ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

One of my friends in prison informed me that he is going to be paroled soon. He asked for advice on what he should do upon release. I asked him where he plans to live and sent him a list of meetings in his area with contact phone numbers. I asked if he had transportation to his location. If not, I suggested that he find a local bus service or transportation service. 

Different forces propelled us to the first-ever SA India Workshop Weekend in Ashirvad, Bangalore. These forces included life-threatening spiritual bankruptcy, absolute failure of moderation and self-control, and a serendipitous string of events amidst desperate seeking.

I knew from the start of my journey in SA that our founder, Roy K. wrote Sexaholics Anonymous (the “White Book”) and then later learned that he also wrote Recovery Continues, Discovering the Principles, and several SA pamphlets. However, for many years, I wondered who writes all our other wonderful SA literature and what’s involved in the publication process. Then the opportunity arose to do international service, and I volunteered to join the Literature Committee.

Before getting sober, I was not a book person. In fact, I had never read a book cover-to-cover. I almost finished one book in school because it took me into a fantasy world, away from reality. Most reading for me, though, was distressing and pointless.

My religious tradition encouraged me to read, study, and meditate. I sometimes read scripture so as not to incur disapproval or feel left out, but I missed the most important part of reading: applying its principles. I saw reading only as a box to check off.

At my first meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous, I heard someone read “The Problem,” and I knew that I was in the right place. In the White Book Roy wrote:

1. Use the literature of the program. The Twelve and Twelve and Alcoholics Anonymous were my first guides in working the Steps. Again and again, I found what I needed in those original documents that launched the Twelve Step program. Many of us now find that working the principles outlined in our SA literature adds another dimension and is very helpful (SA 161).

I entered the world of SA through an invitation from a friend of a friend. At the time, I didn’t recognize my own lust addiction. I simply enjoyed the company of women, and I sometimes (read: constantly) indulged in pornography. To me, those explicit images were no different from any movie broadcasted on TV. And when I heard about Sexaholics Anonymous, the word "Anonymous" intrigued me. It seemed to hold excitement, secrecy, and freedom—words my lust craved. 

For me, sexual lust started as a simple game that I played with the kid next door. I never imagined that such a game could develop into a “way of life.” My family paid more attention to my beautiful, smart sister, and to attract their attention, I started stealing from them to get more attention. This didn’t work. I didn’t know how to say, “I’m here! See me! Love me! I need my father to hold me!” 

I just got back from the SA/S-Anon International Conventions in Los Angeles. This was the first International Convention in the United States since 2020, and the final registration count was 664! There were another 70 people around the world who joined sessions via livestream. Eleven countries were represented (including Kenya, Israel, and Belgium), 40 of the U.S. states, plus Puerto Rico and Washington D.C.

Last weekend (early April 2024), about 20 SA members spent about 14 hours together for “Truro Recovery Day” in Cornwall, UK (Truro is a quant cathedral city in southwest England). One of the smallest groups in the UK (the Truro meeting) hosted this annual event of the southwest corner of England.

One of the highlights of the international convention in Los Angeles was finally meeting my first (and now former) sponsee, John H. After six years of phone conversations and occasional Zoom meetings, we met in person in California. Being my first sponsee, he often referred to himself as my “guinea pig.”