Fitz in the Morning

Welcome Rain: thanks for washing away the pollen and giving us an excuse to keep wearing flannel. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, an doctor is living in his kids’ treehouse for his family’s safety, someone called cops on partying Amish, Germany cancels Oktoberfest, and we hear a bee story that leads to Ryder telling us a story of a beehive in his hair. Brett Eldridge calls in! In the Hourly Bulletin, Inslee says when stay-at-home order lifts it will be more like a “dial” than a “switch”, first US Coronavirus deaths were in CA not WA, Kent on verge of financial collapse, its the 50th anniversary of Earth Day, Kent police investigate fatal train crash, and Gronk is going to Tampa Bay to join Tom Brady. In the Fitz Files, the “Friends” have joined the “All-In Challenge” with a chance to attend their reunion, Garth Brooks does his own grocery shopping and Chris Stapleton honors Prince with “Nothing Compares 2U”. In The Good Stuff, McDonalds is donating meals to frontline workers and Fitz’ daughter had her 8th birthday with a Facetime dance party with cousins in Texas. All Jacked Up covers Batman, cooking for housecats, flossing with your mullet and wearing extra panties. Fitz explains the Dance Party at his house for Little Drew’s birthday, and how much Big Drew hates Kidz Bop music. Claire’s neighbor mowed her lawn by surprise and Fitz says they must want something in return. Today’s Troop Salute is Tammy Jo Shults of the US Navy. Our new segment “We’re Not Gonna’ Take It” lets you vent your stay-at-home frustrations with your kids by yelling at us instead. Drew took a quick trip to Vancouver to see his mom but they couldn’t hug. Fitz gives new afternoon Jock B-Dub an “entrance interview”.

In a sure sign of hope, Drew saw the Son of the Neighborhood Black Bunny this morning. Ryder had the greatest BBQ ever yesterday from Warthogs in Fife! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, Brad Pitt did the weather on John Krasinski’s “Good Stuff”, a guy did play-by-play of two dogs chasing a cow into a swimming pool, 53% of parents admit to hiding in their cars from their kids, and the last Blockbuster in America (in Bend) is offering curbside pickup. Fitz asks you to replace “Children” with “My Coworker” to describe what your kids are doing in your home office. In the Hourly Bulletin, authorities warn about stimulus check scams, Poison Control reports a spike in cleaner poisonings, WA Unemployment says keep trying if you’re having trouble with their website, Tacoma is struggling financially, and the Washington Attorney General warns health clubs to allow people to cancel memberships. We discuss how some states are already opening up for small businesses. In the Fitz Files, Tom Brady and Andie McDowell are busted breaking into parks, “Bachelor Listen to your Heart” is both wonderful and awful, and Willie’s 4/20 party was a star–studded affair. In the Good Stuff, Fitz’ daughter Drew is 8 years old today, Drew should finally close on his house this week, and the maker of the N95 mask came out of retirement to find a solution for sanitizing them to make them reusable. In Make Up or Break Up, Nicole from Graham thinks her boyfriend Scott is working their 7-year-old too hard while home schooling. Claire is addicted to a new Netflix miniseries on the Waco incident. Playlist Profiling is Jennifer from Tulalip. Fitz plays our “Real Corona Heroes” song thank Healthcare Workers! Claire convince Fitz to attend the Company Virtual Happy Hour.

The pollen and the dew are combining for some muddy windshields around here, Ryder’s girlfriend dyed his hair, and Claire accidentally didn’t watch any TV all weekend. In the What Are You Kidding Stories, quarantine constipation is a thing, New York is allowing marriages online through Zoom, Americans bought 92% more frozen pizzas this year than last year, beer and soda might go flat because quarantine is causing a shortage of CO2, and a single passenger on a flight got a personalized pre-flight safety message. Ryder dressed as Batman take out the trash at home. In the Hourly Bulletin, stay-at-home protests in Olympia, where are the missing stimulus checks, the Washington Unemployment site is overwhelmed, UW Virology is testing an antibodies test, and UW institute Statisticians say we could return to work on May 18th. In the Fitz Files, Prince Harry and Duchess Megan are delivering food to the needy in LA, “One World Together at Home” raised $128 million for COVID relief with 8-hours of stars singing from home, Ashton and Mila are selling Quarantine wine for charity, and a YouTube star says Ellen is mean. In The Good Stuff, a guy calling himself “Captain Smile” has been doing good deeds around the Northwest, like paying for people’s groceries and gas; we get him on the phone and Fitz ends up asking him to come in today. We give away Netflix for a Year! Fitz has some new Pickup Lines for you try in the age of Tinder with Covid-19. Today’s Troop Salute is Wyatt Bond of the USMC. Young’n and Shade are back with a new song for 4/20! Monday Motivation has some motivating quotes to get your week started off right.

It’s Friday and the weather is gorgeous so DJ Tony Schwartz serves up a Sunny Bull-Yah! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, the latest trend is getting dressed up to take out the trash and Ryder vows to dress up as Batman, and a man was mad that his wife sheltered with her parents instead of him, so he married his ex-girlfriend, and her family tried to kill him. In the Hourly Bulletin, President Trump rolls out a phased restart plan but leaves it to Governors for specifics, no extra relief for vehicle tabs for now, Boeing will get rolling again next week, and Seattle Parks will re-open with precautions in place. In the Fitz Files, the “Saved By the Bell” reboot trailer has dropped, the Disney Family Singalong was fun, and Willie Nelson is doing an online variety show for 4/20. In the Good Stuff, Sam’s and Costco making it easier for frontline workers with special hours and line exceptions, and a 100-year-old Veteran raised $20 million by walking 100 laps around his yard. Insta-Therapy finds Adam from Shoreline needing your advice stopping his daughter from sneaking out at night during the Stay At Home Order. We meet Fitz’s new personal assistant Alexi May and she introduces us to the Emoji Movie Game. In Stream It or Skip It, Drew recommends “Choose Your Simpsons” and “Toy Story 4” on Disney+, “Parasite” on Hulu, and a free trial of the Quibi streaming service for 90 days. Fitz has suggestions for smart things to do with your stimulus check like pay down debt and invest in your kids’ future, not waste in on a Nintendo like Ryder. The Weekend Party Preview features tonight’s “National Backyard Campout”, Virtual roller-coaster rides online, and Skagit Valley Tulip Festival and UW Arboretum online.

It’s National Pajamas Day, which we love, and National High Five Day which, umm, we are gonna go ahead and skip, thanks. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a guy busted for trying to gouge-sell TP and hand sanitizer donates it, a man is arrested for threatening to blow up Central Park’s Alice in Wonderland, and people are spending stimulus money installing stripper poles. Bethany’s Baby Blog Episode #7 covers boys and Slurpee cravings. In the Hourly Bulletin, the West Seattle Bridge won’t reopen until 2022 if at all, 5 million new jobless claims hits this week, the Plate Fund raised $6 million for Washington restaurant workers, Inslee says he doesn’t know yet if WA will allow summer events, and the Gates Foundation raised its contribution to COVID-19 response. In the Fitz Files, the All-In Challenge has celebrities offering once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to raise money for COVID relief, “Labor of Love” is “The Bachelor” for ladies just looking for baby-daddies, and Luke Combs has a sweet new song about longing for togetherness. In The Good Stuff, Toys-4-Tots joins with big companies to give 2,000,000 toys to underprivileged kids under quarantine, and some medical workers used a Zoom call to sing the Bruno Mars’ song “You Can Count on Me”! On Make Up or Break Up, Gianna from Mill Creek is worried that her boyfriend Daniel is going over the edge with sanitizing and may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. Ryder is taking on the Army Fit Challenge; is Fitz trying to enlist him? Fitz says people are still Tindering as much as before Coronavirus. Playlist Profiling is Courtney from Sumner! In another classic Throwin’ Shade, Shade goes off on our collective lack of available hair care.

We are simultaneously joyous and cautious about not filing our taxes. Fitz is obsessed with Jamba Juice because it’s what his pregnant wife craves. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a woman marries her chandelier, a fireman gets an accidental deposit of $8.2 million, a guy robbing a bank stopped to crack a beer and got arrested and Florida has declared the WWE essential so they can perform at Orlando Arena. Fitz recaps highlights from the extra Tiger King Episode on Netflix. In the Hourly Bulletin, stimulus checks start dropping and Drew has safety advice on how to track yours down, vandals are trashing closed Washington parks, Washington enables CARES Act for Unemployment, and Amazon is hiring another 75,000 employees. Drew was snooping on Fitz’ phone and found an app called Clementine which helps you meditate on the toilet. In the Fitz Files, someone is auctioning a Joe Exotic shirt on eBay, American Idol is doing auditions and judging from home, the Disney Family sing-a-long is Thursday and Russell Dickerson is having a baby. In The Good Stuff, a WWII veteran just turned 101 and the locals gave him a drive-by parade complete with fire engines. All Jacked Up is getting extra special during quarantine – like Marcy, stealing TP from her neighbor, and Mark, trying to make his dad a Tik Tok star. Fitz explains “Doom Scrolling” and we give Ryder an intervention about how is definitely a doom scroller. Today’s Troop Salute is the Roan Family of US Air National Guard. “Covidiots” are still everywhere and we hear your stories of Covidiot sightings. Mama Fitz calls in to talk about how Fitz’s dad Green Beret Bob has been misbehaving during Covid-19, like hanging out at the Dollar Store.

Fitz felt the babies kick him in the back last night in bed. Drew got in before Claire today because Claire is now Clair-it-in. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, an arrested guy coughed on cops, a crook tried to break into a business in a pipe and got stuck, and men are panic-freezing semen with new at-home kits. Drew STILL hasn’t closed on his Monroe property because of Cornavirus and Fitz wonders if the home’s Australian owners were running an illegal Koala farm. In the Hourly Bulletin, Washington to release nearly 1000 inmates due to Coronavirus, Stimulus Relief checks are dropping in bank accounts, Washington, Oregon, and California agree to a pact, Seattle and Lacey are giving small businesses grants, a Maple Valley family went Viral for a fun video, and Russell and Ciara are having a boy. Dolly Parton has been doing some awesome Poems and Stories on FB. In the Fitz Files, Miranda Lambert defends pictures she posted with Joe Exotic, The new “Bachelor” show is unwatchable and unlistenable and Matthew McConaughey is telling us how to make masks at home with his new character “Bobby Bandito.” In The Good Stuff: Brazil honors medical workers by lighting up “Christ the Redeemer” as a doctor and a woman leaves a $1000 tip on a $19 take-out order. On Make Up or Break Up, Paul from Bothell is really upset that his girlfriend Kathy is planning a cross-country road trip right now. Karissa in Lacey wins the $500 Virtual Easter Basket! In some Extra Good Stuff, some kids started a hotline for older folks to get through quarantine with jokes and positive stories, 1-800-Joy 4All. Today’s Playlist Profiling is Brooke from Puyallup. Ozark Season 3 is giving Claire panic dreams and making Ryder question his potential decisions.

Fitz’s Gender Reveal for his twins went awry, but at least now we know: It’s Boys! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a suburb sets up one-way sidewalks to enforce social distancing with fines for going the wrong way, which degenerates into us doing great/terrible Boston Accents, reports show more landlords are asking for sexual favors in lieu of rent, and apparently Giant Asian Hornets are coming to kill us all. In the Hourly Bulletin, Boeing resuming limited operations, Coronavirus deaths in Washington top 500, new UW data suggests virus will peak later this month, the jigsaw puzzle business is booming, UW will not require SATs and ACT’s this year, and former Seahawk Tarvaris Jackson has been killed in a car accident. Fitz has a song about how Corona Beer’s reputation has been damaged. In The Fitz Files, the “Tiger King” add-on episode reveals Joe is afraid of tigers, Bachelor “Listen to your Heart” starts tonight, and Tom Brady is trademarking “Tompa Bay” and “Tampa Brady”. In the Good Stuff, a 5-year-old girl from Alaska has gone viral with her advice video on keeping clean during the pandemic. Drew put his foot in his mouth in front of a dozen strangers at a local butcher shop when he assumed that he went to high school with a guy more than 20 years younger than him. We give some Shout-Outs to local businesses we used over the weekend. Today is the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 13th incident. Today’s Troop Salute is Lieutenant Jessica Huntington of the US Navy. Fitz tells us how most Americans are spending their Quarantine with online courses, online games, and FaceTime. We each reveal what Quarantine has taught us about our Significant Others. Monday Motivation will get your week started right.

Ryder is, well, wiped, from our Free TP Roll Up. DJ Tony has a Friday Bull Yah! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a Florida Woman was arrested for putting porno pictures in Easter eggs, more people are getting home haircuts, and a man in a thong underwear mask beat up a guy who laughed at him. In Stream It or Skip It, Drew recommends “Trolls World Tour”, “Twin Peaks'', “Boardwalk Empire” and “Community”. In the Hourly Bulletin, Seattle parks and beaches close, the State Employment Security Office recommends their eligibility tracker before applying, Washington may early release some inmates, a 99-year-old local man survives Coronavirus, a UW virologist promises a blood test to determine who has had unknowingly already had Coronavirus, and Lacey Safeway workers adopt a senior living facility for groceries. In the Fitz Files, Joel McHale hosts the “Tiger King'' reunion Sunday, UFC 249 cancelled, and Macauley Culkin got $3 million for a walk-on in “Home Alone” reboot. In The Good Stuff, a bar famous for having wall-paper made of $1 bills has taken them down to give money to employees, nearly $4000. We need 5-Minute Heroes for Insta-Therapy as “Stephanie” from Edmonds has been lonely during quarantine and is considering a Tinder Meetup. Mama Fitz Raps (!) on her new Quarantune. Drew’s girlfriend continues to have Zoom theme parties with her girl gang that last hours. Believe It or Not includes Keegan with a medical mask stockpile he’s looking to donate, Lisa was on “Cops' ' once and Jason babysat little Chris Pratt. Many people around the Country still plan to go to an actual church Easter Sunday. The Weekend Party Preview includes Pacific Science Center’s cool online content, a “Trolls World Tour'' Watch Party, and the 989 The Bull Online Easter Egg Hunt for Prizes!

Ryder is the Uncle Rico of Toilet Paper as he throws rolls into your car (stay in it!) at the Factoria AMC today (Thursday) from 1pm-3pm. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, Daytona police use drones to run teens off the beach, KFC’s social media shades people claiming to have the Colonel’s secret recipe, and Dr. Fauci says we may never return to handshaking. Catfishing is up due to Quarantining and Ryder tells us about his experience being Catfished. In the Hourly Bulletin, the Century Link field hospital will be broken down and moved to a more needy state, thieves steal hygiene products and food from a local non-profit, inmates revolt over COVID at Monroe Correctional facility, more car insurance companies are offering refunds, and Drivers’ License expiration dates will be extended during quarantine. In the Fitz Files, President Trump is asked, and answers, about pardoning Joe Exotic, CMT honors Kenny Rogers, a “Doogie Howser” reboot will be a girl, Harry and Meghan’s new website gets hijacked, and “Modern Family” comes to an end. In The Good Stuff, a Memphis hospital found 27,000 N-95 masks in storage that were still good but needed the elastic replaced so volunteers sewed replacement straps in just one weekend. A new record for the oldest person to survive Coronavirus is a 107-year-old Dutch woman, beating the record held by a 103-year-old Italian woman. In a Make Up or Break Up Special Roommate Edition, Maggie from Renton says her roommate Brie is a total slob who treats her like a maid, but Brie says Maggie is just as bad in different ways. Mama Fitz is back with more Quarantunes for the kids of the Northwest. Today’s Playlist Profiling is Lynn from Eatonville. And Fasten Your Seatbelt - Throwin’ Shade is Back!