Everything's Great, Nothing Is Wrong

Despite the best laid schemes of Crickets and Men, the podcast's direction was never in their control at all. The True Villain reveals all in a full confessional of misguided and frustrated arrogance.  This is (likely) the end.

We didn't get there.

Topics include: Subterfuge, Vanity, Incompletion, Regret, Nostalgia, and, Most Importantly, Guns.

It's been teased, incessantly, for the duration of the show. It's a strange choice for semi-finale. It's not fit for human ears. It's the Lost Episode at long last, left unedited to preserve its integrity and temporal veracity! 

Compare and contrast our former lethargic tones and lack of repartee! Doze in awe at Jeff's flattened, low energy affect! Marvel in wonderment at Cricket's henceforth-absent encyclopedic knowledge! Why and how did this all change? Only the podcast itself knows.

Plus, in a bizarre bout of synchronicity, Jeff's past self corrects his future self's inaccuracies about the Bahá'í calendar.

We rank the religions.

Topics include: The Adventure of the Spiteful Author, DNA Hoarding, Post-Religious Ethical Codes, and Guns.

A glorious reunion awaits! Wasting no time at all in the realm of reconnection, your classic hosts try to expand holiday songs' outreach to be less seasonal. Cricket's taken a page from Jeff's book of tricks to infiltrate another podcast, and a tragic revelation might just change the future of the podcast forever. Also, the Farmer is just kind of hanging around. Feel free to ignore him.

I am we again, and we're back on our bopskip.

Topics include: Castcount: 2, Fucktunes, Pokémon Stop: The Best Career Choice, and Guns.

The Farmer discusses the merits of Viking Cruises. Cricket complains about having to do work.

We witness a death by suicide by hanging. 

Topics include: Hangman, Carpe Rapem, The Gong Show, Time, and Guns.

What's the best way to steal, and which race steals the most? This week's cashier tells all, from whole cloth. It's the podcast, as usual, in the normal way! Nothing strange here!

I do find another co-host, though.

Topics include: Pilferage Pointers, Retail There-a-pee, and Guns.

Jeff seizes control again, out of fear and necessity, to go back to the podcast at hand: recording conversations in secret. Although discourse is a bit tricky to maintain by oneself, he nevertheless tries to ask: What kinds of photographs won't camera stores print, and why are the Dutch so danged cocky?

We are just me now, I guess.

Topics include: Darkroom Secrets, Pornography, The Netherlands, and Guns.

«Transmission Received»

This is a placeholder episode, again, in which the Farmer talks in his sleep.

«End Transmission»

Jeff has abandoned Cricket and The Farmer, leaving them to their own devices. The Farmer’s experiment has a twenty-percent success rate. A long lost listener contributes one of the most def poems yet. The Farmer provides insights into why Jeff left, and why Cricket is so antagonistic toward him.

We realize too late that we had to find our own segue sound effects.

Topics include: Punk Rock Covers, Pant Length, Racism, Speciesism, The Gong Show, and Guns.

«Transmission Received»

This is a placeholder episode, in case Jeff's absence made the art no longer.

«End Transmission»

Jeff tries to get into the mindset of our mysterious emailer by infiltrating another podcast, before the all-too-comfortable Farmer teams up with Cricket to throw wild accusations back at him! Our very own humble host, The Jeff himself, indicted; can you believe it? There is mutiny afoot!

We part ways.

Topics include: Castcount: 1, Agent 82 vs M.O., The Trial of Jeffrey Carsonberg, and Guns.