How does Tom Aspinall still have an eyeball right now? Dude, Ciryl Gane went two-knuckles deep in Aspinall’s left eye (while pulling off the rare double-eye poke!) during their heavyweight championship fight at UFC 321 on Saturday. Gane might have Dundasso’d a little TOO hard, as his exploration of Aspinall’s cranium with his left index finger did get their bout declared a no contest, and yet, somehow, it still felt like Gane won the battle of public opinion.

The crowd booed Aspinall (naturally). A bunch of shitty MMA meme accounts made fun of him (naturally). Some former fighters came out and said THEY would’ve kept fighting (naturally). Dana White is talking about booking the immediate rematch (because of course). So, sorry, Tom, you got Three-Stooged and now a lot of idiots think you quit.

So, yeah, we thought the worst thing that could happen at UFC 321 was a Ciryl Gane victory, and then heavyweight basically laughed in our faces and said, “Hold my beer.” Plus, in the other two heavyweight fights, Jailton Almeida lost by forgetting to fight and Chris Barnett (literally) showed his ass.

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