My inner landscape goes from lush seaside forest to fiery desert canyon surprisingly quickly

The part of me that trusts life, that encounters hardship with curiosity and care, and that is at rest

Can quickly be usurped by the one who finds darn near everything unacceptable

All of my spiritual practices, all of my physical practices, all of my time in nature

Are intended to increase my time in the forest

And they work

Except when they don’t

Lately, I’m feeling I might rethink my approach

I keep having to remind myself that I wasn’t put on this planet to prove myself

But old habits die hard

The more plausible reason I was put on this planet

Really why any being is here

Is to bring light to density, possibility to rigidity

To contribute to the ongoing creation in cooperation with all of life

Always evolving towards greater love, freedom, and complexity

Totally different frame, yes?

And if we’re going to bring light to dark places

We have to be willing to go to dark places

Get to know the texture there, not to fix it but to cocreate with it

The idea of just tiptoeing through the tulips of the well-lit areas is not the goal

Being able to encounter any of it, and know the light can suffuse this place, too

That seems more reasonable to me

Although I may just be rationalizing

I’m quite good at that

But, I want to frame my current struggles within my development and contribution

Not deign to see them as personal or relational failures that I must overcome to be ok

Occasionally, I can know that my devotion is surrendered to the current of life

More frequently lately, I’ve been trying to solve myself, my situation

So as to be more acceptable to myself

This is a labyrinth in that canyon side of my inner landscape

And I get lost in it from time to time

But today, that doesn’t feel like a failure so much as a part of a process

I would like to be fully awake, enlightened, aware of the divine currents always

And I can mentally place myself within the larger unfolding of Life

But when the sensations of unacceptability overwhelm me

When another $1,500 unexpected expense piles on top of an already thin resource pool

That reaction feels very human

Even if I aspire to laugh and say, “Hmm, I wonder how God’s going to take care of this?!”

The relationship between my resourced, trusting self and my underresourced, panicked self

Is the ground I’ve been walking

Perhaps lately stumbling along

But I know, when I sit in the trees of my inner forest

That the smell of the sea can lead me back from the desert canyon

As I remember I am part of this place

Not lost in it.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Ganesha, the elephant-headed Hindu deity

Has a brother, Kartikeya, the god of war

And as children, they both craved a magical mango that could not be shared

So their parents, Lord Shiva and the goddess Parvati, proposed a race

Three times around the world.

Both boys agreed.

Kartikeya rides on a peacock. Ganesha rides on a mouse.

Kartikeya set off quickly, prodding his peacock over hills and seas

Ganesha slowly walked in a circle around his parents, three times

When they looked at him quizzically

He just smiled and said, “You are my world”

He won the mango.I’ve been trying to circle the world

And it’s diverted me from my own center

Thereby dissipating my groundedness

Honestly, I thought I was more practiced than that

But this constant rejection is hard to bear

Confusion. Fear. Anxiety. Anger. Depression. Sadness. Grief. Uncertainty. Hopelessness.

It’s been beastly

And because I mean so little to the world at large, who pays me no attention no matter how much i dance

I haven’t been able to appreciate how much I mean to those to whom I mean something

And how much they mean to me

The fact of my financial precarity keeps wanting to sit on the throne of my identity

I am more than that

The grotesque mockery of governmental responsibility keeps wanting to sit on the throne of my attention

My care is more valuable than my grievance toward their cruelty

Remembering the truth is much more subtle

We are right here

Our world is made up of infinite smaller worlds

Each revolving around centers of love exchanged

Remembering that

Wins us the juicy, sweet delicacy of life in this present moment

It doesn’t mean there isn’t a large, tart pit –

But that’s not all there is —

This truth is sweet.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

You might be surprised that hell

is full of banquet tables, each overflowing with fresh foods

Every delicacy imaginable, bright and tempting

The problem is:

No one can eat

Arms in hell are three feet long and end in a spoon

And because they can’t bend, you can’t feed yourself.

Thus, hell is full of starving people looking at delicious food.

So, what of heaven, you ask?

Heaven is exactly the same

Same tables of food

Same long spoons for arms

The difference?

Residents of heaven feed each other.

Heaven & Hell aren’t different places

They’re different ways of being

And during this time of disruption, cruelty, confusion and chaos

We need each other more than ever

May we all find someone to feed today

And gratefully accept their kind offerings .

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

When my kids would encounter a bully on the playground

I encouraged them to receive the jerkiness as an indication

Something more interesting was happening elsewhere

I’d challenge them to look in 360 degrees, a full circle

And if nothing else caught their attention, then they could engage with the bully

Defend themselves, whathaveyou…

It never happened

There was always something more interesting happening somewhere

This little creep’s attitude was just the alarm bell letting them know something else was waiting.

Now that they’re big, I wonder if teaching them to walk away was wise

I am the kind of person that does not shy away from conflict

Someone needs to stand up to bullies

I’ve often been that person

So it’s weird I didn’t teach my children to

Especially in this time of belligerent, institutionalized cruelty

I gave my kids many meaningful gifts

But there are a whole lot of gifts I neglected

We can’t all do everything

We spent a lot of time discussing costs and benefits of growing up in our household

And make no mistake, there were both

These days I worry about my inability to find a job

Rubbing off on my daughter who is struggling to find a role using her design skills

It’s an awful thing when you see the worst of yourself moving forward

While the best of yourself sits at the bottom of a silver bowl

Waiting for purchase or a rope

As the heat turns up beneath

Things have been hard for me the last few days

Not the least reason for which is the very specific depression I get after smoking cigarettes

It furloughs my generally optimistic outlook

And the worst part is the aspect of me that thinks this is more real

The truth is, everything is real, and nothing is

And we do our best and make mistakes and if we’re lucky have the opportunity for repair

None of us know what tomorrow brings, no matter how informed we might be

Life and mystery are synonymous

And when bullies, even within ourselves, get too close

Turn around and look for something to love

And go to it

What else can we do?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Every since once upon a time

There has been a little fairy named Eve

Eve is a fairy of very small size

With a bright sunny smile and dark friendly eyes

With her wand she can make the most wonderful toys

They’re small and they’re fun and she does it with poise

Eve lives in a fairy glen, most fairies do

But this special glen is a pumpkin patch, too

The fairies carve shapes out to make cozy spaces

That twinkle and sparkle like warm friendly faces

And for miles around there, most everyone knows

This part of the fairy glen’s called All Hallows

Now pumpkins and fairies are really quite dandy

But Eve’s favorite thing in the whole world is candy

She loves it, she loves it, she loves it a bunch

She’d eat it for breakfast AND dinner AND lunch

Well, fairies can do that without getting sick

But making the candy, well, that’s a big trick

Try as she may, Eve just couldn’t make any

Not even the candy you get for a penny

“Oh, what good is magic,” she asked her dear pappy

“If you can’t conjure things that would make you most happy”

Well, Eve found out in the most magical way

On a crisp autumn night that was her birthday!

Eve called all her friends to come by for some fun

The month was October, the day, 31

Her party was wonderful, full of fun games

And singing and dancing ‘round fairy-sized flames

Well, Eve’s favorite game is to play make believe

And fairies turn into the things they conceive

A dragon, a monkey, a princess, a knight

A silly old ghost and a witch with a kite

A lion, a tiger, and there in the back

Is Eve’s favorite friend, a young pirate named Jack

Well, when it was time for Eve’s birthday cake

A Huge candy tower she wanted to make

She hoped that some fairy dust sprinkled just right

And some fresh birthday magic would help her this night

But try as she may, once again Eve was sad,

Just toys shaped like candy, but tasting quite bad

A whistle that looked like a striped candy cane

A toy cake that squeaked and a doll Mary Jane

Tootsie-Roll Lincoln Logs

Candy bar blocks, harmonicas, jacks, even some rocks!

Her friends, wanting Eve to feel oh-so-much better

Decided to think up a way that would let her

and Jack, who enjoyed a good puzzle to solve

He came up with a plan, and he said with resolve:

“It’s her birthday today, we could help her to smile

We can get her some treats, a whole sack, a big pile

We’ll let others know that she’s so sad without it

We’ll go to each home in the patch, how about it?”

Well the others agreed and set off with a run

To each home in All Hallows, and boy, was it fun!

Still looking like fanciful, whimsical creatures

They went off in twos, fairy tale double-features

They could tell who was home for their pumpkins did shine

And they went to each house and repeated these lines:”We’ve come to get All Hallows Eve a nice treat

We’re looking for candy and sweet things to eat

Today is her birthday, we all feel so bad

‘Cuz she cannot make candy and that makes her so sad”

Sweet candies, confections of all shapes and sizes

Those fairy homes offered them like they were prizes

But at one house, a fairy he was funny and quick,

Didn’t have any candy, so he taught Jack a trick

“Show this trick to Eve and you’ll see her bright smile

She’ll giggle with laughter at least for a while”

So well into darkness those fairies collected

Some treats and a trick that were somehow connected

And finally (their wings were exhausted you see)

They went back to Eve and they sang happily,

“Happy Birthday Dear Eve, we’ve got a surprise

So now take a deep breath and please cover your eyes!”

When she opened her eyes, there was candy galore

Her heart leapt with joy, she had never seen more

“Oh, thank you! Oh, thank you! My dream! It came true!

And all through the magic of friendship from you!”

And for Eve, to whom candy is wonderful stuff

Finally, at last, she had quite enough.

And then Eve remembered the toys she had made

She could give one to each of her friends as a trade

This made her heart leap again, swelling with joy

As she handed each fairy a shiny new toy.

And then Jack did his trick

And it turned out just right

Eve laughed and she laughed and the whole room got bright

“Oh, Jack! You’re a lantern!” said Eve, “and what’s more

You’re the best friend a fairy could ever wish for”

And that my dear friends was the first Halloween

But it wasn’t the last, and there’s lots in between

Each year on Eve’s birthday those fairies still meet

They dress up and play games and then beg, “trick or treat”

They give candy to Eve and she makes each a toy

They celebrate friendship, true Halloween joy

Oh, the fun that they have, well, now, you can join too

So dress up, go collecting, you know what to do

Give her your candy, a toy you’ll receive

You can share in the magic of All Hallows Eve

~

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

We the people

In reverence for our shared earth

And all of the life expressing on it

Wanting our lives and efforts to help create a world that works for everyone

Do hereby declare and acknowledge

The radical intimacy of all living things

Our interdependence

And our responsibility for ourselves and towards each other

Brings us together to meet our challenges

Through the shared wisdom of listening with respect and care

And acting from vetted inspiration, developed together

Following a path of cooperation and fairness

Seeking a future of mutually assured development for all

Knowing our good expands by including all of life in our circle of care

And sharing the resources available to all equitably

We track the impact of our efforts through listening

Refining our solutions and patterns to benefit more beings

This is how we measure progress

The thriving of more and more of our brothers and sisters

Human and beyond

The water, the air, the soil

We acknowledge different ways of seeing and communicating

And slow down enough to make room for each entity’s message

We reckon with the legacies of extraction and exclusion that have shaped the systems of the past centuries

We acknowledge the histories of harm and the structures of dominance that have fractured our belonging.

We commit to repair — as love in action — restoring balance where life has been diminished.

We mature beyond thinking humans know best

And recognize aligned, progressive action is evolving through all of life

We mature past individual consumer acquisition

Into engaged reciprocity

We mature past posturing and speak our truths, knowing our society is designing to meet all our needs

We mature past chasing pictures of success

Into settled wholeness naturally expanding and expressing in service

Innovation continues to move us forward

Though it’s not drive for more

It’s refining our approaches for a lighter touch, more efficient distribution of resources, deeper care

We commit to each other, to our shared home, to our mutual wellness

The chase is off, the dance begins

In harmony with the music of our shared aliveness

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Recently, my friend had an experience around the goddess Sekhmet in Egypt

Sekhmet is the lion-headed goddess, and she does not play

She represents “being strong” but that can be kindof elusive

So, I looked her up and I loved what I learned

Being strong means seeing yourself in the most favorable light imaginable

Isn’t that a remarkable definition?

It makes perfect sense

Strength comes from inner fortification

How better to fortify ourselves

Than by seeing ourselves in the most favorable light imaginable

It’s nourishing

You’re seeing yourself in light

And that is our strength (which I’ve always associated with grit)?

What an upgrade from my old, judgy thoughts about my strength and weakness

It’s there

In the light

That we see ourselves in

With compassion and accountability

Standing our ground on the earth

And moving through it

In the light.

What kindness, what power

What an act of self-tenderness and bold empowerment simultaneously

I love this new (to me) definition of Being Strong

It’s an invitation to action

Heck, i feel like the words themselves carry a transmission

When we see ourselves in the most favorable light

We can see more and more the world that way, too

Not judging where we are and where the improvements need to come

But knowing life is always in progress

It’s becoming

Exactly how it can through the matter it has to move

Always towards greater love, freedom, and connection

Seeing life in the most favorable light

Is available

It’s just a different orientation

Rather than trying to sort life coming at me

Figure out what’s right and wrong and if I’m prepared

I’m going to hold myself to seeing myself in the most favorable light

There’s a confidence in resource there that doesn’t have to strategize

It can meet what comes

Not from a defensive ‘trying to prove myself’ (even to myself) posture

But sovereignty in relation to all that is

May we all be strong.

The light is beautiful.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

It started out simply enough

If I found myself walking toward an intersection

And the turn I was planning to take had a bunch of lawnmowers or construction vehicles

I took the other route

New walk. Starting now. Abandon old plan.

Quality of walk is important to me

That was my gateway into reading life as it presented itself

Getting out of my idea of what I thought it was going to be

And let it be what it is, cultivated and curated by receptivity to life all around me

Twirling me like a Tai Chi evasion

Tai Chi is really cool like that

I’ve seen people spin so elegantly at what could’ve been a catastrophic fall

Being in sync with life is very supportive

But sometimes it doesn’t necessarily feel like you’re in sync with life

Some days are harder than others

Some days it’s harder to see any signs

And in periods like that

Little “you’re in the right place” symbols

For some people it’s 11:11 (or 4:20) on a clock

Or the phone call when you’re thinking of someone

Or the electric company owing you money

Or the most ridiculous series of events leading to this little auspicious moment

And I call these Kisses from the Universe

Life tying itself in a little bow to let you know you’re loved

Of course we’re always loved

But these fleeting moments brush against us with a wink

You can feel it - it splashes on you - it’s undeniable

Noticing these kisses amplifies their ability to delight us

A good thing appreciated becomes a great thing

We all shine brighter when we’re noticed and appreciated

Including dynamics

The dynamic of being in relationship with all of life brightens as we tend to it

We don’t have to plan it all in our heads, it’s gonna happen in real time

That’s an orientation that bestows effulgent blessings

It lets us be in the moment, in trust, feeling all we encounter is invested in our thriving, as we are in theirs

Claire Zammit has a saying, “The universe is organizing around my success”

And nature plays out that nature cares for and evolves through each of us, all of itself

A thousand unseen strands of connection hover around us always

And every once in a while we get these overt, can’t-miss-it signals:

We’re on the right track.

Bask.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

Scilla Elworthy said, “anger is like gasoline, if you keep it in, it poisons you, if you spit it out, it makes everything around you more flammable. If you put it in an engine, it can move you forward”

I like this a lot

I’ve kept anger in, and know that does, indeed, make me sick

I know how to spit it out, and I’m old enough to have learned that I prefer it when that’s not what I do

But what engine?

I don’t have a clear course of action

An existing engine I can pour my grief/anger/love into

To make real change

Like, many attorneys are pouring their grief into lawsuits

I get the ACLU’s engine

But what’s mine?

Maybe mine isn’t here yet - but that feels like a cop out

The fact remains, I haven’t found an avenue

No Kings Days are wonderful, but every four months is not enough

I have a lot of love (showing up as anger) I want to act on

But it doesn’t know where to go

Thomas Hubl gave us an exercise once

Of taking anger and moving it down through your body and into the earth

At first I was like “I don’t want anger to fill my whole body”(as if it wasn’t already)

And, “I don’t want to give the earth this icky stuff”

But he continued, “when the energy goes into the earth, what comes back up from the earth is your clear yes or your clear no. The earth knows how to compost energy into truth, and gives you a foundation to move with clarity.”

I did the exercise

When the energy reached and went into the earth

Truth came back.

It actually gave me both my clear yes and my clear no.

The anger I’d been feeling was with my son’s coach

Evangelical toxic masculinity wrapped in scripture

I’d struggled with anger with him for more than a year

And the next time it came up, I did this exercise

As my anger passed all the way down my body and hit the earth,

I got a very clear, “here are my values and priorities” yes,

And a very clear, “i won’t engage with this kind of behavior” no

And was able to communicate it without anger or drama

Just with clarity

Because my anger had been turned INTO clarity

And it’s worked with other things, too

I have no idea how this applies at scale, with collective anger

But I’m curious

And I’ve decided to channel my anger into the engine of the earth

Pouring through thick roots, my anger is pulled by the branching tendrils

Effortlessly drawing energy through my body and into the earth

Offering clarity in return

Even though clear action hasn’t arisen

That’s OK. I’m filling my tank.

Engines need fuel. Fill-ups take time.

And this is an edge for me - urgency

Professional pit crews can fill an engine with gas in record time

I am not a pit crew

This is not a fine-tuned machine

I don’t know how long it will take

But I do believe that when my path becomes clear

I’ll be topped up and ready to go

Clear in my values and supported in my structure.

Next time you’re angry

I invite you to try this ‘bringing it down, through, and into the earth”

See what happens

I’d love to hear how it goes for you.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com