Ex-Gifted

New year, new me! And by that, I mean I've changed my name, and have been going by Raine in my personal life, and now on the internet as well it seems!

Keeping New Year's resolutions has a lot less to do with willpower and resolve than it does with being realistic and setting goals you're meant to keep instead of goals that allow you to give up immediately.

If you need help with your goals, join my discord server! https://discord.gg/JkPbnhb

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: [https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune](https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune)

License: [https://filmmusic.io/standard-license](https://filmmusic.io/standard-license)

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Problem: It's hard to remember that June and December have different struggles when it comes to productivity, mental health, and executive dysfunction if we don't actually mark the passage of time through the year.

Solution: Celebrating the two solstices and two equinoxes is a great way to welcome a new season and actually tangibly remind yourself that things are about to get different. For the upcoming autumn equinox, try some autumnal decor and recipes, but also don't forget about cleaning and decluttering to prepare your home for the winter months when you likely spend more time indoors.

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

• pick it up every day (note this doesn't mean you need to do anything elaborate in it)
• time management consists of two parts: what you do and when you do it. This results in 4 possible combinations

1. Plan what you do AND when you do it
2. Plan when you're working, but not exactly what - aka time blocking. Combining time blocking and to-dos can be a great system for ND people who need some structure but also need the flexibility in their system to work on their current interests
3. Plan what you do, but not exactly when - aka to-do lists
4. Plan neither what you do NOR when you do it. Wait what? Remember how I recommended intentions a few weeks ago? If you're not trying to rein in the chaos, but let it flow free, while still having a bit more ownership over the flavor of your days, setting intentions can actually work great without a schedule as such.

• think about planning style (more strict or less)
• don't start with a plan. Planning is exciting, but following the plan often isn't. Starting with an elaborate plan can kill any interest in picking up your planner every day. In the beginning, productivity comes second to actually using your planner.
• track your time (but only temporarily)
• Check out my post on the ABCs of time management to learn more about time blocking.
• rolling weekly (can be used in a bullet journal or any planner with enough space to make it)
• Intention-setting can be systematized to some degree in order to use it more effectively, without turning it into an overbearing task list. This is especially useful when you're just getting started by boosting your results early on, instead of just kind of flapping about, forgetting about your intentions almost as soon as you set them.
• Future you is a pal. You need to always take care of future you.
• Schedule time to plan
• Think about the buckets of your life and the tasks you need to do for each. (home, personal, family, work, friends, school, etc...)
• consider keeping a record of all the recurring things in each bucket (can work great for the rolling to-do list)
• feel free to sketch a plan on a sheet of paper, or in a rocketbook before committing it to your planner
• but also don't be afraid to make mistakes. Go to the last page and create a pen test page (little coffee fox has some great tips for getting started - skip to the end to see how she recommends to deal with fear of getting started) or a grid spacing page. If you start with something kind of ugly and purely functional, you'll feel less paralyzed when it comes to messing something up later on
• erasable pens (Frixion)
• If your current planner style isn't quite working, or if it's feeling too stale, try something new on the next page instead of trying to push through. Don't fix what isn't broken, but don't hold onto something just because it used to work.
• If you're using a preprinted planner, think of your planner pages more as....suggestions...than actual rules you need to stick to. Ignore parts that don't work, or change them to something that does work.
• if color coding really isn't your thing, use a different code - symbols/signifiers, columns/boxes, etc... There are ways to separate your tasks without use of the Multicolor pen.
• brain dump daily or weekly (as needed or as your planner allows) and translate this into to-do lists. Not everything in your brain needs to go on the to-do list
• Consider using more checklists to proactively help you remember what to do, and fewer trackers to retroactively judge what you did (or didn't do) Trackers are still great for...

There's a new podcast on the way, but it needs more work than a standard episode, so I recorded a little something until then. Find the video here: https://youtu.be/VCHGrghlFzU

It's tossed about a lot: that you will never grow if you allow yourself to be comfortable.

It's bullshit.

Growth itself is uncomfortable, but comfort and safety provide the best foundation for the discomfort of growth. In other words, you don't grow by forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations. Growth comes when you take care of yourself and leave space for it.

One thing that can help you make space for growth is learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

Cultivating discomfort tolerance is one of the best things I've done for myself - my word of the year is growth after all - but it doesn't bring about growth on its own (except for growing your discomfort tolerance, that is.)

What discomfort tolerance does do is take away some of sting and fear of growth, because when things get uncomfortable you know you can handle it, and you know how to take care of yourself and keep yourself as comfortable as possible through this period of growth.

Growth is a time of vulnerability - so you must keep yourself safe, secure, and as comfortable as you can in all other areas during that time.

The last thing is to remember that growth isn't meant to continue indefinitely. In preparation for the uncomfortable winter, plants die back and halt growth. People have to do something similar, allowing periods of quiet consolidation after their time of rapid expansion. 

If plants don't finish this process before the first freeze, they can die. If we don't do it, we face burnout.

Keep growing (and also resting)

----------

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about...

Mentioned this episode:

1. YouTube video for this episode

2. How to ADHD Bullet Journaling

3. WheezyWaiter explains what Bullet Journaling ACTUALLY is

4. Printable vertical weekly planner

5. ABCs of Time Management (where you can sign up for the time management 5 day email course with time tracker workbook)

6. Tara’s awesome Obsidian tips

7. Digital/analog planning with Rocketbook

Problem: You need a planner, but they’ve never worked for you in the past and you don’t know what kind of planners are good for your brain

Solution: It’s a myth that certain types of planners only work for neurotypicals and other types work well for all ND people (or even all people with your exact diagnosis.) You need a planner style that addresses your individual struggles and fits your current needs, which may change over time.

Some people with Executive Dysfunction have a hard time with lots of extra bits to do every day, so if this is you, you might want to get a more free-form planner instead of one with lots of trackers and prompts built into the pages, making your planner feel like homework (which you then avoid.) Other people with ExD really love the hand-holding and being told exactly what is supposed to go in which spot, which means a planner with lots of extra blanks and prompts and questions will work great for you!

If you’re not sure which type you are, don’t fret if you choose the wrong type at first! Leaving prompts unanswered is not a problem - cover it up with a sticker if you want. If you need prompts you don’t have, look up some templates so you can write in your own for things like schedule, gratitude, or trackers.

Developing your own planner style isn’t something that is figured out ahead of time so you can stick with it forever. You guess, practice, iterate, practice again, evolve, and just keep going.

1. What size do you want?

- bigger (A5 or up) gives more space, but more space can feel overwhelming

- smaller is easier to carry anywhere - crucial when you’re still learning not to forget your planner

- small spaces serve as a practical limit to how much you can demand of yourself each day

2. Digital or analog (Or both)?

- digital is always with you, but it can be harder to navigate or find things once you’ve forgotten them. There’s also no natural limits to what you keep

- analog is harder (still not impossible) to ignore because it exists physically. Bookmarks and tabs make it easy to find your spot, and you can flip through pages to remind yourself of things you didn’t even remember writing down.

- each has benefits, but many of the perceived strengths of digital are actually weaknesses. If you've been trying digital and just can't figure out why it won't work, give analog a shot even if you really don't think it's right for you

3. Dated or undated?

- dated and laid out pages can be a huge convenience, or a huge guilt trip...

In this Episode: My discord community!

Bullet Journaling with ADHD on Facebook

Problem: Those of us who would love to "just use a planner" - that is, if we could keep it up more than 3 days without losing it or entirely forgetting it even exists.

Solution: Make simply remembering that your planner exists your number 1 priority when you first start using a planner. Just pick it up. Just look at it. Just carry it with you. Do this every day, even if you don't actually make any plans in it!

Specific tips:

1. Set reminders on your phone, or on post-its around the house, to look at your planner at least once a day.
2. Habit stacking - put your planner near something else that you do every day, like making coffee, changing your socks, or even put it on top of your charging phone, to make it harder to forget.
3. Use a Tile or other tracking device so that you can't lose your planner under the bed or in the couch cushions anymore.

Bonus tip: For the first week or two, give yourself a sticker every day you use your planner. And yes, just picking up the book and putting in the sticker counts.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

_

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Join my email list and download my time tracking workbook for free.

Time tracking apps:

(These apps have a free option, but if you choose to sign up for a paid plan using my link I may earn a small commission at no cost to you!)

Toggl (my FAVORITE and with so many features in their free plan!)

RescueTime

Problem: You don't have enough time to do the things that matter, but your time seems to just get sucked down the drain by pointless things. Often you even look back at the day and can't figure out where all the time went!

Solution: To start off, just notice and name your time sinks. Use time tracking, even if just for 3 days (consider using an app if a lot of your time seems to be on your phone or computer) so you can get a better picture of where your time is currently going.

To actually gain some of that time back, here's three simple methods you can try, from most chaotic to most organized.

• Intentions
• 10 minute timer
• Schedule

Setting intentions (without the other two methods) is peak chaotic time management. This is GREAT for people who feel restricted by things like calendars and checklists. It's all about vibes - not necessarily the specific actions you want to take, but a general focus or feeling for the day. Early on in the day, spend just a few quiet minutes to yourself to decide what you want your day to revolve around, and then remind yourself throughout the day - using post-its, notifications, or even a note scrawled on the back of your hand!

Setting a 10 minute timer, where you work on ANYTHING intentional (housework, reading, playing with kids, exercising, painting, journaling - literally anything that is part of what you value) is great because it takes such little time on a daily basis, but over the course of a week, it adds more than an hour of working toward your goals. And even if you forget til the end of the day, it only takes 10 minutes to get it done.

Finally, you have the option to schedule your intentional time right into the calendar. When the time comes around, you put down the phone or otherwise pull yourself away from the drain and spend the dedicated time working on something intentional, then go back to whatever you were doing before without judgment.

These methods can also be combined in any way you want. You can schedule in 10 minutes to work on the intention you set in the morning, for example - or you can use any one method on its own.

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of...

Get the 2022 roleplanning journal for 10% off with the code SMOL

Problem: Things feel too big for it to even be worth it to get started on them. And jumping from task to task is too inefficient.

Solution: A simple reframe in favor of taking the smallest step that can move you forward instead of tackling big projects in their entirety (sometimes - when appropriate for your brain and your to-do list.)

When your focus is too slippery to hold onto anyway, trying to force yourself to stay on task can end up meaning that you lose even more time to the void than you do in the endless stream of transitions bouncing between tasks, as long as you a) don't resist the bounce and b) appreciate the increased activity and literal steps you take throughout the day when you focus on lots of small things instead of one or two big things.

Check out my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Chaotic Organized Discord server 

Problem: You have an ocean of attention that never seems to flow in the direction you want it to go 

Solution: By engaging your physical senses, the mind becomes easier to direct. In this way, it's sometimes possible to bring on hyper focus, or the flow state. 

Some ideas for sensory engagement 

Sound: instrumental music (or music in a language you don't know IF you don't know the lyrics), binaural waves, ambient sounds 

Smell: candle, coffee or tea, chewing gum 

Taste: coffee or tea, chewing cum 

Touch: fidget toy - purchased or homemade, a smooth stone, putty, a pen, literally anything 

Sight: watch your candle, watch your fidget, close your eyes and visualize your work project (helpful for art, making videos, writing fiction, etc...) 

When my senses are all engaged, and my mind is focused on what I want to write, after a few minutes, my mind can't hold back any more. It's like an itch in the back of my brain that I have to scratch immediately, and only writing can scratch that itch. 

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I build content for my new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active! 

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff. 

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub. Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month! And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted! 

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even. 

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

— 

Music Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod 

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune 

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license 

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast: 

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast. Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. 

Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were...

Dr. K on motivation (CW for problematic language in linked video, probably)

Problem: There's stuff you have to do but just don't want to do

Solution: Figuring out why I do want to do something works way better for me than just pushing through, trying to convince or cajole myself, or "waiting until motivation strikes"

When there's something I really need to do, it usually comes with rewards or consequences. This means I can have a conversation where I actually talk myself through my thoughts, motivations, and underlying assumptions - without actually pressuring myself or trying to "talk myself into it" by instead just asking questions and getting curious. Once I give up on the story that "I don't want to do this" (which is untrue anyway, since I want to gain the reward or avoid the consequence), it becomes much easier to get started.

And when there's something that I don't need to do, but am just pushing it on myself because of societal expectation - like folding laundry - I just don't do it.

I'm a grown adult which means that nobody gets to say how things work in my house but me. (Well...me and my partner, who knows how to fold his own clothes because he's also a grown up) But that also means that there's nobody to do the things I want done but me (and again, my partner.) If having the dishes piled up is stressing me out, and I want them washed and put away, then I necessarily want to wash the dishes - since there's no other way for them to get washed. And I care about myself and want to do nice things to take care of me.

Realizing that there's a difference between being motivated to do something, and being inspired to do it, has made it easy for me to give up on waiting for that feeling because I know there's nothing inspiring about doing housework. Simply the motivation that is the reward of having a house that is nice to exist in can be enough.

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and...