Willow. Oh, Willow. She's barely there. Drew could crush her with his bare hands! His big, lecherous, controlling hands! Who will save her (not Wiley)? Can she save herself? Nina is beside herself with worry. She's never gonna get rid of that furrowed brow. And then there's Kai, who loves Drew. So much. Way too much. Will it cost him Trina? Would that bother anyone? Plus, are Curtis and Portia going to make it, or are they already shopping around? Not sure about any of that. Isaiah deserves a meatier role. He's not just beefcake! And it's softball season. Yippee. Also, remember when Gia and Keisha talked about sphincters for awhile? Apparently, they hadn't finished that conversation. Very, very sorry.

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Okay. Gia and Keisha are celebrating something. It's not clear what. But the long and the short of it is they are struggling with their thoughts. Sort of like Willow, but without the overbearing douchebag yammering non-stop. Anyway. They can't figure out who knows what. That's across multiple storylines. They also can't figure out why. Apply that to anything you like. Storyline. Outfit. Beverage. Your call. Also who. As in, who cares who gets what child or children? Aren't they all a little disappointing? Bottom line, apologies for whatever Gia and Keisha have going on in this episode. Best to lower your expectations (if you haven't already).

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Gia is back! And, according to her, functioning at 98%. We'll let her believe that. So much happening in Port Charles! A lot of raised voices, but some of them reasonable (Maxie and Chase)! Brook Lynn struck Lulu, and the world rejoiced. Chase didn't strike Dante, and the world was impressed. Jason didn't strike Drew, and that was probably smart, although he could have paid some kid to punch him in the nuts, and the world would have cheered. Willow is finally getting a break from Drew, but he won't stay away for long. Poor Willow. And let's hope Emma knows what she's doing with Professor Dalton. Let's hope Cody knows what he's doing with Ava. Does anyone know what to do with Kristina? Alexis could use some help.

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Lucky! Why? What a waste of a great character. Let's hope Lucky's departure doesn't clear the way for Ric. Elizabeth deserves better. Meanwhile, Sasha and Michael have a daughter--Daisy! Shouldn't Michael start fresh with these two, and leave Wiley and Amelia to Drillow? And will Cody become a gigolo? Maybe? That could be fun. Also, Natalia is back to her old self. More fun? We'll see!

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Gia and Keisha are coming to you a day early because Gia is traveling to Montana tomorrow. Good luck, Montana! Now, the custody battle. The first casualty: Sasha. Poor Sasha. That baby had better be okay, or Jason, Michael, and anyone else interested in being a father to Sasha's baby will be coming down hard on Ric and whoever spilled Sasha's beans. Meanwhile, the whole Gio situation is still being processed at a high volume. Except for Sonny, who continues to be quite relaxed about everything. Also, does Emma have the skills to get what she needs on the professor without giving herself away? Let's hope so!

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It's getting loud in Port Charles! Perhaps a rule limiting the amount of shouting per episode to, say, five minutes? No? Worth a try. Brook Lynn's voice is sounding tired. Gloria's voice could peel paint. Even Rocco is loud. And no one needs to hear Lulu's voice. Kristina, Alexis, and Lucky are sounding a bit nutty, even mental. Sonny! Who knew Sonny's voice would become the most soothing? Wouldn't it be fun if Gio moved in with Grandpa Sonny? Next stop, the courtroom. Probably more yelling. Definitely more yelling. 

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Some great daytime drama in Port Charles! Now, Lois is catching a lot of flak for the decisions she made re: Gio, but Gia and Keisha are feeling a bit of sympathy for her. Of course, Lulu deserves every bit of criticism leveled at her. She's awful. Tracy and Ned get points for loveliness. As does Emma. Back squarely in the awful department: Drew. How did he manage to find a way to become so much worse?! So much. Pocketing Lila's ring. OMG. Run, Willow, run. Also, the new Michael seems to be working out, but it is early. And Kai and Trina are a very nice couple, but is that enough? And finally, where the hell is Charlotte?

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The votes are in, and the winner of best Nurse's Ball performance is----A tie? Gia liked(!) the children at the end. She hasn't been the same since she cut down on the drinking. And Keisha liked Trina and Joss (also their dresses). So, much like the Curtis vs. Portia debate, they have agreed (grudgingly) to disagree. Also, Michael is back! Well, someone answering to the name Michael has arrived and stolen Wiley (notice no one fought him on this). Plenty of soapy goodness (Gia's words) to look forward to this week! And Lulu owes Gio a new violin, right?

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Oh boy! Lots of action at the Nurse's Ball! And not all of it embarrassing! First, Nina was great on the red carpet. A real pro. Drew. Well, Drew. Best dressed? Gia and Keisha are in agreement! On that and not much else. Well, Lulu is terrible. They still agree about that. And Gio has some real acting chops! He's not just a pretty violinist! But, oh dear, so much pain. And then there's Alexis and Kristina. Talk about a handful. And Curtis and Portia. Is Curtis too rigid? Or is Portia not rigid enough? Gia and Keisha may never agree on that one. Also, where have all of those dancing nurses been hiding?

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Gia and Keisha may never like Lulu again. And Dante is on thin ice. Thin ice! Carly and Nina, well. Those two could be spokesmodels for Sonny's vulva gym. Almost too bad that Joss broke up the fight. And maybe they just need to get Drew in the ring and give him a good, old-fashioned pummeling? Also, can someone pick up the phone and call Michael? Or just send him a text? Now, what will Curtis do about Portia? Is she out after three strikes? Should she be? Finally, how amazing did Ava look in that blouse?! At the end of the day, maybe that's all that matters.

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