Family Looking Up

This week we had a great conversation with Carrie Moore.  Carrie spent 25 years as a journalist and editor at The Deseret News in Salt Lake City winning national, regional, state and local reporting awards from a variety of media organizations. She has been an adjunct faculty member at Brigham Young University since 2005 teaching media writing, and recently spent five years in the healthcare field working in pastoral patient care as a board certified chaplain.  She serves as executive director of The Bradley Center for Grieving Children and Families, a local non-profit organization. This week we get to talk to Carrie about the process of grieving, how we can help our children through the grieving process, and how to help others who are grieving. Here is what we discussed this week.

1. Carrie Moore’s background and the story behind the beginnings of the Bradley Center.
2. The purpose of the Bradley Center.
3. The benefit of talking through grief.
4. Events that lead to the formation of the Bradley Center.
5. The need for connection when going through grief.
6. How to help children get through the fear of talking about death.
7. The danger of isolation when grieving.
8. How to talk to kids about grief.
9. The value of a belief system when talking about death.
10. Death and grieving are normal.
11. Grief is a process, not an event.
12. Why it’s important for parents to grieve in front of their children.
13. People react differently to events even in the same family.
14. How perceptions affect the way children grieve.
15. How to grieve in front of your children without scaring them.
16.  Principles to help kids deal with grief of all kinds.
17. How to maintain connection to the deceased family member.
18. What to do when you have children who don’t want to talk through their grief.
19. Grief takes time.
20. Grief can cause a physiological response.
21. Things we can do to help others when they are grieving
22. How to turn grief into hope.

Mom Squad Challenge:  Call someone you haven’t talked to in a long time and invite them to lunch.

Website: bradleycentergrief.org

 For an in depth list of books for grieving children visit our website at www.familylookingup.com

This week on Family Looking Up we were joined by Saren Eyre Loosli, founder of Power of Families, co-founder of Power of Moms, daughter of Richard and Linda Eyre, and mother of 5.  Saren holds a B.A. from Wellesley College and a Masters in Education from Harvard. She’s consulted and conducted training for numerous non-profits including the National Institute on Out-of-School Time, YMCA and One-Heart Bulgaria and has traveled to Africa and South America with Choice Humanitarian.

~ We discussed what entitlement is and why it is detrimental to the overall happiness and success of our children’s lives.

~Saren shared great insights on what we can do, as parents, when we hear “My friends have this” or “ My friends don’t have to do that”.

~We discussed a question that one of our listeners asked: "How do you raise entitlement free kids without being a “no mom” (always quick to say no to your kids)?”.

~Gratitude is a great antidote to entitlement.  Saren discussed ways to teach gratitude to children.  We also explored the topic of teaching them the right principles that help them to FEEL the right things instead of just DOING the right things.

~Many take their children into 3rd world countries to open their eyes to their blessings.  Not all parents can or want to do that. We talked about other options parents can explore without going to Ghana.

~Saren had some terrific advice and insight on chore systems for children.  We discussed the pros and cons of them, why they are worth the trouble, and how to implement them.  We also discussed how defeated we all feel at our inability to be 100% dedicated to those systems, and why it’s okay to not be perfect.  

Mom Squad Challenge

Take 30 minutes this week to sit down with your kids and talk about the things they need to be responsible for in your home.  Include in the discussion, what you do in the home so they can understand how much you help them. If you don’t already have a simple

chore system in place, this would be an ideal time to start one.

To find out more about Saren Loosli, visit www.poweroffamilies.com .

When you visit the website, you’ll find many books and resources available to you at no cost.  It is a fabulous resource!

Power of Families is also on Facebook and on Instagram as @poweroffamilies.

We want to thank Saren for her willingness to share her insights, experiences, and resources with us at Family Looking Up!

Rachel is a mother of two miracle babies via adoption and IVF, a former high school English teacher, and a podcaster at 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms.  This week we had a conversation about resisting the need to constantly entertain our children, but instead creating special “highlights” with them.   Here is what we discussed in this week’s episode:

“In motherhood, the hard Moments outnumber the perfect moments, but the perfect moments outweigh the hard moments.” Saren Loosli

1. Rachel’s journey to motherhood.
2. Rachel’s experience with her son’s open adoption.
3. The anxieties associated with adoption.  
4. How to cope with the reality of motherhood that doesn’t always live up to the expectations of motherhood.
5. The explanation of a family “Highlight” and how they help moms create meaningful experiences with their kids without feeling overwhelmed.
6. How we can keep things easy and maintainable while still creating memories.  Everything doesn’t have to be “pinterest worthy.”
7. Why it’s important to stop taking so many pictures of our kids and experience the moment.
8. Examples of Highlights from Rachel’s family and how to apply them to our own families.
9. It’s the simple moments of connection that matter the most to our families.
10. The value of scheduling Highlights for our families.
11. Looking for opportunities to seize a moment with our child to create a Highlight in their life.
12. The importance of looking for the “flecks of gold” in motherhood.

MOM SQUAD CHALLENGE: Seize a Highlight moment.  Look for a time when you can jump in and make a memory with your kids.

Melanie Dale is the Author of It's Not Fair: Learning to Love the Life You Didn't Choose.  She also has a podcast called Lighten Up with Melanie Dale, and a blog Unexpected.org.

Today Melanie Dale talks about loving the life you didn’t choose. We have a great discussion about how we deal with challenges, find joy in our circumstances, find support from others, support others, and laugh through it all.  

One part I really enjoyed is when we talked about keeping your relationship strong while going through hard times.  Every week Melanie and her husband schedule time to talk. Two questions they ask each other each week are

1. How have you felt loved by me this week?
2. How can I love you better?

This episode is perfect for anyone who has ever had any struggle in their lives...and we have all had PLENTY!  Listen to this episode for some advice, motivation, tips, and laughs.

 Melanie’s Mom Squad Challenge:

One of the best ways to help you feel more grateful is to serve others.  This week Melanie challenges us all to be intentional, look around your community, and take your family out and serve.

This week we had a great conversation about sibling rivalry with Dr. James Crist.  Dr. Crist is the Clinical Director of the Child and Family Counseling Center in Woodbridge, Virginia  He has worked with the center since 1990. As a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, he works with a wide variety of clients, including children, adolescents, adults, and families.  He is the author of seven self-help books for kids.

This is what we covered in this week's episode:

1. Why sibling rivalry is common.
2. The average amount typical kids fight.
3. What “normal” sibling conflict looks like.
4. The advantages of a “consultant parent.”
5. What a consultant parents looks like.
6. The advantages of giving kids time to resolve conflict.
7. Why kids are more likely to fight when they are closer in age.
8. Differences between kids that affect sibling interactions: temperament, interests, age, resilience, intelligence, and mental health disorders.
9. How parents address the individual strengths of their kids, without fueling the rivalry by making the other child feel inferior.
10. Ways to encourage positive relationships between two siblings struggling to get along.
11. The importance of validating your child’s feelings.
12. The affect birth order has on sibling interactions.
13. Sources of sibling conflict.
14. The difference between sibling rivalry and sibling conflict.
15. How to help kids deal with jealousy amongst themselves.
16. Advantages and disadvantages of having kids share a room.
17. Common ages kids start sibling conflict.
18. What to do when kids physically fight.
19. Strategies for teaching kids to solve their conflict on their own.
20. When you may want to look for professional help to resolve sibling rivalry.
21. How to use family meetings to improve family relationships.
22. Family rules to implement to avoid conflict.
23. The power of looking for the positive in your children.
24. Five ways to forge a friendship. 

Mom Squad Challenge:

1. Listen More.  Talk Less. When we listen more we are teaching them they matter and their opinions count.  
2. Avoid the impulse to tell your children how to solve their problems. Ask open-ended questions and let them come up with the solution. 

Resources:

www.jamesjcrist.com

www.loveandlogic.com

Note: This is part one of this interactive episode.  Part two is episode 40.

Today we have Niki Olsen...AGAIN!  She is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor.   She has spent over 16 years working with youth and families specializing in a modality called Mind Body Bridging which can help a variety of issues. She is married with two little girls in elementary school. She currently lives in Utah but is originally from Oregon. Niki loves to be with her family, and in her free time can be found exercising or sleeping.

We are focusing on using the technique known as “Mind Body Bridging” to help manage our stress.  Everyone experiences stress in their lives, but sometimes stress becomes so overwhelming that the stress then interferes with our ability to function.We will identify the cause that impairs our functioning and creates a dysfunctional Mind and Body state. We will also experience ways to help manage this dysfunctional Mind Body State.  

This is our first interactive episode!  Listen to this episode when you have time to participate in the activities with us as you will be pausing the episode to complete some writing activities.  You will need three pieces of paper and a pencil.

We will be focusing on:

1. Becoming aware of the Identity System that creates the overwhelming stress.
2. Mapping out our thoughts.
3. Coming to our Senses to decrease body tension and mind clutter.
4. Becoming aware of the Requirements in our lives that trigger the Identity System (dysfunctional mind and body state)
5. Labeling these thoughts to free them from the Identity System

If you would like to learn more about Mind Body Bridging, please visit their website at MBBcharity.org.  There you will find scientific studies, more in-depth information on the theory and ways to become trained if you desire. You may also contact Niki at [email protected] for more ways to become trained or certified on the theory. If you would like to continue your personal Mind Body Bridging learning, there are also different workbooks to purchase.

      Brad Wilcox grew up in Provo, Utah except for childhood years spent in Ethiopia Africa.  He served his mission in Chile and later returned to that country to serve as a mission president for the LDS church.  Brad is a professor at Brigham Young University and the author of Growing Up  and Where do Babies Come From?  

      Is it just me or is “the talk” up there on the list of things you dread as a parent?  I try to be cool and normal and then I panic...every time! Brad is here with some tips.  Today he encourages parents to step up to the plate and have open conversations with your kids.  Brad suggests that by talking openly with your children you are strengthening the relationship. Some helpful suggestions he had include:

-Start early.  However old you were when you first heard about sex take 2 years off of that.  Kids are being exposed earlier and earlier and the conversation, if possible, should start at home.  

-Ask your kids probing questions.  Find out how much they know. Ask them where they heard something or what they think if means.

-If Mom and Dad are available, both of you should talk to each child regardless of their gender.  We want our kids to know that it is not a secret. Mom knows, Dad knows, and now they know too.  

-”The talk” is not a one time event.  Keep an open dialogue going with your kids.  If they ask you a questions, answer honestly.  Frequently check in with them to see if they learned anything new or have any questions.  

-Many families encourage their children to wait until they are married before they have sex.  Do your best as a parent to foster healthy thoughts and ideas about sex. It isn’t bad or gross.  It is just a matter of timing. At some point you switch from “no no no” to “go go go” and you want them to feel ready for that.

Brad’s Mom Squad Challenge:  

      Stand in the shower and practice saying all of the anatomically correct terms.  He feels that we should be able to say them without hesitation or embarrassment to our children.  All by yourself in the shower is a perfect place to practice!

This week on Family Looking Up we are exploring the topic of fathering with Carey Casey, CEO of the National Center for Fathering (NCF).  Carey is the author of Championship Fathering: How to Win at Being a Dad and it’s sequel Championship Grandfathering: How to Build a Winning Legacy.  He was also general editor of the book 21-Day Dad’s Challenge: Three Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Kids.  Since 2009, Carey has served on the White House Task Force on Fatherhood and Healthy Families.  Carey also served for five years as co-pastor of Lawndale Community Church, an inner-city church on Chicago’s west-side.  At Lawndale, Carey helped empower the community with health care, housing, education and economic growth. Carey has also served as a lecturer at the World Congress on Sports, the college football Senior Bowl, the National Association of Basketball Coaches Convention, at the Final Four, and the Super Bowl.  Carey and his wife Melanie live in Chicago Illinois. They are the parents of four children and have nine grandchildren.

This week we are talking to Kristen Jenson.  Kristen is the author of the Good Pictures Bad Pictures series of read-aloud books including the best-selling Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids. She is the founder of ProtectYoungMinds.org, a website dedicated to helping parents empower their kids to reject pornography. Recently, she was invited to testify before the Washington State Senate Law and Justice Committee on the public health crisis of pornography.  In this episode we address the important topic of educating our kids about pornography and giving them the important tools to deal with it when they find it.  Here is what we talked about:

1. Why Kristen wrote her two books
2. What things are discussed in Kristen’s books
3. How to teach kids WHY we don’t look at pornography
4. The importance of teaching kids how addictions work
5. The appropriate age to start talking to your kids about pornography
6. Why it’s important for parents to START the conversations with their children instead of waiting for children to come to them
7. How having difficult conversations with your children can build your relationship with your child
8. Whether its better to have a conversation about pornopraphy with the entire family, or as a private and special conversation
9. The importance of ongoing conversations with your child and making the time for them
10. Why connection with your child is one of the biggest factors in prevention
11. How to create a safe place for your kids to talk to you
12. The value of putting internet filters on devices
13. When accountability software is useful
14. How to help children build their own internal filters
15. What accountability software is.
16. The C.A.N.  D.O. Plan for kids to follow when they see pornography
17. The difference between the “thinking brain” and the “feeling brain”
18. Strategies for replacing bad thoughts
19. How to teach your kids to empower their “thinking brain” to control their “feeling brain”
20. The changes that occur in a brain of a person with an addiction

Mom Squad Challenge: 1.Talk to your kids and name their private parts using the anatomical names. Teach them that those parts are good parts, not shameful.  However, they are private and need to be kept private.  2. A. Give them a definition of what pornography is.  B. Help them understand that it’s dangerous and why. and C. Give them a plan.

This week we have an episode for ALL parents.  We are discussing the issue of SLEEP!  Yep, do you remember what that is?  We are talking to Dr. Melisa Moore.  Dr. Moore is a  clinical psychologist in the sleep center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and is board certified in behavioral sleep medicine.  She sees patients, teaches, and conducts research in pediatric sleep, and is also a sleep expert on the Pediatric Sleep Council’s website which is babysleep.com.   If you are having sleep issues with your baby, toddler, or teenager, you will want to listen!   Here is what we talked about:

• Dr  Moore’s background
• Normal sleeping behaviors for various ages  
• Establishing a healthy bedtime routine
• Ways to avoid children becoming too dependent on their routine
• Age to start a bedtime routine
• Advantages of sound machines, alternatives for them, and cautions when using them.
• Babies using pacifiers
• Tips for getting kids to fall asleep on their own
• Sleep training by having your child “cry it out”
• An appropriate age to let your kids cry through the night
• The family bed
• Teaching your child to fall asleep independently
• The Problems with screen time before bedtime
• Use of Melatonin in children to help them fall asleep
• Making the transition from the crib to the bed
• Disciplining at bedtime (Use of bedtime passes)
• Transitioning kids out of the family bed
• Dealing with kids waking up during the night
• How to handle night terrors
• Correlation between adolescent sleep and physical functioning
• Suggestions for getting your teens to go to sleep
• Napping and teenagers
• National Baby Sleep Day. 

Mom Squad Challenge: No electronics in the bedroom.  If moms can’t do that, put your electronics on the other side of the room.  For children: No electronics in the bedroom!

Resources:

Baby Sleep day: On March 1st from 9am-8pm EST is Baby Sleep day.  During this time the Pediatric sleep council, a team of pediatric sleep experts from all over the world will answer parents sleep questions via facebook at www.facebook.com/pedsleep/ 

www.Babysleep.com The pediatric sleep council’s website. All information on this website supported by research.  You can find answers to frequently asked questions and video clips.

The National sleep foundation: https://sleepfoundation.org/

Jodi Mendell’s Book: Sleeping Through The Night