Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

How do you set boundaries with an adult child struggling with addiction when every limit feels frightening—and potentially dangerous?

In this episode, a listener describes the painful cycle her family has been living through: addiction, crisis, promises, hope and then another setback. She loves her adult child and wants to do everything possible to keep them safe. But she is also exhausted, frightened and no longer sure whether repeatedly stepping in is helping—or allowing the cycle to continue.

Therapist Joe Nucci joins us to talk about one of the most difficult situations a parent can face.

We discuss:

• Why addiction changes the way parents need to think about help, responsibility and boundaries
• The difference between supporting recovery and repeatedly rescuing someone from the consequences of addiction
• Why parents cannot control another person’s willingness to seek treatment
• How fear of the worst possible outcome can keep families trapped in unsustainable patterns
• Why setting a boundary is not the same as abandoning an adult child
• The importance of deciding what help parents can—and cannot—continue providing
• Why parents need support and guidance of their own
• How to remain loving and emotionally available without taking responsibility for another adult’s recovery

This is not a conversation about becoming cold or turning away from someone who is ill.

It is about recognizing that love does not give parents the power to control addiction—and that sacrificing their own emotional, physical and financial well-being cannot guarantee their child’s safety.

Listen to the full episode for more/

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

If you've listened to Bite Your Tongue for a while, you may remember this conversation with friendship expert Shasta Nelson. I'm bringing it back because when I listened to it again, I realized just how much is packed into this episode.

Yes, we talk about friendship—but we also talk about something at the very heart of this podcast: How do we build a healthier, more adult relationship with our grown children?

Shasta introduces us to what she calls the Friendship Triangle: positivity, consistency and vulnerability. And while she developed it around friendship, those same three things can tell us a lot about our relationships with our adult kids.

One part really stayed with me.

Shasta says vulnerability with our adult children isn't telling them what we think they should do differently. It's having the courage to ask what we might have done differently.

Can we ask: How did I impact you in ways I may not even realize? What was hard for you growing up? What do you wish I had done more of—or less of?

And then comes the really hard part: Can we listen to the answer without defending ourselves?

But there's another piece of this conversation I think is equally important.

We need lives and relationships outside our children.

I said during this interview that the fuller my own life is, the less I feel I have to depend on my kids. Shasta takes that idea even further. Our adult children can be incredibly important relationships in our lives—but they don't have to be our best friends. We need people our own age who can listen to us, challenge us and help us process our own feelings.

Maybe those two ideas are more connected than I realized the first time we recorded this episode.

The stronger and fuller we are outside the relationship, the better able we may be to show up inside it—with less need, less judgment, more curiosity and more vulnerability.

So whether you heard this episode the first time around or you're discovering it today, I hope you'll listen again. I certainly heard some things differently this time.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

If you've ever stared at your phone wondering whether to send that text, this episode is for you.  Sometimes the silence lasts longer than you want.  Sometimes you feel them pushing away.

That's why this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, tackles one of the most emotionally difficult dilemmas parents face.

If your adult child isn't reaching out, should you call? Text? Wait? And how do you stay connected without feeling like you're chasing them?

We talk to one of our favorite therapists Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein (Dr. Jeff).  

Together we discuss:

• How often should parents reach out?
• The difference between inviting connection and expressing frustration
• Why "keeping score" damages relationships
• How to talk about communication without sounding critical
• What to do when you're afraid you're doing too much—or not enough
• Are you inviting connection or pushing them away. 

We found Dr. Jeff's advice to be spot on and we hope this listener who posed the question finds help, but also that all of the listeners find a kernel of support or help that they can take with them. 

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is an episode re-run and one that is still so relevant and needs a re-listen. It seems actually that it is even more relevant today.  Parent's are still asking Parents are still asking, "How do I stay close to my adult child without pushing them away?" Francine Toder's answer isn't another communication technique—it's something much harder: look at yourself first.

When our children become adults, many of us assume the hardest years are behind us. But for countless parents, the challenges simply change.

In this thoughtful conversation, psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder explains why building healthy relationships with our adult children requires something many of us never expected: changing ourselves.

Drawing from her book Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0, Francine explores why parents often experience anxiety, disappointment, and even physical stress over their adult children's decisions—and why those feelings are often signals that we need to pause before reacting.

Together we discuss:

• Why our expectations often become our biggest obstacle
• What that "knot in your stomach" really means
• How parents unintentionally push adult children away
• The importance of treating adult children as equals
• Why advice—even well-intended advice—can feel like criticism (we've heard this before!)
• How gifts and financial help sometimes come with hidden strings
• The role of self-awareness in repairing relationships
• Why our children don't need us to fix everything—they need us to understand them
• How to create a meaningful life beyond parenting

If you've ever wondered whether you're helping—or accidentally hurting—your relationship with your adult child, this episode is filled with compassionate insight and practical wisdom.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

When an adult child moves back home once, many parents see it as temporary. But what happens when it becomes a pattern?

In this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, Denise is joined by psychotherapist Joe Nucci to answer a listener's heartfelt question about her adult son, who has returned home five different times.

Together they explore the difficult balance between offering support and fostering independence, why curiosity is more helpful than assumptions, and how parents can have honest conversations without losing compassion.

We discuss:

• Why adult children may repeatedly move back home
• The difference between helping and enabling
• Questions parents should ask before making decisions
• How curiosity can uncover the real issue
• Why temporary discomfort can sometimes lead to long-term growth
• Navigating guilt while remaining true to your parenting values

Key Takeaway

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn't opening the door—it's knowing when it's time to close it.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Some conversations are worth revisiting.

As we prepared to re-release this conversation with therapist Rachel Haack, I listened to it again for the first time in several years. I thought I knew exactly what Rachel was going to say. After all, I was the one asking the questions.

But that's the gift of listening again. Sometimes the conversation hasn't changed at all—you have.

This time, Rachel's insights on defensiveness, curiosity, perfection, and the evolving relationship between parents and their adult children landed in a completely different way. I found myself reflecting not only on my parenting, but on how much I've grown since we first recorded this episode.

Whether you're hearing this conversation for the first time or listening again alongside me, I hope you'll discover something new, too.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to healthy conversations with our adult children.
• How choosing curiosity over certainty can transform difficult discussions.
• What it really means to know your adult child as the person they are today—not just the child you raised.
• Why asking, "I know I have blind spots. Would you help point them out to me?" can deepen trust and connection.
• The changing role of parents as adult children build lives, relationships, and families of their own.
• Rachel's compassionate perspective on mothers-in-law, shifting family roles, and the grief that can accompany those transitions.
  
  
• Why perfection is an impossible goal—and why embracing life's complexities leads to healthier family relationships.
  The wisdom behind Rachel's grandfather's saying: "Those who know the most know to say the least."

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is our first in a series of our new shorter segments called: 

Straight from the Listener Line – Real Questions. Real Answers.

In this new series, we take one real listener question and bring in an expert to help us think it through honestly, thoughtfully, and with real-life experience behind it.

Today’s episode tackles a topic many grandparents quietly struggle with:
“What happens when you’re trying your best to help… but it still feels like you can’t do anything right?”

A listener shares the emotional challenge of being both a stepmom and mother-in-law while navigating the first year of a new baby’s life. 

From formula instructions and changing nap schedules to feelings of criticism, boundaries, and the complicated dynamics between a daughter-in-law’s family and a son’s family, she describes what feels like a “no-win situation.”

Joining Denise is grandparent expert Kimberly Bepler, founder of GrandparentDoula.com and a returning guest from Season 5, Episode 95.

I thought I had the answer to this one. But I was real off and Kimberly was spot on.

She offers a compassionate and eye-opening perspective on what many new parents — especially first-time mothers — are experiencing beneath the surface:

• The intense pressure and vulnerability of new motherhood
• Why control can feel so important during the first year
• How social media and modern parenting expectations affect confidence
• Why grandparents often feel criticized even when they mean well
• The importance of supporting parents’ goals, even when they seem rigid or constantly changing
• How empathy, reassurance, and flexibility can strengthen family relationships

This conversation is thoughtful, practical, and deeply validating for grandparents trying to navigate changing family roles with love and grace.

If you’ve ever wondered:
• “Why does everything feel so sensitive?”
• “Why do I feel like I’m always getting it wrong?”
• “How do I stay supportive without overstepping?”

— this episode is for you.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This week we're revisiting one of our  most talked-about episodes.  Clinical psychologist and bestselling author of the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,  Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins us discuss emotional maturity, self-awareness, and why we need to play the long game.

Many parents struggle with the feeling that they are constantly being asked to listen, validate, and accommodate their adult children while their own feelings go unheard. Dr. Gibson offers a different perspective. She argues that when the goal is preserving and strengthening a relationship, sometimes the most important thing is not proving who is right but understanding the other person's emotional experience.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• What it means to be an emotionally immature parent—and why emotional maturity exists on a continuum
• Why every parent, even the most loving parent, has moments they regret
• How stress, anxiety, and defensiveness affect our relationships with our adult children
• What to do when your adult child remembers an event very differently than you do
• Why intentions and impact are not always the same thing
• The difference between surface-level family relationships and emotionally intimate relationships
• Why validation does not mean admitting guilt or agreeing with everything your child says
• The listener question many parents ask: "Why is it always on us?"
• Dr. Gibson's perspective on estrangement and the role therapy should play in family relationships
• How parents can develop greater self-awareness and self-knowledge at any age
• Why building a healthy relationship with an adult child often requires playing "the long game"

One of the most memorable takeaways from this episode is Dr. Gibson's reminder that relationships are not courtrooms. When an adult child shares something that hurt them, focusing on understanding their experience may be more helpful than debating the facts.

Whether your relationship with your adult child is thriving, strained, or somewhere in between, this conversation offers thoughtful insights into connection, communication, and personal growth.

About Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Her work has helped millions of readers better understand family dynamics, emotional maturity, and the path toward healthier relationships.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In our first short form episode --  Straight From the Listener Line episode -- we welcome back psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein to answer a heartfelt listener question.

A mother shares her struggle after watching her once-close relationship with her son change following his marriage. She feels increasingly pushed aside and wonders how to navigate the growing distance, particularly when she believes her daughter-in-law no longer values a relationship with her husband's family.

We discusses:

• Why adult children often experience divided loyalties after marriage
• The danger of "chasing" a relationship when fear and anxiety take over
• How parents can remain emotionally open without pushing too hard
• The grief that often accompanies changing family relationships
• Why love alone doesn't always tell us what to do next

This episode offers practical guidance and compassionate reassurance for parents facing difficult changes in their relationships with adult children.

Tips you can use right away. 

Read more about this episode on our Substack Behind the Mic, where after each episode we share some personal thoughts and discussion.  Link here to read our current one. 

Have a question you'd like us to discuss?

Call the Listener Line:
📞 719-347-1106

Or email:
📧 [email protected]

Your question could be featured in a future episode of Straight From the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

For this episode of Bite Your Tongue, we’re doing something quite a bit different.

This is the last episode of Season 7, and today it’s just me.

Me — and excerpts from one of my all-time favorite podcasts, This American Life with Ira Glass.

For those who may not know Ira’s work, he is the groundbreaking creator and host of This American Life, whose storytelling helped redefine public radio and podcasting. A recipient of the Peabody, Pulitzer, and Edward R. Murrow Awards, Ira is widely considered one of the most influential storytellers of our time.

Now, as you might guess, I would have absolutely loved to have Ira on as a guest. Sadly, that didn’t happen. But Ira did the next best thing — he very graciously gave me permission to use excerpts from his show in this episode. Honestly, I was so grateful. What a class act and what a thrill for me to connect, even briefly, with someone I admire so much.

So here’s how this all came about.

I was listening to a recent episode of This American Life called Call Your Parents, and it immediately caught my attention. As I listened, I found myself completely drawn in. In fact, when I mentioned the episode to Connie FIsher, our audio engineer, she told me she literally sat in her car until the episode finished because she was so engrossed in it.

In the episode, Ira shares recordings and conversations with his parents from when he was a young adult. While Ira never had children of his own, he has of course been an adult child — and like so many families, his relationship with his parents was loving, complicated, strained at times, and deeply human.

As I listened, I kept thinking:

Maybe this is not quite as new as we think it is.

For years on this podcast I’ve heard versions of the same questions over and over:

• Why don’t they call?
• Why don’t they visit?
• Why are relationships with adult children so hard now?
• Why does this generation seem so different?

But listening to Ira and his parents, I realized they were wrestling with many of the exact same issues decades ago.

His parents worried about his career.

He sometimes pulled away. There was judgment. Frustration. Love. Misunderstanding.

In other words, it all sounded incredibly familiar.

There are several moments in this episode that stayed with me long after I finished listening — moments that are funny, painfully honest, tender, and incredibly relatable for anyone navigating family relationships. You will love it.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I found myself wondering:

Are relationships between parents and adult children truly harder today? Or are we finally talking openly about struggles families have quietly carried for generations?

This finale became much more personal than I expected. It made me reflect not only on today’s struggles between parents and adult children, but on my own parents, my own choices, and the possibility that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Next up: We are dropping some short episodes called: Straight From the Listener Line," which aims to address real questions from listeners with expert insights. This initiative emphasizes the podcast's commitment to fostering dialogue and providing support for families navigating the complexities of adult relationships.

And don't forget our phone line (719-347-1106) and email address ([email protected]).  We will never play your message on the podcast without your approval first.   Let us know what is on your mind!

We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much. 

Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.