Equal-ish

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs.

What if some of the things we believe are “just the way things are” are actually stories we've been told so many times that we've stopped questioning them?

In this episode of Equal-ish, we're joined by storyteller, writer-composer and story consultant Simon Arrowsmith to explore the powerful stories that shape how we see ourselves, our relationships, our families and the world around us.

Simon explains why story is much more than entertainment or communication: it's one of the ways our brains make meaning of the world. And because we're constantly surrounded by stories (in films, advertising, social media, culture, family and history), they can quietly become the narratives we live by.

We explore what happens when familiar patterns become “lazy stories”: the repeated stereotypes about mothers, fathers, work and family life that can start to feel like the only possible way things can be.

We also get personal. How can two people experience exactly the same situation but create completely different stories about what is happening? What happens when we become too attached to our own narrative? And how can couples create enough curiosity and vulnerability to hear each other's version of the story?

Simon shares practical ways to start unpacking the stories we tell ourselves: from asking “why?” repeatedly to using the structure of a story to examine where we've come from, what has changed and what might happen next.

And perhaps most importantly, we ask whether we really can rewrite our stories.  Sometimes a small shift is enough to change the direction of the story.

So, who wrote the story you're living, and what might happen if you changed just 10% of it?

Meet Simon: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/simonarrowsmith/

https://simonarrowsmith.com/

https://iambic.agency/

https://analogueintelligence.co.uk/

Explore the hero’s journey here:  https://www.jcf.org/learn/joseph-campbell-heros-journey 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at [email protected]   

What happens when boys grow up surrounded by messages telling them to be strong, dominant, competitive and emotionally tough?

In this episode of Equal-ish, we talk to educator and boys’ development expert Jerome Hunter about the scripts boys absorb from an early age and what happens when we give them the space to question those scripts rather than simply follow them.

Jerome shares what he learned from founding an all-boys middle school, including why the transition into adolescence can feel like “whiplash”, how boys can be socialised away from emotional expression, and why the pressure to fit in can make it incredibly difficult for them to set boundaries or challenge harmful behaviour.

We explore the debate around single-sex education, asking whether separating boys and girls can create valuable space to explore identity or risk reinforcing the very gender divisions we're trying to dismantle. Jerome's answer comes back to intentionality: it's not simply whether boys and girls are educated together, but what we're actually teaching them about themselves, relationships and each other. jerome-hunter-interview

We also get very practical. Jerome shares simple things schools and families can do, from a one-minute emotional check-in at the start of a lesson to helping boys understand boundaries, practising restorative rather than purely punitive discipline, and creating a shared language around healthy relationships.

And perhaps the most powerful question of all: what might boys teach us if we stopped trying to mould them and simply listened?

Jerome's answer is beautiful: look at me for me before evaluating me.

Meet Jerome: https://www.jeromehunter.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeromehunter/

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Follow us on Instagram! Kate Mangino & Rachel Childs. Get in touch with your questions, comments and future podcast ideas at [email protected]  

What if becoming a father doesn't just change your life, it changes your brain?

In this episode of Equal-ish, we talk to clinical psychologist and neuroscientist Dr Darby Saxbe, author of Dad Brain, about the fascinating biology of fatherhood and what it tells us about how we raise children, share care and think about masculinity.

Darby's research shows that fathers' brains remodel during the transition to parenthood, with changes linked to how much time they spend caring for and connecting with their children. As she puts it: “Great dads are made, not born.”

But that raises a much bigger question: what happens when fathers aren't given the time or opportunity to practise caregiving?

We explore why solo parenting can be so important for dads, how unequal parenting can become self-reinforcing, and why the cognitive load remains stubbornly gendered even as fathers spend more time doing hands-on childcare.

We also get into the surprising physical changes that can happen to men's bodies and hormones during fatherhood, why the obsession with maximising testosterone misses the point, and what happens when we stop seeing fatherhood as a social role and start recognising it as a profound human transition.

And then we go somewhere unexpected: into the delivery room. Darby's research suggests that the way couples communicate with each other before birth may be linked to how difficult their birth experience becomes and that something as simple as validation can help diffuse conflict.

This is a conversation about brains, bodies, relationships, workplaces, masculinity and the opportunities we give people to become the parents and partners they are capable of being.

What would change if we designed early parenthood around the science of how fathers actually develop as caregivers?

Connect with Darby:

Buy the book: Dad Brain  

darbysaxbe.com

darbysaxbe.substack.com

Instagram @darbysaxbephd

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Equal-ish is back for Year Two!

After 55 episodes exploring the research, systems and social norms that make equity at home so difficult, Kate and Rachel are back, and this year they're asking a different question:

What if knowing what's hard isn't enough?

We've learned a lot over the last year. We've explored all the latest research that explain why equity at home is so hard. We know about workplace barriers. We know how gender norms shape parenting, relationships and family life.

And yet... we still find ourselves doing the very things we know we shouldn't.

Rachel puts up barriers to taking time for herself. Kate finds herself exhausted after trying to make everyone else happy.

So in Year Two we're going beyond diagnosis.

This season, Equal-ish is widening the conversation, exploring the stories we tell ourselves, the habits we inherit, the expectations we never consciously chose, and the unexpected ideas that might help us do things differently.

From boyhood and dad brains to storytelling, AI, anger, adolescence and the everyday ways we divide up family life, Kate and Rachel are looking beyond the usual suspects and asking:

What other ideas, perspectives and possibilities could help us write our own rules?

We're not here to tell you how to have the perfect family. We're figuring it out too.

Welcome to Year Two of Equal-ish.

And remember: if it were easy to be equal-ish, we wouldn't need this podcast.

Here's some links to a few of our upcoming guests if you want to read ahead:

• Dad Brain, by Darby Saxbe
• No One Loves an Angry Woman, by Gemma Hartley
• Mom Life Comics

We're taking a break over the summer and replaying some of your favourite episodes. Today we're revisiting our conversation with podcast friend Alex Trippier where he gave us his honest perspectives about his personal journey from being clueless to enlightened in all things equal-ish and mental load.

Enjoy!

Discovering concepts like mental load, matrescence, and motherhood ideals really can fundamentally reframe your understanding of parenting as a partnership.

In today’s conversation, Rachel, Kate talk to Alex Trippier, host of the Be a Happier Parent podcast about his fatherhood journey, the strain young children put on his relationship, and the turning point—from believing he was an “involved dad” to realising he had completely missed the invisible emotional, cognitive and cultural pressures shaping his wife’s experience. It’s time to redefine fulfillment as a father beyond achievement and into meaningful family connection.

Here are two of the Be a Happier Parent episodes that we referenced in our interview: 

⁠The magic of caregiving with Elissa Straus ⁠

⁠What do dads do? With Steve Biddulph⁠

These are the books Alex referenced:

• • The Motherhood Complex by Melissa Hogenboom

• Matrescence by Lucy Jones

• Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

• Beyond Baby Talk by Rachel Childs

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts ⁠Kate Mangino⁠ and ⁠Rachel Childs⁠ or get in touch at [email protected]

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying some of ours, and your favourite episodes. This week we're revisiting our conversation with Dr Anna Machin. This really was one of our all time favourite conversations. Anna has so much to share about the evolution of fatherhood and dispelling myths about our modern definition of the breadwinner role.

Enjoy!

In this episode, evolutionary anthropologist Dr Anna Machin challenges everything you thought you knew about fatherhood. From hormone shifts and brain changes to the unique ways dads build attachment, Anna unpacks why fathers are wired to be caretakers, not just breadwinners, and how their involvement shapes resilience, social skills, and mental health in children.

Kate and Rachel dive into:

• The evolutionary roots of fatherhood and why caregiving, not earning, is innate.

• How dads uniquely “scaffold” children’s growth and prepare them for the world.

• The importance of secure attachment, sensitive parenting, and playful involvement.

• Why societal norms and workplace cultures, not biology, often prevent dads from fully engaging.

• How couples can use pregnancy to prepare for parenthood, maintain relationship strength, and navigate the early years together.

This episode is essential listening for any parent, partner, or parent-to-be who wants to understand the science behind equal parenting, and how to put it into practice in today’s world.

Meet Anna and explore her books: https://annamachin.com/

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs or email us at [email protected].

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying our most listened to episodes. This interview with Corinne was one of ours (and your) favourites it the way Corinne uses her behavioural economics lens to how we think about our time, utility and finances as parents.

Enjoy!!

In this episode of Equal-ish, Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs are joined by economist and author Dr. Corinne Low, whose book Having It All blends rigorous data with deeply human stories about work, love and parenthood.

Corinne takes us inside the economics of the modern household — explaining why gender equality at home has stalled, why parenting time has exploded, and why women’s stress and burnout aren’t personal failures but predictable outcomes of a broken system. Drawing on time-use data, labour market research and behavioural economics, she unpacks the myths we still cling to: from romanticising the 1950s household to assuming equality will “sort itself out.”

Together, we explore invisible labour, status quo bias, reproductive capital, and the parenting “arms race” that’s making family life feel impossible — especially for working mothers. Most importantly, Corinne offers a practical, empowering reframe: how women can stop trying to “lean in” to a broken system and instead renegotiate work, partnership and parenting on more sustainable terms.

If you find yourself asking: Why does this still feel so hard, and what can we actually do about it? This conversation is for you.

Find out more about Corinne’s work here: www.corinnelow.com 

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs or get in touch with us at [email protected].

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying a few of your favourite episodes. This week, we're sharing one of the very first conversations we had, with Zach Watson, the reformed 'man-child'.

Enjoy!

Are men choosing to ignore the mental load because they subconsciously still believe it is women’s work? Rachel and Kate try to answer that question with this week’s guest, Zach Watson. 

Zach is a former middle school math teacher turned viral content creator and invisible labor coach for modern dads. Zach’s marriage nearly ended in 2018 because he was in default mode and letting his wife do it all. Now he talks very openly about how that happened, what he is doing to make changes, and why other men might be motivated to take household equality seriously. 

Known for his honest, often hilarious take on the mental load in parenting, Zach speaks from real experience. And as a result now has over 120 million views and a growing community of ‘recovering man-children,’ through sharing his practical tools and relatable stories.

⁠⁠Zach Watson Instagram⁠⁠

⁠⁠Zach Watson YouTube Channel ⁠⁠

⁠⁠Zach Watson Facebook⁠⁠

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. Find out more about your hosts ⁠⁠Kate Mangino⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Rachel Childs⁠⁠ or email us [email protected]. 

We're taking a break for the summer and replaying our most listened to episodes. Molly was our very first guest on Equal-ish. Whether you've listened to her before, or joined the pod later, this conversation is not to be missed. Molly's insights into relationships through parenthood really are the foundations for everything we talk to. Enjoy!

In this conversation with psychologist and author of To Have and To Hold, Molly Millwood, Kate and Rachel explore how reciprocity in relationships can feel so hard to achieve. We unpack with Molly the subtle ways women are socialized to give away power, why women’s “free time” so often includes caregiving, and how unequal dynamics impact both mothers and fathers. Together we reflect the hidden costs for men who disconnect from early fatherhood, and the damage relationships can suffer if these imbalances go unaddressed.  

Meet Kate & Rachel here: ⁠https://linktr.ee/equalish⁠ and get in touch with us at: [email protected]

Buy Molly’s book, To Have and To Hold: ⁠https://www.mollymillwood.com/book⁠ 

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who might need a little more equal-ish in their life.

One year. Fifty episodes. Twenty-seven incredible guests. Hundreds of hours of conversations, editing, voice notes, and learning.

In this special anniversary episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino look back on the biggest ideas that have shaped their thinking over the first year of Equal-ish and discover that the podcast has become something much bigger than they ever imagined.

We revisit the moments that completely changed how they think about parenting, relationships, gender, the mental load, power, and community. We share the questions we're still wrestling with, why we believe the conversation around equality needs to move beyond household chores, and where we're taking Equal-ish next. 

Whether you've listened from episode one or you're joining us for the first time, this is the perfect place to reflect on how far we've come and where we're heading next.

In this episode we discuss:

• The guest insights that fundamentally changed our thinking

• Why Equal-ish is becoming about more than gender and parenting

• Individual responsibility versus broken systems

• Why relationships, not independence, may be the key to lasting change

• The biggest unanswered questions we're taking into Year Two

• What we've learned from 50 episodes and 27 expert guests

• Why your conversations matter more than ever

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Contact us with your feedback and future podcast ideas: [email protected]