This week we take a look at the life of Ben Franklin, one of the greatest presidents in United States history. In fact, I can't find evidence of a single misstep he made while in office. I mean, even the great ones have a few blunders here and there. I'm going to have to look into this a little bit more.

Today we discuss the sinister events that transpire within the most sinister shape, anchored on the third-most sinister island: The Bermuda Triangle. Thank the good lord that the triangle isn't centered on Mallorca, or we'd all be well and truly fucked.

This week we discuss the various beer and ass-paddle-related rituals conducted by the shadowy cabal of beard-stroking puppetmasters who secretly run the world. Spoiler alert: They mostly involve beer and ass-paddling.

Some pretty terrible ideas sometimes get the green light. So imagine how terrible the ideas are that DON'T get that green light. Even TV executives said "no" to these ideas, folks.

It is summer, and therefore you should be at camp. Ideally, the world would grind to a halt, and everyone would take up their positions as campers or camp counsellors. Alas, we live in a benighted world.

Do you know what it's like to learn to ride a bike, or drive a car, or buy a beer for underage hoodlums (which may or may not include yourself)? If not, listen closely to this episode and live vicariously through us. Also, you must be, like, five years old, in which case you should not be listening to this at all.

Getting "cancelled" nowadays has a new meaning. Usually it involves something racist. It used to mean the network was killing your TV show, because your ideas for it were terrible. Usually it involved something racist.

Step 1: Read a book about kung fu. Step 2: Do all of the stuff it says. Step 3: Defeat the Odonaga Clan. Step 4: Believe in yourself. Step 5: Become an ancient master.

Remember old technology? It's that stuff that seemed really groundbreaking at the time, but looking back on it, it's actually really quaint and primitive. The stuff we have NOW, though, is ACTUALLY groundbreaking, and will NEVER be considered quaint OR primitive. I know back then we thought it would never get any better, but THIS time, we're right!

Over the years, we've trained up our resident billionaire colossi in the manner of pokemon, and this week we finally get to battle them, also in the manner of pokemon. No word yet on whether they will also evolve or solve mysteries, which are the two other activities most closely associated with pokemon.