Part of what makes people in the US feel so alone after a miscarriage is that we have no cultural rites of passage to help us make sense of this experience. In 2017, Angela Elson’s article, The Japanese Art of Grieving A Miscarriage, was published in the New York Times, and we are so grateful to welcome her onto the show today as our guest. Angela’s piece is one of the most poignant articles about miscarriage and we recommend it to so many of our patients, so to get the opportunity to spend this time with her was really an honor. In Angela’s article, she chronicles her experience with a miscarriage and her journey of finding out about the Japanese custom that uses the Jizo figure to steward unborn babies into the afterlife. Angela got herself a Jizo statuette and talks about how she involved it in her life after her miscarriage. She describes the way it helped her turn her loss into something tangible and how this provided her with a way of processing it. We talk about the strangeness of American customs around grief and morning when it comes to miscarriages and the importance of having effective methods to share as well as process trauma. Our conversation also covers the relationships between friends and how we can learn to help each other through pain in the best possible ways. Be sure to tune in and hear Angela’s inspiring story today.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Angela’s experience with miscarriage and what prompted her to write her piece.
• The use of the Jizo figure in Japanese culture to steward stillborn children into the afterlife.
• Customs around pregnancy and miscarriage in the US versus Japan.
• Bizarre values around how to respond to miscarriages depending on when they happen.
• How the Jizo figure has helped Angela share her experiences of her miscarriage.
• The need to have more conversations around miscarriages and how this custom can help.
• Differences in how men and women grieve and how this affects relationships.
• The need to have tangible ways to express things as far as processing them.
• Advice from Angela for people who are going through a miscarriage.
• Other methods Angela used to process her grief and the need for more social support.
• The reality that having a successful pregnancy does not erase what happened.
• How to support your friends and how to show your friends how to support you.
• Angela weighs in on one thing she is grateful for right now.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

‘The Japanese Art of Grieving A Miscarriage’

RMA of New York

Mount Sinai Hospital

Fertility Forward on Instagram