Letters for the Fire is a listener participation project. Listeners were invited to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I promised to read them before burning them in a ritual. The goal is to create a community opportunity for catharsis, release, and healing. Today I will be reading your letters so your words can be heard.

A video of the letter burning ritual will be made available later. A link will be included in episode notes when it is ready.

Hecate's Links
https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Donate to Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

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https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Thank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself <3

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Ruth is a survivor who has been facing her past and doing the work. She's a listener who is sharing some of her story and discussing some of the steps she's been taking in her life to heal. She's been meeting her trauma with courage, humanity, and grace that I know others will find inspiring. We discuss her assault by a family member, how her recent meeting with him went, her experiences within the Salvation Army Church, how Purity Culture has affected her, her struggles with suicidal ideation, and her experience with EMDR therapy. Ruth speaks so honestly and openly about the struggles we all face as survivors and I know her words and experiences will resonate with others.
Ruth is a Midwesterner who enjoys music, singing, painting, and taking walks in the woods. She has an interest in studying reptiles and amphibians in the future. She has a fluffy orange cat named Wesley Besley who keeps her warm and loved on. Ruth is still in the midst of her healing journey after multiple sexual assaults throughout the first 20 years of her life. She is sharing her story to let some shame go, and to help other survivors feel less alone.

Salvation Army Rules "Soldier's Covenant"
https://www.salvationarmy.org/ihq/56C765982907E8E6802573B1004E4E37

Salvation Army Sucks
https://imgur.com/gallery/7OZCIOM

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/12/16/21003560/salvation-army-anti-lgbtq-controversies-donations

Me Too Many Voices Community Support Network - Love them! Give them a follow!
https://www.instagram.com/mtmvcommunity/

https://www.instagram.com/p/CgdIqU4sW3N/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Judith Slaying Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschi
https://smarthistory.org/gentileschi-judith-slaying-holofernes/

Inner Decay - Where to find the patch! Let's start a gang! lol
https://innerdecay.com/

Hecate's Links
https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Donate to Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Join the Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

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My sister Chie joins me to talk about our evolving understanding of self-care and emotional regulation. We are both survivors navigating life and CPTSD. I hope you'll join us for some laughter and real talk.
Chie  has a BA in Somatic Psychology. She is a harpist, Championship Irish Dancer, and singer. She and her partner live in the Midwest with their two puppies.

Internal Family Systems Therapy
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapy

Spoon Theory
https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Assertive Communication - DBT "Dear Man"
https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php

Curable App - Chronic Pain App (Chie recommends)
https://www.curablehealth.com/?gclid=CjwKCAiA5Y6eBhAbEiwA_2ZWIaUxUI-x1o1YSUpLLMhLeSdP70UiI0-_Dd8-vDyXrLwBWAFAkjJB8xoCJmEQAvD_BwE

TED Talk - Music and the Brain
https://www.ted.com/talks/anita_collins_how_playing_an_instrument_benefits_your_brain?language=en

I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power's Out - Andrea Gibson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAySTOeC2NY

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Obelis is a Lithuanian Fantasy and LGBTQ+ comic artist. Her work includes War & Tea, Meow Are You?, and The Recloseted Lesbian. Obelis tried to come out as a lesbian but was forced back into the closet by her ultra-religious, homophobic, and abusive mother. In The Recloseted Lesbian she deconstructs and processes memories from her abusive childhood. It has been read by over 21 million people on Webtoon. As she does her own trauma work she is helping survivors feel less alone.

Obelis Linktree
https://linktr.ee/Obelis

The Recloseted Lesbian on Webtoon
https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/the-recloseted-lesbian/list?
title_no=474263

Obelis on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/obelis.art/

Obelis Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/obelis/posts

Donate to Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Join Hecate's Patreon to support the podcast and gain access to bonus content.
New $1 Tier!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Hecate Livestreams!
https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingok

Hecate's new YouTube!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7XjO5ELI7a5yuWAtcHr1Q

Thank you so much for listening! BLM. Take care of yourself.

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Kalpashree Gupta joins me to share her journey in healing from childhood sexual abuse. We discuss letting go of shame and blame, what forgiveness means to her, breaking cycles of family trauma, and where she's found strength, grace, and empowerment.
Kalpa is the CEO and founder of Knekxt Group, a consulting and coaching company helping her clients build trust, and mitigate risks while also creating internal awareness for the high achievers who, like herself, have used their achievements to deflect from dealing with trauma. Her mission is to impact 100 million lives in 10 years. Prior to that, she led several leadership roles with fortune 500 companies such as American Express, Zelle/Early Warning Services, in product and fraud risk management, including early career with GE in India, and brief stints with Bristol Myers Squibb, and Mayo Clinic in brand management and consulting.

Knekxt Group
https://knekxt.com/

Book of Forgiving
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-book-of-forgiving-the-fourfold-path-for-healing-ourselves-and-our-world-desmond-tutu/15542765?ean=9780062203571

The Body Keeps the Score
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-body-keeps-the-score-brain-mind-and-body-in-the-healing-of-trauma-bessel-van-der-kolk/6679040?ean=9780143127741

Waking the Tiger
https://bookshop.org/p/books/waking-the-tiger-healing-trauma-the-innate-capacity-to-transform-overwhelming-experiences-peter-a-levine/8303096

The Drama of the Gifted Child
https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-drama-of-the-gifted-child-the-search-for-the-true-self-third-edition-alice-miller/12380815?ean=9780465016907&gclid=CjwKCAiAy_CcBhBeEiwAcoMRHPkGNIsrj529Y5B_q_aw1bmH2V3tKRCaN0y6wXJWYOlooLVrW5i3jRoCCPkQAvD_BwE

ACE Test and Article
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

TED Talk - Nadine Burke Harris - How childhood trauma affects health accross a lifetime
https://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime?language=en

Letters for the Fire
https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/

Join Hecate's Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Hecate Livestreams on Twitch!
https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingok

Hecate's new YouTube! Click subscribe to help it grow!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7XjO5ELI7a5yuWAtcHr1Q

Happy Holidays everyone! BLM. Take care of yourself

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Michelle M. Kang is the founder and president of One Life One Heart, a nonprofit organization which helps underserved sexual abuse survivors by offering culturally sensitive community support. She has dedicated herself to creating safe spaces where survivors can feel heard, regain their self-confidence, and fulfill their purpose in life.
Michelle was born in South Korea, she has PhDs in Linguistics and Education, and she is the current Dean of the School of Foreign Languages at Saigon International University in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. In this episode she talks about how the trauma of childhood sibling sexual assault affected her, and the powerful role that faith has played in her healing. She discusses the work that she does with One Life One Heart and shares her passion for supporting survivors.

One Life One Heart
https://onelifeoneheartinternational.org/

Michelle's Story - She has a book!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1543114660/

Learn More: Child Sexual Abuse
https://www.rainn.org/articles/child-sexual-abuse

Learn More: Incest
https://www.rainn.org/articles/incest

Letters for the Fire
https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/

Donate to Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Become a Patreon Member to support the podcast and gain access to bonus content!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Twitch Livestreams with Hecate!
https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingok

New Finding OK You Tube Channel!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7XjO5ELI7a5yuWAtcHr1Q

Thank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself.

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Paula Mulamula is the host of the Mental Health podcast, Talk Shit With P where she focuses on real talk and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Today Paula is breaking her silence and sharing her story of surviving sexual assault and reclaiming her power post-trauma.  She also shares how podcasting helped her find her way out of depression, how faith has re-entered her life and become a part of her healing, and how self-care helps her through the difficult times in life.
Paula is originally from Tanzania, she has traveled and lived all over the world and now makes her home in Atlanta, Georgia where she talks shit and is fabulous.

Talk Shit With P
https://open.spotify.com/show/0HSn3hI86EWSQmpYgBFjL9

Hecate's Guest Episodes on TSWP
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6RkdAR4VdWydlhdSU5yBEx?si=1c669cb97d8d4570

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0jjng1kpPhETrFOHznlGXz?si=d-AYRUVJQCa7SkJwTzg27Q

TSWP Merch
https://talkshitwithp.shop/

Press on Paula
https://canvasrebel.com/meet-paula-sima-mulamula/

https://herforward.com/a-mental-health-advocate-suggests-talking-shit/

Paula's Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/talkshitwithp

Buy Paula a Coffee!
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/talkshitwithp

Paula's Links
https://www.flowcode.com/page/talkshitwithp

Testing and Reporting Info (USA)
https://www.rainn.org/articles/rape-kit

Join Hecate on Twitch 11/29/22 @8p EST for a special Finding OK Livestream Q&A with special guest, Kaitlin Bellamy from episodes "Purity Culture is Grooming Parts 1&2". Join us in chat and ask us anything!
https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingok

Finding OK Letters for the Fire Project - Deadline for Entries is 12/31/22
https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/

Donate to Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Become a Patreon Member to support Finding OK and gain access to bonus content
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

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Emi is a survivor of family sexual abuse; she was molested by a family member over a long period of time as a young kid. After spending over a decade hiding from her past she decided to try to heal from it. Her healing journey led her to starting her own podcast: Motherful: Powerful Moms, Powerful Topics. Her co-host is her best friend Kayla, together they tackle the many difficult social and mental health issues that have affected their lives and made them who they are. In this episode Emi shares her story of surviving family childhood sexual abuse, she talks about how disclosing changed her family forever, discusses the pain of discovering her abuser was being protected by a family member, shares her journey becoming a parent, explains how how podcast came into being, and shares what her healing journey has looked like.

Emi is a mom, a podcaster, writer, wedding planner, a cat lover, and a survivor of sexual abuse.

Motherful: Powerful Moms, Powerful Topics
https://open.spotify.com/show/4QprfSM0CI6gUxizyVdBnK?si=06eaed550e1441c4

Motherful Episodes with Emi's Story:

Emi's Story: Childhood Sexual Assault
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5TR05HDyRD3p8dVpdDDsDa

Birth Stories: Planned & Unexpected Part 2
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4aiFZ05BwirzGhpbi60Uky

Mystery Topic: Abortion
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6z9cmiWBBDcJpuDmZLfBmX

Healing Family Trauma
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3SzSI4JKW6YV2dSEGHMZdz

Motherful Social Links:
https://www.facebook.com/MotherfulPodcast

https://www.instagram.com/motherful_podcast/?hl=en

Courage to Heal
https://www.ellenbass.com/books/the-courage-to-heal/

Letters for the Fire
https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/

Donate to Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Become a Patreon Member to support the podcast and gain access to exclusive bonus content
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Support the show

Hollis Brown's platform as Miss Wisconsin USA is focused on survivor advocacy, and she’s a part of End Violence Against Women International’s “Start By Believing” campaign. Today Hollis speaks about her assault in college, how trauma changed her life, where she has found strength, and the work she’s doing in the world.

Originally from Savannah, Georgia and now residing in Milwaukee, Hollis Brown is a 26-year-old sports marketer, podcast host, mentor, public speaker, model, youth educator, nonprofit founder, and Miss Wisconsin USA 2022.  For the past year she has worked with the Milwaukee Bucks where she began as a Sales Associate and was promoted to Coordinator of Partner Strategy and Management November 2021.  As a podcast host, she is able to empower young women pursuing careers and as a nonprofit founder, she provides resources to help support sexual assault victims through their journey to healing.  Hollis is a high school graduate of Savannah Arts Academy and college graduate of Virginia Tech.  For over 18 years, she trained nationally in ballet, contemporary, and tap dance.  For fun, Hollis enjoys hot yoga, solving escape rooms, and kickboxing.  Hollis will compete for the coveted title of Miss USA during the national broadcast later this year and if she wins, will advance to the internationally televised 2022 Miss Universe competition.

Hollis Brown Website
https://www.holliscbrown.com/

Hollis's Story
https://evawintl.org/survivor-voices/hollis-brown-2/

EVAWI - End Violence Against Women International
https://evawintl.org/

Vote for Hollis! - Miss USA Viewer's choice (Cost about $2)
https://missusa.com/miss-contestants/

More Info:

The Red Zone is the period of time between mid August and Thanksgiving break. Over 50% of college sexual assaults occur during this time period.
https://www.shatteringthesilence.org/red-zone

Articles explaining Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn (or Appease). This came up in the episode and I wanted to provide an explanation because we didn't talk more about it. Your response is natural, it's valid. and it's not your fault.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-response

https://www.simplypsychology.org/fight-flight-freeze-fawn.html

Finding OK
https://www.finding-ok.com/

Donate
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Join the Patreon to support the podcast and gain exclusive access to bonus material, a look behind the scenes, and occasional video episodes! Tier 3 members gain access to Hollis's video episode.
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK 

Letters for the Fire - Information and submission instructions
https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/

Support the show

Part 2 of my conversation with Kaitlin Bellamy about what it was like for her growing up in the Mormon Church and the ways that purity culture contributed to the abuse she experienced in her marriage. Purity Culture grooms people to enable, accept, and perpetrate abuse. She shares her healing journey now that she is free to be her full, authentic self.

Kaitlin Bellamy is a professional actor and young adult fantasy author with a hero complex currently living in Orlando, Florida. She is an avid collector of hobbies and special interests, and hopes to someday make a living as a full time content creator. She is an autistic, polyamorous chaos witch, with a specialization in cozy comfort vibes and making other people feel safe.

This episode was recorded before the most recent news broke about the Mormon Church protecting abusers and allowing child abuse to continue. The issues we discuss are very relevant and I'll be including a few articles in episode notes. I wanted to explain why these current events are not addressed directly in the episode.

Please help Kaitlin afford her rent and keep her housing by donating if you can! Donation links below!

Links

Pixie's Website:
http://www.kaitlinbellamy.com/

Books:
http://www.kaitlinbellamy.com/bookshop.html

https://smile.amazon.com/Kaitlin-Bellamy/e/B07GK1R7FX?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1660652330&sr=8-1

Donate to Pixie:
https://ko-fi.com/chaospixiemagic
https://streamelements.com/chaospixiemagic/tip

Pixie's Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/ChaosPixieMagic
https://www.patreon.com/m/reprpg

Pixie's D&D Merch:
https://www.reprpg.com/shop

Hecate's Patreon - Become a member to support the podcast and for exclusive access to bonus material.
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Donate to Finding OK:
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Mormon Church Abuse Article:
TW/CW for this article!
https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e

Support the show