Equal-ish

Danny Mercer has spent 16 years as the primary caregiver for his four children, and what started as a practical family decision became a complete redefinition of identity, fatherhood, care and partnership.

In this deeply honest conversation, Danny shares what it means to be the default parent as a father: the exhaustion, the invisible labour, the mental load, the resentment, the joy, and the relentless nature of caregiving. He talks openly about losing the identity that came with a paycheck, navigating judgement from society, and why community became essential to survival.

As Vice President of the National At-Home Dad Network, Danny also reflects on the growing movement of fathers stepping more fully into caregiving roles, and why many men still struggle to ask for help, build support systems, or believe they are “allowed” to parent this way at all.

This episode explores:

• how gender shapes caregiving expectations

• why the mental load burns out anyone carrying it

• the hidden emotional realities of being an at-home dad 

• why appreciation, communication and self-care matter more than rigid equality

Explore the National at Home Dads Network:

athomedad.org

dadsgottatalk.org

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

What if the biggest lie we’ve been told about caregiving is that people don’t want to do it?

In this powerful conversation, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with Dr. Taveeshi Gupta, Senior Director of Research, Evaluation, and Learning from Equimundo to unpack the newly released State of the World’s Fathers 2026 report (a landmark global study spanning 16 countries and 8,000 parents).

The findings are both devastating and hopeful.

Parents overwhelmingly say caregiving brings joy, purpose and connection. Fathers want meaningful relationships with their children. Mothers and fathers alike say men are doing more care work than previous generations ever did.

But the systems surrounding families (workplaces, economies, public policy, gender norms, childcare structures and cultural expectations) are failing caregivers at every turn.

In this week’s conversation we explore:

• Why care should be treated as a basic human good, like food or shelter

• The dangerous rise of hyper-traditional gender narratives among younger men

• Why couples who hold more traditional gender beliefs actually report more conflict

• Why the manosphere is thriving in an era of economic insecurity

• The hidden “fatherhood flexibility stigma” in workplaces

• The tension between fathers wanting to care and not always defining care the same way women do

• Why caregiving conversations cannot be separated from capitalism, policy and structural inequality

• And why Taveeshi believes we are on the brink of a global “care revolution”

This is a conversation about the systems we’ve built around care, and whether humanity can survive without rebuilding them.

Read the report here: State of the World’s Fathers 2026

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

Last week, we redefined the mental load. This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino ask the harder question:

What do you actually do about it?

In Part 2 of our conversation with Professor Leah Ruppanner, we move from awareness to action.

Because once you realise you’re not just carrying one mental load (but eight) it can feel even heavier.

So how do you:

• stop feeling responsible for everything?

• challenge the “shoulds” shaping your decisions?

• share the load in a way that actually works?

Leah introduces a powerful reframe: The goal isn’t doing more. The goal is being intentional about what you carry, and what you don’t.

From dropping unnecessary standards to recognising how social norms quietly increase your load, this episode is about reclaiming your time, energy, and headspace.

You don’t need to carry it all. In fact, you were never meant to.

Click here to find out more about Professor Leah Ruppaner

• Measure your mental load - Lighten Lab

• Buy Drained now

• Listen to Leah on Miss Perceived Podcast

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with Professor Leah Ruppanner to unpack one of the most misunderstood (and underestimated) forces shaping modern relationships: the mental load.

Leah is Professor of Sociology at the University of Melbourne and Founder of LightenLab. She is the author of Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More and Motherlands: How States Push Mothers Out of Employment.

Drawing on years of global research and hundreds of interviews, Leah challenges the narrow way we’ve been taught to think about it. Because it’s not just about remembering the shopping list or organising the calendar.

It’s emotional, it’s invisible. it’s boundaryless. And crucially, it doesn’t stop.

From “emotional thinking work” to the eight different types of mental load we’re all carrying, this conversation explains why even the most well-intentioned, modern couples still feel overwhelmed—and what we’ve been missing all along.

Click here to find out more about Leah Ruppaner

• Measure your mental load - Lighten Lab

• Buy Drained now

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

What if the way you’ve been measuring yourself as a parent is the very thing making it harder?

In this raw and reflective “After the Interview” episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino unpack the uncomfortable truths from their conversation with parenting expert Anita Cleare, and what it actually means to live those insights in real life.

Because it’s one thing to say “focus on the relationship, not the outcome.” But it’s another thing entirely when your child is:

• having a meltdown in public

• pushing boundaries

• or making choices you fundamentally disagree with

Together, we explore:

• Why even “progressive parenting” is still often outcome-driven

• The hidden pressure of constantly evaluating your child’s behaviour

• What “being in relationship” actually looks like in difficult moments

• Why letting go of control feels so uncomfortable (especially for high-achievers)

• The tension between preparing your child for the real world vs staying connected to them

• And the surprising question every couple should ask before (or during) parenthood

Meet our guest, Anita Cleare, here. Author of:

• The Work/Parent Switch (UK)

• (The Working Parent’s Survival Guide in the USA)

• How To Get Your Teenager Out Of Their Bedroom

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

What if the biggest mistake we’re making as parents is thinking it’s our job to shape our children?

This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with parenting expert Anita Cleare to challenge everything we think we know about “good parenting.”

From the myth of perfect outcomes to the reality of relationship-building, Anita reframes parenting as something far less controllable and far more human.

Together, we explore:

• Why parenting isn’t something you do to your child, but a relationship you build with them

• How modern “performance parenting” is setting us up to feel like failures

• The hidden cost of doing too much (for our kids and ourselves)

• Why conflict between parents is inevitable (and even valuable)

• The uncomfortable truth about letting go, stepping back, and allowing failure

• How to stay connected to teenagers when they’re pulling away

This episode will challenge your assumptions, ease your guilt, and invite you into a more realistic and joyful way of parenting.

Meet our guest, Anita Cleare, here. 

The Work/Parent Switch (UK)

(The Working Parent’s Survival Guide in the USA)

How To Get Your Teenager Out Of Their Bedroom

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs.

We talk a lot about parental leave.

But what happens after dads go back to work?

In this After the Interview, Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs unpack the uncomfortable reality behind our conversation with Ian Dinwiddy and why support for fathers is still falling through the cracks. Ian is Coach, Mentor and the founder of Inspiring Dads, helping businesses who put supporting new dads at the heart of their gender equality strategy, recognising the positive impact on equality and well-being of helping dads solve the challenge of “how to be a great dad WITHOUT sacrificing a great career.”

From the hidden “filtering system” that determines which dads get support…To the unspoken workplace rules that force men to hide caregiving…To the identity shift no one prepares them for…

We ask a bigger question:

How can we expect men to become involved fathers…while still expecting them to behave like nothing has changed?

This isn’t just about dads, it’s about the systems, stories, and expectations keeping all parents stuck.

Meet Ian:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/iandinwiddy/

Find out if your company is in the Inspiring Dads Parental Leave Database

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/the-database

Ian recommends this book by Jasmine Kelland:

“Caregiving Fathers in the Workplace”

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

This podcast is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

We’re told fatherhood is changing. That dads today want to be more present, more involved, more equal.

But what if most men never actually get the chance?

In this episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with return-to-work expert Ian Dinwiddy to unpack the reality behind modern fatherhood. It’s far more complex than policy headlines suggest. Ian is Coach, Mentor and the founder of Inspiring Dads, helping businesses who put supporting new dads at the heart of their gender equality strategy, recognising the positive impact on equality and well-being of helping dads solve the challenge of “how to be a great dad WITHOUT sacrificing a great career.”

From the “line manager lottery” to the quiet career fears men rarely voice, we explore the invisible filters that determine which dads get to show up at home… and which don’t.

We also dive into the identity shift men experience when they become fathers often without the language, support, or space to process it.

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Meet Ian:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/iandinwiddy/

Find out if your company is in the Inspiring Dads Parental Leave Database

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/the-database

Ian recommends this book by Jasmine Kelland:

“Caregiving Fathers in the Workplace”

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

This podcast is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

After our conversation with Melissa Hogenboom, we couldn’t stop thinking about one thing:

Power.

Not the obvious kind, but the invisible, everyday power shaping how couples live, decide, and relate to each other.

In this after-the-interview episode of Equal-ish, Kate and Rachel explore  

• Why the person doing the most at home can feel the least powerful

• How stress, silence, and resentment are linked to disempowerment

• The surprising way power reduces empathy (and what that does to couples)

• Why money still quietly shapes who has influence

• The question that reveals more than “who does more”: who controls their time?

We also get personal, from asking our kids who they think has power, to rethinking what self-care actually means.

Because this is more than chores or fairness. It’s about autonomy, identity, and the ability to say: “this is what I need.”

If you’ve ever felt like something is “off” in the balance at home but struggled to explain why, this episode might give you the language.

Find out more about Melissa Hogenboom, author of Breadwinners, and The Motherhood Complex.

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 

This episode is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast

This week Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs speak with science journalist and author Melissa Hogenboom about the hidden power dynamics shaping modern relationships.

We often think of power as something that exists in politics or the workplace, but what if it’s quietly influencing the way we make everyday decisions at home?

Drawing on research from neuroscience, psychology and sociology, Melissa explains how power shows up in the smallest moments: who controls their free time, who carries the mental load, and whose career shapes the big life decisions.

We explore:

• Why couples often believe decisions are “mutual” — even when the work behind them isn’t

• How earning power subtly influences influence at home

• What happens to empathy, stress, and communication when power is uneven

• Why female breadwinners are rising — but equality still isn’t guaranteed

It’s a fascinating conversation about autonomy, identity, and what it really takes for couples to feel like a team. Equality in parenting isn’t just about dividing the chores, it’s about understanding power.

Find out more about Melissa Hogenboom, author of Breadwinners, and The Motherhood Complex.

Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview. 

Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino and Rachel Childs. 
This episode is proudly supported by Relationscapes Podcast