So if everyone in Port Charles is trying something new, maybe Sonny could too? He would be a great barber. Or maybe he could bottle that marinara sauce. Remember that marinara sauce? Looks like Lois is going to make a splash as a spokesmodel. Willow is going to make a more serious splash as a more serious spokesmodel. Curtis is heading up some muscle-related division of Aurora. Sasha is making bread sandwiches for the Quartermaines. Scotty is filming screen tests with his phone. Dex is going to be a cop. Jason is sitting at a desk in a warehouse all day. And Kristina would sit in her apartment all day if TJ had his way. Huh. What does any of this mean? Seriously, what is happening in Port Charles, and could it maybe be better written?

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