The Co-Main Event MMA Podcast

Bunch of people got separated from consciousness on Saturday at UFC 332 — just as the good Lord intended. Eleven T/KO finishes in 13 fights. Nine first round stoppages. Not too shabby, if you’re into brain trauma (and if you’re reading this right now, you know who you are). Immediately afterward, the UFC broadcast team, and some of their sycophants online, went pretty hard trying to convince us that this rash of knockouts alone made UFC 332 one of the greatest shows of all time. Could that be true, though, considering how much flak the UFC (rightfully) took for this event looking like one of the weaker PLE events in recent memory? How many KOs does it take to make a bad card good?

Plus, we discuss the super smart sharks in “Deep Blue See,” the origin of Mr. Orange in “Reservoir Dogs” ... and what the hell is a deuteragonist?

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As many of you know, the big boxing match between Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua is finally official, with the two set to meet on Dec. 11 at Principality Stadium (granddaddy of them all) in Cardiff, Wales. The card will air live on Netflix. Somehow, this news only intensified the war of words between Eddie Hearn and Dana White, with the British boxing promoter quipping that White got “royally mugged off, pants down, bent over, butt cheeks spanked.” GASP!

So, this week, we must ask: Is Dana White really getting royally mugged off in his desperate effort to insert himself into this fight? And is it at least partially his own fault?

Plus, some scary shit happened to Raoni Barcelos at last weekend’s UFC Fight Night. And there are still plenty of good seats available for this weekend’s UFC 332 event down there in Salt Lake City.

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Things … did not … go … great … for ya boi Gable Dan Steveson at UFC 331. You could feel the vibes start to shift early in the week, when Sean Sharaf called him a rapist to his face and Steveson’s only response was to smile awkwardly as if to say, “Yeah, I (allegedly) did that shit.” Then, during the actual fight, Steveson caught a hot left hook right on the off switch from Sharaf and got knocked the FUCK out in 12 seconds flat. THEN, as if this wasn’t bad enough, he left the cage before Sharaf even got his hand raised. So, suddenly, MMA en masse seems to have decided Gable Steveson is a bad guy, actually.

Plus, Josh Van beat the man and, therefore, according to the laws of combat sports, is now the man. And … can it finally be you, Troll Boy? Can it finally be you?

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The heavyweight title reign of Big Tommy Gas Hands Aspinall came to an end this week, with Aspinall vacating the title because he still can’t get a doctor to sign off on him participating in a cage fight. So, that sucks pretty bad. The most ironic part of it is that Aspinall giving up the belt makes Ciryl Gane the new “undisputed” UFC heavyweight champion — and you’ll recall, Ciryl Gane and his damn pokey fingers are the reason Aspinall can’t fight to begin with! There’s just no justice in MMA, we tell ya.

Anyway, what is the UFC to do now that it has an “undisputed” champion who’s only champ because he damn near gouged the last champ’s eyes out and is carrying around a pair of baaad losses to the two previous champs (Ngannou, Jones)? That is the question.

Plus, Scott Coker called a meeting to announce the details of his new MMA promotion and, man, it was the most Scott Coker stuff of all time.

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It feels like the sport of MMA needs a Salahdine Parnasse right now. You know, a charismatic young fighter with an exciting style and the goods to back it up? In these current days of the UFC just rolling out a factory assembly line of anonymous Contender Series fighters, people like this don’t come along every day anymore. Enter: Salahdine Parnasse, former two-division champ from KSW, who the UFC essentially nabbed out from under MVP (the promotion) after he showed out on the Rousey vs. Carano card in May.

The UFC saw fit to give Parnasse a good test in his first fight in the Octagon, booking him against stalwart journeyman Dan Hooker in a main event bout in Paris, France. Well, consider the test passed. From the very limited UFC sample size that we have so far, it looks like Salahdine Parnasse might well be pretty good — and that feels pretty good, if we’re being honest.

Plus, MVP (the man) seems to be wrapping up his UFC run after going 5-1. That’s way better than we thought he’d do. And yet, nobody had any fun at all. Looking back, was Bellator right all along to just keep feeding this guy cans he could KO in impressive fashion?

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It was a weird weekend in combat sports, especially for the big betting favorites. Umar Nurmagomedov cemented his place as the Ziggy Sobotka of his family, getting his plug pulled by Song Ya Dong in their UFC Fight Night main event in Shanghai. The “next Mike Tyson” also lost — as Moses Itauma threatened to rename the Coleman Index after himself, getting more tired than he’d ever been in his life against Filip Hrgovic before his corner threw in the towel. And then there was poor Mike Perry, who dislocated his shoulder early in his fight against replacement opponent Brandon Jenkins (curse you Dillon Danis!) and coughed up his eighth loss in his last 12 MMA fights. Back to BKFC for Platinum Mike, it seems.

Plus, earlier in the week, Bella Mir lost her Dana White Contender Series fight (where she was a -6000 favorite). So, that was bad, too. Seriously, you guys, who pissed off the MMA Gods?

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Score a couple for the cybernetic organisms, because the biggest winners of the weekend were Gregory “Robocop” Rodrigues and Cris “Cyborg” Justino. Rodrigues went out there in a UFC Fight Night main event and beat up Anthony “Fluffy” Hernandez (who didn’t get on the automated humanoid train with his nickname, which seems like a mistake in retrospect). Cyborg successfully defended her PFL women’s featherweight title against Ketlen Vieira, in a fight that was supposed to be Cyborg’s retirement party — but it turned out Vieira was the one that retired.

Also at the UFC event, there were seven first-round stoppages and just three decisions, 11 of the 26 fighters on the card were Dana White Contender Series alums, and 14 fighters earned $50K or less. At PFL, a couple of dudes scored Knockout of the Year-level stoppages.

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Is that a Tina Turner reference in the title of this week’s episode? Shut up, don’t worry about it. Anyway, Ian Machado Garry couldn’t quite get it done against Islam Makhachev over the weekend at UFC 330. Garry did a decent job getting up from the takedowns and, as the fight wore on, it actually seemed like Makhachev was the one who got ti-red. But Makhachev had the fight’s biggest moment — kicking Garry in his damn face during the second round — and otherwise was able to salt away the victory with his stifling (if not particularly dangerous) ground game.

Could Garry have won it down the stretch if he showed a bit more “killer instinct,” as many (read: Dana White) are saying? Did the fact that he seemed to offer Makhachev head pats and bro hugs between nearly every round reveal something lacking in Garry’s ability to get mean enough to close the show? Is he too SAWFT to be a UFC champ? I mean, surely that’s bullshit, but we discuss.

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Is there any chance at all that we’re all sitting here next Monday saying, “Well, yeah, it’s obvious in retrospect that Islam Makhachev might struggle with Ian Garry. This was only Makhachev’s second fight at welterweight, after all. Garry is so long and rangy. If he was able to stop the takedowns, it was always gonna be a problem. They have weight classes for a reason, I guess. Also, ain’t that just the way, when it comes to these so-called unbeatable champions?”

Any chance at all? Nah, probably not. But you can’t blame a couple of guys who’ve been meeting here every week to break down the action for 14 YEARS for not at least asking the question. If for no other reason than to keep ourselves occupied.

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“We’re in a whole other fucking stratosphere now. I mean, I’m competing with all the majors. Those guys aren’t my competition. So good luck to them all. I wish them all the best.”

That’s ya boi Dana White talking to the media about last week’s news of Jake Paul and Nikisa Bidarian’s Most Valuable Promotions absorbing the PFL to create the world’s second-largest MMA promotion. No big deal, he says.

And maybe Dana White is telling the truth. The UFC is in another fucking stratosphere now from anybody we’ve previously seen try their hand at MMA promotion. Except ... hold on now ... if the UFC ain’t sweatin’ MVP, why’d they recently run out real quick and re-sign Robelis Despaigne and Salahdine Parnasse, effectively stealing away two of MVP's potential stars? And why is Dana White mischievously sending out smiley-face emojis when asked about brand-new free agent Usman Nurmagomedov? Does that seem like a man comfortably in another fucking stratosphere than his opponents? We discuss.

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