Everything's Great, Nothing Is Wrong

Jeff doxxes himself in light of a wet new lead, while Cricket brings up the case for DNA evidence in a delayed, redundant, and dissonant discussion of the California Murder Man. Is the Perfect Crime its own reward?

We will no longer agree after this, it seems.

Topics include: BurpCount: 1̶8̶ 1̶7̶ 19, Cricket's Paper Drying Tips, Statutes of Limitations, The Mormon DNA Machine, A Truck Mechanic's Noble Duty, and Guns.

Sex with animals: is it any fun? Also, is it ethical? The truth about The Great Dolphin Rape Myth is uncovered in this (at least internally) divisive episode. Jeff uncloaks a new segment called the Cricket List, to marginally-expected results. Cricket's health problems have moved to their throat, but maybe you already knew that.

We have our first stalemate.

Topics include: The Pokémon Stop: Sanitarium, Cannibalism, Forced Copulation, and Guns.

Audio problems come once again to fruition, as our headphones and microphones suffer the specter in the apparatus. It's really unfortunate timing, too, because though Jeff Ekseterah becomes a phantom, he has a new story to tell of late night board gaming with a Craigslist stranger. Cricket continues to have lost her mind. This episode is a haunted disaster.

We're so sorry.

Topics include: Spectrum Stratego: Introduction, BurpCount: 18, and Guns.

Swapping places, Jeff tries to adapt to the ignorant-of-soundbite life, while we hear the Nestbeards' woes and whims. Cricket decides to read a bunch of fables for some reason. Plus: The origins of Jeff and Cricket's friendship, revealed! And, potentially, the future of it?

We invite you to roleplay with us.

Topics include: Nestbeards: Part 2, The Pillow Princess Paradox, BurpCount: 16, Aesop as an Adjective, and Guns.

Wined up and raring to go, Cricket lulls us to sleep with a brief premise of infiltrating the Mother Hive, before promptly vanishing. The listeners are now in full control of where this story heads. This means you! Make your mark. Cast your vote.

We leave it entirely up to you.

Topics include: Nestbeards: Introduction, 131 Servings of Roasted Seaweed Snack, BurpCount: 14, Anestasia, and Guns.

Dr. Carson has been found.

We journey to the Rook and Whistle.

Topics include: Carson Is Missing: Finale, BurpCount: N/A, and Guns.

Dr. Carson is still missing.

We keep reading.

Topics include: Carson Is Missing: Entry 2, and Guns.

Dr. Carson has gone missing.

We read his journal.

Topics include: Carson Is Missing: Entry 1, and Guns.

In a continuing advocacy for Robot Rights, the discussion turns to a drone trespasser. What locations are appropriate for drones to be, and how much pizza should they be mandated to carry? Cricket hatches a plan to weaponize faeces, and Jeff, not in this episode, only here in this text, wonders: should Area 51 have been called Volume 51?

Perfect Storm Ethics makes its return with the Hawthorne effect. Between Cricket's mic and Jeff's headphones, this is just the beginning of our audio problems (including the brief reappearance of the loud horse, before the horse was removed). Time is unifying, slowly. 

We keep saying "droid" for some reason.

Topics include: Steroid-Induced B and/or E, Where Not To Scatter Ashes, The Panopticon, Congenital Toxoplasmosis, and Guns.

Join Cricket on a 40-minute reenactment of a harrowing 18-minute flight, an airline adventure with an aspiring actress! Do flight attendants have a duty to try to save their passengers? In a less distressing sidebar, scones get what's coming to them, while Jeff addresses the future of Atlas Chugged.

We sell out.

Topics include: The Cricket Revolution of 1819, A Great Short Film Idea, Cat Litter Smoothies, Instead of Lettuce, and Guns.