“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone."
~ Matthew 18:15

Why do I get caught in the middle of arguments in my family?
Why is it so tempting to bring someone else into a tense situation?
How do I break the cycle of being brought into triangles among my family & friends?

In Episode 74 of This Whole Life, Kenna Millea welcomes Ben Baker, LMFT and Addy Diaz for a lively Relationship Roundtable all about “triangulation”—that sneaky dynamic that can pop up in families, friendships, and work relationships alike. The team breaks down what triangulation actually is (spoiler: it’s more common—and human—than you think), how to spot it in real life, and why we’re all tempted to avoid tension by pulling in a third person, habit, or even technology. With honest stories, practical metaphors (think wobbly tables and silent dinners), and plenty of humor, they explore how triangles can sometimes stabilize a relationship—but also block the deeper connection we’re really seeking. Tune in for relatable insights, gentle challenges, and actionable tips on how to recognize, understand, and break out of unhealthy triangles for healthier, more authentic relationships.

Episode 74 Show Notes

Chapters:

0:00: Introduction and becoming a therapist
8:32: What is triangulation?
19:48: Triangles are stabilizing - even harmful ones
26:23: How do we recognize triangulation?
33:21: What causes triangles?
44:47: How do I get out of a triangle?
52:55: Challenge By Choice

Reflection Questions:

1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?
2. When have you been brought into a triangle? When have you triangulated someone or something else?
3. How does it feel when you've been dragged into a triangle? Why does it feel that way?
4. Why are triangles so stabilizing? When are they healthy and unhealthy?
5. When are you most tempted to triangulate others? How can you get out of triangles when they happen?

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.