You can live your life to help yourself. You can even live your life to help others. But why not live your life to hurt others, with no real end goal in mind? Tyrants and despots have goals; they just need a few thousand humans to suffer in order to achieve them. But with spite, ladies and gentlemen, suffering IS the goal. If there's a more noble pursuit, I haven't heard of it.

The world has changed, and so has the central pillar undergirding its very foundation: Checkout aisle impulse-buy magazines. As the mindless potatoes who roll their way through those corridors have had what passes as their thought patterns irrevocably shredded by the psychically poisonous maelstrom of today's media environment, the baits and lures extended by these content-free wads of glossy pulp have had to evolve to catch the roving eye of this new breed of prey. Or maybe only old people buy them now, so they just focus on that demographic. It's one or the other.

We are highbrow literary critics, of course. Just listen to any of our episodes and you'll hear four erudite men engaging in erudite discussion about the most erudite of farts. So naturally, when our erudite eyes turn to the literary world, our focus is on books for children.

Play the music, move on to the next gig, and do it all over again. That's the cycle we're living here at the Free Legal Advice Podcast. It's a tough life, but you know what? I wouldn't trade it for all the free church festival shirts in the world.

Whom amongst us hasn't fantasized about living in an unforgiving environment away from all the comforts of modern civilization, forcing yourself to do backbreaking labor 16 hours a day just to survive? Well, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound so great. But let's not put it like that, shall we? There. Now it's great.

As I said last week, sometimes the titles just write themselves. In this case, I kinda phoned it in. But anyway, this week's episode is about wishes, and how they are practically guaranteed to go wrong (unless you're a certain brother who aced the challenge and should be granted his own genie as a result).

Listeners, sometimes an episode comes along with a title that completely writes itself. I didn't put even one millisecond of thought into it. What else would it be? Nothing. There's nothing else. Unless... "Boss FLAPP"? Does that work? No, don't mess with perfection.

Remember that week in high school when they'd make you dress up differently every day, and you'd have to pretend like you gave a shit about whatever it was that was going on? Well, that's the week it is here at the Free Legal Advice podcast, so start pretending you care.

Today we are starting three new small businesses, in this case restaurants, and putting them through their paces. They will trot slowly around the ring and display their precision abilities. They will be graded on style, grace, and poise, and of course, if one of them breaks a leg, they will be shot in the face.

Lots of things seem cool from a distance, and it turns out that many of them are best kept that way. Once you get your grubby mitts on them, they sometimes turn out to suck shit. These things are our focus this week.