In which we offer Jamie at bedtime, find that Fallen continues totally metal, and that Lauren Kate is really pretty. We apply the half-your-age-plus-seven rule to Glass Houses, and discover that Vampire Academy may not be as girl-on-girl-tastic as heretofore believed.

00:47 Fallen

09:17 Glass Houses

27:34 Vampire Academy

In today's episode of FPTTFHSGBFG, we talk about ancient jellies, picking up girls by shoving them out the way of stuff, and Edward Cullen's deep concern for climate change.

01:40 Fallen

08:31 Vampire Academy

18:06 Twilight

34:39 Glass Houses

This time around we are mildly incoherent due to its being after midnight, Jamie continues to defend Hush, Hush on the basis that it might actually be a completely different book, and we try to work out how two books can be almost exactly the same and at the same time utterly unlike each other.

00:43 Twilight

11:04 Fallen

19:37 Hush, Hush

28:48 Glass Houses

33:07 Vampire Academy

38:30 Vote

This week on _Ferretbrain Presents the TeXt Factor: Halloween Special - Girl Books for Girls_ we continue to be okay with Twilight, try very hard to give Hush Comma Hush the benefit of the doubt, and vote for one more book to be crushed by the freight train of destiny.

0:00:45 Twilight

0:11:27 Vampire Academy

0:19:25 Hush - comma - Hush

0:24:31 Glass Houses

0:31:02 Fallen

0:40:04 Infinity

On a cold October evening, five members of the Ferretbrain crew set out to plumb the dark underbelly of Waterstones' Dark Fantasy section - settling down with a microphone, a bucket of Very Scary Popcorn, and seven books about teenage girls dating vampires, we set out to produce the definitive guide to the latest sensation in teen fiction.

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We wound up recording more than ten gigabytes of raw footage, which Kyra is now frenetically editing down to something resembling a podcast. This is the first chunk.

0:00:36 Introduction and covers

0:09:05 Rami arrives and we discuss our expectations

0:13:53 First reading break and Twilight

0:20:26 Vampire Academy

0:25:51 Hush-comma-Hush

0:37:40 Infinity

0:53:25 Marked

1:06:18 Fallen

1:14:02 Glass Houses

1:20:00 Vote

Wardog has a bad day. We take a random punt on Bright Is The Ring of Words (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/theatre/bright-is-the-ring-of-words) and are impressed, are disappointed by Imperial Fizz (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/theatre/imperial-fizz), think Meow Meow (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/music/meow-meow-feline-intimate) is awesome and bicker about Barockestra (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/musicals-operas/barockestra-rocking-the-classics) although Kyra is clearly right.

Go see: Meow Meow, Bright is the Ring of Words.

It's musical theatre & courtesans day! Kyra wonders how it is possible to stand on one small toe by accident (twice!), we are traumatised by Spring Awakening (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/musicals-operas/spring-awakening-1), bemused by Reel-to-Real (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/musicals-operas/reel-to-real-the-movies-musical), bored and annoyed by Five Clever Courtesans (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/theatre/five-clever-courtesans) and rocked by Hedwig and The Angry Inch: (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/musicals-operas/hedwig-and-the-angry-inch)

Unqualified recommendations: Spring Awakening, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Avoid at all costs: Five Clever Courtesans.

A taut exciting, never-experienced-before 30 minutes of badly recorded footage from The Fringe.

We embark on Day One - Things We Have Seen Before Day.

We try not to be nepotistic about Morgan & West: Time Travelling Magicians (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/morgan-west-time-travelling-magicians), feel blah about The Penny Dreadfuls (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/penny-dreadfuls), love Bane 2 (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/theatre/bane-2) madly, worry about Sammy J (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/sammy-j-skinny-man-modern-world) and are freaked out by 12 year olds in Sound and Fury: Private Dick (http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/sound-and-fury-s-private-dick).

Unqualified recommendations: Morgan and West, Bane 2.

Previously on Ferretbrain Presents: the TeXt Factor, we voted out ten out of our twelve books. In case you've forgotten, here they all are:

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Most recently, we voted out _South of the Border, West of the Sun_ - it was cool, but not quite as cool as our two finalists.

Here is our visualisation:

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Umm ... I'm not sure what's happening in it. Which is kind of appropriate, given the context.

So this week we have wine. Delicious wine in a really peculiar bottle. Dan once again fails to remember the order we voted things off in, and Kyra objects to dream sequences. _The God of Small Things_ tells us about toothbrushes, madness, family and childhood. _The Woman in White_ tells us about typhus, plotting, poisoning and popery.

Kyra draws comparisions to _A Song of Ice and Fire_ and _Othello_ as it is commonly staged. Jamie gets rather fixated on a housekeeper. Like really fixated.

And that's a wrap! Thanks everybody who's listened and commented. Stay tuned to Ferretbrain for more peacasts, our Edinburgh coverage and our usual random assortment of silly articles on pointless subjects.

Previously on _Ferretbrain Presents: the TeXt Factor_ we voted out _Wolf Hall_ for being slightly less awesome than the other books we liked more.

So, umm, off with its head:

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Sorry, that was a bit obvious.

So today we only have three books to talk about, so we discuss banana jam, similes, and nowls. We stretch a joke to breaking point, do our best impressions of Mister Fairlie, and wonder what we have to do with people's bosoms. And _South of the Border_ is really fucking weird. Like really fucking weird.

Also we take the chronic piss out of Wilkie Collins, because of this picture:

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