Everyday Legends

Ahhhh, the friendzone. That lonely yet connected, comforting yet terrorising, familiar yet frustrating place.

Of course, the friend zone isn't the only place we might end up chasing unrequited love - sometimes it's in a relationship that stutters and two people seem to be misaligned. Either way, finding ourselves in the place of wanting someone and them not wanting us back, or them being unavailable to us, can be heart-aching and life-consuming.

That's the subject of this week's podcast episode in a revamped version of a listener Q&A. I have had tonnes of questions from guys in and around this area. Usually from 'Nice Guys' - guys that are so terrified of rejection, who so desperately need to be liked or their inner world will fall over, so they end up just playing the good nice guy in the hope that people will see them as this and like them.

These guys - of which I am a recovering Nice Guy myself - often end up in glorified friendships, essentially one-sided faux-relationships, with women/people they have feelings for because they were too unsure about themselves early on to say how they felt combined with an almost unbearable fear of rejection, that they just hover in the space of "If I am around enough and nice enough, maybe they'll notice/like/love me."

(It doesn't work).

Previously across three different #AskMike Q&A videos on my social media channels, I have addressed similar questions in this space. Today on the podcast I wanted to bring them together and dive a bit deeper on what's playing out and what to do about it, how to get past that crippling and almost life-stoping focus on unavailable love.

I introduce the overall topic and then each individual video, before expanding on them all with some common themes and lessons for guys who are either in this right now in your life, or recognise that pattern totally unrelated to unrequited love, where you're so narrow-focused on one thing that you can't seem to focus on anything else even though you know you need to.

Mike's Takeaways:

I could talk about this all day. I've helped so many guys in situations like this, not just deep in the friendzone - of their own creation - but suffering of Nice Guyitis in all areas of life.

The simplest advice - to quote Stifler from American Pie - is to "locate your balls, remove the shrink wrap" and have the conversation.

But it's much more than that. In all reality, the key is to focus on something else - in the case of unrequited love - what other love is possible for and available to you.

Of course, this last part brings up something central to the Nice Guy that we touch on in the episode - 'Well, I have to then believe there is more out there for me'

If this resonates and hits home, please tell me. If you are going to take action on the advice in here I would love to hear about it - share your messy action with me.

And if you have your own questions for a solo Q&A episode, then send them through to me at [email protected]

As always, if this lands, please share this episode with a man you know could benefit from it.

If you haven't, please leave me a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

Remember - DO something with the lessons in this podcast. Let me know you're listening and how you're applying it in your life - tag me on socials @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.

Other links:

• Take my 2 minute quiz - 'Are you too nice?'

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THIS IS A REWIND EPISODE

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For the Nice Guys reading and listening to this - I feel you. Because I've been you.⁠⁠ ⁠

100% self-confessed recovering nice guy here.

⁠⁠With honest reflection, feedback, clarity, and some sobering acknowledgements I saw that some overarching motivations were because I needed to be liked.⁠⁠

⁠⁠Insecurity yearned to feel like I was important to and valued by others so I could convince myself of the same thing.⁠⁠

⁠⁠What a shit-sandwich that was!⁠⁠⁠⁠

One I kept making and eating.⁠⁠

Yuck. ⁠⁠

This is the Nice Guy: hope that by being nice, people will like them - see them as a good nice guy. ⁣⁠⁠

⁣⁠⁠On the surface - "So what, who doesn't like being liked?"⁣⁠⁠

⁣⁠⁠Intent matters.⁠

⁣⁠⁠'I'll Be this way and do this for you, and then in return, you like me and give me reassurance.'⁣⁠⁠

⁣⁠⁠That's not nice, brother. ⁠

It's a subtle form of manipulation. ⁣⁠

It's transactional niceness.⁠

⁠Yuck.

I know this can be a tough pill to swallow, it definitely was for me many years ago.⁠⁠

But the thing with swallowing some pills is they can create a new reality.⁠⁠

⁠⁠This pill can shed the patterns that sit beneath the nice guy persona; the need for the approval of others so that you can feel ok about yourself.⁠⁠

⁠⁠That's a bottomless pit of resentment, frustration, self-abandonment, and hopelessness.⁠⁠

⁠⁠When we can learn to accept ourSELVES as imperfect humans that some people just won't like, we can actually move beyond our old nice guy software and into actually being a GOOD MAN.⁠⁠

⁠⁠That's the aim; an internal compass for self-assurance.⁠

⁠

That is what we cover in today's podcast - a deeper look into the key differences between a Nice Guys and a Good Man.

I share some for comparison as well as expand on some of the points and give a little of my own experience and examples in some of them

For Nice Guys listening to this and resonating let me be clear on one important point: you can change this. You can be nice AND have boundaries and self-respect. You can be ok with people not liking you without being an arsehole.

But it takes work. And I invite you into exploring that work with me in EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY via a simple clarity forming conversation with me.

You have ZERO to lose in doing so - click here to find out more on ELA and book a call.

If you're reading and listening thinking "Shit, maybe I am too nice" then you can take a quick 3 minutes quiz to find out here: 'Are you too nice?'

I trust you take something valuable away from this episode. Please share it with a man you think could benefit from it also.

And if you can prioritise 2 minutes, I ask you to do ME a solid and like and rate and review this podcast on iTunes - it supports us in getting this podcast in front of more Nice Guys who want to become a genuine good man but don't yet have this information.

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• Want to explore DEEP coaching support and guidance with Mike? The Everyday Legends Academy is now open for enrolment applications. Book a call here with Mike to see if it can be the full and remarkable solution for you like it has been for so many men before you.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question, "Do I keep letting myself be all in to build on my love for her?"

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and encourages open communication to gain clarity when uncertainty exists in a relationship.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question, "Should I wait for her?"

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and provides guidance on moving forward after a promising first date comes to an abrupt end.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will be revisiting the proverb; boys that are not adopted into the tribe will burn down the village.

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and explores how initiating boys into manhood and inviting men to let go of boyhood insecurities can help prevent societal problems.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question, "Is she out of my league?"

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and helps the listener understand that the real issue is a lack of self-worth and that hiding from potential rejection only reinforces negative beliefs about oneself.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question; "How to stop being hard on myself?"

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on stopping self-criticism and emphasizes that self-respect is an important starting point for growth. He also notes that harsh self-criticism is typically not effective for improvement.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question, "How do I stick it out?"

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and how bringing in outside support and accountability can help when growth becomes challenging, and we want to avoid discomfort.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question, "Can men be friends with their ex?".

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and discusses how maturity is key to maintaining a friendship with an ex, as well as how new relationships may impact such a friendship.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Legends Q&A Session.

In each episode, Mike Campbell takes a question from a listener and provides thoughtful advice and insights to help support personal growth.

Today's episode will address the question, "How can I stop trying to do everything alone and learn to accept help from others?"

Tune in now as Mike shares his perspective on this topic and offers guidance for opening up to support from other men safely. He aims to help us all build stronger foundations and unlock our potential.

If you have a question or topic you'd like Mike to address, connect with him on social media HERE and drop him a message.