This week, the Buds dissect the internet pile‑on over a Sydney Sweeney/American Eagle promo that some corners of the web decided looked… historically yikes. We sort rumor from reality and ask why the timeline keeps cosplaying as the outrage Olympics. Then: America’s obese dog epidemic—how our fur babies became fur boulders (and what actually helps). Finally, a woman gets ghosted by her AI boyfriend while juggling a real boyfriend in Rome—proof that even robots need “space.” It’s brand safety meets belly rubs meets binary heartbreak, all in one cursed carousel.