Falling Gently Podcast

Have you ever sat, face up, in a rainstorm?

Felt the drops land on your skin?

Sometimes they are soft and warm, often they’ve got a little heft

Now, imagine if you were a 3 gram flower

Not sitting out in the rain by choice

Getting hit in the face relentlessly for hours or days

That can be hard on a little flower

Sometimes it knocks her right to the ground

Sometimes the flower will rise again when the sun comes out

But sometimes it won’t

The rain doesn’t intend to hurt the flower

The rain just hydrates the soil

Hydrated soil nourishes foliage

Life grows and bends and breaks and blooms

I remember the first time I heard about natural selection

Framed as survival of the fittest. Maybe 6th grade.

I wondered if flowers in the meadow

Were really at war for sunlight above the ground and nutrients below

How sad it would be

If flowers were neurotic about getting what they need in order to bloom

I decided it was impossible

Meadows could not be both gorgeous

And the product of warring interests

As life and education advanced

I learned that while there may be some competition

That shapes nutrients and growth patterns

There’s a whole lot of cooperation going on underground

And not just the roots of the flowers and grasses

But the mycelial networks that connect them

And a host of worms and insects, bacteria and fungi

Above ground, the warmth of the sun

Pollination on the wind

The welcome drink from the rain

Subtle influences from every quarter

There’s a classic Buddhist story

Of Buddha, instead of giving his usual sermon

Simply holding up a flower

Only one disciple ‘got it’

And I’m not exactly certain what he ‘got’

But I’ve always felt it was ‘everything’

Every element of creation throughout all of time

Pulsing together, combining and recombining

Infinite influences meeting finite elements

All to bring you

This one flower

Unlike any one before it

Here

Gorgeous

Impermanent

The past and the future contained in this glistening present

Blossoming with beauty, texture and fragrance

Feeding the bees and insects

Enduring wind and rain and sun - sometimes as gift, sometimes as trial

To be here. Alive. Growing.

Then dissolving back into soil

Like each one of us

Having been part of the wonder of creation

Not forever, but for that one eternal moment

Giving everything it had been given

Its fragrance still carried in the wind

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I’ve got to tell you, I really thought I was in the goo stage

Things have been so unclear for so long

I was certain I was tucked in a chrysalis

Soon to emerge

I was wrong

I didn’t realize it at the time

But I was still in the

March, march, march

Munch, munch, munch

Stage

There’s a moment when a caterpillar can go no further

It’s been marching and munching, and it’s juicy and full

But it can’t take another step.

I am well and truly stopped

I think I can move, but when I try: no motion

I imagine this is when chrysalis building begins

I long for the comfort of something to dissolve within

All these years of experience

All this noticing and tending to

I am fuller than I’ve ever been

And hiring managers just aren’t interested

Of course they’re not -

I need to become goo

Between here and there, I need a structure

That does not feel forthcoming

But I doubt caterpillars actually know what they’re doing

As they shed their skin to form their chrysalis

But I like the idea of shedding my hardness

So my softness can be primary

And all that I’ve ingested

And all that I’ve always been

Can become something

I probably can’t even imagine yet

It was a very disappointing moment

To realize I’m not as far in the process as I’d thought

I’d been waiting to squeeze out the tiny crack

I was ready for the pain

I knew no one could help

Else my wings would not receive their fluids

I was so ready

And so my readiness becomes another vector

Of my dissolving

And I give myself

Or what I thought myself to be

To the miraculous process

I do not understand

And cannot place myself in

Hoping

Maybe one day

That which emerges

Has wings

And can fly

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

I almost got scammed on facebook marketplace today

I was so excited something was selling, I almost didn’t notice the red flags

Luckily, I did a quick search on the scenario

And learned it was a very common technique

Selling your stuff is hard on many levels.

Several times in the hours since reporting the buyer

I wished things were different

And then i remembered what a trap that can be

Wanting to leapfrog now

And get to a better future

The thing is: that better future is a picture

Now is a multidimensional relationship

And when i remember that

My nervous system settles

The space in the room welcomes my participation

My houseplants support me

Even as they remind me they could use a drink

The relationship might not be fancy

But it’s real

I’ve been contending with the relationship between

Effort and grace

Visioning and presence

Discipline and tenderness

Wanting to be different, and learning to stay

There’s so much nuance

So much space

So many times veering off the path

And so many times coming back to it

That’s the practice

Coming back

Remembering

Being

Then getting riled up again about something

And coming back again

In this time with so very many question marks

I can understand advice to visualize what I want

But what I want is truly to recognize God in All

To become more and more sensitive to and in relationship with

The Divinity all around us

And in flow with curiosity and care

And I believe the internal feeling of being and connection

Is a more tangible marker of success than

My bank account or house or car

But, I do need a bank account and house and car

And so here again, I experience the back and forth

Stepping into my role as creator of my own experience

As I surrender to Divine Authorship

Inhale, exhale

Left foot, right foot

Dexterity through the full range of motion

Sue Choi’s work contextualizes walking

As the infinity resolution built into our design

To let us know we go out of balance

And come back into it

A thousand times per day

Giving us a foundational knowledge

That we can come back to center

It’s in our nature, our design

It’s a lovely context

A beautiful reminder

Because sometimes I think I’m right

And sometimes I think I’m wrong

But really, I’m just human

And in my wholeness

There’s room for all of it

And so I come back

Remembering

Being

Again

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Today is my 32nd post.

Thank you for being here.

Writing each day has been grounding and clarifying.

Being read is tender and reassuring.

I’ve done a full month with no attention to performance

Just expression

And I haven’t known how to respond to the pledges readers have offered

Thank you.

Though I appreciate it, I put off thinking about it

Partly from fear, partly from shame, partly from hope, partly from avoidance

When I started this writing

I did so to document a difficult time from within it

I did not want to bypass nor prolong the process

But to be in it honestly and tenderly

Still, I assumed something would’ve shifted by now

At least some minimum wage job would’ve taken me

Some scaffolding to start to build our next chapter

Indeed, things are largely the same

Partly a comfort, partly a cosmic ‘WTF’

Changes are right around the corner, though

My son goes to school in 10 days

We just learned our landlords are selling our house

So we will definitely be moved within 40 days.

It will be fascinating to learn where!

Stay tuned ;)I have had a hurdle about turning on paid

Accepting the help already offered

And opening the potential for ongoing support

I even have a hurdle about subscribe buttons

I’m lowering those hurdles today

And boy is it uncomfortable

The truth is, i need and want to accept any and all help that’s available to me

One reason I haven’t wanted to turn on paid

Is that paid usually offers something extra for subscribers

I already show up here every single day

Honestly, who needs more?

More feels like too much, and Lord Knows I already feel like a bit too much

And not enough at the same time

This, I know, is not isolated, personal terrain

So as I suss out how my writing might be of value to others

Grounded in integrity, presence and my own process

I’ll rely on our relationship to inform me rather than try to guess

Please: I’m open to feedback

Please: Don’t feel I expect subscribers to move to paid

Please: Know that I appreciate every reader, and every gift, deeply

I have a lot to work through in the coming months

I am grateful to have a forum in which to do it

As I explore how my resources and worldview apply to this moment

I’ve heard that it can be helpful, or interesting

And I’ve gotten emails and notes expanding my own point of view

Which I treasure, thank you

We live in a time of unprecedented communication

So much wisdom at our fingertips

I used to think I had little to add — just reweaving what others already say.

But the sheer volume of voices pulling people into outrage has changed my mind.

I realize: I have an obligation to communicate my love, trust, and grounded inquiry

All of our voices are needed

Kindof like Horton Hears a Who

Every one of us needs to sing the song affirming our presence

And so I am so grateful to have a place to sing and be heard, be joined

I am turning on paid

I am adding subscribe buttons (terrified, of course, that no one else will use them)

And asking those who read and get something out of it

To perhaps share it with a friend

I am uncomfortable

But I am also relieved

Because I know that what I’m offering isn’t noise

It’s a return to center. A modeling, an invitation. permission.

And in a world bursting at the seams, that’s an idea worth sharing

Thank you for being with me as I try

Thank you for your attention, your care, and your support

It means more than I can express with words.

P.S. Nothing changes for free readers. I’ll still be writing every day. Paid options are now live for those who feel called to support this work financially, and am open to what you might like that to mean in terms of additional offerings. You can choose a monthly, annual, or founding member tier—whatever feels aligned. Thank you for being here, truly.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

The traditional Japanese art of Kintsugi-

Repairing pottery by mending it with gold-

Highlights the repair, doesn’t try to disguise it

Embracing history, imperfection, as valuable, beautiful

I got my daughter a kintsugi bowl after her first breakup

‘Things break, they change, and that’s ok’

Adversity can make us stronger and add to our beauty, certainly our uniqueness

It’s a physical representation of ‘our broken places are where the light comes in”

I have a living version of this principle on my kitchen counter

In January, a sweet little plant I’d been cultivating snapped in half

It was just sitting on the windowsill. We were on the couch.

And heard the snap, out of nowhere

What remained in the tall white pot had just 2 leaves and a harsh break on the stem

I rooted the still budding top then planted it into the gray clay pot

Now, six or so months later

The buds from the healthy top continue to slowly unfurl in a straight line

But, that sad little broken bottom has grown dynamically

The break seemed to push life force out in three different directions

The part I thought didn’t have much potential is practically a little tree now

It’s darling and I love it

It took some time for the life force moving through that plant to find new footings

When the direction it had been growing in abruptly came to a stop

And it got creative, it experimented

And the results are robust, charming

This all feels so relevant, such a great meditation

And within this context, I really can be curious about what’s to come

Curious with sparkles on top

Because things break, and it can be surprising, disorienting, sad, uncomfortable

But broken things can be mended and maybe even become more beautiful

Broken things can provide opportunity for creative growth strategies

Brokenness isn’t a death sentence

It just might be a new life sentence

[I just looked it up, and it is a Chinese money plant (ironic?)]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Dynamic Opposition:

One system moving in two directions simultaneously.

It’s what makes stretching feel so good

Root to Rise in yoga

Feeling the feet pressing into the earth and the crown rising

It has all kinds of purpose and impact

It promotes growth, balance, stability, aliveness

We do it every day without thinking about it

I’m trying to let that be my guide as I meet my opposing emotional forces

Calm center, open heart, curious orientation

Rage over pervasive injustice, powerlessness, self-judgment, grief

We are complicated beings in a complicated time

I think the fairy tale ending “and they lived happily ever after”

Has done us no favors

It feels very linear and unilateral

It sets up expectations that there comes a moment from which point problems cease

I have yet to meet anyone for whom problems have ceased

Yet, I’ve met resourced people with great attitudes who meet their problems tenderly

I can even do it myself on good days

Maybe “and ever after, they felt met and supported in joy and in sorrow, crafting a life of care”

Something aspirational but not delusional

Something acknowledging the cyclical nature of life and time and relationships

Something that met and channeled the truth of the human condition

That we belong to the earth as we reach to the stars

That opposing forces exist in us and can work together to strengthen and support us

I think ‘happily ever after’ polluted notions of what peace looks like as well

Realistically, peace is a state of consistent deep communication, care and creativity

Happily ever after implies that once an evil is vanquished, life is effortless

Maybe I’m revealing my own limitations, but an effortless life feels vapid

I think we want to apply effort and care to things that matter to us

We want to use our creativity to engage with the world and evolve something new

When I am present to the cyclical nature of life, I can be patient with my current situation, curious even

When I get the idea that life is linear, I can’t help but feel I’m failing, flailing

Part of the tension lies in the fact that Nature is cyclical, and Society (while also cyclical) thinks its linear

And I’m caught between them

It may be that I’m in a moment of transition, like when you first start stretching

That dynamic opposition can be painful at first

But as we tend to proper form and relax into the release

the stretch becomes pleasurable, nourishing

Increasing blood flow and nurturing mobility

Perhaps this phase is like my post-surgery physical therapy

Sucks in the moment, but leads to long term wellness

Very worth doing.

And so I continue

Remembering this too is part of the cycle of life

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

If you’re not familiar with Joanna Macy, it’s my privilege to introduce you

She passed July 19th, but left a profoundly rich legacy and body of work

She was a deep ecologist, a student of Buddhism, a translator of poetry

And one of the most effective environmental and social activists in modern history

The Work that Reconnects, an anchor of her legacy

Is a group process used for decades to meet our heartache and let it change us

This resourced welcoming of grief, listening to it, and moving with it into a shared future…

It’s profound and I highly recommend it, again and again

But my personal debt to Joanna Macy

Is her sharing of the prophecy she received through her Buddhist lineage

Please pardon my abridged version. You can find her full version here.

In the time when fear and greed endanger the future of all life on earth

Rise the Shambhala Warriors.

They have no flag, no country

But must exist everywhere, in the midst of the chaos to transform it

Knowing that both good and evil run through every human heart

And the dangers threatening life are not created by evil entities

But by human choices and relationships

They train in two weapons

Compassion and Insight into the Radical Interconnectedness of All Things

And with this expertise

They dismantle the structures of fear

Knowing each loving action impacts all of life

The first time I heard this prophecy

My whole energy system relaxed

My loneliness dissipated

My desire to ‘find my people’ which had always been a struggle

Gave way to a gladness in knowing my people were out there

Shambhala Warriors

Positioned where they needed to be for greatest effect

I immediately knew myself as one of them

And can spot fellow warriors from 1,000 yards

Confirmed usually in just a few sentences

It gave me a sense of dispersed community on purpose

That soothed me

And the idea that it’s not an evil entity

But our choices and relationships

That we’re up against

Well, that, we can do something about.

That, we can address

One choice, one relationship at a time.

I find both purpose and resource in this story

A context that motivates me

Makes me feel part of something

Perhaps unseen, but felt

We’re part of this inspired arising

We can wield compassion and insight

To reshape our own choices and relationships

And influence the field all around us

I never thought I’d respond to a call to arms

But that was before I knew the arms

Are Compassion and Insight

Joanna Macy invited us into The Great Turning

A shift into life-sustaining civilization

She was an extraordinary guide

And now, a powerful ancestor

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

In the book The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ

Channeled by a pastor named Levi from Ohio in 1908

The wise men stayed

They didn’t travel all that way to drop off gold and essential oils

They stayed and acted as a resource to Jesus’ family

When He came of age, they took Jesus to their respective countries

What we know of as the lost years

In this story, when Jesus returns to Jerusalem, he goes to the holiest temple where the most advanced sages live

They’re going to test him for the prophecy of the Christ

So Jesus gets to the temple, and is welcomed

They show him to his room, tell him the rituals will begin tomorrow, and leave him alone

He is surprised by two men who enter through a hidden door

“Jesus,” they tell him, “these priests know you are more advanced than they are. They plan to kill you. We’ve got a plan to save you, just play along until we can bust you out.”

Jesus looks at them and says something to the effect of:

My brothers, thank you for your care. But you come asking me to follow you in fear.

Fear doesn’t motivate me. I don’t need to flee. You guys take care, now.

The gentlemen leave

There’s a knock on the door

Jesus has just passed the first of the tests

He receives the scroll of sincerity

This story isn’t part of the traditional cannon

Though I do wonder if it was one of the hundreds submitted that never made it in

But I love it on many levels

And I’ve told it numerous times

So, when I was first diagnosed with Lyme disease (often a precursor of RA)

And I spent two hours on the phone with someone who’d had it

And he was outlining what I had to do and what a nightmare it would be

I came downstairs in tears

And Tucker offered me that story, as I’d so often offered it to others

And it worked. It stopped the fear in its tracks

I don’t need to follow you

I will meet my fate without fear

The Aquarian Gospel is actually kindof a slog of a book

But I will always love it

Because it made Christ relatable

Made his goodness not just Divine

But the result of his very human choices

Intentional choices of love without fear

Kindness without posturing

Authenticity without apology

It brought the Jesus I grew up learning about closer

And offered an internal orientation that could bring me closer to my own best behavior

My choices

My willingness to meet what comes

Resolutely aligned to love

If you’re interested, I’ll write about the other scrolls

They’re all pretty lovely

But this one has my heart

And when I remember, or am reminded

I Know

No Fear

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Scientists estimate we notice about 100 ads per day

Even though we are exposed to between 4,000 and 10,000

And that’s not even counting the news

The average human takes 16,000 to 22,000 breaths per day

So, somewhere between every other breath and every four breaths

We’re receiving a message our culture has conspicuously placed in our path

Usually inviting us to buy something, or want something, or be mad about something

Messages jabbing at our attention, trying every emotional keycode until money falls out

That’s just the environment in our culture at the moment

Given all those messages, each with an agenda

How important is kind, specific, relational conversation?

Words said just to you, by someone appreciating you and who you are?

Offering an insight that arrived right in this moment directly related to your life?

I don’t think we can overestimate how important it is

To talk to each other

To remind each other about life and breath and presence and compassion

That the heart’s native language is love

And that love flourishes

In a heart at home with itself

While 10,000 messages per day invite us to not feel at home until/unless [x]

One message from a friend, a teacher, a colleague

Letting us know we are home and they see the lights on

Can bring us home to ourselves

Even if maybe we were floating off

Believing we needed to be just a little better to be OK

We need reminders.

It’s not us. It’s the water we swim in

There is a tidal wave of branded interests vying for our attention

Scripting our inner critic

Stage-directing our sense of isolation

We’re no match for it on our own, it’s just too big

I believe our fastest way to the life boats (and our joy once we’re in them)

Is each other

A smile, a word, a story, a touch—these are the subtle medicines that return us to ourselves

That remind us we’re not just a number

We are an infinite dance of molecules and relationships

The more we uplift each other, the more we are uplifted

Don’t be embarrassed to pay that compliment

It may save someone’s life, and that’s no exaggeration

We need each other

All the noise in the world disorients us

And we can’t reorient alone

Belonging isn’t a state we arrive atIt’s a pattern we co-createIn moments of relatingOf being the signal despite a whole lot of noise

So if you feel the impulse—say the thing

Someone may be silently drowning in a sea of cultural messages And your one human word of affirmation, of perspective or of care

Could be the lifeline that restores sanity and reorients a troubled heart

I speak from experience

I’ve been the saver and the saved, regularly

We need each other

It’s not from weakness, it’s by design

Let us remind each other of our light and the light in the world

Ram Dass said we’re all just walking each other home

When it feels dark

We can be each others’ flashlights

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Life is full of poles and paradoxes

Wisdom works within and around them all

The pole shift that brings the most clarity, the most relief

Is moving from the head to the pelvis

As my origin of experience

I love Philip Shepherd’s work

Deeply

He once told me:

Don’t be aware of the pelvic bowl

Be aware from the pelvic bowl

At the time it seemed unattainable

But over the years, I could orient that way

Sometimes more reliably than others

But when I do, I am far more open

And that spinal corridor between pelvic bowl and head

Is alive with receptivity and awareness

When I orient from my skull

I’m consumed by ideas, expectations and strategies

I can barely feel the spinal corridor or pelvis

Swami Vivekananda said:

The thinking mind is a wonderful servant

And a terrible master

I can feel this somatically, emotionally and intellectually

When I am oriented from my pelvic bowl

Presence is all there is

Presence that includes strength, receptivity and agency

My whole body is included, as is my immediate environment

My thinking mind is not running the show, but can be available to it

When I’m oriented in my head, as my thinking mind

It very much becomes the master

And it’s terrible at it!

Anxiety, strategy, the future, the past

Very little else

Even my immediate environment feels like a picture i’m walking through

I’m not really feeling it or engaged with it

So, during this time of challenge

I’m experiencing this dance between

Independence and Interdependence

In the world, in my relationship to the world

And in my head and pelvis

Having been an ‘in my head’ person for decades

It really has taken a lot of practice to orient to my pelvic bowl

I’ve learned dozens of practices

And made up hundreds more

One visual I’ve enjoyed is a room full of geniuses in the basement

(to me this basement looks a lot like Jeannie’s bottle in I Dream of Jeannie)

They can expertly sort any problems the top floors are dealing with

If we’d just take the elevator down

Else, we just have a bunch of unused geniuses

And that’s a real loss

It’s taken me a couple of years to articulate what I want:

To inhabit and identify as the fullness of my nervous system

So that my whole self meets, relates to and engages with life

More and more I can expand into broader identification

Sometimes I fail entirely

Practices require repetition

Sitting with this focus just before and while writing

Has been enough to fuel and secure this orientation as I continue with my day

So, thank you for bearing with me

It’s helpful

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com