Cricket is becoming dissatisfied with the podcast, so she brings another guest to help liven things up. But as with Warrior Squirrel, she turns antagonistic (though seemingly less drunk). Jeff reads the underwhelming results of a survey he conducted for "The Worst Thing [People]'ve Ever Done."

We do things a bit backwards!

Topics include: Birdwatching, Orthopteran Abecedarium: Eagli[s]m, Petty Panty Theft, The Opposite of Cover, and Guns.

Cricket takes it upon herself to dive into what was more than likely the research Dr. Berg and Dr. Carson pursued to determine how trains react to emotion. Jeff didn't understand the prompt!

We host a game show.

Topics include: The Dating Game But For Trains, and Guns.

Send in your unethical inquiries to everythingsgreatnothingiswrong.com or [email protected]!

Picking right back up where we left off, Doctor Berg displays a surprising knowledge of the age-old discipline known as Train Sex to a shocked Sir Topham, for some reason. Sodorian Newspapers are suspiciously vague and the whole internal logic of the world can barely hold itself together. (It's another rough one. Feel free to skip this section. Feel free to skip this whole podcast?)

We raise our eyebrows, commodorely.

Topics include: Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Chapter 7 Part 2, and Guns.

At the onset of some truly troubling news, we revert to Forever Now and Other Train Sex Tales! The Good Doctors, Carson and Berg, explain to Sir Topham their scientific take on Train Love. You'll never guess which vital organs Sentient Trains lack!

We dive even deeper into increasingly disquieting train anatomy.

Topics include: Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Chapter 7 Part 1, and Guns.

In the finale of our Grasshopper Trilogy, the narrator begins to reveal himself as unreliable, but we're far too wise to fall for that ruse. Has violence been the solution to homophobia this whole time? Also, a classic question of hospital ethics comes straight from our suspicious inbox.

We hit on our listener's mom.

Topics include: Gay Grasshopper Part 3, Listener Email: Tackle Triage, and Guns.

Cricket's caucus companion continues their tale of homegrown homophobia with Oscar-worthy dramatic flair. Burps are counted, but don't fear: they're just remnants of a bygone era. The numbness starts to go away. 

We skip and scream and bop shoo bop it.

Topics include: Gay Grasshopper Part 2, 1990s Toys Conflation, and Guns.

Cricket's burping has gotten quantifiably out of control, so Jeff stages an intervention/celebration. Following only the strictest podcast etiquette, this entire episode is devoted to satisfying our base impulses, like eating right into the microphone.

We can stop finally counting!

Topics include: BurpCount: Complete!, Fart Yoga, Rectal Prolapse, and Guns.

From the caucus recordings of Cricket comes a tale of growing up in the Deep South, where even the most cheerful homosexuality is seen as an affront to the status quo. An obtuse Jeff tries his best to decipher this outré American dialect.

We reach a milestone.

Topics include: Gay Grasshopper Part 1, BurpCount: 100!, and Guns.

In a postcoital bliss, Thomas the Tank Engine begins his intellectual awakening – to his own detriment.

We find the concept of hands to be incredibly useful, but (at the moment) also find ourselves without.

Topics include: Atlas Chugged: Edge of Destiny Chapter 6, and Guns.

With the nature of their reality in flux, Jeff and Cricket read the abstract of an epistle sent to them confronting their liberal use of the nonlinear in this very podcast. Also, a listener repurposes making change from a tip jar with their church's offering plate.

We comply with chronology.

Topics include: BurpCount: 96, Wrought Log vs. Hot Dog, Operation Clockwise, Listener Email: Glehd Tithings, and Guns.