Falling Gently Podcast

When my kids were little

We did a little meditation at night

Breathing in ingredients: milk, flour, sugar

Holding to mix

Breathing out cookies

It was sweet

I wanted them to know

That our breath is our signature in the world

What we take in and what we do with it

How we process what we receive

And how having been in our care transforms it

And sends it out to the world

It was simplistic, and flawed in many ways

But really important in my frame of belief

The world shapes us and we shape the world

And so creation creates

The exchange of energy shapes all life on earth

I have not spoken of nature nearly enough in this writing

Not just earth, flora and fauna (but definitely that)

Everything

The space in the room

The person I’m looking at

We’re all becoming together

And energy is being exchanged

Meaningful, multidimensional intelligence

That’s why forests feel so good

Cascading relationships

At the most intimate level

I love the Perelandra Center for Nature Research

Among other wonderful things, they talk about

Humans thinking gardens are expressions of nature

Nature thinking gardens are expressions of humans

Makes me smile

The interplay of becoming

Is shaping all of us - everything is included

How we interact with life in every aspect

Is our becoming

Is a relational orientation

Defensiveness dilutes it

Curiosity fuels it

It feels more than it thinks

Natural anchors for me as I become?

My dog

My plants

Bike rides by the river

Trees (in general and a few specifically)

Flower essences

My root chakra, sensing connectedness

Into this foundation

My breath comes

It nourishes me and mixes in with my cells

And it sings back out to the world

Exactly what is happening in me

Most of the folks in our culture can’t decipher it

But the trees can

All kinds of sentience is processing our exhale in myriad ways

Connection is literal

We are shaping each other - all of life - fresh in each moment

I want my breath to bless the world

My inhalation an act of gratitude for the infinite gifts I’m receiving in each breath from all the beings of the world

My exhalation, my creativity, my expression, my appreciation

When those molecules came through me, they were loved

And now i release them

Life brings the ingredients

I offer cookies.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

The paradigm I imagined as I grew and navigated the world

Was that I was developing myself through school and life, family and society

To become a fully formed adult

Who would then navigate the world

Trying to reach that adult’s goals

While protecting myself from the hardships and challenges

That seemed like a constant onslaught

There was a near constant feeling of defending myself

Trying to prove the value and values of the developed adult self

And strive for transcendence

Illness re-wrote my understanding

Slowing down

Accepting what was happening as life

Not an assault

Learning that I wasn’t, even at this late age, a fully formed adult

I am a developing human being shaped by life

I don’t have to defend myself

In fact, when I soften myself

And meet my life, circumstances and feelings

I become more relational, curious

I grow

This was an enormous upgrade

Especially for my beleaguered psyche

And it shifted my orientation

To one of becoming

AND to recognize that my becoming

Is a cocreative process

I’m not the only one responsible

Life is living through me, as me

My responsibility isn’t defending who I am

It’s meeting life to become who I am becoming

Not my idea of it

But what Life is inviting me to

Knowing all my values that shape my actions

Knowing my North Star

This context of becoming

Lets me be soft about what I haven’t achieved

Knowing I am in processIt helps me cultivate patience and curiosity

Openness and compassion

It keeps me from discounting what I have achieved, too

Just because my results may not meet a picture of what I thought I should be

I can trust that I am becoming

Life is not annoyed by me or punishing me for not being something else

This new orientation

Invited me out of the mental realm of who i think i should be

And into curiosity

About who I am now

What am I feeling

What is my energy level?

How do I honor my values in this circumstance

And how do I settle into the lived experience of this day

And so I breathe

I feel all of it

Thankfully, through the breath

The feelings swell, then release

And I can feel the waves

And the foundation between them

Even as they tumble me

Because in this context of becoming

I am willing to let life shape me

As I inhabit my center

I feel like the marble

And life is carving Lila

Not from a picture of what I should be

Just revealing who I am.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

We’re all doing our best to live our lives as well as we can

And that means something different to each of us

But certain things are universal

That smile in your heart when you truly feel seen and enjoyed

The lifting of your cheeks when you make someone giggle

The expansion of your being when you witness a stunning moment in nature

In the structures of culture

Money often equals success

A life well lived

But as infinite documentaries have shown us

That’s not necessarily true

Money does not immunize us from hardship

Though no money is a pervasive hardship in itself

So, we do our best at what’s before us

Strive for what we desire

Sometimes succeed

Sometimes fail

But let’s not forget

Everything is holy

Every struggle is holy

Every success is holy

Every being is holy

Every item is holy

There is nothing in creation that isn’t holy

Because it’s exactly the wholeness of everything that’s holyWe can ignore or deny that holiness, wholeness, connection

And that’s where trouble starts

Trying to amplify holiness is equally problematic

One thing being holier than another is just not possible

Of course, recognition of holiness varies tremendously

And that comes down to ways of seeing, orientation

And there is a big philosophical discussion here I’d love to have

But for now, the point is: God is All Of It, and thus in all of it

Slowing down and looking people in the eyes reveals the light of divinity

Each person, a specific flavor and texture and shine

The constant striving, the hungry ghost

Can’t see it

Nothing is meaningful but the expressions of the chosen ideal

And attaining its markers

It’s safe to say that I have failed in achieving some key markers of success

But in doing so, I am touching into deep richness

I’m not particularly enjoying it

But I can’t deny there’s something tender and true I’m accessing

And it’s shaping me

I started studying attunement and coherence

So I could be a positive influence in the world

And boy, am I grateful I had that drive to begin

Because it’s serving me and it’s exactly what I need

If I were starting today, in my time of need

I wouldn’t have this depth of practice to support me

In hoping to bless the macro, I am living the blessing in the micro

It’s also making me very sensitive

To the many habits and mindsets of hustle culture I still employ

Though I have set down an enormous load

I still fear my bank balance is a reflection of my worth

Even though I can look at someone else in dire straits

And know that’s not true for them

Tomorrow I have an interview for a $18/hr job, and I really need it

Of course, I’d love to land in a well-paying role

But, I’m happy to step into a role that requires my skills and capacities, however humble

I’m reminded of the manifesting practice of writing million dollar checks to yourself

A practice that always made me laugh

Because, yes, lightening does strike from time to time

But I believe more commonly

God works in small, unmarked bills.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

When we were traveling

My kids would often ask how we would make our way in the next foreign town

“We’ll ask for help!” I’d say cheerfully

And we were often amazed at the kindness of locals

Receiving unexpected gifts has me realizing

While I’m happy to ask for help on the streets of Frankfurt or Rome

I’m hesitant to ask for it where I truly need it

I feel less-than, an imposition, shame, like I’m asking for something for nothing

I’ve got to spend some time with that paradigm

Because I’m the one who created it

And it’s going to need to be me who dismantles it

It’s a hiccup in relationality

And I want to cultivate full, deep breath

Long after the Buddha had reached enlightenment and formed a noted ashram

He and his monks would go out every day with their begging bowls

Someone asked him

“Your community is secure, why do you still do this?”

And he responded:

‘To give people the opportunity to be generous

Many of these people work hard all day and are consumed with chores in the evening

Without us coming here

They would have no opportunity to live the merit of being generous’

In other words, their receiving alms was a gift to the givers

Offering others the opportunity to be generous was an act of generosity

I’ve felt the joy of generosity as a giver

And I’ve been stunned by how uncomfortable I am as a receiver

Even though I’ve known this story

I received a letter. Four words written on a full sheet of paper

“I believe in you”

First made me cry

Then made me question: Have I been believing in myself?

So I sat with that question and cried some more

I believe in myself very much in certain ways

But there is a chasm

Where I am cowered with a begging bowl, and not out of generosity

There’s something for me here

Something to feel into and gently question

Not to fix myself but to expand the space in which I’m experiencing myself

Loosen some of the armor I’ve acquired

Let tumble some of the scaffolding

Of things I’ve believed and ways I’ve believed

It’s time to grow

But one thing I know for certain

Our kindnesses to each other

Are gleaming stars in the vast expanse of life

Let’s revel in them, whether we’re giver or receiver

For we’re all worthy of love

And they are an innately reciprocal love delivery system

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

We know interdependence as a fact of life

That we need the trees to breathe

The bees need flowers, and the flowers need bees

And none of us could eat without pollinators

It’s a complex web

And we know it

And we marvel at it

But does it sink in?

Every breath, we take in 25 sextillion molecules

25,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

That’s more molecules than there are grains of sand on the beaches of the world

Every breath

Those molecules

Have come from the exhalations of every other being on the planet

Trees, cougars, humans, caterpillars

(As well as power plants, cars and factories)

That’s how connected we are

But somehow we often overlook it

How the world would change if we considered this practically…

I believe the body reads the breath

The way the brain reads the newspaper

And even though our mind doesn’t decipher the language

I believe our bodies are aware of the world and each other

Far more intimately than the mind

We know

We just don’t know

We are intimately connected

And everything we do

Matters.

Last week, I had some profound, unsolicited, enormous gestures of help

Thank you.

It’s humbling.

And incredibly meaningful.

I’m trying to receive them just with appreciation

Not the shame and rush to reciprocate that’s also there

But, of course, I need to feel all of it, let it be what it is

I’ve cried a lot

And in the complexity of those tears

I’ve met what feels like all the emotions

Like little prisms from the tears as my attention sees different angles

It also reframes all of the things I’ve thought about myself

Because I do have this feeling I should be independent

Even though I know I’m not

Nor do I want to be

I want to be connected

And I am, as you’re proving right now. Thank you.

Life is complicated, and full of contradictory poles that we dance between

I believe in the harmony of nature, even though nature can be cruel

I believe deeply in the radical intimacy of all things, even when I feel estranged

I believe that our smallest gestures can have the greatest impact

And that sometimes our grandest gestures can have unintended consequences, too

The deep generosity I received didn’t solve my situation

But they softened it, softened me

Made me feel seen, cared for, believed in

Those gestures matter

Like the bee’s visiting a flower matters

Sometimes we’re the bee

Sometimes we’re the flower

Always, we are connected.

Thank you.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com