The Problems: John’s commercial opportunities; Dio’s “Oh, Holy (Diver) Night”; the steer’s troubled path from dandelion field to doily thingee; ★★★★ men, kneeling to be all they can-can be; dialing down the ping-pong talk; harmonica convergence with Blind “Melon” Jefferson; directing John towards the third hole; Spokane’s Amityville Horror; Clapton and Beck concerns; a natural assumption of Englishness; bad judgement re: Merlin’s sailor suit; band-to-drug preferences; many metal memories; finding consolation in an orange flight suit; benefitting from Scorpions’ hop to Asia; John bist rocken mit Matthias Jabs; again with The Cold War; speculation on J. Edgar Hoover’s head games; Locke v. Hobbes and kayfabe v. omertà; what goes unsaid in the South; backronymous Arby’s and their liquid meats (yes, sir!); John’s complex relationship with BMs and BMI; return of The Simple Butcher; the exponential problems of dander; locavore fistfights hit the PNW; a more plausible explanation for how truckers probably pee; regional penetration on the Trail of Steers; the Patty Hearst place near the Phở; Synchronicity and Diversity; the real secret behind conspiracy theories; yet more talk about dander, pee, and steer; John struggles with a bespoke jacket from the Blitz; leathery Grinder on trial; John formally falls back on this lucrative podcast racket; at length, John’s intimacy with the corridors of power; and, just really so much talk about “Pump Chili.”

[Special thanks to our pal, Jonathan Coulton, for generously inviting John to use his studio–and for not minding some gentle blow-suck in his baby-powdered bass harmonica.]

“The Last Boy in the Dander Chain” by Ted Severson.