Every Damn Thing

Phil and Jake are joined by The Distillers drummer (and friend of the pod) Andy Granelli to add a few measures to the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking snare drums, the ill-fated ancient city-state of Carthage, and puns.

Andy can be found on Twitter (@AndyGranelli) and Instagram (AndyGranelli). Also check out his side project, hardcore supergroup Seized Up. 

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• You can listen to Andy's historical skin-pounding in his former bands Darker My Love, The Nerve Agents, Fast Asleep and Model American.
• This week’s TV recommendation is How to With John Wilson (on HBO).
• We were delighted to discover that the “trap” in trap set (aka drum kit) is short for “contraption”!
• Phil mentions The Little Drummer Boy but he meant to say the boy from The Tin Drum.
• One of our favorite movies is Drumline, an underrated sports film about HBCU marching bands.
• The slaughter of Native Americans by colonists that Andy talks about appears to have happened in 1610 at the Jamestown colony.
• Here’s a video about Andy’s fave, the Ludwig Black Beauty nickel over brass snare drum.
• Did Carthage invent purple dye? No! Tyrian purple (aka Royal purple or Imperial purple) is a dye extracted from the murex shellfish & first produced in the Phoenician city of Tyre (modern-day Lebanon). These guys were like kissin’ cousins of the Carthaginians, whose origins traced to the Phoenicians but they had their own Punic culture, etc.
• Much of our knowledge about Carthage comes from Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History series on the Punic Wars. 
• The documentary Jake watched about the Punic Wars is called Carthage: The Roman Holocaust. A quick look at the YouTube comments reveals that the topic of alleged Carthaginian child sacrifice is still hotly debated.
• In the episode, Jake claims that the destruction of Carthage was the only time a city was totally destroyed in war. This isn’t quite true. In fact, in the same year that they annihilated Carthage, the Romans also did it to the Greek city of Corinth. But the case of Carthage is distinct in the scale and finality of the erasure of the city, its people and its culture.
• Here’s a funny short video to convince you that puns are great.
• Here’s a 30-minute Three Stooges slapstick montage to show you why they’d be just fine without puns.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
the music industry * history of drums * types of drums * Oreos * man-buns * ninjas * the tabor * “Tonight Tonight” by Smashing Pumpkins * Gene Krupa * drum machines and the future of drumming * onions * “Midnight Train to Georgia” by Gladys Knight and the Pips * “Back that Azz Up” by Juvenile * dilapidated shacks * the Punic Wars * salting the earth * Hannibal * ancient seafaring technology * Atlantis * the Jersey Shore * Antoni Gaudi

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
3. Prince - person
4. It’s-It - food
5. Cher - person
6. Donald Duck - fictional character
7. Hank Williams - person
8. air - substance
9. Watchmen - comic book
10. onions - food
11. “Midnight Train to Georgia” - music
12. sex - idea
13. Boxer (dog breed) - animal
14. ducks - animal
15. firefighters - people
16. Shakira - person
17. The Three Stooges - comedy act
18. Christmas trees - seasonal decoration
19. Puns - idea
20. Trading Places - 1983 film
21. intro to “Back That Azz Up” - music
22. The Truman Show - movie
23. dilapidated shacks - structures
24. shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels - idea
25. plants - life form
26. handkerchiefs - accessory
27. nail clippers - tool
28. rye bread - food
29. snare drums - instrument
30. saxophone in rock - music
31. cubed ice - subst...

Phil and Jake add some soulful notes to the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking saxophone in rock music, the Bay Area-based ice cream cookie sandwich It’s-It, and Triscuits (aka "electricity biscuits").

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• Kurtwood Smith is an actor from the TV show Patriot. He’s perhaps best known for playing Clarence Boddicker, the villain of Robocop (maybe it’s more appropriate to say he’s the miniboss of Robocop, with capitalism being the villain). On the show he plays a management-type at a pipe company and he delivers this stunning monologue about piping which is just beautiful. Phil does a pretty good rendition of the monologue at the beginning of this episode.
• "Yakety Yak" by The Coasters is a delightful tune, mainly due to the humorous verses but also because the music is so playful. SongwriterJerry Leiber referred to it as “a white kid’s view of a black person’s conception of white society.” Like many of the songs discussed in this episode, it’s borderline rock ‘n’ roll. Leiber said that The Coasters’ songs were R&B hits that white kids were attracted to, which became rock ‘n’ roll if they sold enough albums.
• Phil usually has Tina Turner’s “Private Dancer” playing in his head. Wouldn’t it be better if there could be a Public Dancer who gets federal subsidies? Also there’s a cover by Peaches which Phil found while looking for the Tina Turner video. We’d like to see someone do an upbeat or Kidz Bop of it.
• Tim Capello is the buff guy who played sax for Tina Turner, including on “We Don’t Need Another Hero (Thunderdome)”. Phil is right about there being a saxophonist in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, but it’s not Capello. Capello is however in The Lost Boys performing his song “I Still Believe”.
• The E Street Band performed on most of Bruce Springsteen’s albums in the late 70s and the 80s, though they were never credited as a group. The band split with Springsteen for a decade starting in 1989, so Jake is probably right that Bruce didn’t release many saxy songs after the 80s.
• “I Want A New Drug” by Huey Lewis & The News doesn’t actually start with sax, but Jake remembers all the lead guitar and / or keyboard parts from that band as sax parts.
• Jake claims that “Yakety Sax” (by Boots Randolph) was used in the opening sequence of The Benny Hill Show. It actually played over the end credits.
• We talk about the amusement park that used to be at Ocean Beach in San Francisco, referring to it as "Playland-by-the-Sea". It was actually called Playland-at-the-Beach (or just Playland), but was preceded at its location by a squatter’s settlement called Mooneysville-by-the-Sea. Playland is pictured on the It’s-Its wrapper. It’s also in the final scene of The Lady from Shanghai.
• According to wikipedia, Jake is right that the It’s-It cappuccino flavor was introduced in the 80s, as were chocolate, mint and strawberry. Strawberry isn’t a permanent thing like others, so it wasn’t around for many years.
• Phil was 100% wrong about The Fat Boy, he was thinking of the Big Daddy! Hey smart guy, how about you record yourself talking for an hour about ice cream and see how many things you get wrong! They look the same! They’re both “what if an ice cream sandwich but thicc and square?” so he’s not embarrassed one bit.
• Regional food products that we mention include Nehi soda, Yuengling beer and Faygo soda. The Chicago cake-milkshake that Phil brings up is from Portillo’s. Jake always gets a veggie Chicago dog from America’s Dog when he’s at O’Hare Terminal 1.
• It’s-It doesn’t make a vegan version of their ice cream sandwich, but you can find similar products.
• Friend of the show Donovan pointed out that of course there’s a tropical bird who’s a familiar for a wizard: Jaffar's friend Iago from Aladdin. Phil recently saw the Thief of Baghdad, which Aladdin borrows liberally from but in that film Jaffar doesn’t have a bird. Phil is as usual trapped in an Anglo-mindset for fantasy adventures.
• The Road to Wellville by TC Boyle and the movie based on it are about Battle Creek, Michigan during the first health-food gold-rush in America.
• Sage Boggs is the writer who researched Triscuits and published his findings here.
• ...

On our silver anniversary episode, Phil and Jake throw some extra garnishing onto the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking Top Ramen, cigarettes and rats. This one is not to be missed, true believer!

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• We briefly discuss blackjacks (the concussive weapons) in this episode. Searching for them online quickly gets you into Gravy SEAL territory.
• Tintin smokes heroin-laced cigars in The Cigars of the Pharoah.
• Momofuku Ando was the inventor of instant ramen and the founder of Nissin, the company that makes Top Ramen. He had no direct association with the Momofuku restaurants, though apparently the name is a nod to him.
• Here’s the Healthline.com article on instant noodles that Jake references.
• It looks like the Dr. McDougall who made Jake’s chicken-flavored vegan ramen is probably a real doctor. It’s less clear about Dr. Emanuel “All-One!” Bronner.
• Jake loves Hinodeya Ramen in San Francisco. Their creamy vegan ramen (add tamago egg) is outstanding.
• We discuss the origins of tobacco. Long story short: it’s from the New World, was brought to Europe around the 16th Century and quickly spread worldwide.
• Eric Garner was killed by the NYPD while being arrested for selling loose cigarettes in Staten Island. It sucks that we couldn’t remember his name while recording this episode.
• Tea tree chewing sticks were instrumental in Jake quitting cigarettes. We couldn’t recommend them more if you’re trying to quit smoking.
• We talk about comic book characters who smoked, including Wolverine, Ben Grimm aka The Thing, Red Skull and Nick Fury. Apparently, no Marvel characters are allowed to smoke anymore since 2001.
• The rat in the movie Charlotte’s Web was voiced by Paul Lynde of course. Lynde was also the center square in Hollywood Squares. Jake thought Phil was talking about Jim J. Bullock, who appeared frequently on a later version of the game show.
• People who turn into rats are called-- you guessed it-- Wererats.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Maruchan * “Oriental Flavor” * eggs * fish cake aka Narutomaki * seedless watermelon * Teen Wolf van surfing * QAnon * rockabillies * McRib * concussions * Jack Kirby * mice * rat fanciers * snakes * Pixar’s Ratatouille * The Secret of Nimh * Redwall * the Chinese zodiac * wizard familiars * 1984 by George Orwell * pigeons * Pizza Rat * Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles * rat kings * Gambit from the X-Men

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
3. Prince - person
4. Cher - person
5. Donald Duck - fictional character
6. Hank Williams - person
7. air - substance
8. Watchmen - comic book
9. onions - food
10. “Midnight Train to Georgia” - music
11. sex - idea
12. Boxer (dog breed) - animal
13. ducks - animal
14. firefighters - people
15. Shakira - person
16. The Three Stooges - comedy act
17. Christmas trees - seasonal decoration
18. Trading Places - 1983 film
19. intro to “Back That Azz Up” - music
20. The Truman Show - movie
21. dilapidated shacks - structures
22. shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels - idea
23. plants - life form
24. handkerchiefs - accessory
25. nail clippers - tool
26. rye bread - food
27. cubed ice - substance
28. Antoni Gaudi - architect
29. Run the Jewels - music group
30. Popeye - fictional character
31. land - substance
32. Charmander - fictional character
33. A-shirts (aka “wifebeaters”) - clothing
34. “Dancing Queen” - music
35. Watchmen - TV series
36. Jessica Rabbit - fictional character
37. Volkswagen “Bug” - vehicle
38. Cheech and Chong - comedy act
39. “Tulsa Time” - music
40. brief - idea
41. cold brew shandy - beverage
42. Jersey Shore - location
43. crows - animal
44. sea - substance
<...

Guest panelist Jason returns to help Phil and Jake further undress the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking the Boxer dog breed, the time-related concept of "brief", military commandos, and the tails of whales.

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• The Look Who’s Talking film franchise is of course available on DVD box set with bonus features. But we’re not going to give you a link to that.
• While there's evidence that Heathcliff the cat is a fan of pie, we couldn’t find proof that he steals them from windowsills. He's definitely guilty of something, though.
• Jake advanced his theory that everyone has either a country cousin or a city cousin. TV Tropes proves him right.
• The convoluted history / retconning of Nick Fury comes up in our discussion. In the Marvel comics, he started out as a WWII hero. Later stories about him took place in modern times, the idea being that he’d ingested a chemical that kept him (and his supporting cast) from aging. In the movies, they don’t want to have multiple characters who have been around since WWII and also since they cast a black actor as Fury, they can’t have him leading a platoon in WWII since the army wasn’t desegregated until after the war. Instead they just avoid it entirely and use Dum-Dum Dugan.
• In the only scene Phil remembers from the Commando movie, Schwarzenegger gets totally outfitted with stuff he got at a sporting goods store.
• Megaforce (1982) is a fantastic movie that Phil saw in the theatre as a kid. An older kid probably took him to see it, because it’s hard to imagine his parents being interested in it but he was only six when it came out. It’s kind of a GI Joe-adjacent story about super-commandos in spandex pants. In the climactic scene, the hero has to fly his motorcycle into a transport plane. In this episode, Jake claims that the motorcycle was fueled by chicken shit, but he was confusing Megaforce with Warlords of the Twenty-First Century which came out the same year.
• We muse a bit about Oreo stuf. Phil’s son recently told him about the Most Stuf Oreos, which would maybe go higher than Double Stuf Oreos on the List of Everything just in the name of absurdity. Here’s a recipe to make your own stuf at home. You’ll just have to go through this person’s dissertation about life to get to it. 
• Whale Tail is a 2005 pornographic movie where all the women have thong underwear visible (prior to getting undressed presumably). Scott Nails is not only a porn actor, he’s also a voting activist. Here’s his twitter. 
• When Phil said dolphins do things he doesn’t like, he’s referring to them being sexually aggressive with humans and each other. He knows that we can’t judge dolphins by human rules but people are out here saying they’re smarter than us. You can read about  cetacean intelligence here.
• About five years ago Jake and Phil went on a backpacking trek with some friends along the Lost Coast and camped near a giant, rotting whale carcass (with tail attached).
• Jake read the unabridged version of Moby-Dick, not the shorter version where they don’t spend whole chapters describing different types of whales.
• We discuss the eating of whale meat. In Japan, whale meat was used as a food source nationwide for the first time after the war. In the 50s they passed a law that school lunches should contain whale meat and the law was in effect through the 1980s.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Scientology * the Westminster dog show * Cher * A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking * MacBeth * Scooby-Doo * Gravy SEALs * Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos * Snake-Eyes * Charmander (seen here chasing his tail) * Barry Bonds * Tommy Bahamas shirts * blowing up a beached whale * Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home * sardines

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
3. Prince - person
4. Cher - person
5. Donald Duck - fictional character
6. Hank Williams - person
7. air - substance
8. Watchmen - comic book
9. onions - food
10. “Midnight Train to Georgia” - music
11. sex - idea
12. Boxer (dog breed) - animal
13. ducks - animal
14. firefighters - people
15. Shakira - person
16. The Three Stooges - comedy act
17. Christmas trees - seasonal decoration
18. Trading Places - 1983 film
19. intro to “Back That Azz Up” - music
20. The Truman Show - movie
21. dilapidated shacks - structures
22. shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels - idea
23. plants - life form
24. handkerchiefs - accessory
25. nail clippers - tool
26. rye bread - food
27. cubed ice - substance
28. Antoni Gaudi - architect
29. Run the Jewels - music gro...

Phil and Jake go into rapid-fire mode and expand the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking the Popeye, ducks, international pop sensation Shakira, seedless watermelon, the 1998 Jim Carrey film The Truman Show, and no-show socks.

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• Robert Altman’s 1980 Popeye movie might not be for everyone, but we love it. Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall are perfect as Popeye and Olive Oyl; it’s hard to believe Williams was the second choice (after Dustin Hoffman) and Duvall the third choice (after Lily Tomlin and Gilda Radner). In our discussion, Jake inaccurately claims that Poopdeck Pappy is played by Burgess Meredith, probably because the character reminds him so much of Mickey from the Rocky movies. The role of Pappy was actually played to a tee by Ray Walston (aka My Favorite Martian). Bluto is played by Paul L. Smith. The movie’s soundtrack by Harry Nilsson is delightful.
• Burgess Meredith, by the way, is also known for being a world-class stickman.
• Phil searched for documentation on the place in India where Popeye is the most popular movie. He thinks he read it in a Spy magazine in the 80s. He’s asked some experts on Quora and we’ll update you, loyal listener, on our social media if there are any developments.
• The Popeye comic strip by E.C. Segar was originally called Thimble Theatre, and revolved around Olive Oyl. Popeye didn’t appear until ten years into the series, but quickly took the spotlight.
• Chester, Illinois is the home or Popeye. Creator E.C. Segar was born there. Phil said Missouri, but it’s right across the river. 
• Popeye’s Chicken at Hayes & Divisadero in San Francisco featured Bluto (not Wimpy) tied to a chair. Phil looked on Google street view of the location and found pictures going back to 2008, but the mural was already gone by then. Nothing lasts forever.
• Popeye’s song “Popeye the Sailor Man” has caused Phil some trouble over the holidays because he had it stuck in his head and his son doesn’t know the tune of it, just the words so he sings it all wrong. Kids still sing alternate versions of this!
• Duck courtship looks really bad to humans.
• Are geese basically big, bad ducks? Technically no; ducks and geese are both (along with swans) members of the anatidae family, and they share a common ancestry but there are some real differences between them. If you look at them though, they’re pretty much the same thing. From our experience, geese are bigger assholes than ducks. Untitled Goose Game is a 2019 video game where you play as a goose who is a nuisance in a village. It’s good!
• The part of the Donald Duck-discourse that’s best is the “Why does he eat so much poultry?” question. His cousin even went duck hunting. There’s a lot more to discuss there than “Why doesn’t he wear pants?”
• Jake couldn’t (easily) find anything about Shakira breaking concert attendance records in Columbia, but she did break the record for biggest concert in Mexico when she played to over 200,000 people in 2007.
• Phil was right when he said Jake would be impressed by Shakira’s new video for “Girl Like Me”. It features Shakira on a skateboard, as well as some really cool turquoise jewelry.
• A watermelon is indeed a berry (and a strawberry is not).

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Jessica Rabbit * crows * Dolly Parton * Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” * onions * Peter Weir (director) * Targeted Individuals (TI’s) * QAnon * Trading Places * dilapidated shacks * A-shirts * toe shoes * Crocs

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
3. Prince - person
4. Cher - person
5. Donald Duck - fictional character
6. Hank Williams - person
7. air - substance
8. Watchmen - comic book
9. onions - food
10. “Midnight Train to Georgia” - music
11. sex - idea
12. ducks - animal
13. firefighters - people
14. Shakira - person
15. The Three Stooges - comedy act
16. Christmas trees - seasonal decoration
17. Trading Places - 1983 film
18. intro to “Back That Azz Up” - music
19. The Truman Show - movie
20. dilapidated shacks - structures
21. shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels - idea
22. plants - life form
23. handkerchiefs - accessory
24. nail clippers - tool
25. rye bread - food
26. cubed ice - substance
27. Antoni Gaudi - architect
28. Run the Jewels - music group
29. Popeye - fictional character
30. land - substance
31. Charmander - fictional character
32. A-shirts (aka “w...

Phil and Jake add an ornament to the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking the holiday-adjacent comedy film Trading Places (starring Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd) in this special deep-dive episode.

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• There’s debate over the origins of the phrase “taking the piss”. Some say the metaphor refers to deflation of a “piss-proud” false erection (aka “morning wood”), while others contend that it harkens back to ye olde times of English riverboat urine trade. For the record, it looks like Phil was right when he said doctors agree that having to go pee doesn’t cause piss-proud morning woods.
• How do boners work? It’s a mystery. Phil and Jake will research it.
• Putting eggs in coffee is a thing, it turns out. In both Vietnam and Sweden, people crack an egg into their coffee. Phil was imagining something like iced coffee with hardboiled eggs in it like boba tea.
• Jamie Lee Curtis is an under-recognized national treasure. This scene from Perfect with her and John Travolta is bonkers.
• We refer to the bad luck that John Landis had while filming Twilight Zone: The Movie. A more honest assessment would be that negligence led to the death of three people (including two young children).
• There are contemporary R-rated comedies, but they’re much more rare than they used to be. 
• Aykroyd is at the top of this list of famous people who are on the autism spectrum. Some of these people died decades or even centuries ago, so we assume their diagnoses are speculative.
• While regular-talking about fast-talking, Phil obliquely references the Micro Machine Man.
• We talk a bit about C-3PO and (Phil’s childhood hero) R2-D2. We don’t discuss this, but in the original concept art, Artoo is less cute and Threepio is more sexy (more like America’s Sweetheart, Bride of Pin-Bot). 
• We talk about movies set in Philadelphia, including Brian De Palma’s masterpiece Blow Out. Phil claims that all of M. Night Shyamalan’s movies take place in Philly, but of course The Last Airbender doesn’t (we don’t recommend this movie, but the original cartoon series will be high on the List of Every Damn Thing once we get around to ranking it). Anyway, is Trading Places the best movie set in Philly?
• We mention a lot of stories that have plots and themes similar to Trading Places. These include Mozart’s opera The Marriage of Figaro and Mark Twain’s book The Prince & the Pauper; as well as movies such as frank Capra’s Meet John Doe, Preston Sturgis’ Sullivan’s Travels and The Palm Beach Story, Brewster’s Millions starring Richard Pryor, Boots Riley’s Sorry to Bother You and Rian Johnson’s Knives Out.
• We discuss the fact that Trading Places was originally conceived as a Gene Wilder / Richard Pryor vehicle. Jake notes that once Pryor backed out, Eddie Murphy tried to get Wilder off the project. The only evidence Jake could find about this is from the movie’s IMDB trivia page.
• Here’s the great Planet Money episode about Trading Places that Jake mentions. We fail to talk about it in our discussion, but a few years ago Business Insider put together an oral history of Trading Places that is a terrific read.
• Aykroyd does a version of blackface in Trading Places. We talk about this and other modern occurrences of blackface, including Gene Wilder in Silver Streak, Adrien Brody on SNL, Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder and Colin Hanks on social media.
• Here’s one of the TV ads with a guy in a gorilla suit beating up luggage that Phil mentioned.
• Jake incorrectly claims that Dan Aykroyd plays Franklin Delano Roosevelt in the 2001 Pearl Harbor movie. The role was actually played by Jon Voigt. Jake must’ve been thinking about Bill Murray as FDR in Hyde Park on Hudson. Aykroyd does play a fictional President in My Fellow Americans.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
gravy SEALs * John Landis * Frank Oz * The Blues Brothers * Dr. Detroit * 48 Hours * Al Franken * Giancarlo Esposito * ...

In this special cuss-free episode, Phil and Jake continue making the List of Every Damn Thing (and checking it twice) by ranking peanut butter ice cream, calamari, Nerf guns, Christmas trees and unfertilized chicken eggs.

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• According to Dr. Anthony Fauci, Santa Claus is in fact immune to COVID-19.
• Something Phil forgot to mention was the tremendous Santa comic book by Grant Morrison, Klaus, which is of course part of the Santa-verse.
• Jake found a recipe for peanut butter ice cream that appears to have a smooth consistency. Recipe websites are awful, somehow they’re worse than porn sites AND song lyrics sites. Anyone who wants to get rich quick should come up with a way to make a recipe website without all the family history SEO stuff at the top.
• The ice cream featured in this episode was from Toy Boat by Jane on Clement Street in San Francisco, which (as discussed in Episode 20) was recently the victim of a broad-daylight toy heist.
• We tried to walk the line on our pronunciation of the word “caramel” but according to the internet you can pretty much pronounce it however you want. You can make caramel by cooking sugar in a pan until it melts and then stirring in butter and a little vanilla. It’s sort of tricky, if you cook it too long it turns into toffee. 
• Phil learned about French Juice from The Crown of Mist: the FInal Day of Princess Diana, an extremely good audio documentary from Episode 1. While looking for French Juice on the internet, Jake found this Batman-themed cocktail which contains champagne and coffee.
• Whoppers ice cream isn’t just a fantasy. It looks like Beyers used to make a Whoppers-laden frozen dairy dessert which wasn’t that great, and Ciao Bella made a malted milk ball gelato that wasn’t so bad. Unfortunately, both have been discontinued, but you can always make your own at home.
• Sardines make you immortal because they have omega-3 fatty acids (immortality acids) in them. We don’t have the link but Phil eats sardines frequently and is alive. When Jake’s cat was a kitten, Phil would feed him sardines and he is also still alive. QED.
• There’s a long tradition of San Francisco residents closing-out the holiday season with Christmas tree bonfires at Ocean Beach. Not everyone supports this tradition.
• The egg substitute made from garbanzo bean juice that Phil refers to is called aquafaba.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Pixar’s Coco * peanut butter * Snickers Ice Cream Bar * cold brew shandy * Whoppers * Oreos * cephalopod intelligence * Mork from Ork

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
3. Prince - person
4. Cher - person
5. Donald Duck - fictional character
6. Hank Williams - person
7. air - substance
8. Watchmen - comic book
9. onions - food
10. “Midnight Train to Georgia” - music
11. sex - idea
12. firefighters - people
13. The Three Stooges - comedy act
14. Christmas trees - seasonal decoration
15. intro to “Back That Azz Up” - music
16. dilapidated shacks - structures
17. shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels - idea
18. plants - life form
19. handkerchiefs - accessory
20. nail clippers - tool
21. rye bread - food
22. cubed ice - substance
23. Antoni Gaudi - architect
24. Run the Jewels - music group
25. land - substance
26. Charmander - fictional character
27. A-shirts (aka “wifebeaters”) - clothing
28. “Dancing Queen” - music
29. Watchmen - TV series
30. Jessica Rabbit - fictional character
31. Volkswagen “Bug” - vehicle
32. Cheech and Chong - comedy act
33. “Tulsa Time” - music
34. cold brew shandy - beverage
35. Jersey Shore - location
36. crows - animal
37. sea - substance
38. coffee - beverage
39. eggs (chicken) - food
40. Whoppers - food
41. national debt - idea 
42. band t-shirts - clothing
43. Crocs - clothing
44. Ice Cube - person
45. wind chimes - decoration / instrument
46. moist - word
47. Nerf guns - toy
48. lightning rounds - idea
49. zipper jeans - clothing
50. generation ships - idea
51. sardines - animal
52. peanut butter ice cream - food
53. Tommy Bahama shirts - clothing
54. zipper jeans  worn ...

Phil and Jake expand the menu of the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking McDonald's BBQ pork sandwich the McRib, Clement Street (in San Francisco's Richmond District), and wind chimes.

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• Phil wrote about eating the whole McDonalds menu for a zine we made with some friends in the 90s. We’ll try to dig up a copy of it to post on social media.
• This chart shows you how turkey consumption spikes at Thanksgiving & Christmas. Phil’s theory is that if people actually liked either of these things, they’d eat them all year. People eat Snickers bars all year.
• Here’s the article about the correlation between McRib availability and bulk pork prices that Jake inaccurately cites as being from Business Insider.
• There was a McRib cross-promotion with The Flintstones movie. Phil just realized that the joke of Flintstones is that everything is rock this and rock that. They go bowling and don’t use rocks as bowling balls?!
• McDonald’s pickles are very sour dill pickle slices.
• Here’s a story on the Humane Society lawsuit against McRib meat producers mentioned by Jake.
• Jake just realized that Jenny McCarthy starred in a TV movie where she plays the daughter of Santa Claus; this adaptation of her 90s Playboy pictorial is of questionable taste.
• Here’s a brief article about the history of San Francisco’s cemeteries (and how they were moved to the city of Colma).
• Notable Clement Street establishments mentioned include the 4 Star Theater (which has operated since 1913), Green Apple Books, Kamei, Heroes Club, The Bitter End and Toy Boat by Jane. The Blue Danube Coffee House holds the most special place in our hearts.
• Jake talks a bit about the Clement Street comedy scene that happened mostly before our time. The Holy City Zoo was in the heart of the Inner Richmond and has an important place in stand-up comedy history, as evidenced in The Comedians of Comedy. There were more than a few open mic nights in the neighborhood when Phil and Jake lived there in the early 2000s, where you could catch the likes of Brent Weinbach and Jasper Redd. 
• Jake says in the episode that Burma Superstar appears on Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. The restaurant actually isn’t in the show, but its co-owner is. 
• Phil mentions Arsicault Bakery, but not by name. It’s just around the corner from the beginning of Clement Street, and people line up down the block for their croissants and whatnot.
• Jake mentions Marvel’s upcoming Shang-Chi movie. In the 70s everyone was trying to make horror and martial arts comics. In the comics his father was literally Fu-Manchu. They can’t seriously be considering using Fu-Manchu can they?
• We discuss current top spot-holder Dolly Parton. We had to include this link to 51 Hottest Dolly Parton Big Butt Pictures That Are Sure To Make You Her Most Prominent Admirer because the title was so great. Why 51?
• There are a lot of notable things about historical and present-day Clement Street that we don't mention, including this sign (which has been gone for a while now).
• Phil sort of used the word skeuomorphism wrong. It’s okay; last episode while talking about capitalism, Jake said “strive” when he meant “thrive”.
• We discuss lighthouses a bit. The Lighthouse is a great movie BUT it killed Phil’s desire to live on a lighthouse for good.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
McDonald’s sausage patty * McRibLocator.com * Surge * Coca-Cola Freestyle * Double Stuf Oreos * QAnon * The Presidio of San Francisco * walk scores * mindfulness * chance-based music * windmills

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
3. Prince - person
4. Cher - person
5. Donald Duck - fictional character
6. Hank Williams - person
7. air - substance
8. Watchmen - comi...

Phil and Jake and Jason add fuel the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking firefighters, zipper jeans, the wearing of zipper jeans without underwear, and capitalism.

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• According to Phil and Jason, fear of clowns (aka coulrophobia) is fake. Jake remains undecided.
• We mention John Wayne Gacy (the inspiration for Jason’s clown name) in passing, but don’t get into the details.
• Dan White-- murderer of San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk & Mayor George Moscone-- also intended to kill future mayor Willie Brown and Carol Ruth Silver (who were both on the SF Board of Supervisors).
• Jim Jones was very involved in San Francisco politics, including Moscone’s mayoral campaign. The site of his People’s Temple is now a post office, not a fancy bakery like Jake says. The fancy bakery is next door, where the KFC / Taco Bell used to be.
• Rickey Henderson a fantastic leadoff hitter for the Oakland A’s and many other teams. We did an unsuccessful (and frankly unthorough) internet search for evidence of the to-scale hologram Rickey Henderson poster that Jake once saw in Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a trippy place, man. 
• Scott Glenn plays a firefighter who is also secretly a fire-starter in both Backdraft and Firestorm.
• It occurred to us after recording that if you’re interviewing to be a firefighter and they ask you your favorite Def Leppard album, don’t say Pyromania. It’s a trick question.
• Here’s a Smithsonian article about 19th Century firefighter-fighters, and here’s the scene from Gangs of New York that depicts it.
• Phil played dumb about the tagline for Aliens vs. Predator, which is “No matter who wins, we lose!”. We’ve never seen the movie but have heard it’s awful for both franchises.
• Here’s the Unsolved Mysteries Stockton pyromaniac episode that Jason references.
• Australia seems to be light years ahead of the rest of the world in hunky fireman calendar science.
• Here’s a college newspaper announcement  for one of the firefighter chili cookoffs Jason attended as a self-describe "fat kid". Firefighter pancake breakfasts are also a thing.
• Here’s the Ear Hustle episode about formerly-incarcerated firefighters. Governor Newsome signed AB 2147 into full effect in 2020, making it easier for inmates trained in firefighting to gain employment as firefighters after release.
• Toxic masculinity is a real tough concept to get across in an image, but maybe this does it.
• We couldn’t find the children’s book about fireboats that Phil mentioned, but rest assured it anthropomorphizes the fireboat that saves San Francisco during the earthquake.
• While looking for a depiction of the commonly-searched phrase “shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lame shorts and furry cha-cha heels” we found out we’re the top result! That’s called results!
• Gideon Sundback is the guy most commonly associated with development of the zipper, which he patented in 1909. Today, the YKK Fastening Products Group has 45% of the zipper market locked up!
• In the episode, Jake tells a story about his ding-dong. It’s believed that “dong” first became associated with the penis because of  Edward Lear's poem “The Dong with a Luminous Nose” which tells the story of a one-eyed creature attempting to find a lady.
• Here’s the Going Commando Reddit that Jason refers to in the podcast.
• The Beta Brand Jeans product that Jason brings up is called the Free Baller!
• Were thong clips a thing? If you're sitting on any evidence, let us know.
• We went pretty easy on capitalism. It got lucky. This time.
• Britney Spears’ birthday was yesterday. Happy belated! Free her?

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Set it Off (starring Queen Latifah) * Dalmatians * firefighter planes * Charmander * Dolly Parton * Steve Buscemi as a firefighter * Levi’s * pubes * penis mutilation * visible penis lines aka VPLs * jaw surgery * whale tails * China * Daylight Saving Time

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Prince - person
3. Cher - person
4. Donald Duck - fictional character
5. Hank Williams - person
6. air - substan...

Phil and Jake continue their record-breaking streak of adding items to the List of Every Damn Thing by ranking the clog-like footwear known as Crocs, controversial home-run king Barry Bonds, and the Volkswagen Type 1 (aka "Beetle" or "Bug").

If you have something to add to the List of Every Damn Thing, let us know by sending an email to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter and Instagram).

SHOW NOTES:

• In the episode, your humble hosts wonder what material Crocs are made of. It turns out to be a proprietary foam resin called Croslite.
• Phil and Jake also speculate over where Crocs come from. Phil was closest when he said he thought they're from Boulder, Colorado; Crocs, Inc. is based in the nearby town of Niwot. All their manufacturing is outside of the U.S., though.
• Here’s a Croc in chill mode, and here’s one in attack mode.
• We weren't sure about the opening of AT&T Park (now Oracle Park) in relation to Bonds' steroid use and home run record-chase. It looks like Bonds started steroids in 1998, the baseball park opened two years later in 2000, and Bonds started breaking home run records in 2001. Here's an article about a book that traces the timeline.
• We discuss a number of high-profile athlete doping stories, including Alex Rodriguez, Lance Armstrong, Sammy Sosa vs. Mark McGwire, and Jose Canseco (whose Twitter feed is wild).
• Jake's great-grandfather Arky Vaughan is a hall-of-famer who's been called the second-best shortstop in MLB history (after Honus Wagner).
• Here’s an article about the 1960s VW U.S. ad campaign that Phil references, and here's some info on the Hozbrenner (wood-burning) Beetles that Jake talks about.
• The type of hat that Sherlock Holmes wears is called a deerstalker.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
throngs * Thanksgiving * Teva sandals * Uggs slippers * toe shoes * Pittsburgh Pirates * San Francisco Giants * BALCO scandal *  Baseball Hall of Fame * LA Dodgers * Jessica Rabbit * Cheech and Chong * “Tulsa Time” by Don Williams * the Right to Repair movement * Herbie the Love Bug * the Volkswagen "Thing" * Cozumel

Below is the List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the most up-to-date list, go here):

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. Prince - person
3. Cher - person
4. Donald Duck - fictional character
5. Hank Williams - person
6. air - substance
7. Watchmen - comic book
8. onions - food
9. “Midnight Train to Georgia” - music
10. sex - idea
11. The Three Stooges - comedy act
12. intro to “Back That Azz Up” - music
13. dilapidated shacks - structures
14. shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels - idea
15. plants - life form
16. handkerchiefs - accessory
17. nail clippers - tool
18. rye bread - food
19. cubed ice - substance
20. Antoni Gaudi - architect
21. Run the Jewels - music group
22. land - substance
23. Charmander - fictional character
24. A-shirts (aka “wifebeaters”) - clothing
25. “Dancing Queen” - music
26. Watchmen - TV series
27. Jessica Rabbit - fictional character
28. Volkswagon “Bug” - vehicle
29. Cheech and Chong - comedy act
30. “Tulsa Time” - music
31. cold brew shandy - beverage
32. Jersey Shore - location
33. crows - animal
34. sea - substance
35. coffee - beverage
36. Whoppers - food
37. national debt - idea
38. band t-shirts - clothing
39. Crocs - clothing
40. Ice Cube - person
41. moist - word
42. lightning rounds - idea
43. generation ships - idea
44. sardines - animal
45. Tommy Bahama shirts - clothing
46. Barry Bonds - person
47. man-bun - hairstyle
48. toe shoes - clothing
49. “Do You Know the Way to San Jose” - song
50. Watchmen - movie
51. blood - substance
52. Oreos - food
53. The Last Starfighter - movie
54. crushed ice - substance
55. pigeons - animal
56. Daylight Saving Time - idea
57. sports team jerseys - clothing
58. Josta - beverage 
59. Gambit - fictional character
60. Surge - beverage
61. Double Stuf Oreos - food
62. Jenny McCarthy - person
63. Hank Williams, Jr - person
64. QAnon - idea

The theme song for this episode is by Jade Puget.

Graphic design by Jason Mann.

Our website is everydamnthing.net

Email us at [email protected]