Everything's Great, Nothing Is Wrong

Starved for stimuli in the safe house, Jeff has gone so mad he attempts to play a visual card game over radio waves while Cricket determines which kind of graffiti is the most ethical. Should we leave this wretched refuge and come up for air? What awaits us above? The author of these descriptions has always been aggravatingly inconsistent, to the detriment of clarity.

We act now, think later, or we will die.

Topics include: BurpCount: 60, Listener Email: The Writing on the Wall, Judge Roy Snyder 16:30, The Scavenger Hunt Murder Heist, and Guns.

It sounds like the war is upon us, and while the numerous incoming threats may simply be platitudes, it's too dangerous to entertain such wishful thinking. In a hideout underground, Cricket delves into the etymology of German gaming and Jeff tries to gain tactical advantage, though his already-shaky allegiance seems to waver.

We give our listeners a (potential) gift.

Topics include: BurpCount: 58, Geburtstagswünsche, Bribery, Listener Email: Pandemonium, and Guns.

Back at the Fan-fiction Train Hospital, Thomas the Tank Engine is on the verge of death, his girlfriend Ashima worries endlessly, tediously, and Dr. Carson is nowhere to be seen. It's a bit of a slog, if I'm honest.

We keep getting really hung up on train anatomy.

Topics include: BurpCount: 56, Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny P̶a̶r̶t̶ 4̶ Chapter 5, and Guns.

A joyride through the sky turns into a somber affair. But more urgently, Cricket and Jeff have uncovered the rallying cry of a coming war that threatens the already shaky peace of these modern times. Our pleas fall on deaf ears.

We go into hiding.

Topics include: Puddle Jumper Pilfering, Orthopteran Abecedarium: Ethi[c]al Inquiry Part 2, Listener Email: Animal Farm, and Guns.

Cricket insists on using a knife a little too frequently, and "by accident" opens mail meant for someone else. The pupa becomes the teacher, and Jeff begins to teach the English alphabet in a new segment. It's letters of all kinds today, as finally, a frightening new development worms its way to the front lines of our "fan"base.

We actually, like for real, like, I thought this was all a ploy but here we are, learn about Ethical Inquiry.

Topics include: BurpCount: 48, Reading Other People's Mail, Illegal Immigration, Orthopteran Abecedarium: [O]ught/Should Dagger, Kinky Breastfeeding, Listener Email: Tyler's Worst Thing, and Guns.

What's the worst thing Grizzly Wolf's ever done? A listener ribaldry develops. Cricket's burping has gotten absolutely out of hand.

We discover the morphology of SlothCat's wife.

Topics include: BurpCount: 47, Listener Email: Grizzly Wolf's Worst Thing, O'Clam's Laser, The Artist Formerly Known as Jeff, and Guns.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the memory of one of our two listeners, Grizzly Wolf. That was her birth name. Most knew her simply as Grizz. We invite you to share any and all stories of your time together, as we try to unite our grief and make a difficult situation bearable.

We pay respects.

Topics include: Oh Grizzly Girl, The Burps Are Counting, from Glen to Guns.

It's time for many orders of business, such as the future/past of Atlas Chugged and new listener emails. Cricket has become quite the thief, from the tangible to the more ethereal. That's all ethical, right? That's what's the show is about, we've heard. Jeff doesn't understand how crimes can change while traveling between state lines; he doesn't understand the States in general.

We regretfully address the Anniburpsery.

Topics include: Tavern Theft, Atlas Chugged: Failsafe, BurpCount: 38, Listener Email: Maleman, Backsight 2020, and Guns.

An avenue for Jeff is cut off and requires new improvisation, while it only just dawns on him that he's been playing exclusively children's games with an internet stranger. The return to the Craigslist Board Gamer takes an inward-facing eye as Cricket observes a lingua franca phenomenon.

We're interesting.

Topics include: Spectrum Stratego: The Curious Incident of the Pig in the Night-Time, SESTA, BurpCount: 2̶3̶ o̶r̶ 2̶4̶ 28, and Guns.

From the whole-bird-in-egg to simple cheese maggots, today's topic is a mouthful: would you eat human testicles and other "exotic" foods? Why can food be illegal? What is the most ethical meat? Cricket tries to pull a fast one on me, but my morals are steadfast as ever.

We get hung up on the the Golden State Killings again.

Topics include: BurpCount: 22, Autosarcophagy, Human Barbecue Meat-ups, Who Murders the Murdermen?, and Guns.