Everything's Great, Nothing Is Wrong

Like all good hosts, Jeff and Cricket hold opposing opinions on humanity. Parcel-paging plus pitiful parables pave polemical paths per prolix philippics, probably?

We don't find it hard to pretend to be full of magic.

Topics include: The Backdoor Approach, Reductio Ad Absurdum, Tales of the Gypsy: Donkey Sounds, The Prisoner's Dilemma, Henri Cartier-Bresson, and Guns.

Welcome to Season Two, apparently, where we try to introduce the "show," like shows are wont to do. In a rare display of responsible continuity, Cricket reveals their Vitamin Vape finds, while Jeff, fake ID in tow, reconnects with gypsykind in the form of solicited contraband.

We return, however briefly, to the main conceit.

Topics include: Causality, Drunk Driving, Heat Death vs. Nuclear Winter, Comfy Girls, BurpCount: 10, and Guns.

From Monaco to Zanzibar, Professor Prensky (Anatomical Trains Fascia and Cardio) traveled the globe reveling in transhumanism's greatest delights before going mysteriously missing. With bits of her diary newly unearthed, we present this exclusive unedited interview with the the scholar Tapscott Rosenberg (The Faceless Hot Twentysomething) on the quondam surprising emergence of locomotive sexuality.

We make a sad realization about the draft we just read.

Topics include: Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Section 3: Post-Mortem, NPR's Train Sex, BurpCount: 1̶1̶ 9, and Guns.

In this non-episode, we uncover the origins of T.E.R.'s Thomas lust, then proceed to read its manifestations.

That's right; it's the main event: One Hour of Train Sex.

We engage in the spiritually erotic dance of male/female duality and embrace the baptism of our sexuality.

Topics include: Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Section 3, Bangable Cartoons, BurpCount: 1̶0̶ 8, Frogall, and Guns.

At the risk of nepotism, we yet again interrupt the flow of time to bring a matter of grave urgency to the forefront. Our cowboy listeners' problem is more serious than first assumed, so we skip the irrelevant ethics and whip out our most qualified skill set: how to save a relationship.

We apply the inverse property poorly.

Topics include: Listener Email: Pardner Problems Pard 2, Fermat’s Last Theorem, and Guns.

Welcome to the Winter Episode — an episode so jam-packed with topics, it could only be released on the last day of the season. 

Jeff awakens in Cricket a long-dormant lust for smoking, as we discuss the ethics of befriending others through vaping, and the health-benefits therein. Snippets from Sage School elicit a spider wed effect and devolve into sickness, therapy, and the ins-and-outs of grocery shopping; are loss prevention policies akin to permission to steal?

We have promises to keep, and miles to go before we sleep.

Topics include: BurpCount: 6, Grunge Facts, Apple Cinnamon Kama Sutra, A Most Educated Guest, The Diabetes Aisle, Banana Theft, and Guns.

More trains! Thomas' rivalry with an old acquaintance gives Ashima quite the glimpse into his psyche. There's a visit from the Duke and a pitstop to Carson and Topham's Happy Hour, a cutting-edge new segment which maybe should have remained cutting-floor. Also introducing: the long-awaited BurpCount. It's time Cricket atoned for their sins, via the tried-and-true method of public shaming. Mostly though, it's just more trains.

We "improvise."

Topics include: Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Section 2 Part 2, BurpCount: 3, Male Testosterone, Indentured Slavery, and Guns.

Another episode plucked straight out of the future, for one simple reason: we received our first listener email! Some vaquero's relationship is in jeopardy as we deconstruct whether it's theoretically ethical to ask theoretical advice. Plus, a dangerous possibility emerges: Is Cricket prescient?

We put a horse down.

Topics include: Listener Email: Pardner Problems, How to Cook Rice Wrong, and Guns.

It’s full steam ahead back into Train Town! In Atlas Chugged (and it’s only Atlas Chugged), Sir Topham and Ashima visit Thomas in the hospital, finally meeting up with our resident protagonists, Drs. Carson and Berg. For those not in this for the trains, back out now, and also: what are you even doing here?

We witness Berg's sensitive side.

Topics include: Lucid Narcolepsy, FWI, Chrysippean Tasks, Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Section 2 Part 1, and Guns.

With a newfound Slow Hot Mind, Jeff completes the circuit on Tinder Topic Title. Cricket wonders if there are any genuinely good people left alive, and at what cost. It is decidedly NOT episode thirteen; a lot of important things are boring.

We finally synthesize our ethics systems.

Topics include: Stalking, Quantum Creepiness, Black Piracy, Tall Cops, Villification vs. Redemption, and Guns.