional connectivity with our partners in order to reaffirm trust and safety while negating criticism.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

• Healing the intimacy disconnect between unspoken fear and defensiveness.
• Why humans are designed to be in bonded relationships.
• Dr. Susan Johnson's research on the psychological repercussions of emotional independence.
• Differences between men and women in emotional responses and suppression.
• How to learn the road map of emotionally connected conversations.
• The feedback loop between vulnerability and security.
• The ability to find balance and the vital importance of at least one positive, early attachment parental figure.
• Why intimacy is rooted in empathy.

" Learning to love and be loved is, in effect, about learning to tune into our emotions so that we know what we need from a partner, and expressing those needs openly in a way that evokes sympathy and support from him or her." — Dr. Susan Johnson

Mentioned:

• ERP, How To Use Your Emotional Intelligence For Connection, Part One
• Love Sense by Dr. Susan Johnson
• Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Susan Johnson
• Shifting Criticism Into Connected Communication

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

All too often we get stuck in disconnect patterns when painful emotions arise in relationship. Most of the time, we don't even know we are hurting because we are only aware of our reactions...anger, frustration, criticism etc. When we lead with our reactions, our partner doesn't see our pain, and does not know how to help.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

• What would happen if we freeze framed the moment right before we react to our partner? What would we learn?
• How we often don't have a road map for how to be with our difficult emotions.
• The strategies we develop to cope with painful emotions in relationship.
• The purpose of emotion.
• What happens when we name painful emotions.
• The groundwork for empathy in relationship.

"Emotion is actually nature's exquisitely efficient information-processing and signaling system..." by Dr. Susan Johnson

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Podcast:

• ERP 189: HOW BEING "SELFISH" MAY BE THE BEST THING YOU DO FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP – AN INTERVIEW WITH DR. LAURA DABNEY
• ERP 194: HOW TO ALCHEMIZE YOUR TRIGGERS INTO INSIGHT – AN INTERVIEW WITH TOBIN ZIVON

Book: Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Noah St John:

Noah St. John, author of 15 books including the NEW book Power Habits®: The New Science for Making Success Automatic®

Noah St. John is known as "The Power Habits® Mentor" and is famous for helping people get rid of their head trash and make more money.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Noah St John and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• How people end up starving themselves of success.
• Recognizing the learning process of being successful.
• The interaction (and combined effect) of the inner game and the outer game.
• Identifying unconscious patterns.
• Assessing systems and strategies.
• What are power habits for happy couples
• Getting our brain to be in service of possibilities and positive outcomes.
• How to ask empowering questions.
• The elements of freedom lifestyle - time, energy, relationship, money.

Mentioned:

ERP 140: HOW PAIN AND SUFFERING INCREASE & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

ERP 141: HOW TO DECREASE RELATIONSHIP PAIN AND SUFFERING

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/noahstjohn

Website: www.NoahStJohn.com

Instagram: @noahstjohn

Book: www.PowerHabitsBook.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Today, we are continuing the conversation about how to cultivate a more loving presence through the Five A's offered by David Richo.

The Five A's are Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing.

If you missed episode ERP 195: 5 Essential Elements Of Love - Part- One, I encourage you to listen to it before listening to this episode, as it gives context for this conversation as well as discusses the first 2 A's.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

• The challenges of not receiving appreciation and how this can affect us both personally and relationally.
• How offering specific appreciations can increase the positive impact.
• Affection refers not just to physical contact, but also to the feeling of being close through conversation, gestures, and presence.
• Allowing means letting someone be themselves and giving them the freedom to do things in their own way.
• The difference between trying to control your partner and setting limits and boundaries for yourself.
• The importance of giving the 5 A's to others AND giving the 5 A's to ourselves.

"Being a fair witness requires a healthy ego, because distance and objectivity are unavailable to someone with poor boundaries, no tolerance of ambiguity, and no sense of a personal center." by David Richo

Mentioned:

Podcast:

• ERP 195: 5 ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF LOVE
• ERP 036: HOW TO OFFER THE GIFT OF LISTENING
• ERP 089: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION
• ERP 090: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION – PART TWO

Website: David Richo's website

Book: How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living, by David Richo

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In the book, "How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living," David Richo offers us 5 essential practices of love.

David calls these practices the "Five A's," which are attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.

"What we need for the building of a self is precisely what we need for happiness in our adult love relationships." by David Richo

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

• Our human need for the 5 A's occurs throughout our lifespan in order to thrive and feel secure.
• Giving and receiving the 5 A's with a significant other can reduce stress, anxiety, depression, as well as can help heal wounds from previous relationship trauma.
• The importance of giving the 5 A's to others AND giving the 5 A's to ourselves.
• A description of the first 2 (of the 5) A's: Attention and Acceptance.

"Love from another adult does more than just satisfy us in the present. It ripples back in time for us, repairing, restoring, and renovating an inadequate past." by David Richo

Mentioned:

Podcast:

• ERP 036: HOW TO OFFER THE GIFT OF LISTENING
• ERP 189: HOW BEING "SELFISH" MAY BE THE BEST THING YOU DO FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP – AN INTERVIEW WITH DR. LAURA DABNEY
• ERP 089: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION
• ERP 090: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION – PART TWO

Website: David Richo's website

Book: How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living, by David Richo

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Robert MacNaughton: Robert MacNaughton is an executive leadership coach and facilitator who teaches about how to skillfully reconcile seemingly contradictory world-views in relationships, organization, and culture. Robert is an authority in the fields of Integral business, behavioral development, and experiential education. Robert focuses on supporting leaders with execution strategies, designing work culture, and navigating interpersonal conflict both personally and professionally.

Robert founded The Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado in association with renowned philosopher Ken Wilber. As its CEO, Robert managed five profit centers and supervised over 100 contractors, teachers, facilitators, and community leaders in over 25 cities globally

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Robert MacNaughton and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• The difference between relating and relationship.
• What integral theory is and how it relates in our lives and our relationships.
• The line of development that can be traced in our lives.
• Cultivating tools for your communication toolbox.
• The art and science of setting context.
• How partners experience conflict at different stages.
• Negotiating relationship between partners at different stages.

"Be on the lookout for your canaries in the coal mine." — Robert MacNaughton

Mentioned:

Twitter: @rmacnaughton

Website: IntegralCentered.com

The Daily Evolver: The First Church of the Integral

Forbes: Millennials, This Is What Your Quarter-Life Crisis Is Telling You

Emerge Podcast: Robert MacNaughton – Learnings from the Life and Death of the Integral Center

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Tobin Zivon: Tobin Zivon has been a love, intimacy and sacred sexuality coach for over two and a half decades.

The author of The Art of Mindful Living, Tobin helps groups, couples and individuals blossom to their highest potential. His brilliance shines most brightly when working with men, women and couples in the realms of love, intimacy and sacred sexuality. Tobin has been lovingly nicknamed the "couples whisperer" and has worked with thousands of individuals and couples to break through to a new, more fulfilling and connected love life.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Tobin Zivon and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• How to unlock repetitive frustration patterns and power struggles in relationships.
• Why and how frustrating patterns start in the first place.
• The "divine design" present in 99% of relationships.
• Optimizing love and the two-step dance of embodying our true potential in the areas of love and intimacy.
• Being armed with the skillful means and tools to get at the root of ourselves and our relationships is the second step.
• The traumas and imprints within each of us and learning to live with and through them.
• Common frustrations of the masculine and feminine and how they play into each other.
• The surprising keys for dissolving power struggles (and what keeps them in place).

"If you have the capacity to, first and foremost, meet that [heat] with loving awareness – a willingness to feel - we are starting to drive a wedge into it in that moment. Any moment, any millisecond, that we are feeling, as opposed to letting it run the show or stuffing it down and pretending it doesn't exist, then we are actually doing that alchemy; we are actually healing a part of our being that was imprinted from before this person who's in front of us." — Tobin Zivon

Mentioned:

Facebook: Tobin Zivon

Website: TobinZivon.com & Relationship-Mastery-Secrets.com

Instagram: @tobinzivon

Book: The Art of Mindful Living

Book Reference: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose – Eckhart Tolle

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Amy E. Smith: Amy E. Smith is a certified confidence coach, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-love.

With acute focus on helping people "find their voice", she is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Amy E. Smith and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• Common blocks to our happiness and joy.
• Ways to identify our feelings of "not enoughness."
• Key approaches to experiencing self-love and inner worth.
• Emotions deliver valuable messages – they are not good or bad.
• Ways to develop and access new neuropathways to positive experiences.
• Changing how you see yourself takes massive repetition before it becomes the norm.
• It's what you do "in the field" that makes a difference.

"It comes down to your beliefs about yourself, which then inform your self-talk. How you are speaking to yourself, that really does become your reality." — Amy E. Smith

Mentioned:

Twitter: @thejoyjunkie

Facebook: The Joy Junkie After Hours Club with Amy E. Smith

Website: TheJoyJunkie.com

FREE eWorkbook: Stand up for Yourself without Being a Dick

Instagram: @thejoyjunkie

Show: The Joy Junkie Show

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Lindsay is a financial therapist dedicated to bringing couples the knowledge they need about personal finances to deepen their relationships. I'm passionate about helping couples feel at peace with their money. It's my mission to open up a dialogue with my clients to talk about their money beyond the dollars and cents so they can feel darn good about how their money is working for them.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Lindsay Bryan-Podvin and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• The importance of developing financial intimacy.
• How to negotiate differences around money.
• Budgeting does not equate to money talk.
• When to hit the therapy help button.
• Compassion and self-understanding are key to a healthy conversation around money.
• Financial anxiety can manifest into real, tangible financial problems if it's not addressed.
• Schedule frequent "money dates" to talk about your goals, needs and values.
• When each partner can lean into their natural strengths about money, both are empowered.

"Money dates are some of the sexiest dates you can have!" - Lindsay Bryan-Podvin

Mentioned:

Website: www.mindmoneybalance.com

Book: The Financial Anxiety Solution (to be released in 2020)

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/LindsayBryan-Podvin

Pinterest: mindmoneybalance

Instagram: mindmoneybalance

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.