Every Coach Needs A Coach

I was just in the grocery store, and I needed to find toll house cookie dough. I searched for a few minutes, and the moment I asked for help, it came in the form of an employee who didn’t know exactly where they were, but pointed me in the right direction. I just find it funny that as soon as I asked for help, what I needed made it self available. That’s the way the world works. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

250 - speak it into existence

Have you ever noticed that you text someone, and they say ‘hey i was just talking about you’. That literally just happened to me. I texted a patient last night to check in, and she wrote me back this morning about how she was telling a coworker about me. And then proceeded to offer me some speaking gigs and training for some younger coaches in town , and remembered that she wants to come back in for more PT.

I often encourage my kids to manifest their futures.

If we define, and write down what we want, we start behaving in ways that we get that thing. We want a team that feels like a family? We start behaving in ways that make us feel like a family? We want to have a great relationship with our significant other? We start behaving in ways taht allow us to have a great relationship with our significant other? We want a team that energizes us and allows us to mentor and coach ehtm? We behave in ways that that happens.

This year I intend to give all of our kids a notebook and have them write down on the inside cover exactly what they want for themselves and for the team this year. That way, I can hold them accountable to what THEY want. All i’ll have to do is say ‘what’s in your notebook?’ or ‘what’s your inside cover say?’ and they’ll change their behavior to line up with it.

Manifest what you want and you’ll get it.

https://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2010/12/07/3085614.htm "The oft-quoted frog-in-boiling-water myth. It claims that frogs cannot sense a slow change in the temperature of the water around them.  If you plunge them into boiling water they'll immediately jump out. But if you place them into room temperature water and slowly heat it to boiling, the frog won't notice and will slowly cook to death.  So claims the myth. Corporate consultants cite the frog fable as proof that companies change so slowly that most of the employees, and often the managers, don't see the change and cannot deal with it."  The concept is interesting, the science makes it less interesting! The idea is we can move the needle slowly in either direction (for worse or for better) and do it in such a way that our players, staff, or company don’t even feel the changes until it’s ‘too late’.  Often, we try to throw our kids into boiling water…we expect 100% enthusiasm, fitness, skill on the first few days. We have to understand and trust that we’re sometimes better off slowly bringing the water to a boil (with what we emphasize as a culture within our program). As we build and adjust our culture, the new kids who come into it (and the old ones who return), should see that pot of boiling water (the environment we created!) and want to jump into it!

That’s not exactly right. I did a little research because I’d heard this somewhere and wanted to do an episode on it. It turns out, 90% of a rocket’s weight is it’s fuel. (https://howthingsfly.si.edu/ask-an-explainer/how-much-fuel-would-it-take-shoot-rocket-out-atmosphere)

Now, i found an answer that said that the most fuel is used to lift the rocket the first few feet. Doesn’t tha sound familiar? The beginning of the season is the toughest. Making teams, getting the right people in the right mindsets. Going through your first game or 2, getting cobwebs out. We put a ton of effort in all season, but the beginning I would say we use the most ‘fuel’

My challenge for myself is to delegate some of that fuel to others so my tank can stay somewhat full to propel us through the rest of the season. I will use my assistant, and our seniors and captains to evenly distribute that fuel across the board and make sure we take off and land as smoothly as possible

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

I shared Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata poem with you yesterday. The line I love in that (among many) is , Beyond wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself. There have been so many times in my life when I wanna get down on myself. Oh shoot, I haven't done the podcast in four or five days. I have to do that. Oh shoot, I meant to send that patient their exercises yesterday and I haven't gotten around to doing it, I'm a bad person because I didn't. Oh no, that conversation with that player or parent ended really badly. I’m a bad coach and person. I missed that free-throw at the end of the game, I stink, I shouldn't be on the team. I forgot to remind that kid that the bus was leaving early, I'm wasting everybody's time.

These situations happen weekly. That line in that poem helps me ‘keep peace with my soul’ as it says in the second to last line

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927

My sister sent me this poem at the end of my sophormoe year of college, when i was contemplating transfering. It is a philosophy that I hold dearly, and the line I repeat to myself daily is ‘beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. Because that gives me permission to say to myself of course I'm being gentle with myself, and then I question, is it beyond a wholesome discipline? That simple sentence forces my physiology to relax. Forces me to take a deep breath and step back to see the situation for what it really is, no matter what it is.

I really haven't shared this with many people, mostly out of selfishness. I feel like this poem is mine, because it got me through so much. I realize that a lot of other people need it to, so i hope it helps you or your players.

Here is a poem by William Martin, called, 'Do not ask your children to strive'

Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.

I don’t have kids yet. I try to take my nieces and nephews outside and show them the wonders around them, so they develop an appreciation for simple things that are really the essence of being alive.

My first year as a head coach, I kept a notebook. Every day after practice or a game, I’d write 1-2 sentences that summarized the day or of an event that happened that day that stuck out to me. Most days were very ordinary.

At the end of the season, I had 60+ days worth of ‘ordinary’ to reflect on. I used that notebook to write my end of the season speech, which may have been the best one I’ve ever given. It was because we found extraordinary in the ordinary. We found beauty in the average day. We could see our love for each other grow, our respect for the game and our opponents grow.

My challenge for you - are you teaching your players to strive for extraordinary? Are you showing them that the extraordinary will take care of itself if they do the ordinary exceptionally well?

I saw a clip where a mother of a 11 or 12 year old girl asked Gary Vanyerchuck about her daughter’s self confidence.

He told the mom that if he could advise her daughter, it would be to build her self esteem. Now , if you google Gary V self esteem, you’ll get a slew of videos and posts from years ago.

His point is that self esteem needs to be the most protected entity for our young people (especially girls). How they view themselves is absolutely EVERYTHING.

We as coaches are in powerful positions to help our kids define their self esteem, and build it alongside them.

Self esteem is NOT all rah-rah ‘you’re great’, self esteem is introspective (and that’s hard as a 30-something, let alone a teenager!). Self esteem is the conversations our players have with themselves every minute of every day.

I don’t know about you, but there are certain sentences that other people have said to me that I can still hear in their voices inside my head. One was my college’s coach’s brutal honesty with me when she told me ‘it’d be a travesty for us if you left, but there’s nothing we can do to make you stay’. Another was my former goalie coach, who has since unfortunately passed away, telling our players (when we had the chance to coach together) that I was the best goalie the program’s ever seen. (I don’t know about that, but he’d coached every single goalie in the girls soccer program, and he was always honest and never blew smoke.)

. You have the chance to be that for another person, whether that’s an athlete, a colleague, or a family member.. My challenge for you (and this is a hard one!) be the positive voice your kids hear over and over in their heads.

“We rise by lifting each other.  “ TJ at the 30:00 mark , episode 376 of the hardwood hustle.My first year as a head coach, I had a junior and 2 sophomores who didn’t play much in games. In practice, they were the players who forced our starters to get better. They raised the energy level of every drill. They brought our team together by giving 100% in every chance they had. They were celebrated by every one of their teammates. I called the 3 of them the rising tide. Because a rising tide lifts all ships.

This is a reference, obviously, to how when ships are anchored in the harbor, as the tide changes from low to high, every ship rises with the tide. It’s not like some ships stay at 1 level while the others rise around it.

The forces that these 3 players created lifted the spirits and skill of every player around them.

My challenge for you - Who is your ‘tide lifter’ on your team, and do they know it? Do they know the importance of the role they are playing? Tell them!

We went to see Zac Brown Band last night, and as he performed he told the story of how every member joined the band. When they were all introduced he said something that stuck with me. He said I encourage anyone who is trying to build something great to find people who are better than you. You should be the worst one in the group