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Episode 124: How To Overcome The “Sunday Scaries”
Has this ever happened to you?
Unfortunately, you have come down with a case of the “Sunday Scaries.”
According to a recent survey from LinkedIn, 66% of all employees regularly feel this way on Sunday evening. This is true even if they love their jobs!
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about How To Overcome The “Sunday Scaries”.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Are any of these statements true about you?
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode124
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Year podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Mus. • • • So, um, I'm wondering if this has ever happened to you. • • • You're having a nice weekend, you're hanging out with your family, maybe see a couple of friends, • • • • and you're getting some things done around the house, you're running some errands, maybe one of your kids has a sports, • • um, um, commitment. And you know, you're just having a nice weekend. • • And then it's Sunday afternoon, it's, you know, it's late afternoon, it's early evening, and you kind of start to feel weird. You feel a little off, your stomach feels kind of weird. You're starting to feel a little bit anxious, a little stressed. • • • Maybe you're getting a headache, maybe you're a little more irritable, maybe you're just kind of restless • • and you're, you're not really sure what's going on with you. And so I wonder if that's ever happened to you on a Sunday afternoon, • • late afternoon, early evening. Well, • • if that's the case, • • • then you have the Sunday Scaris • • • • and the Sunday Scaries we're go goingna talk about on today's episode. • I just want you to know that this is something that's really common across all industries. • • There were some recent LinkedIn surveys. There was one in 2018, • • • • um, um, and another one more recently • • • • that said that across all industries • • • • employees • • • report that 66% of all employees regularly, • • um, deal with the Sunday scaries. • • And that 80% report that at some point in the past that they've felt these symptoms on a Sunday evening. • • • And so I said that it happens across all industries, but I actually think it can be extra tough • • for private school leaders and I'll explain why in a little bit. So this is something that a lot of us deal with. I know certainly I deal with it. And u, um, most Sunday nights over the course of my career and especially true if I'm coming back from a break. And so we want to make this better. And so on today's episode of the PrivateAller podcast, we are re going to talk about how to overcome the Sunday Scaris. • • • •
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders
So I want to ask you if any of these statements are true about You. So I'm going to ask you. I'm. I'm going toa name some things. I'm go going toa make some statements and I want you to think, you know, that's describing me. Okay. First of all, • um, • the tyranny of the urgent controls my day. And I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet. • • So when the kids and the teachers leave, • you start working on your important tasks. Okay. Number two, • • • I feel. • • Sometimes I feel discouraged or lonely or exhausted or stressed out and I'm just not sure that my job is sustainable. • • • • I'm wondering if you ever feel that way. Number three, • • • • my school invades every part of my professional and personal life. • Wonder if that's true about you. • • Um, um. Number four, I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • • And number five, I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes. • • • • • So I wonder if any of those statements describes • • you. • • • • Well, I've felt all of those • feelings many times during my career. • • And that's why I created the PSL Pro membership. And PSL stands for Private School Leader. And PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supportive, • supported. And so you'll get inside PSL Pro. You'll get access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually get it and get you. • • We go Live • U, um, • every week form, um, • once a month, a MasterC class, a success Path coaching session. • We have twice a month where we do the We get it roundtable sessions. • • Once a month, a live Q and A that's about anything and everything related to private school leadership • • • and what the. And I want to talk for a minute about the PSL Pro Success Path. So • • • • I've created this success path where it has five levels • • and • you pick the level that you are on. And so for example, there's the overwhelm Drifter and there's the intentional architect and there's the U, um, Skilled builder and there's the fulfilled mentor. And you're like, okay, well how on earth would I would I figure that out? Well, • • • • I'll tell you in a moment. But you go and there's descriptors and how you feel and how you think and what you're doing. And then you figure out where you are, what level you're at. And then PSLO Success Path gives you a step by step plan to take you all the Way up through the levels to the fulfilled mentor. • • And the way you get there is through the content that's inside Thrive Academy. And that's my signature online digital course. And what I've done is taken it and repackaged it, reconfigured it into the different levels of this, um, PSL Pro success path. So it's easier to understand it when you see it than when you hear it. • And you can learn more about joining the PSL Pro community by going to the privategaleider.com • membership. But again, this is a membership with other school leaders. They get it, they get you. There's going to be going live once a week. You're going to have a very specific success path that's going to help you. You're not going to get overwhelmed, you're going to know exactly what to do next. And it's a step by step by step • • process to help you grow as a leader, but also to help you go from feeling the way you, you feel • • in those things that I described to getting what you want and being that fulfilled and energized and happy • • leader. And so again, that's, uh, at the privatescchoolade leader.com membership excited. Just launched that this week and I'd love for you to check that out. And then lastly, I want to give you a free gift to say thank you • • • for listening to the podcast. And this one's called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • And we know that working with parents is part of the job. And most of our parents are great, but some of them can be demanding and emotional and difficult. And so this guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So if you go to the privatescchoolder.com Parents, you can grab this free guide called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • And that's@the privatescchooler.com parents free to you just as, uh, a thank you for listening to the podcast every week. •
Sunday scaries are anxiety that starts to set in as weekend draws to close
So on today's episode, we are going to • • talk about the Sunday scaries. • • And we're going to break this down into three parts. • First, we're going to define what are the Sunday scaries? • • And then we're going to talk about why do the Sunday scaries happen? • • And then third, we're going to talk about strategies to reduce the Sunday scaries. • • So let's begin by defining what are the Sunday scari. So it's also known as the Sunday blues. Um, • • there's some, some other names out there, but this seems to be the one that's kind of • • most popular right now. But it just refers to anxiety and even a sense of dread that starts to set in as the weekend draws to a close. • • • • • • And I wonder, you know, if that's something that you deal with • • every Sunday, • • • • • if it's something you never deal with. I think it's still worthwhile for you to listen to the rest of this episode because it might be something that you deal with in the future. • • But as the weekend's drawing to close, the anxiety starts to rise • and you feel this increased strength, stress, um, sense of stress and worry • • and there's just pressure as you start to antic. Anticipate the week ahead and Monday morning. And, and like I said at the top of the episode, I do feel like that even though this is something that people across all industries experience, that I think that the reason that for private school leaders it might even be a little worse • • • • is because of how complex our jobs are. There's so much complexity when it comes to the students and the teachers and the parents and the board and the facilities and the finance and the marketing and the retention and the transportation and the sports program and the spring musical. And I could go on for a couple of hours listing all of the things that are part of your job. • • • • There's a lot of complexity. • There's a lot of unknowns, • and I think that that contributes to the way you feel on Sunday night. • • And so while this is natural and normal to feel • • • • some apprehension or some anxiety about a, uh, busy work week, • • • • it'research shows that the Sunday scaries tend to amplify that stress • • • and makes it harder to transition from being relaxed • and being in kind of that weekend mode to being in work mode. And let's face it, that's not easy to do in the first place. Like when you come back from a vacation • • • or you, you know, just period, trying to go from being relaxed to back into your work mode. That's not easy. And the Sunday scaries make it harder. • • And, uh, I talked before about, like, how this can feel. It can, it can show up physically with like, stomachaches or headaches. • It can show up emotionally with just like, feeling overwhelmed or, or anxious or feeling a little hopeless. • • And it can actually show up cognitively by like, having it be that it's. You're having trouble concentrating and you're having a lot of invasive thoughts about the upcoming week. And then that can lead to trouble sleeping on Sunday night. • • • And, um, um, • • • the thing that I'll mention again is, for me at least, • • • • • • • the Sunday evening feelings that we're talking about • are often much worse for me when I'm coming back from a break. So if you're off for a week for spring break or • winter break or Christmas break, whatever, and it's the Monday, you know, it's the first day back that, that evening before, • • I'm not always in very good shape. Okay, so that's what they are.
Five reasons why the Sunday scaries happen and seven strategies to reduce them
Now let's talk about why they happen. So I have five reasons here why the Sunday scaries happen. • • • And as usual, I'm going to take good care of you in the show notes. And those are found@the privateschoolader.com Episode 124. • • And • not only for why they happen here, but when we get to the list of strategies for how to reduce the Sunday scaries, there's actually seven strategies. • And since I often encourage you to listen to the podcast while you're doing something else, I'm not expecting that you're going to remember all of this. So just listen, take it in, and then that'll be there for you in the show notes, um, when you want to return to it. So why do the Sunday scaries happen? Number one, because of anticipatory anxiety. • • • So we are all creatures of habit and we like predictability. We know that at school that predictability and support is huge for kids to feel psychologically safe. • • • And • so we like the, we like them. Um, • the habit, the routine, the predictability of a routine • • and the start of a new week can feel kind of intimidating • • when we start thinking about what we might be dealing with. • • And that's where the anticipatory anxiety comes in. • • • • • • We're not sure what we're going to face. • • • You know, you've heard it said, no two days the same when you're a, uh, school leader. And so • • exactly like you, you could write a book about all of the stuff that, you know just this week, • um, um, • • • the different coaching clients that I have, some of the stuff that I've heard as far as like, that's happening at their school • • or what just happened before they jump on the coaching call or they get a text and they have to run to the thing • like, • • • • you know what I'm talking about. It's like, you can't make this stuff up, right? And so when you think about the stuff that you might face, • • • • • there can be some anticipatory • • anxiety. And then Sunday night almost becomes like a pre Monday morning kind of feeling. Okay, so why do the Sunday scaries happen. Number two • • • is because of work stress. • • So if you feel unprepared for tasks • • that are waiting for you at school • • • • and you're worried about unfinished tasks from the previous week or how many unread emails are in your email inbox, then that's going to cause your stress level to go up. And then when we're stressed, the fight or flight response is going to cause, um, some changes in our body because our body wants to keep us safe. And I want you to think about it this way. • You know, if the fight or flight response kicks in • • and it wants to keep us safe and it wants to, • • you know, flood our brains with cortisol and increase our heart rate, and the blood rushes to the extremities so that we can run away faster from, from the grizzly bear. • • • • • Your brain doesn't see the grizzly bear, and your brain starts to, like, think • • that the school is the grizzly bear. • • • • • • And • • as, uh, Sunday night starts to roll around and it gets dark and you're kind of getting ready for bed, your brain is, like, trying to keep you safe. And it's like, well, don't do that. Don't go there. • • • And so we'll get to one of the strategies that will help really • • • calm that down. • • Um, but that's what's happening inside of your body, • • um, many times when, • • uh, that stress level starts to go up. • • •
Third reason why Sunday scari happen is unfulfilled expectations
The third reason why Sunday scari happen is unfulfilled expectations. • • So let's think about this one for a minute. Sunday evening rolls around, • • and I don't know about you, but sometimes I start thinking about all the things that I didn't get to on the weekend. • • • • So whether it's chores, • • or maybe I wanted to exercise, • • • or maybe I wanted to, like, FaceTime with one of my daughters, • • or maybe I wanted to go out on a date with my wife, • • • or, • • uh, uh, • there's some project that I wanted to, like, work on, and I just feel like I'm behind and I didn't get to it and I didn't do the thing or I didn't make progress. And that just kind of like gets into this little • • cocktail of anxiety with some guilt thrown in there. • • • • • • So • it's not just about what's coming up on Monday morning. • • • It's about us looking back at the previous two days • • • and feeling emotions • • about what we didn't get to. • • • • And so there's this, like I said, it's just a mixture of emotions that's going on.
You can love your job and still hate Sunday nights
Okay, • • number four reason why we have Sunday scaries. Is a little bit of resentment. Okay, now I want to want you to hear this. You can love your job and still hate Sunday night. • • • • • So let me hit you with that again. You can love your job and still hate Sunday nights. There are a lot of people out there that feel certain ways on Sunday evening, even if they like their job. • • So this isn't an indictment on your job or saying that you need to get out of education or switch schools or • something just because you're feeling this way. • • There's a lot of things conspiring against you to make you feel this way that really have very little to do about how much you like your job. • • • And so that's why these strategies that we're going to get to in a moment are so important, because you might. It's hard enough what you do, • • and you also hopefully are not miserable at work. • • Um, and this unease and general unease and disappointment that you • • feel about the weekend ending. And it's the. Or just think about it this way. • • • • • How do you feel on that drive home from vacation? • • • • • • • On the one hand, you'reflecting on vacation. • • We had fun. It was great. The weather was good. • • • But you're still kind of bummed. • • • I mean, • I'm looking forward to getting back to sleeping in my bed, but I'm bummed when the week at, uh, the Jersey shore comes to an end and we're driving home. • • And so think about Sunday night as being kind of like that drive home from vacation. But it happens every week, • • • so there's a little bit of that in there. And then number five is lack of boundaries between school and home is another reason why the Sunday scaries happen, because there's just no boundaries. School is like water. Water goes wherever it wants to. And if it is invading every nook and cranny of your home, then Sunday night you're going to feel a certain way because you really feel like you didn't get a weekend. • • So those are the five reasons why the Sunday scaries happen.
Identify the root cause of your Sunday scaries
So now let's talk about seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaries. • • • Okay? Number one is identify the root cause of your Sunday scaries. And this is by far the most important one on this list. • • Because if you don't get clear on why you're feeling this way, you're going to keep feeling this way and it's probably going to get worse. • • And, you know, like I said before, one moment you're enjoying your weekend, and then all of a sudden you just, like, hit with this feeling of impending doom • • that you just can't get Rid of. And so just instead of just writing it off and being like, oh, okay, well, it's just, • • this is just the way I feel, I guess on Sunday nights, like, don't do that. • Just dig a little deeper and just start asking yourself some questions. Like, • • is it because, um, I'm • • feeling unprepared for Monday morning? • • • • Is it because I'm unhappy about my role, or is it because • I'm unhappy about the. • • • • Something specific at school? Is it because of what I said before about work life balance? Or is it because of the unfulfilled expectations? And so here's my point. It's like if you identify the root cause and let's just say, for example, that you really • • • can nail it down, that you know what, it's not really so much what's waiting for me is, is it's as much as just that I'm bummed about what I didn't get to on the weekend. Okay, well, that's super helpful to identify that because then that's something that you can work on. And so let's say that you don't get to all the errands on the weekend. Well, maybe you just have too many errands for a weekend. • And then on the way home from work on one or two of the days, • • you do one or two of those errands. So there's a couple less on the weekend. And then you don't feel that way every Sunday night. So you see where I'm going here. It's like you. • It's. It's like anything in life. If there's a thing • • with a kid, if there's a thing with a teacher and their behavior is a certain way, and especially if it's a change in behavior, usually it's not the behavior. It's us trying to find out what's causing the behavior. And so we need to apply that to ourselves and figure out why is that, what are the main reasons or the main reason why I'm feeling this way? And then you're more equipped do something about it. So that's number one. • • • • Number two • • strategy is to be more intentional about your Sundays. • • And I'm going to give you a phrase here. • • • And it's do the worst first. • • • • Do the worst first. • And I don't know about you, but on Saturday morning, I sure don't feel like doing the chores and the errands. I feel like that's, you knowuse, I get up, I set the alarm to go to church on Sunday morning. And so I'm not the Saturday is the only day that I don't have to set the alarm. Now we all wake up anyways because our bodies are used to waking up early. But • • • we, my point is, is that we're not really feeling it on Saturday morning to do the worst first. • • • • But sometimes we • • • don't • get to the things that have to get done on Saturday • • and then those things have to get done on Sunday and they run into Sunday afternoon and Sunday evening and it exacerbates what we're talking about. Now I do want to acknowledge that, um, with our Jewish friends, • • um, at Veentice friends, that there are um, certain religions where, you know, Saturday is the day of rest or perhaps Sunday is your Sabbath and it's a day of rest and so you need to adjust accordingly. But • • the idea of do the worst first so that you're not working on these things on Sunday afternoon, • um, • • is a pretty important um, thing to remember. Um, and then create a Sunday evening routine. • • • So • • let's say you did the worst first. • • • And at such and such a time • • • • • on Sunday evening, I think this is super important that you're going to start to do something • • that helps you wind down. You know, so if you, in this lucid moment, • • • maybe you're not listening to this on a Sunday evening, • • • you think, okay, what, what would, what are the things that help me to relax? Maybe it's • • going for a walk, maybe it's watching a show, maybe it's • • listening to music, maybe it's reading a book. Um, I hope • • it's not great if the Sunday evening routine that gets you to wind down is um, um, • • being on social media or checking news, even worse. But I'll leave that up to you to decide. • • But to just have a little bit of a routine before bedtime on Sunday evening, even if it's just on Sunday evening • where you're doing something very intentionally • • that's going to help you relax, • • • help you fall asleep. • •
We vastly underestimate how important our sleep is, and we get way less than we need
And that leads us to strategy number three, which is go to bed. • • Strategy number three is go to bed. • • You know how much sleep you need. • Um, um. • • • And so • • • rushing around, doing the last thing and listen, I get it, everyone listening here is at a different season in their life. • • Um, um, we, my wife and I became empty nesters about a year and a half agom. Um, but I remember what it was like to have a four year old, a six year old and an eight year old, you know, three daughters with long hair and bath time and packing lunches and all that kind of crazy stuff that just. I get it. Everyone's at a different stage. • • • • • • But • • • • Sunday evening, • • • • it's not going to do us any favors • • • • if we're getting to bed • • • • a lot later than we should. • • • And the way that we can actually have some agency surrounding this • • is to just get intentional about it • • and work backwards from the time that we want to be in bed. • • And so I know I'm preaching to the choir. I know that you know that. • • But • we vastly underestimate how important our sleep is, • and we get way less sleep than we need. And so if we can just make a little progress in that direction, it'll make a big difference.
Be more intentional about Friday afternoon because it impacts Sunday night
All right, strategy number four • to overcome the Sunday scaries • • is to be more intentional about Friday afternoon. • • • • Be more intentional about Friday afternoon. So • • once you've identified the root cause, if one of the. If the thing that's really stressing you out is what's waiting for you on Monday morning, • • then maybe you need to spend the last 30 minutes of the work day on Friday differently, • • • • because the way you spend the last 30 to 60 minutes of Friday • • • is probably going to impact • • Sunday night. • • Now, I want to give a little disclaimer, and that is that, uh, all of this is easier said than done, and in particular this one, • • because on Friday afternoon, I don't know about you, • but that's what I'm the most exhausted, • • and I'm just looking for • • • • that time when I can leave • • • and go home. • • • And for many of us, you know, it's. • • We make it to the end of the school day and then there's a basketball game or a soccer game or a, uh, concert or a, you know, something else. And then it, you know, a school dance • and it gets even later. I get that, • • • but just hear me out on the concept. And that is to claim some white space in your calendar where you schedule some time with yourself • • on Friday afternoon. • • And then what you're going toa do • is that you're going to look at your next week • • and you're going to claim white space on your calendar • • and you're going to perhaps • • even fill out your index card for Monday morning. • • Now, if claiming whiteace and the index card are not familiar terms for you, to you, • I will link that episode, um, um, • I think it might be episode four, but I'll link that in the show notes. And it's about u, um, some productivity, um, hacks for busy private school leaders. • And you can listen to that and then you'll know what I'm talking about. But the things you will listen about, listen to in that episode, if you apply them on Friday afternoon. • • I can. • • • • • I'd like to say I can guarantee you, but I am pretty positive • that it will impact you positively on Sunday night • • if you do • some of those things on Friday afternoon. So I'll link that in the show notes at the privatescchoolade leader.com Episode 124 all right, that brings us to strategy five. • • • • This one is create a Monday morning treat. • • • • Let's have something to look forward to on Monday. • • • • • • • Let's say that there's a special coffee that isn't very good for you, • • and it's a treat. It's not your normal morning coffee. I don't know, I'm not a big coffee guy. So maybe it's got more whipped cream and more sugar or more caffeine or whatever. • • Maybe it's a breakfast sandwich. Okay, there's this one Breakfast sandwich at McDonald's that I only eat like twice a year. U. Um, • but like, • instead of it being, • • • um, like an English muffin, they actually have like, two little pancakes with like, maple syrup inside the bread part. • • • • But • it's not very good for me. And so here's my point. I'm not. I just want you to think about, like, what could be • • • a Monday morning treat. • • • • • And • • if you have something to look forward to, it could also be that, like, let's say that you have a sister or your mom or a friend or someone that lives out of town. I know some people who will put in their, um, • • • • • you know, their earbuds and they will, uh, call a friend, and that friend is also on their way to work that on that morning. What could you do on Monday morning that wouldn't take a lot of time? That would be a treat. And it is something to look forward to. • • • • • I think that could be a huge game changer for you. And it doesn't have to be super expensive. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be time consuming. So number five strategy is to create a Monday morning treat. • • Number six is reduced screen time on Sunday. And I don't just mean right before bed. I just mean in general. Like, let's face it, like, during the week, • • • it's almost impossible to not have screen time because of the way that we communicated our schools with text and with WhatsApp and different things like that. Slack. • • Um, but • • if on Sunday • • • we can do less screen time, • • • that can lead to less stress and better sleep and more focus on • human interaction, which brings us more joy. • • • And • • even if the only thing that you do is that you don't check work email before bed. • That's a great place to start. • • • Um, and if you don't have the self discipline to • • • not lay in bed and scroll and check that, then • • charge your phone just out of reachm. Um, that's what I started to do because I did not have the self discipline to not check email in the morning while laying in bed before I said good morning to my wife. And so I started charging my phone just out of reach. • • • • Um, it was a huge game changer and I still do it to this day. And then strategy number seven is to practice gratitude. • And again, I will link an episode that I did on gratitude, um, • • in the show notes. But it's very, very difficult. The research supports that. It's very difficult to be anxious and grateful at the same time. • • • And when we can refocus our brains on the things that we are thankful for, • • • • • we can then • snap out of the amygdala hijack of • our brains, focusing on the unknowns that we're stressed about. • • See, things that we're grateful for are either in reality, in the present. I'm grateful for my wife, for my daughters, grateful for things that have happened in the past, you know, um, when that financial need was met or when I got that job or when I got that promotion or whatever. • These are tangible, real things that exist in the present or the past that we're grateful for. • • Those can • • • • • tether us • • • • • • more than being untethered • • by the anticipatory anxiety of stuff that hasn't happened, that we're not sure what's going to happen. • • So gratitude, A, uh, gratitude practice, a journal, writing down three things on a post. It can be a really big deal.
There are seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaris
All right, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? • • • • First of all, remember that the Sunday scaries are very common. Anywhere from 66% to 80% • • across all industries have experienced this. • • Why do they happen? Number one, anticipatory anxiety. Number two, work stress. • • Three, unfulfilled expectations for resentment. Five, lack of boundaries between school and home. And then seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaris. • • One, identify the root cause of your Sunday scaris. You got to know why this is happening. Number two, be more intentional about your Sundays. Do the worst first. • Number three, go to bed. Four, be more intentional about Friday afternoon. • • • • Check out that episode about the productivity hacks. And • • if you're more, um, intentional about • • • what you do on Friday afternoon, it will make a difference on Sunday night. Number five, create a, a Monday morning treat. Number six, reduce screen time on Sunday. And number seven is practice gratitude. I like to end every episode with a call to action. I just encourage you to pick one strategy and try it on Sunday. • • • If this is a thing for you • • • feeling a certain way on Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening, pick one strategy • • • and try it on Sunday. • • • And I want to give you another free resource. This one is called the six Things that every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. This is a six page PDF that can be a game changer for you. And I guarantee you that if you do these six things to, teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. So this is@the privatescchool leader.com guide. That's the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. Free for you@the privatescooler.com guide. • • And then just a quick reminder about PSL Pro. You know, being a private school leader can feel really lonely and isolating. • And we often ven to a spouse or partner or friend • • and that person will say, well, just tell the parent no. • And then we say, well, you just don't get it. I can't do that. And so there's a community of private school leaders who actually do get it and they get you and it's called PSL Pro. • • And we have live meetups once a week and you can post in the community and we support each other • and we even have a thing twice a month that's a live meetup called the We Get It Roundtable where you can give and get encouragement. • • And so just I want you to imagine surrounding yourself with other private school leaders who understand you and want to support you. And so go to the privateschoolleadeer.com membership to learn more. • • • And if you would just please share this link to this episode with another • • leader school leader in your life or a rising leader at your school. • Um, we want to get the word out and get these practical tools into the hands of as many people as possible. •
Mark Mincus: Thank you for joining me on Private School Leader podcast
So as usual, I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I want to say how much I appreciate you and the hard work that you're doing at your school for the lucky kids and teachers that you serve. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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By Mark Minkus
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Has this ever happened to you?
Unfortunately, you have come down with a case of the “Sunday Scaries.”
According to a recent survey from LinkedIn, 66% of all employees regularly feel this way on Sunday evening. This is true even if they love their jobs!
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about How To Overcome The “Sunday Scaries”.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Are any of these statements true about you?
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode124
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Year podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Mus. • • • So, um, I'm wondering if this has ever happened to you. • • • You're having a nice weekend, you're hanging out with your family, maybe see a couple of friends, • • • • and you're getting some things done around the house, you're running some errands, maybe one of your kids has a sports, • • um, um, commitment. And you know, you're just having a nice weekend. • • And then it's Sunday afternoon, it's, you know, it's late afternoon, it's early evening, and you kind of start to feel weird. You feel a little off, your stomach feels kind of weird. You're starting to feel a little bit anxious, a little stressed. • • • Maybe you're getting a headache, maybe you're a little more irritable, maybe you're just kind of restless • • and you're, you're not really sure what's going on with you. And so I wonder if that's ever happened to you on a Sunday afternoon, • • late afternoon, early evening. Well, • • if that's the case, • • • then you have the Sunday Scaris • • • • and the Sunday Scaries we're go goingna talk about on today's episode. • I just want you to know that this is something that's really common across all industries. • • There were some recent LinkedIn surveys. There was one in 2018, • • • • um, um, and another one more recently • • • • that said that across all industries • • • • employees • • • report that 66% of all employees regularly, • • um, deal with the Sunday scaries. • • And that 80% report that at some point in the past that they've felt these symptoms on a Sunday evening. • • • And so I said that it happens across all industries, but I actually think it can be extra tough • • for private school leaders and I'll explain why in a little bit. So this is something that a lot of us deal with. I know certainly I deal with it. And u, um, most Sunday nights over the course of my career and especially true if I'm coming back from a break. And so we want to make this better. And so on today's episode of the PrivateAller podcast, we are re going to talk about how to overcome the Sunday Scaris. • • • •
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders
So I want to ask you if any of these statements are true about You. So I'm going to ask you. I'm. I'm going toa name some things. I'm go going toa make some statements and I want you to think, you know, that's describing me. Okay. First of all, • um, • the tyranny of the urgent controls my day. And I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet. • • So when the kids and the teachers leave, • you start working on your important tasks. Okay. Number two, • • • I feel. • • Sometimes I feel discouraged or lonely or exhausted or stressed out and I'm just not sure that my job is sustainable. • • • • I'm wondering if you ever feel that way. Number three, • • • • my school invades every part of my professional and personal life. • Wonder if that's true about you. • • Um, um. Number four, I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • • And number five, I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes. • • • • • So I wonder if any of those statements describes • • you. • • • • Well, I've felt all of those • feelings many times during my career. • • And that's why I created the PSL Pro membership. And PSL stands for Private School Leader. And PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supportive, • supported. And so you'll get inside PSL Pro. You'll get access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually get it and get you. • • We go Live • U, um, • every week form, um, • once a month, a MasterC class, a success Path coaching session. • We have twice a month where we do the We get it roundtable sessions. • • Once a month, a live Q and A that's about anything and everything related to private school leadership • • • and what the. And I want to talk for a minute about the PSL Pro Success Path. So • • • • I've created this success path where it has five levels • • and • you pick the level that you are on. And so for example, there's the overwhelm Drifter and there's the intentional architect and there's the U, um, Skilled builder and there's the fulfilled mentor. And you're like, okay, well how on earth would I would I figure that out? Well, • • • • I'll tell you in a moment. But you go and there's descriptors and how you feel and how you think and what you're doing. And then you figure out where you are, what level you're at. And then PSLO Success Path gives you a step by step plan to take you all the Way up through the levels to the fulfilled mentor. • • And the way you get there is through the content that's inside Thrive Academy. And that's my signature online digital course. And what I've done is taken it and repackaged it, reconfigured it into the different levels of this, um, PSL Pro success path. So it's easier to understand it when you see it than when you hear it. • And you can learn more about joining the PSL Pro community by going to the privategaleider.com • membership. But again, this is a membership with other school leaders. They get it, they get you. There's going to be going live once a week. You're going to have a very specific success path that's going to help you. You're not going to get overwhelmed, you're going to know exactly what to do next. And it's a step by step by step • • process to help you grow as a leader, but also to help you go from feeling the way you, you feel • • in those things that I described to getting what you want and being that fulfilled and energized and happy • • leader. And so again, that's, uh, at the privatescchoolade leader.com membership excited. Just launched that this week and I'd love for you to check that out. And then lastly, I want to give you a free gift to say thank you • • • for listening to the podcast. And this one's called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • And we know that working with parents is part of the job. And most of our parents are great, but some of them can be demanding and emotional and difficult. And so this guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So if you go to the privatescchoolder.com Parents, you can grab this free guide called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • And that's@the privatescchooler.com parents free to you just as, uh, a thank you for listening to the podcast every week. •
Sunday scaries are anxiety that starts to set in as weekend draws to close
So on today's episode, we are going to • • talk about the Sunday scaries. • • And we're going to break this down into three parts. • First, we're going to define what are the Sunday scaries? • • And then we're going to talk about why do the Sunday scaries happen? • • And then third, we're going to talk about strategies to reduce the Sunday scaries. • • So let's begin by defining what are the Sunday scari. So it's also known as the Sunday blues. Um, • • there's some, some other names out there, but this seems to be the one that's kind of • • most popular right now. But it just refers to anxiety and even a sense of dread that starts to set in as the weekend draws to a close. • • • • • • And I wonder, you know, if that's something that you deal with • • every Sunday, • • • • • if it's something you never deal with. I think it's still worthwhile for you to listen to the rest of this episode because it might be something that you deal with in the future. • • But as the weekend's drawing to close, the anxiety starts to rise • and you feel this increased strength, stress, um, sense of stress and worry • • and there's just pressure as you start to antic. Anticipate the week ahead and Monday morning. And, and like I said at the top of the episode, I do feel like that even though this is something that people across all industries experience, that I think that the reason that for private school leaders it might even be a little worse • • • • is because of how complex our jobs are. There's so much complexity when it comes to the students and the teachers and the parents and the board and the facilities and the finance and the marketing and the retention and the transportation and the sports program and the spring musical. And I could go on for a couple of hours listing all of the things that are part of your job. • • • • There's a lot of complexity. • There's a lot of unknowns, • and I think that that contributes to the way you feel on Sunday night. • • And so while this is natural and normal to feel • • • • some apprehension or some anxiety about a, uh, busy work week, • • • • it'research shows that the Sunday scaries tend to amplify that stress • • • and makes it harder to transition from being relaxed • and being in kind of that weekend mode to being in work mode. And let's face it, that's not easy to do in the first place. Like when you come back from a vacation • • • or you, you know, just period, trying to go from being relaxed to back into your work mode. That's not easy. And the Sunday scaries make it harder. • • And, uh, I talked before about, like, how this can feel. It can, it can show up physically with like, stomachaches or headaches. • It can show up emotionally with just like, feeling overwhelmed or, or anxious or feeling a little hopeless. • • And it can actually show up cognitively by like, having it be that it's. You're having trouble concentrating and you're having a lot of invasive thoughts about the upcoming week. And then that can lead to trouble sleeping on Sunday night. • • • And, um, um, • • • the thing that I'll mention again is, for me at least, • • • • • • • the Sunday evening feelings that we're talking about • are often much worse for me when I'm coming back from a break. So if you're off for a week for spring break or • winter break or Christmas break, whatever, and it's the Monday, you know, it's the first day back that, that evening before, • • I'm not always in very good shape. Okay, so that's what they are.
Five reasons why the Sunday scaries happen and seven strategies to reduce them
Now let's talk about why they happen. So I have five reasons here why the Sunday scaries happen. • • • And as usual, I'm going to take good care of you in the show notes. And those are found@the privateschoolader.com Episode 124. • • And • not only for why they happen here, but when we get to the list of strategies for how to reduce the Sunday scaries, there's actually seven strategies. • And since I often encourage you to listen to the podcast while you're doing something else, I'm not expecting that you're going to remember all of this. So just listen, take it in, and then that'll be there for you in the show notes, um, when you want to return to it. So why do the Sunday scaries happen? Number one, because of anticipatory anxiety. • • • So we are all creatures of habit and we like predictability. We know that at school that predictability and support is huge for kids to feel psychologically safe. • • • And • so we like the, we like them. Um, • the habit, the routine, the predictability of a routine • • and the start of a new week can feel kind of intimidating • • when we start thinking about what we might be dealing with. • • And that's where the anticipatory anxiety comes in. • • • • • • We're not sure what we're going to face. • • • You know, you've heard it said, no two days the same when you're a, uh, school leader. And so • • exactly like you, you could write a book about all of the stuff that, you know just this week, • um, um, • • • the different coaching clients that I have, some of the stuff that I've heard as far as like, that's happening at their school • • or what just happened before they jump on the coaching call or they get a text and they have to run to the thing • like, • • • • you know what I'm talking about. It's like, you can't make this stuff up, right? And so when you think about the stuff that you might face, • • • • • there can be some anticipatory • • anxiety. And then Sunday night almost becomes like a pre Monday morning kind of feeling. Okay, so why do the Sunday scaries happen. Number two • • • is because of work stress. • • So if you feel unprepared for tasks • • that are waiting for you at school • • • • and you're worried about unfinished tasks from the previous week or how many unread emails are in your email inbox, then that's going to cause your stress level to go up. And then when we're stressed, the fight or flight response is going to cause, um, some changes in our body because our body wants to keep us safe. And I want you to think about it this way. • You know, if the fight or flight response kicks in • • and it wants to keep us safe and it wants to, • • you know, flood our brains with cortisol and increase our heart rate, and the blood rushes to the extremities so that we can run away faster from, from the grizzly bear. • • • • • Your brain doesn't see the grizzly bear, and your brain starts to, like, think • • that the school is the grizzly bear. • • • • • • And • • as, uh, Sunday night starts to roll around and it gets dark and you're kind of getting ready for bed, your brain is, like, trying to keep you safe. And it's like, well, don't do that. Don't go there. • • • And so we'll get to one of the strategies that will help really • • • calm that down. • • Um, but that's what's happening inside of your body, • • um, many times when, • • uh, that stress level starts to go up. • • •
Third reason why Sunday scari happen is unfulfilled expectations
The third reason why Sunday scari happen is unfulfilled expectations. • • So let's think about this one for a minute. Sunday evening rolls around, • • and I don't know about you, but sometimes I start thinking about all the things that I didn't get to on the weekend. • • • • So whether it's chores, • • or maybe I wanted to exercise, • • • or maybe I wanted to, like, FaceTime with one of my daughters, • • or maybe I wanted to go out on a date with my wife, • • • or, • • uh, uh, • there's some project that I wanted to, like, work on, and I just feel like I'm behind and I didn't get to it and I didn't do the thing or I didn't make progress. And that just kind of like gets into this little • • cocktail of anxiety with some guilt thrown in there. • • • • • • So • it's not just about what's coming up on Monday morning. • • • It's about us looking back at the previous two days • • • and feeling emotions • • about what we didn't get to. • • • • And so there's this, like I said, it's just a mixture of emotions that's going on.
You can love your job and still hate Sunday nights
Okay, • • number four reason why we have Sunday scaries. Is a little bit of resentment. Okay, now I want to want you to hear this. You can love your job and still hate Sunday night. • • • • • So let me hit you with that again. You can love your job and still hate Sunday nights. There are a lot of people out there that feel certain ways on Sunday evening, even if they like their job. • • So this isn't an indictment on your job or saying that you need to get out of education or switch schools or • something just because you're feeling this way. • • There's a lot of things conspiring against you to make you feel this way that really have very little to do about how much you like your job. • • • And so that's why these strategies that we're going to get to in a moment are so important, because you might. It's hard enough what you do, • • and you also hopefully are not miserable at work. • • Um, and this unease and general unease and disappointment that you • • feel about the weekend ending. And it's the. Or just think about it this way. • • • • • How do you feel on that drive home from vacation? • • • • • • • On the one hand, you'reflecting on vacation. • • We had fun. It was great. The weather was good. • • • But you're still kind of bummed. • • • I mean, • I'm looking forward to getting back to sleeping in my bed, but I'm bummed when the week at, uh, the Jersey shore comes to an end and we're driving home. • • And so think about Sunday night as being kind of like that drive home from vacation. But it happens every week, • • • so there's a little bit of that in there. And then number five is lack of boundaries between school and home is another reason why the Sunday scaries happen, because there's just no boundaries. School is like water. Water goes wherever it wants to. And if it is invading every nook and cranny of your home, then Sunday night you're going to feel a certain way because you really feel like you didn't get a weekend. • • So those are the five reasons why the Sunday scaries happen.
Identify the root cause of your Sunday scaries
So now let's talk about seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaries. • • • Okay? Number one is identify the root cause of your Sunday scaries. And this is by far the most important one on this list. • • Because if you don't get clear on why you're feeling this way, you're going to keep feeling this way and it's probably going to get worse. • • And, you know, like I said before, one moment you're enjoying your weekend, and then all of a sudden you just, like, hit with this feeling of impending doom • • that you just can't get Rid of. And so just instead of just writing it off and being like, oh, okay, well, it's just, • • this is just the way I feel, I guess on Sunday nights, like, don't do that. • Just dig a little deeper and just start asking yourself some questions. Like, • • is it because, um, I'm • • feeling unprepared for Monday morning? • • • • Is it because I'm unhappy about my role, or is it because • I'm unhappy about the. • • • • Something specific at school? Is it because of what I said before about work life balance? Or is it because of the unfulfilled expectations? And so here's my point. It's like if you identify the root cause and let's just say, for example, that you really • • • can nail it down, that you know what, it's not really so much what's waiting for me is, is it's as much as just that I'm bummed about what I didn't get to on the weekend. Okay, well, that's super helpful to identify that because then that's something that you can work on. And so let's say that you don't get to all the errands on the weekend. Well, maybe you just have too many errands for a weekend. • And then on the way home from work on one or two of the days, • • you do one or two of those errands. So there's a couple less on the weekend. And then you don't feel that way every Sunday night. So you see where I'm going here. It's like you. • It's. It's like anything in life. If there's a thing • • with a kid, if there's a thing with a teacher and their behavior is a certain way, and especially if it's a change in behavior, usually it's not the behavior. It's us trying to find out what's causing the behavior. And so we need to apply that to ourselves and figure out why is that, what are the main reasons or the main reason why I'm feeling this way? And then you're more equipped do something about it. So that's number one. • • • • Number two • • strategy is to be more intentional about your Sundays. • • And I'm going to give you a phrase here. • • • And it's do the worst first. • • • • Do the worst first. • And I don't know about you, but on Saturday morning, I sure don't feel like doing the chores and the errands. I feel like that's, you knowuse, I get up, I set the alarm to go to church on Sunday morning. And so I'm not the Saturday is the only day that I don't have to set the alarm. Now we all wake up anyways because our bodies are used to waking up early. But • • • we, my point is, is that we're not really feeling it on Saturday morning to do the worst first. • • • • But sometimes we • • • don't • get to the things that have to get done on Saturday • • and then those things have to get done on Sunday and they run into Sunday afternoon and Sunday evening and it exacerbates what we're talking about. Now I do want to acknowledge that, um, with our Jewish friends, • • um, at Veentice friends, that there are um, certain religions where, you know, Saturday is the day of rest or perhaps Sunday is your Sabbath and it's a day of rest and so you need to adjust accordingly. But • • the idea of do the worst first so that you're not working on these things on Sunday afternoon, • um, • • is a pretty important um, thing to remember. Um, and then create a Sunday evening routine. • • • So • • let's say you did the worst first. • • • And at such and such a time • • • • • on Sunday evening, I think this is super important that you're going to start to do something • • that helps you wind down. You know, so if you, in this lucid moment, • • • maybe you're not listening to this on a Sunday evening, • • • you think, okay, what, what would, what are the things that help me to relax? Maybe it's • • going for a walk, maybe it's watching a show, maybe it's • • listening to music, maybe it's reading a book. Um, I hope • • it's not great if the Sunday evening routine that gets you to wind down is um, um, • • being on social media or checking news, even worse. But I'll leave that up to you to decide. • • But to just have a little bit of a routine before bedtime on Sunday evening, even if it's just on Sunday evening • where you're doing something very intentionally • • that's going to help you relax, • • • help you fall asleep. • •
We vastly underestimate how important our sleep is, and we get way less than we need
And that leads us to strategy number three, which is go to bed. • • Strategy number three is go to bed. • • You know how much sleep you need. • Um, um. • • • And so • • • rushing around, doing the last thing and listen, I get it, everyone listening here is at a different season in their life. • • Um, um, we, my wife and I became empty nesters about a year and a half agom. Um, but I remember what it was like to have a four year old, a six year old and an eight year old, you know, three daughters with long hair and bath time and packing lunches and all that kind of crazy stuff that just. I get it. Everyone's at a different stage. • • • • • • But • • • • Sunday evening, • • • • it's not going to do us any favors • • • • if we're getting to bed • • • • a lot later than we should. • • • And the way that we can actually have some agency surrounding this • • is to just get intentional about it • • and work backwards from the time that we want to be in bed. • • And so I know I'm preaching to the choir. I know that you know that. • • But • we vastly underestimate how important our sleep is, • and we get way less sleep than we need. And so if we can just make a little progress in that direction, it'll make a big difference.
Be more intentional about Friday afternoon because it impacts Sunday night
All right, strategy number four • to overcome the Sunday scaries • • is to be more intentional about Friday afternoon. • • • • Be more intentional about Friday afternoon. So • • once you've identified the root cause, if one of the. If the thing that's really stressing you out is what's waiting for you on Monday morning, • • then maybe you need to spend the last 30 minutes of the work day on Friday differently, • • • • because the way you spend the last 30 to 60 minutes of Friday • • • is probably going to impact • • Sunday night. • • Now, I want to give a little disclaimer, and that is that, uh, all of this is easier said than done, and in particular this one, • • because on Friday afternoon, I don't know about you, • but that's what I'm the most exhausted, • • and I'm just looking for • • • • that time when I can leave • • • and go home. • • • And for many of us, you know, it's. • • We make it to the end of the school day and then there's a basketball game or a soccer game or a, uh, concert or a, you know, something else. And then it, you know, a school dance • and it gets even later. I get that, • • • but just hear me out on the concept. And that is to claim some white space in your calendar where you schedule some time with yourself • • on Friday afternoon. • • And then what you're going toa do • is that you're going to look at your next week • • and you're going to claim white space on your calendar • • and you're going to perhaps • • even fill out your index card for Monday morning. • • Now, if claiming whiteace and the index card are not familiar terms for you, to you, • I will link that episode, um, um, • I think it might be episode four, but I'll link that in the show notes. And it's about u, um, some productivity, um, hacks for busy private school leaders. • And you can listen to that and then you'll know what I'm talking about. But the things you will listen about, listen to in that episode, if you apply them on Friday afternoon. • • I can. • • • • • I'd like to say I can guarantee you, but I am pretty positive • that it will impact you positively on Sunday night • • if you do • some of those things on Friday afternoon. So I'll link that in the show notes at the privatescchoolade leader.com Episode 124 all right, that brings us to strategy five. • • • • This one is create a Monday morning treat. • • • • Let's have something to look forward to on Monday. • • • • • • • Let's say that there's a special coffee that isn't very good for you, • • and it's a treat. It's not your normal morning coffee. I don't know, I'm not a big coffee guy. So maybe it's got more whipped cream and more sugar or more caffeine or whatever. • • Maybe it's a breakfast sandwich. Okay, there's this one Breakfast sandwich at McDonald's that I only eat like twice a year. U. Um, • but like, • instead of it being, • • • um, like an English muffin, they actually have like, two little pancakes with like, maple syrup inside the bread part. • • • • But • it's not very good for me. And so here's my point. I'm not. I just want you to think about, like, what could be • • • a Monday morning treat. • • • • • And • • if you have something to look forward to, it could also be that, like, let's say that you have a sister or your mom or a friend or someone that lives out of town. I know some people who will put in their, um, • • • • • you know, their earbuds and they will, uh, call a friend, and that friend is also on their way to work that on that morning. What could you do on Monday morning that wouldn't take a lot of time? That would be a treat. And it is something to look forward to. • • • • • I think that could be a huge game changer for you. And it doesn't have to be super expensive. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be time consuming. So number five strategy is to create a Monday morning treat. • • Number six is reduced screen time on Sunday. And I don't just mean right before bed. I just mean in general. Like, let's face it, like, during the week, • • • it's almost impossible to not have screen time because of the way that we communicated our schools with text and with WhatsApp and different things like that. Slack. • • Um, but • • if on Sunday • • • we can do less screen time, • • • that can lead to less stress and better sleep and more focus on • human interaction, which brings us more joy. • • • And • • even if the only thing that you do is that you don't check work email before bed. • That's a great place to start. • • • Um, and if you don't have the self discipline to • • • not lay in bed and scroll and check that, then • • charge your phone just out of reachm. Um, that's what I started to do because I did not have the self discipline to not check email in the morning while laying in bed before I said good morning to my wife. And so I started charging my phone just out of reach. • • • • Um, it was a huge game changer and I still do it to this day. And then strategy number seven is to practice gratitude. • And again, I will link an episode that I did on gratitude, um, • • in the show notes. But it's very, very difficult. The research supports that. It's very difficult to be anxious and grateful at the same time. • • • And when we can refocus our brains on the things that we are thankful for, • • • • • we can then • snap out of the amygdala hijack of • our brains, focusing on the unknowns that we're stressed about. • • See, things that we're grateful for are either in reality, in the present. I'm grateful for my wife, for my daughters, grateful for things that have happened in the past, you know, um, when that financial need was met or when I got that job or when I got that promotion or whatever. • These are tangible, real things that exist in the present or the past that we're grateful for. • • Those can • • • • • tether us • • • • • • more than being untethered • • by the anticipatory anxiety of stuff that hasn't happened, that we're not sure what's going to happen. • • So gratitude, A, uh, gratitude practice, a journal, writing down three things on a post. It can be a really big deal.
There are seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaris
All right, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? • • • • First of all, remember that the Sunday scaries are very common. Anywhere from 66% to 80% • • across all industries have experienced this. • • Why do they happen? Number one, anticipatory anxiety. Number two, work stress. • • Three, unfulfilled expectations for resentment. Five, lack of boundaries between school and home. And then seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaris. • • One, identify the root cause of your Sunday scaris. You got to know why this is happening. Number two, be more intentional about your Sundays. Do the worst first. • Number three, go to bed. Four, be more intentional about Friday afternoon. • • • • Check out that episode about the productivity hacks. And • • if you're more, um, intentional about • • • what you do on Friday afternoon, it will make a difference on Sunday night. Number five, create a, a Monday morning treat. Number six, reduce screen time on Sunday. And number seven is practice gratitude. I like to end every episode with a call to action. I just encourage you to pick one strategy and try it on Sunday. • • • If this is a thing for you • • • feeling a certain way on Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening, pick one strategy • • • and try it on Sunday. • • • And I want to give you another free resource. This one is called the six Things that every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. This is a six page PDF that can be a game changer for you. And I guarantee you that if you do these six things to, teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. So this is@the privatescchool leader.com guide. That's the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. Free for you@the privatescooler.com guide. • • And then just a quick reminder about PSL Pro. You know, being a private school leader can feel really lonely and isolating. • And we often ven to a spouse or partner or friend • • and that person will say, well, just tell the parent no. • And then we say, well, you just don't get it. I can't do that. And so there's a community of private school leaders who actually do get it and they get you and it's called PSL Pro. • • And we have live meetups once a week and you can post in the community and we support each other • and we even have a thing twice a month that's a live meetup called the We Get It Roundtable where you can give and get encouragement. • • And so just I want you to imagine surrounding yourself with other private school leaders who understand you and want to support you. And so go to the privateschoolleadeer.com membership to learn more. • • • And if you would just please share this link to this episode with another • • leader school leader in your life or a rising leader at your school. • Um, we want to get the word out and get these practical tools into the hands of as many people as possible. •
Mark Mincus: Thank you for joining me on Private School Leader podcast
So as usual, I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I want to say how much I appreciate you and the hard work that you're doing at your school for the lucky kids and teachers that you serve. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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