Edited highlights of our full length conversation.

Are you centered?

Kerry Sulkowicz is the Past-President of the American Psychoanalytic Association, and the Founder and Managing Principal of Boswell Group. They provide leadership advice to boards and CEOs.

Kerry and I have been friends for a long time, and he has taught me much about the psychodynamic aspects of leadership. Whenever we talk, his advice strikes me as clear and straightforward, and always very human.

Being centered doesn’t happen through accident, chance, or hope. It happens by intent. 

And that intent is driven by recognizing two obvious truths. 

Leadership is lonely.

And leadership is stressful. Much, much more so than many are willing to admit publicly.

The old-world view is that leadership demands that you project strength, certainty, invincibility. Even in the face of threats that can feel like they are existential - because these days, for many businesses, they might be.

If some days that means you feel like you’re a leader in a fight for survival, well, that’s not surprising. Because that’s exactly how your brain responds to that set of circumstances. 

And under that kind of stress, the part of your brain that’s responsible for executive function, for risk assessment, and problem-solving, and for planning, suddenly starts to develop tunnel vision. And at the same time, our amygdala kicks in and suddenly survival gets added to the emotional maelstrom, and then finally comes the impulse to hurry up and do something. Anything. 

Being centered is the shelter in that storm. It’s held up by a strong sense of self, by awareness and honesty about how you respond under stress, and it’s helped by having a clear and multi-faceted definition of success. 

Those foundations, when combined with a willingness to take a little time to turn down the short term noise, and dilute the adrenaline fueled feelings of urgency, will give you the ability to lean on yourself and think things through.

Leadership is sometimes about taking action and it is sometimes not.

But it is always about being centered.

So, how well do you know yourself?