This week, Chris scales the cliffs of the tigers, Matt gets court-martialed, and it’s time to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day (late) the introvert way (alone)!

Also, Matt creates a deeply foul concoction for a sparkly new segment of Choose Your Own Beverage (recipes below), Chris challenges his brother to a game of Interactive Fiction or Episode of Father Ted, Matt goes off on Graham Linehan’s recent twitter nonsense in response in a way that no one asked him to do but like c’mon man, the brothers try to call Canopian physical appearance, K-1 stands for karate, and the guys make quiz.

You Can’t Kill Me I’m Part Irish
A terrible mistake! Perfect for the kind of person who was all like “I don’t really want to go out on St. Patrick’s Day” but then on St. Patrick’s Day was all like “Oh man now I really do want to go out on St. Patrick’s Day” and then was kind of a weenie about it, like Matt always is.

• Get punch bowl
• Pour in 6 bottles of Guinness Draught Stout
• Pour in a 750ml bottle of Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey
• Drop in 6 bags of Irish Breakfast tea, allow to steep for 5-10 minutes
• Add a hefty splash of blackcurrant juice, or cordial if you have that
• (Blackcurrant juice too sour? Mix a heaping spoonful of honey in hot, hot water until it melts and dump it in to sweeten things up)
• (Optional) Squeeze a lime in there why not
• Drink or Toss Out

You Can’t Kill Me I’m Part Irish (non-alcoholic)
Unlike the original recipe, this recipe is drinkable.

• Blackcurrant juice
• Soda water
• Squeeze that lime
• CLASSY AND DELIGHTFUL

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Original illustrations by Judith Mitchell.