Look, we’re just being honest. After back-to-back KO losses to Islam Makhachev and Ilia Topuria, and a 1-3 record dating back to 2023, we couldn’t help but wonder if we’d already seen the best of Alexander Volkanovski. Then, lo and behold, Topuria moves up to lightweight, and suddenly Volk is right back in the mix — going off as a slight betting favorite against Diego Lopes in their 145-pound title unification bout at UFC 314.

And yet, the former champ is 36 … and we all know what happens to guys in these lighter weight classes once they hit 35. So we’ve gotta ask: How long can Volkamania really be expected to run wild?

Oh, and Michael Chandler vs. Paddy Pimblett? Yeesh.

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Joe Pyfer got food poisoning — or maybe it was altitude sickness — and now he’s, like, furious. He had to call off his fight with Kelvin Gastelum because his tum-tum hurt, and he’s pissed that he slept in a tent on the floor for nothing. In a tent! On the floor! Obviously, this is Mexico’s fault. It’s a shithole, Joe Pyfer says. Joe Pyfer is never going back to Mexico. Mexico can suck Joe Pyfer’s balls. Literally.

Hey, you know who didn’t call off her fight because she had the tummy troubles? Loopy Godinez. Loopy Godinez just went out there and defeated Julia Polastri and diarrhea all in one night— and she didn’t even tell any nations of 130 million people to suck her balls. Though she did tell her corner that she had to poop. God, what a stupid sport.

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Big Tommy Gas Hands brought his rubber ducky to UFC London. See what he did there? That’s a little elbow to the ribs of Jon Jones, who we know Aspinall has been chasing all over God’s green earth trying to get a shot at unifying the heavyweight title. That’s got to be frustrating. Weirdly, however, Aspinall emerged from a meeting with UFC brass last week saying he was excited, that he felt great, that “big announcements” are coming soon. Yet, he also didn’t specifically say those big announcements had anything to do with Jones.

So, is he just messing with us, or is something else on the horizon?

Plus, Sean Brady jumped up four spots to No. 1-contender status on the UFC’s official welterweight rankings after defeating Leon Edwards. Yes, you read that correctly. Brady now officially outranks THAT BOOT GOOD. SAY WHAT???

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If we told you going into UFC 313 that Magomed Ankalaev would go 0-for-12 on takedown attempts in his light heavyweight title fight against Alex Pereira, would you have thought that shaped up as a win for Ankalaev? Yeah, we wouldn’t either. That’s what happened, however, with Ankalaev using a surprisingly effective striking attack coupled with a suffocating clinch game to take the strap from Poatan.

And look, we get it. Everybody loves Pereira. We do, too. Literally nobody (besides his friends and family) is excited for the Ankalaev Era. But was Ankalaev’s performance really as boring as some people are saying? Or is that just our sadness about Pereira getting the best of us?

Plus, Dana White says a rematch is probably next for both guys. Is it, though? And we all know Justin Gaethje’s got that dog in him, but we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that he’s also really, really, really good.

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What’s the worst kind of fight? A tough-ass matchup against an opponent nobody cares about. That’s exactly what Pereira has on his hands against Magomed Ankalaev at UFC 313 on Saturday, so much so that everybody involved (except Ankalaev) appeared put it off as long as they possibly could. But, here’s Poatan, at 37 and sitting on the brink of cleaning out the light heavyweight division, facing his fourth fight in just under 12 months against the man some say shapes up as his stiffest test at 205. Ain’t that just the way?

Plus, Rafael Fiziev seemed to surprise even himself by getting the call to step in for Dan Hooker in the co-main event fight against Justin Gaethje.  

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Doesn’t Henry Cejudo know that when somebody tries to go full Moe Howard on you (looking in your direction Song Yadong) all you gotta do is throw the hand up in front of your face to block it? Guess he missed that day in Greatest Combat Sports Athlete of All Time School. We kid, obviously. Still, though, shoutout to Cejudo, Song and Jason Herzog for reminding us this week that sometimes the shortest distance between you and winning the fight is just to gouge your opponent’s eyes out.

Plus, a ton of fight booking news! Topuria goes up! Hooker drops out! Volko and The Fallout Boy are in! That Boy Good can’t go! Muhammad gets Jackie Flat Nose! Oh, what a rush.

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Would somebody please get this goddamn Jon Jones a hobby already? You can just about set your watch to this shit. Give Jones a fight, give him something to train for, some structure, some direction in his life, and it seems like this man is unstoppable. Give him like EVEN ONE SECOND of downtime and he’s liable to get intoxicated and film an Instagram live video about how he wants to kill somebody. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HE DID OVER THE WEEKEND.

Who was Jones talking about? What precipitated this behavior? Was he speaking literally or figuratively? And WHY ON EARTH would he FILM this shit on Instagram?

In other news, Jared Cannonier refused to go quietly into the domain of the gatekeeper and stepping stone and, you know what, fucking good on him. Also, Henry Cejudo and Song Yadong are gonna mix it up in Seattle this weekend and the oddsmakers don’t LOVE Henry’s chances.

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UFC 312 seemed to signal a community-wide awakening on Sean Strickland. After watching him go out with a whimper against Dricus Du Plessis (again!) it felt like everybody had kind of had enough of his bullshit. Sure, the visionaries on this podcast have been saying for AWHILE that what Strickland advertises prefight (a bloodthirsty maniac!) is quite different than what you actually get inside the cage (a careful point fighter, who came into this bout apparently having made like ZERO adjustments). After this one, however, it felt like fans knew it, other fighters knew it and even his own corner sort of seemed to know it. So, that feels like curtains for ya boi Sean. The irony is, of course, that Strickland actually DOES feel like a psychopathic lunatic in all other aspects of his life. Just ... not when he's fighting.

Plus, damn you can't doubt DDP anymore. Except in his next fight against Khamzat Chimaev ... surely he'll lose that one ... right? Also, are Dana White and Ari Emanuel about to try to "fix" boxing by going after the Ali Act? Well, shit, of course they are! Why didn't we see that coming? 

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Sure, Dricus du Plessis’ middleweight championship win over Sean Strickland back at UFC 297 was a close one. Split decision. Could’ve gone either way, maybe. But, be honest, were any of us really sitting around trying to quench an unquenchable thirst to see them run it back? No. Nobody had that thirst. Nobody except one man. Unfortunately, it was the one man who makes all the decisions, so … here we are.

Plus, Zhang Weili and Tatiana Suarez seems like a pretty compelling fight, actually.

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Since we missed the Proper yesterday, we feel obligated to offer up today's episode of the Patreon Live Chat for free. We hope this satisfies your bloodlust for unfettered discourse on the wild, weird and occasionally wonderful world of mixed martial arts.

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