Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Unfortunately, there may come a point in relationship, where we are in enough distress, discontent and disconnect, that we question our relationship or marriage.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Four relationship dealbreakers (in general) that extremely difficult to overcome.
• Often, we need to say no to unhealthy patterns, to take a stand for health and connection.
• When saying "no," we are saying no to the behavior or dynamic, not our partner.
• Life can feel complicated with various stressors (i.e., financial and career stress, parenting and family issues, health and mental health issues,, etc), and it can be difficult to have clarity on the root issues.
• 11 areas of relationship dysfunction to consider when evaluating the health of your relationship.
• Ultimately, you have to make a decision. No one can tell you what is right. Do your best to get clear and aligned in your own body, heart, mind and gut.

MENTIONED:

• ERP 165: HOW TO MANAGE SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUES AND RECOVERY IN RELATIONSHIP – DR. ROBERT NAVARRA (Podcast)
• ERP 175: HOW TO HEAL FROM AN AFFAIR – AN INTERVIEW WITH SCOTT WOOLLEY (Podcast)
• ERP 104: HOW CAN INFIDELITY MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER?(Podcast)
• ERP 149: 4 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN YOU ARE UNCERTAIN ABOUT A DECISION (Podcast)
• ERP 125: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE (Podcast)
• ERP 128: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART TWO(Podcast)
• ERP 129: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART THREE(Podcast)
• ERP 130: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART FOUR(Podcast)
• ERP 131: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART FIVE(Podcast)
• ERP 001: TURNING CONFUSION INTO CLARITY (WHEN YOU ARE FEELING STUCK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP) (Podcast)
• Photo by Megan Menegay on Unsplash (photo credit)

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email:[email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

GUEST GABRIELLE USATYNSKI:

Gabrielle Usatynski, MA, is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Power Couples Counseling in Boulder, CO. She has been in private practice since 2008 and specializes in couples therapy. She is trained in PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy).

Gabrielle has been named 2018 and 2019 Best Marriage Counselor of Louisville by the Louisville Awards Program. She teaches a masterclass on personality disorders in couples therapy to other clinicians in the Boulder area.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

IN THIS EPISODE, GABRIELLE USATYNSKY AND DR. JESSICA HIGGINS DISCUSS:

• What it means for a person to have a personality disorder.
• How a personality disorder develops.
• The evolution of our understanding of personality disorders over time.
• Mistakes we tend to make when trying to learn if our partner has a personality disorder.
• What to keep in mind when looking for a good partner and what to focus on when developing a quality relationship.
• How to have a good relationship with someone who has a personality disorder.

"We don't do things differently with people who have personality disorders than we do with people who don't. We're still holding the same container for people to create relationships that are based on safety and security, that are based on distress relief, fostering each other's wellbeing, boosting each other's self-esteem – these types of principles that couples can subscribe to, because we know that's what makes relationships work." — Gabrielle Usatynsky

Change occurs … "when they choose to commit to something greater than themselves, and that is the relationship." — Gabrielle Usatynsky

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLE USATYNSKI, MA:

Website: PowerCouplesCounseling.com

Book: How to Stop Stressful Fights with Your Partner

MENTIONED:

• Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Dr. Stan Tatkin

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email:[email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In this episode, Bento Leal and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• How Bento got involved in the field of relationship skills.
• Some of the biggest problems in interpersonal communication.
• The 4 Keys to Effective Communication.
• The number one skill for everyone.
• It's not just about receiving information, it's about getting where the other person is coming from, especially on an emotional topic.
• Listen all the way through, don't get defense or take it as an attack to try and hurt you.
• There are listening rules and speaking rules, which all start with an undercurrent of respect.
• When kids can see their parents talk about things in a skillful way, they will feel safe and see that their parents are able to work things out.

"Nurture your relationship garden. Each relationship is its own garden." — Bento Leal

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

About Bento Leal: Bento Leal is a Relationships Skills Trainer and Bestselling Author who has taught marriage and relationship skills classes and parenting skills classes to more than 2500 couples and singles at family resource centers, community organizations, churches, substance abuse recovery programs, county jails and federal prison.

In 2017, he published his first book "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work—Anywhere!" It continues to be an Amazon Best Seller in several categories and has sold more than 40,000 copies.

Mentioned:

Website: BentoLeal.com

Email: [email protected]

Book: 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work – Anywhere!

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Last week's episode (177), I discussed how difficult it can be when feeling distressed, threatened, and reactive to engage in comfort with a significant other.

As one of my clients puts so well "Why would I want comfort from you, when you are they one that is causing me pain!"

Many of us did not get the experience of having comfort when we were young. Thus, we developed ways to deal with it, but more importantly, we don't have an internal system that we can trust to turn towards comfort and soothing in relationship.

In episode 177, I offered some of the research to help give some general guidance in how to offer comfort.

It is worth noting that there are typically some gender differences to consider, when offering comfort.

Here is an article that might be helpful when contemplating how to offer comfort to a man: How to Comfort a Man, Co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC

For women, I would point to the tips mentioned in episode 177:

1. Accept and listen to your partner.
2. Understand the hurt.
3. Be with the pain.
4. Offer reflection and validation.
5. Offer care and help.
6. Show remorse, if appropriate.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

Today, we are going to explore how to offer comfort to your partner in ways that are specific and unique to them.

DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE (REFERENCING WIRED FOR LOVE, BY DR. STAN TATKIN):

• The importance of learning what comfort feels like for your partner.
• How to become an expert on your partner.
• Learning ways to lift up, reassure, and comfort when your partner is feeling vulnerable.
• Knowing your specific vulnerabilities.
• Knowing your partner's specific vulnerabilities.
• Knowing the antidotes to your vulnerabilities
• Knowing the antidotes to their vulnerabilities.

In successful relationships,"Both partners seem to have read and carefully studied the owner's manual for their relationship and for each other." by Dr. Stan Tatkin

MENTIONED:

• ERP 177: How to offer Comfort to Your Significant Other (podcast)
• Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Dr. Stan Tatkin
• How to Comfort a Man, Co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC
• ERP 068: What Women Really Want…Really! With Dr. Kathryn Foster (podcast)
• Relationship Map (opt-in download)
• Dr. Susan Johnson (website)
• Dr. John Gottman (website)
• Photo by Yuri Levin on Unsplash

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Discussed In This Episode:

• During stress, ways we get it wrong when we try to comfort our partner.
• How offering physical and emotional closeness is one of the most powerful ways to offer comfort.
• Ways to provide physical closeness (i.e. hugging, holding, sitting close).
• General ways to offer emotional closeness:
• 1. Accept and listen to your partner.
• 2. Understand the hurt.
• 3. Be with the pain.
• 4. Offer reflection and validation.
• 5. Offer care and help.
• 6. Show remorse, if appropriate.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) Mentioned:

• ERP 176: How to Give and Receive Influence – an Interview with Dr. Keith Witt (podcast)
• Relationship Map (opt-in download)
• Dr. Susan Johnson (website)
• Dr. John Gottman (website)
• Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

Connect With Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

Transcript:

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In This Episode, Dr. Keith Witt And Dr. Jessica Higgins Discuss:

• Understanding intersubjectivity – the unique space that exists between two people.
• Recognizing the powerful impact and influence of our emotional states on each other in relationship.
• Learning how to manage and shift out of reactive, defensive, and negative states and how to amplify positive states.
• Attending to the three foundations of a relationship; tending to your friendship, love affair, and capacity to heal injuries.
• Love can work between almost any human being if they're willing to learn how to cultivate positive, effective states with each other and regulate the negative states.

"In general, what characterizes a happy couple is that mostly they have positive states towards each other; they're mostly influencing each other with positive emotions." – Keith Witt

Mentioned:

• ERP 093: HOW THE "SHADOW" INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
• ERP 050: EXPLORING LOVE & CONSCIOUS EVOLUTION WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
• Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness (book)
• Integral Mindfulness: From Clueless to dialed In (book)
• The Attuned Family: How To Be a Great Parent To Your Kids and a Great Lover To Your Spouse (book)
• Sessions:: All Therapy Supports Relationships Integrating Towards Unity (book)
• The Gift of Shame: Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow (book)
• Waking Up: Psychotherapy as Art, Spirituality, And Science(book)
• Loving Completely: A Five Star Practice for Creating Great Relationships (book)
• Dr. Keith Witt – A Five Star Practice for Creating Beautiful Relationships (TEDxAmericanRiviera)
• Two rules for guys: Dr. Keith Witt (TEDxAmericanRiviera)
• 100 reasons not to have the secret affair: Keith Witt(TEDxAmericanRiviera)

Connect With Dr. Keith Witt:

Website: www.drkeithwitt.com

Books: amazon.com/Keith-Witt

Connect With Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

Transcript:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 176: How to Give and Receive Influence – an Interview with Dr. Keith Witt

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins and Dr. Scott Woolley discuss:

• Understanding the motivating factors of an affair and trusting it won't happen again.
• The internal working models of attachment about who we are, who other people are, and how we relate to them.
• The destructive impacts of taking revenge, public shaming, and waiting to make significant decisions.

Key Takeaways:

• The three motivating factors for affairs are a reaction to what's going on or an attempt to change the relationship; protest or revenge; and relationship burnout.
• When talking to your partner about their pain and you are expressing genuine remorse over the suffering they are experiencing, you are with them at a fundamental level, and that starts the healing process.
• If people want to go through the process to save their relationship, it's possible, but it will take a lot of dedicated time and work for both partners, but it can be accomplished.

"Don't give up on healing your relationship; it's possible that your relationship can be better than it has ever been." - Scott Woolley

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss; please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Connect with Dr. Scott Woolley:

Website: www.drscottwoolley.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

Audio production by Turnkey Podcast Productions. You're the expert. Your podcast will prove it.

Guest Byron Katie:

In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year spiral into depression, rage, and self-loathing, Byron Katie woke up one morning to a state of constant joy that has never left her. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered, but that when she questioned them, she didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of inquiry is called The Work.

The Work consists of four questions and the turnarounds, which are a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. When you question a thought, you see around it to the choices beyond suffering.

Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than thirty years. Her public events, weekend workshops, five-day intensives, nine-day School for The Work, and 28-day residential Turnaround House have brought freedom to people all over the world.

Byron Katie's books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself. For more information, visit thework.com.

In this episode, Bryon Katie and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

• The source of suffering is often what you are thinking and believing in any situation.
• Our judgments come between connection.
• The Work is a self-inquiry process to identify your thoughts, thinking, and believing; and then to question them through the Four Questions and Turnarounds.
• Our ego takes over our lives when are being our thoughts and thinking without self-inquiry.
• The Work is a meditative process, which includes getting still and getting in touch with your fullter experience.
• It takes courage to question our thinking, thoughts, and believing, to see our part, and look at ourselves from a different perspective.
• We are more powerful that what we are thinking or believing.
• The Work calls on us to take responsibility for our actions, thinking and life.
• The Work allows us to wake up to our true reality of our nature.

Takeaways:

• With The Work, we can heal ourselves, and when we meet the next human being, we are more aware and enlightened to ourselves.
• There may only be six questions on the worksheet. However, it may take a week, or it might take two weeks, but go deeply.
• The Work is an inquiry; it's a way to identify the thought that you're thinking and believing in an actual situation in the past or situations that you imagine will happen in the future. The situations that you may fear or dread.

"If I can get free, then anyone can get free, it's a process. We either believe our thoughts, or we question them, there is no other choice." — Byron Katie

Mentioned:

• Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (Byron Katie's website) Scroll down to the bottom or the page. You can also find the "One-Belief-at-a-Time Worksheet" as well.
• Byron Katie's story (website - about page)
• The Work (website)
• Byron Katie's events (website)
• Loving What Is (book) (please use this hyperlink)
• I Need Your Love—Is That True? (book) (please use this hyperlink)

• A Thousand Names for Joy (book) (please use this hyperlink)

• A Mind at Home with Itself (book) (please use this hyperlink)

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss; please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Referenced Documents:

The Work Worksheet

Connect with Byron Katie:

Twitter: @ByronKatie

Facebook: facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie

Website: thework.com

Book: thework.com/books

YouTube: youtube.com/Thework

Instagram: instagram.com/byron.katie

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

Guest David Emerald :

David Emerald Womeldorff is the Creator-in-Chief of the 3 Vital Questions® leadership frameworks proven to powerfully boost teamwork and productivity. Thousands of people and organizations have achieved breakthroughs by applying his self-leadership techniques and attending his seminars worldwide. David and his wife and business partner Donna Zajonc (sajon) MCC have developed the frameworks that form the basis of the engaging workplace fable, 3 Vital Questions:Transforming Workplace Drama.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins and David Emerald discuss:

• Understanding the Drama Triangle and the three roles involved.
• The distinction between victimization and victimhood.
• Learning the Empowerment Dynamic and the three roles.
• The opposite of a victim position is a creator position.
• How telling a person that they are acting as a victim will trigger reactivity.
• Within the Drama Triangle, we focus on the problem. Within the Empowerment Dynamic, the focus is on the desired outcome.

Key Takeaways:

• The three roles in the Drama Triangle are victim, challenger, and rescuer.
• The antidote to the Drama Triangle roles is the Empowerment Dynamic roles, creator, persecutor, and helper.
• It's natural to look at a problem and try to solve the problem. When the intention and the focus on the issue, it can spin us into this very hopeless, not empowered, lack of control place.
• The way we can escape the drama triangle is by shifting our focus to what we want to experience. For example,"What is it that we really want?"

"A problem is rarely ever solved from within the victim orientation." — David Emerald

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss; please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Referenced Episodes:

156 What Happens When You Feel Like A Victim In Relationship

157 How to Shift Out of The Victim Position

Links Mentioned:

• Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic): 10th Anniversary Edition (book)
• 3 Vital Questions (website)
• Power of Ted (website)
• Power of Ted Workshop

Connect with David Emerald:

Twitter: @powerofted

Facebook: David Emerald The Power of TED

Website: powerofted.com & 3vitalquestions.com

Pinterest: pinterest.com/powerofted

YouTube: The Power of TED

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: [email protected]

In episode ERP 171, I read a listener's question and I shared some examples of different types of manipulative behavior. I also offered the first 2 tips on how to deal with manipulative behavior in relationship. If you missed it, I encourage you to check it out.

To recap, the first two tips of How To Deal With Manipulative Behavior:

1. Identify The Manipulative Behavior

2. Focus On Your Power, Strength, And Goodness

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

HOW TO DEAL WITH MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR (4 OF 6):

3. Work on Differentiating:

"The ability to balance our needs for autonomy and attachment is called differentiation. Differentiation is a scientific process that occurs in all species. For humans, it is about becoming more of a unique individual and a solid person through relationships with others." by Dr. David Schnarch

• Dr. David Schnarch's 4 Points of Balance:
  1. Solid flexible self
  2. Quiet mind and calm heart
  3. Grounded responding
  4. Meaningful Endurance
• Use visualization techniques to help yourself.

"I can't tell you how many clients have said, when they're in their 20s or 30s: 'You know, when I looked at my dad, I realized I'm a foot taller than him.' And it was a revelation because they still felt so much littler. So being able to reverse that and recognize, 'Oh, I'm starting to feel small now, but wait a minute — I'm not,' can be helpful." Because, he says, "that's the point of it. That's how people manipulate. They make you feel small because that gives them more power." by Dr. Dan Neuharth

4. Set Limits and Boundaries:

• Know your options. For example, "If this happens, then I will do xyz."
• Use time as a resource. Don't feel pressured to respond to any on-the-spot request.
• Learn to say "no" diplomatically but firmly. Speaking the truth with tact.
• Have an honest and open conversation, with support if needed.
• Create some distance, if the person is unwilling to work with you.

5. Deal with Grief and Loss:

• Accepting that the person may not change.
• Deal with the limitations of the relationship.
• Grieve not having the relationship you hoped for, imagined, or longed for.

6. Hold a Mirror:

• In the article, "How to Recognize and Handle Manipulative Relationship," by Preston Ni, he described this concept of "holding a mirror" up to someone who may be making an unreasonable request.
• Put the focus back on them using probing questions.
• Reflect back the request and look at it together. Hopefully, the person will see the inequity of their request and reconsider.

MENTIONED:

• ERP 171: HOW TO DEAL WITH MANIPULATION IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
• How to Recognize and Handle Manipulative Relationship, by Preston Ni (article)
• The Crucible 4 Points of Balance, by Dr. David Schnarch (article)
• ERP 135: HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF AND LOSS IN RELATIONSHIP – PART ONE (podcast)
• ERP 136: HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF AND LOSS IN RELATIONSHIP – PART TWO (podcast)
• ERP 169: WHAT TO DO WHEN DEPRESSION TAKES HOLD IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP – DR. SUSAN HEITLER (podcast)
• ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
• Intimacy & Desire (book)
• Passionate Marriage (book)
• Photo by Sebastian Pichler on Unsplash

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode:

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! ❤

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.