Equal-ish

Over the last four episodes, we've spoken to four very different guests, but one theme kept appearing.

What if adulthood isn't about becoming completely independent? What if love isn't about fixing other people's problems? And what if the greatest gift we can give our children (and our partners) isn't rescuing them, but believing they're capable?

In this Equal-ish Edit, Rachel and Kate unpack the unexpected connections between conversations with Paige Connell, Nick Shackleton-Jones, Deborah Porter and Dr Stephen Blumenthal.

Together we explore:

• Why we've confused love with doing.

• The difference between rescuing someone and creating safety.

• Why curiosity may be a greater marker of adulthood than independence.

• How stepping back can be one of the hardest—and most loving—things we ever do.

• Why building an equal partnership starts by examining ourselves, not changing our partner.

This isn't an episode about having all the answers.

It's an invitation to stay curious, sit beside discomfort, and rethink what it really means to care for the people we love.

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Contact us with your feedback and future podcast ideas: [email protected] 

From childhood, many boys are taught to be tough, independent and resilient. What is the cost of the lessons they’re taught?  

In this episode of Equal-ish, psychotherapist Stephen Blumenthal explores why so many men struggle to express vulnerability, seek help, or even recognise when they're suffering. Drawing on decades of experience working with men, Stephen explains how shame, biology, culture and early attachment all shape the way men experience emotions and relationships.

Together, Rachel, Kate and Stephen unpack why fatherhood often feels less clearly defined than motherhood, why talking therapies can unintentionally miss men's needs, and how creating a genuine sense of safeness rather than simply telling people to "open up" could transform relationships.

This is a thoughtful conversation about imperfection, intimacy, emotional connection and why equal partnerships aren't built by having all the answers they're built by creating spaces where both people feel safe enough to be themselves.

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Meet Stephen Blumenthal: https://stephenblumenthal.com/

Guardian article: ‘They’re taught that showing feelings is shameful’: eight reasons men don’t go to therapy – and why they should

Don’t forget to buy your copy of Kate Washington’s Midstream: A Life Remade in 50 Swims

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. Contact us with your feedback and future podcast ideas: [email protected]  

Everyone talks about the sleepless nights of having babies. Almost no one talks about what happens when your children become adults.

In this episode of Equal-ish, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino speak with workplace parenting consultant Deborah Porter about one of the least discussed stages of family life: when adult children move back home.

Whether it's rising living costs, an impossible housing market, career uncertainty or simply needing a reset, more young adults are returning home than ever before. But while parents often expect life to get easier once children leave, many discover that the mental load simply changes shape.

Deborah shares why parents need to stop seeing this as a "failure to launch" and instead view it as an opportunity to help young adults relaunch successfully. She explores why default parenting often continues long after childhood, how rescuing can unintentionally hold children back, and why every birthday should be an opportunity to hand a little more responsibility back to your child.

This is a conversation about boundaries, identity, parenting with intention, and learning that sometimes the greatest act of love is stepping back rather than stepping in. 

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Meet Deborah: www.deborahporter.net

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Meet Kate Mangino @kate_mangino and Rachel Childs @parents_that_work.

Everyone says they want more equal partnerships. So why do so many couples still end up falling into traditional roles?

In this thought-provoking conversation, organisational psychologist and behaviour change expert and author of How We Learn, Nick Shackleton-Jones explores the invisible forces that shape how we work and lead. From the surprising psychology behind return-to-office mandates to why workplace cultures continue to disadvantage caregivers, Nick challenges many of the assumptions we've accepted as "normal."

Together, we explore why information alone rarely changes behaviour, why emotions drive lasting change far more than logic, and what organisations and families can learn from human-centred design.

We also dive into the future of AI, the hidden biases built into technology, why younger generations are rejecting outdated definitions of success, and how leadership culture continues to influence equality at home.

Follow Nick’s TikTok musings @shackletonjones or find out more about his work shackleton-consulting.com/ 

This episode is proudly sponsored by Midstream: A Life Remade in 50 Swims by Kate Washington

When Paige Connell became a mum, she didn't expect her marriage to change overnight.

She'd been with her husband for 16 years. They had an equitable relationship. They supported each other's careers. Yet within a few years (accelerated by COVID, foster care, adoption, four young children and a complete lack of childcare support) she found herself overwhelmed, burnt out and quietly wondering:

"How did this happen?"

In this powerful conversation, Paige shares with Kate and Rachel the moment she realised her resentment wasn't about an overflowing dishwasher, it was about carrying an invisible workload that neither she nor her husband had the language to describe.

Together, Rachel, Kate and Paige explore why so many good dads are still missing part of the picture, why women often struggle to articulate what they're experiencing, how social media has changed the conversation around the mental load, and why simply "helping more" isn't the answer.

They also discuss raising boys differently, the dangerously low standards we celebrate fathers for, why Mother's Day and Father's Day cards still reinforce outdated stereotypes, and why genuine change will only happen when we stop comparing dads to other dads—and start comparing partners to each other.

This episode is about giving couples the words to have better conversations, build stronger partnerships and create a fairer future for the next generation.

This week Rachel and Kate are joined by Paige Connell, aka “shesapaigeturner” on TikTok and Instagram. Paige is a working mother of four who shares relatable content on TikTok and Instagram, highlighting the everyday experiences of women balancing motherhood, careers, and relationships. Known for her candid insights on the mental load of motherhood and the challenges of creating equity at home and work, Paige’s content resonates with millions. She also advocates for affordable childcare, paid leave, and reproductive rights, sparking important conversations about what families need to thrive. Her impactful voice and relatable storytelling have led to features in Scary Mommy, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and more.

You can find Paige in all the social places: 

https://www.instagram.com/sheisapaigeturner/

https://www.tiktok.com/@sheisapaigeturner

https://www.facebook.com/sheisapaigeturner/reels/

https://substack.com/@sheisapaigeturner

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

We often talk about the mental load, emotional labour, and the systems that keep families stuck in unequal patterns. But what happens after awareness?

In this Equal-ish Edit, Kate and Rachel reflect on their recent conversations with Laura Danger (Ep 41), Steve Cardwell (Ep 42) and Natalie Costa (Ep 43), exploring the gap between knowing and doing. Why do couples who value equality still end up in unequal dynamics? Why is awareness only the starting point? And what skills are we missing at home that organisations spend millions teaching at work?

The conversation dives into the role of trust, communication, emotional intelligence, leadership skills and habit formation in creating stronger partnerships. They also explore why letting go feels so risky, why vulnerability is essential for growth, and whether we need to rethink how we prepare people for relationships, parenting and family life.

Plus, they share their thoughts on the new film Breadwinner and ask whether popular culture is still stuck telling outdated stories about fathers, mothers and family life.

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

What if the most important parenting skill isn't discipline, communication, or even patience, but emotional fitness?

In this episode, Kate and Rachel sit down with parenting coach and emotional fitness expert Natalie Costa to explore how our relationship with emotions shapes everything from our parenting to our partnerships.

Natalie explains why so many adults struggle to navigate difficult emotions, how emotional patterns are passed down through generations, and why resilience isn't about avoiding feelings, it's about learning to move forward with them.

We dive into the invisible emotional labour that often falls to mothers, why many fathers have never been taught the emotional skills modern parenting requires, and practical ways couples can create a more emotionally connected family culture together.

You'll also hear why repair matters more than perfection, how to help children develop emotional security, and the powerful reminder that every child needs to hear:

"You are easy to love."

Whether you're raising toddlers, teens, or simply trying to break old patterns in your own family, this conversation offers practical tools and reassuring wisdom for becoming the steady parent your children need.

• What emotional fitness actually means

• Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate parenting goal

• The connection between emotional awareness and resilience

• How emotional patterns are inherited across generations

• The invisible emotional labour carried by many mothers

• Helping fathers build emotional confidence and connection

• Why repair is more important than getting it right

• How to raise emotionally secure children without striving for perfection

Meet Natalie Costa:https://nataliecosta.co.uk 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

For today's fathers, the expectations have changed.

Men are no longer expected to simply provide financially. They are expected to be present, emotionally engaged, active parents while still succeeding at work and somehow finding time for themselves too.

But what happens when all of those demands collide?

In this thought-provoking conversation, Rachel and Kate sit down with Deliberate Dad founder Steve Cardwell to explore what it means to be an ambitious father in a world where the rules of parenting are changing faster than the systems around us.

Steve shares his philosophy of being a "deliberate dad"—someone who consciously chooses how to spend their time, energy and attention rather than living on autopilot. Together they unpack guilt, mental load, workplace expectations, partnership dynamics, self-care, and the pressure to excel in every area of life.

The conversation explores why so many fathers feel pulled between work and home, why agency matters more than perfection, and how couples can define their own version of equality rather than chasing impossible standards.

Along the way, Rachel, Kate and Steve wrestle with some of the biggest questions facing modern parents:

Can you really have it all?

What sacrifices are unavoidable?

How do we model healthy fatherhood for the next generation?

And what happens when being a "good parent" looks very different from the image social media keeps selling us?

A nuanced conversation about ambition, agency, equality, and the realities of parenting in today's world.

Meet Steve Cardwell: https://deliberate.dad/ 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevedeliberatedad/

https://www.instagram.com/deliberatedad_ 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

We are all familiar with the jokes.

The exhausted mum carrying everything.The lovable but clueless dad.The wife who nags.The husband who "helps."

But what if the jokes aren't harmless?

This week Rachel and Kate are joined by Laura Danger, author of No More Mediocre, to explore the hidden relationship dynamics that have been normalised for generations.

Laura shares how a flood of "couples comedy" videos during the pandemic sparked her now-famous work on the mental load, weaponized incompetence, and what she calls the "nag paradox", the exhausting cycle where one partner carries the responsibility, then gets blamed for managing it.

Together we unpack:

• Why so many unequal relationships feel "normal"

• The hidden emotional cost of being indispensable

• Why progressive couples often struggle behind closed doors

• How social media is changing the conversation around the mental load

• The fear that comes with demanding more from your relationship

• Why changing your relationship means accepting that things will be different

This isn't a conversation about blaming men or women.

It's a conversation about questioning the stories we've inherited, challenging what we've accepted as inevitable, and asking whether "good enough" is really good enough.

Because maybe the goal isn't perfection. Maybe it's refusing to settle for mediocre.

Find out more about Laura at www.lauradanger.com, and on Instagram @thatdarnchat

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

In this Equal-ish Edit, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino reflect on the last three powerful conversations with: Professor Leah Ruppanner (ep 36 & 37) on redefining the mental load, Dr. Taveeshi Gupta (ep 38) on the global state of fatherhood, and Danny Mercer (ep 39) on life as an at-home dad.

Together, they unpack one huge question: if men increasingly say they want to care more, why are so many families still stuck in unequal systems?

This episode explores:

• Why caregiving is still culturally coded as “women’s work”
• How workplaces continue to shape parenting roles
• The mental load beyond motherhood and domestic labour
• The invisible pressure many fathers carry as providers
• Why modern parenting feels so isolating and overwhelming
• The role community, vulnerability and systems change play in creating more equal families

It’s an honest, emotional and deeply nuanced conversation about the tension many families live inside every day: wanting equality, while operating inside systems that make it incredibly hard to achieve.

And in one particularly moving moment, Kate reflects on the simple but powerful truth many parents need most: not solutions, just someone willing to listen.

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.