"You, friend, listening to this, watching this right now, you are good. Period." ~ Pat Millea

• What's the real difference between failing at something and believing you are a failure?
• Why does the world have a vested interest in convincing you your worth is something you have to go earn?
• What happens when you build your identity on your mission instead of on your relationship with God?

In episode 104 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea sit with a truth most of us know in our heads but rarely trust in our hearts: you are good, not because of what you do, but because of who made you. Kenna opens up about a moment in spiritual direction that cracked something open for her, realizing that failing has to do with her actions, but shame goes deeper, straight to her sense of being.

They walk through a simple framework from their own spiritual direction called RIM: relationship, identity, and mission, moving clockwise like the rim of a bowl. Relationship with God comes first, identity flows from that relationship, and mission flows from identity. Most of us live it backwards, chasing our mission first and letting our performance tell us who we are, which is exactly how one bad meeting, one lost client, or one hard parenting moment convinces us we're worthless.

Pat shares a story from his years in youth ministry about a student whose entire identity was wrapped up in sports, and what happened to that identity the moment a torn ACL took the sport away. They also get into the difference between true humility and the "fishing for compliments" version so many Christians default to, and close with two of their favorite lines on identity, one from Aslan in Prince Caspian, and one from a fifth century doctor of the church named Peter Chrysologus.

Episode 104 Show Notes

Reflection Questions

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open
• (00:47) - Welcome Back and Today's Topic
• (01:20) - The Good or Bad Game
• (07:01) - Highs and Hards
• (13:09) - Failing vs. Feeling Shame
• (15:26) - The World's Vested Interest in Your Insecurity
• (19:02) - The Athlete Who Lost His Identity
• (25:00) - Introducing the RIM Framework
• (28:05) - Living It Backwards
• (34:57) - Why We'd Rather Hustle Than Rest
• (41:15) - Holding Sin and Goodness Together
• (45:13) - Two Closing Quotes on Identity
• (48:38) - Closing Prayer

Links and Resources:

• Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis
• St. Peter Chrysologus (Catholic Encyclopedia)
• Catholic Heart Work Camp

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Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.