Ahoy! We may have been a little delayed in our travels, but your intrepid hosts are finally headed aboard the S.S. Tipton for their next cinematic adventure. That’s right, it’s time for everyone’s favorite troublesome twins to take center stage in The Suite Life Movie. Oh, what hijinks ensue with these two rocking the boa…huh? Oh, again?! Fine. Once again, very little of this film actually takes place in the show’s usual setting and instead finds the Martin brothers…wait, what? No, that can’t be what happens. Like, that’s pretty out there even for most of these movies based on Disney Channel shows. Just listen for yourselves audience, I don’t think anything I write will do it justice.

Lucas is let down by his heroes and remembers his love for London. Emma gets more evidence for her theory and continues her dolphin propaganda.

Talking Points: Being Absolutely Broken, Acting On Autopilot, The Life Raft of Good Jokes, The Lone Gone Luggage Cart Days, Here For Debby Ryan, Zack’s Charlie Sheen-ness, The High Schooler Aged Sprouse Ship Has Sailed, The Problem With Woody, At Work Since Birth, Scholarship Confusion, The Stupid Car Motivation, Everyone Jumped Off This Ship, The Cardinal Sin of Wasting Moseby/London, Eternal Spotshine of the Sunless Mind, MORE DOLPHIN TELEPATHY???, The Urkelization of Suite Life, Woah Nellie, The Terrible CGI Submarine Battle, Side Character Purgatory Dock, I’m Worried About The Gemini Project Darling, Violating The Rules of Science, The Least Bechdel Approved DCOM?, Crab POV, The Stupidest Fight Ever Put to Screen, A Blatant Disney Channel Sex Joke, The Worst Fake Crying, The “Sea” Plot, This Movie Is Scooby-Doo Now, Too Old For Air Ducts, The Dolphins Apparently Know Everything, The Barely Elevated Yet Zombie-Proof Zipline, Force Fields Are Real?!, Identical Twin Height Differences, The Most Infuriating Flashbacks, Fruit-Based Villain Redemption, The Twins Are Alright, Our First Ad Ever